Is it valid to hold yourself accountable while being angry at the same time?

[Water-Lily]

I was made aware yesterday night that my toxic habit of leaving groups (usually in response to emotional instability/overwhelm or being upset at someone) took a toll on my two closest friendships

I want to note than I'm aware I need to work on myself. I need to work and not leaving the min I have a problem. I have to work at being upfront and honest with my fried cause they deserve that honest (as well as myself). That said, I want to move into what hurt me

I found out that, when I had re entered a friend group, that another friend straight up said verbatim (no disrespect to Water-Lily, but I don't want her back here). Even saying that if I leave again, they don't want me back for a while

The reason this fucking hurts is cause I had NO IDEA THEY FELT THIS WAY! Then the friend who informed me said "it's a lot to deal with you and we try but we also have our own problems"

I dunno. I took it all as a big rejection. I cried so fucking hard. I ended up blocking them all

Cause when they had problems I was there for them. I never made them feel bad. I was GLAD to be here. But no, I was the problem

For 3 years. 3 fucking years we spent time. We even roomed at a hotel together. I thought we were cool. And I found out I was never wanted? I was also showed other things they said behind my back about me

It just fucking hurts. I feel like I was lied to for 3 years straight. Of course it's probably not that black and white but it's how I feel

I'm gonna continue to not be around them and keep them blocked. I gotta take care of myself

My question is, do I have the right to be mad when I can be honest about how unhealthy my own behaviors are and how they may have contributed?

 

[Opera]

I think you do! I have been mad at friends before, usually out of jealousy, but we worked things out. I think knowing how unhealthy you behavior is a good way to grow and better yourself. I struggle a lot with overthinking things and make me do actions I really regret. The fact they just stopped being friends with you after 3 years for one incident? That hurts. You have the right to be mad about that

 

[isolatedl111]

I was made aware yesterday night that my toxic habit of leaving groups (usually in response to emotional instability/overwhelm or being upset at someone) took a toll on my two closest friendships

I want to note than I'm aware I need to work on myself. I need to work and not leaving the min I have a problem. I have to work at being upfront and honest with my fried cause they deserve that honest (as well as myself). That said, I want to move into what hurt me

I found out that, when I had re entered a friend group, that another friend straight up said verbatim (no disrespect to Water-Lily, but I don't want her back here). Even saying that if I leave again, they don't want me back for a while

The reason this fucking hurts is cause I had NO IDEA THEY FELT THIS WAY! Then the friend who informed me said "it's a lot to deal with you and we try but we also have our own problems"

I dunno. I took it all as a big rejection. I cried so fucking hard. I ended up blocking them all

Cause when they had problems I was there for them. I never made them feel bad. I was GLAD to be here. But no, I was the problem

For 3 years. 3 fucking years we spent time. We even roomed at a hotel together. I thought we were cool. And I found out I was never wanted? I was also showed other things they said behind my back about me

It just fucking hurts. I feel like I was lied to for 3 years straight. Of course it's probably not that black and white but it's how I feel

I'm gonna continue to not be around them and keep them blocked. I gotta take care of myself

My question is, do I have the right to be mad when I can be honest about how unhealthy my own behaviors are and how they may have contributed?

Yeah it is valid to hold yourself accountable while feeling angry. Emotions like anger are natural and can be a response to frustration, injustice, or personal expectations not being met. However, accountability means acknowledging your actions, choices, or behaviors, even when emotions like anger are involved.

 

[ineed2die]

Never ever ask again if something you feel or experienced is "valid." Only you can decide that.

 

[Water-Lily]

I think you do! I have been mad at friends before, usually out of jealousy, but we worked things out. I think knowing how unhealthy you behavior is a good way to grow and better yourself. I struggle a lot with overthinking things and make me do actions I really regret. The fact they just stopped being friends with you after 3 years for one incident? That hurts. You have the right to be mad about that

It's more I decided to block them after I was shown what they were saying behind my back. Boldly "I don't want Water-Lily back" and other things they said about me in regards to me leaving groups

And the message my other friend left me was honestly so hurtful. Saying "I bet you're gonna run to your therapist and tell them a false story about us" and "you need to grow the fuck up". Just...sigh

I do acknowledge I have shit to work on, though. I do believe a part of their words was genuine frustration and I want to change. Yet, its the fact they chose to speak behind my back and then the things they said to me directly also hurt

I think staying away and creating a healthy distance to work on myself away from them is good for my growth

I also want to add my habit of leaving groups when upset has been a frequent habit. I've spoken to various friends about it. Some are ok with it and like to give me space. Others take it more negatively.

 

[Opera]

It's more I decided to block them after I was shown what they were saying behind my back. Boldly "I don't want Water-Lily back" and other things they said about me in regards to me leaving groups

And the message my other friend left me was honestly so hurtful. Saying "I bet you're gonna run to your therapist and tell them a false story about us" and "you need to grow the fuck up". Just...sigh

I do acknowledge I have shit to work on, though. I do believe a part of their words was genuine frustration and I want to change. Yet, its the fact they chose to speak behind my back and then the things they said to me directly also hurt

I think staying away and creating a healthy distance to work on myself away from them is good for my growth

I also want to add my habit of leaving groups when upset has been a frequent habit. I've spoken to various friends about it. Some are ok with it and like to give me space. Others take it more negatively.

That friend ground sounds so toxic. I don't understand the problem with leaving groups, as I've done that before when I have been extremely bad mentally. They give me space and I eventually apologize and things go normal. But never they say stuff behind my back or say the don't want me, that's so toxic. It hurts knowing that it's how they felt, but it's good to step away from them because they don't seem to be good group.

 

[Water-Lily]

That friend ground sounds so toxic. I don't understand the problem with leaving groups, as I've done that before when I have been extremely bad mentally. They give me space and I eventually apologize and things go normal. But never they say stuff behind my back or say the don't want me, that's so toxic. It hurts knowing that it's how they felt, but it's good to step away from them because they don't seem to be good group.

Thank you for validating me

It's so trippy. Like, from how they talk to me I almost feel like I'm universally the problem. And when I'd stand up for myself they'd insist I'm the wrong one

Like, one time they said I need to "get over my trauma" and "our friend who has trauma doesn't act like you"

I stood up for myself at the time saying "it's not fair to compare us since we're different people" and she was insistent "I know you both are different people but you still have to forget about it"

Like I had no voice

Reminds me of how I always struggled to make friends in life and it feels like a pattern

Only this time I've chosen to block instead of force myself where I'm not welcome

It's like…why me?