is suicide really a choice?

[takuyablackbox]

based off personal experience, the desire and solaced dreams of ending my life would manifest themselves into a sort of light at the end of the tunnel. like that there was NO other choice at all. that i had lived through these chapters in my book, and it was only gonna be right with one, already written ending. i feel as thats why every day that i was living just felt so wrong. my mind fixating itself on daydreams of ctb, from sunrise to sunset, as a sort of comforting way that distracted me from the terrible pain of still continuing to live day to day. i feel like i would never even consider suicide if i didn't fully believe that it was the ONLY outcome that made sense for me. the ONLY path for the redemption of my soul. in that sense, it sort of feels as if i don't really have a choice in the matter. that the every day battle of convincing myself to commit to either life or death is one that can only last so long. something to just delay the inevitable.

does anyone else feel like this? or at the very least understand what i'm saying? is the decision to ctb one to be logically, consciously made by one through reasons pertaining to their experiences and perspectives? or just an inevitable end to eventually befit every soul that was unwantingly born into a life of misery and detachment.

do people kill themselves because they want to or because they have to?

 

[chakravyuh]

If death is inevitable, why is suicide frowned up. It should be taken as a welcome step that the person was courageous enough to take his own life and end his suffering once and for all.

i want to end my life because it's the only option left on the table for me. I am surrounded from all sides with death as the only exit available.

 

[lookingglassinsect]

Yes, I feel the same way, but here's what's interesting: even though this was the logical outcome, why does it bring such relief? Thoughts about death should cause discomfort instead.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

If free will is only an illusion, what I belive, our future is determined and we have no choice neither for suicide nor for anything else.

 

[frayed]

death is inevitable. how we die though can be a choice. is it impossible to imagine that there's a chance that someone else in your exact position may make a different choice? after all, people can come from all sorts of backgrounds, can carry different genetic dispositions, and may be subject to different external factors. the path of a person can change drastically in a moment. i'm not saying it happens a lot, but it happens. i've seen some therapists describe certain suicides as seemingly inevitable, but that says more about the suicidal person than suicide itself, i think, and at best it's just an educated guess.

however, i cannot help but feel i am gonna end up a suicide myself too, unless some miracle happens.

 

[Vivissa]

For me its is. Must be a choice. If you feel forced to suicide, maybe is not a good reason to do it, at least in most of the cases. imo

 

[fedup1982]

I feel like I'm just floating through life, unable to change much. Like I'm rowing through fog with every direction the same until I hit barriers. I wish I could end my life but I'm just taking the path of least resistance because I just have sod all motivation. I wish I could die but suicide is HARD and seeds of doubt have been planted in my mind by a conspiracy such that I just don't feel like I have an acceptable way to die that I can muster the courage for. Kill me

 

[unluckysadness]

I don't think it's a choice. To me it's just a consequence of too much suffering / depression.

 

[TheVanishingPoint]

I think that alternative is an illusion because there is no predestined course, but the blind chance which propels us forward, and we are masters of nothing: we drift like beachcombers on the vacuity of chance, imagining that we can plot a course which does not exist, because every situation which affects us determines us without our desiring it, and even when we are debating upon changing or plotting a course we are merely responding to forces of chance, coincidences, lucky meetings, sudden shocks which dismember us and reassemble us, and the illusion of knowing everything is merely the mind's effort to escape complete collapse, while in truth we are children of chaos, creatures hurled into a game with no rules nor terminus, where what occurs has neither reason nor necessity, but the hard and arbitrary blow of chance.

 

[Kalista]

is suicide really a choice?

yes

based off personal experience, the desire and solaced dreams of ending my life would manifest themselves into a sort of light at the end of the tunnel. like that there was NO other choice at all. that i had lived through these chapters in my book, and it was only gonna be right with one, already written ending. i feel as thats why every day that i was living just felt so wrong. my mind fixating itself on daydreams of ctb, from sunrise to sunset, as a sort of comforting way that distracted me from the terrible pain of still continuing to live day to day. i feel like i would never even consider suicide if i didn't fully believe that it was the ONLY outcome that made sense for me. the ONLY path for the redemption of my soul. in that sense, it sort of feels as if i don't really have a choice in the matter. that the every day battle of convincing myself to commit to either life or death is one that can only last so long. something to just delay the inevitable.

all of this is just romanticizing life, death, and suicide -- turning it into some kind of predetermined, meaningful story instead of what it objectively is: a choice. the pain is real, but making it sound like fate or redemption hides the fact that it's ultimately up to the person, not some script already written.

does anyone else feel like this? or at the very least understand what i'm saying? is the decision to ctb one to be logically, consciously made by one through reasons pertaining to their experiences and perspectives? or just an inevitable end to eventually befit every soul that was unwantingly born into a life of misery and detachment.

it will always be logical and conscious, because it stems from their own experience. any decisions made is a response to what the experience is. if one wants to kill themselves to permanently stop the current and any future pain, that is a logical response. if they want to continue living and try to get through the pain, that is also a logical response.
a reminder that just because someone is suffering, depressed and/or suicidal, does not mean they're incapable of rational thought.

it is not inevitable as pain and suffering vary between individuals no matter how much people like to think 'they understand how it feels completely.'
also, many are taught a variety of coping mechanisms (whether by a therapist, family member, friend, or stranger) to deal with or manage through the pain -- while never thinking about killing themselves. suicide is foreign to them.

beyond how one feels -- 'suicide as a choice' is there and it exists whether any one fucking likes, or believes in it or not.

do people kill themselves because they want to or because they have to?

both, but it doesn't matter whether they want or have to. the choice is intrinsically there and in the end, it's chosen -- relieving themselves of current and any future pain.

 

[Dejected 55]

If we have any choice at all, then all things are choices. If we have no free will or choice, then this conversation doesn't really matter.

It's up to each of us to "decide" for ourselves if our choices are real or illusion.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Personally, I think everything comes down to choice ultimately. It's just that our lives can make it far more likely we will choose one thing rather than another.

I've had ideation for 35 years- to varying intensities. There are specific reasons I'm still alive though. (Mostly so as not to hurt loved ones.) There are specific reasons any of us are still alive- we've either chosen not to attempt today or, we attempted and failed. If it really weren't a choice and the majority of members here truly are suicidal- more of us would already be dead- surely?

I'd imagine the majority of people are put off by how unreliable and possibly painful the methods we have at our disposal are. But, there can be all sorts of reasons why we feel put off actually attempting.

Personally, I don't want to let my situation get so bad that I feel like I have no other choice. I want to be out while I still feel calm enough to make an unpressured decision.

 

[Permanoir]

do people kill themselves because they want to or because they have to?

I think the answer is both. The difference comes down to how much control a person feels they still have over their own life.

For me, suicide doesn't feel like something I decided. It feels inevitable because my life started with the wrong framework, being assigned the wrong sex at birth (because of my intersex condition), and every struggle since then has only reinforced that broken foundation. When the foundation is wrong, the whole structure eventually collapses. That's how it feels.

 

[CumbriaCTB]

For some, suicide is a "choice" in the same way that finding employment is a "choice"; the consequences of not making this "choice" are often far worse.

At least you don't need to CTB multiple times whenever there's a financial crash lmao