Venting It all hit me at once.

[sugar]

Thinking about how I used to act a few years ago. I was a doormat. I did anything and everything to get people to like me. I would do my friend's assignments at school, thinking that's what friends do. I wouldn't call out people's shitty behaviour because I didn't want to cross the line. I let some of my family walk all over me. I thought people would like me if I just sat silently in the corner. I realise now that none of those people respected me.

At least I know better now and have built some self-respect. It's incredibly frustrating to think about nonetheless.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I've had kind of a similar experience. I was far too trusting. I wonder, what caused you to figure it out?

 

[sugar]

I've had kind of a similar experience. I was far too trusting. I wonder, what caused you to figure it out?

I guess lots of introspection, experience, therapy and maturing. I used to think I was so nice and selfless. I look back at those times with pity. I try not to beat myself up for making very human mistakes. What brought you to the realisation that you were too trusting?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I guess lots of introspection, experience, therapy and maturing. I used to think I was so nice and selfless. I look back at those times with pity. I try not to beat myself up for making very human mistakes. What brought you to the realisation that you were too trusting?

I never trusted when I was young. I never really understood how to properly be an introvert. As I got older, and when my mum died and my siblings and I became closer, I realised I was actually normal and okay; I learned how to be myself and started to trust more.
Then I became chronically ill and eventually my siblings bullied me out of my home to get their share of it (the inherited family home) and dumped me here. in The Bunker They didn't completely abandon me, but they did kind of leave me to die, and I nearly did. That is when I realised that I was right all along, that I need to find my own way of dealing with shit rather than expecting others to help me.
Now I see trust as a sliding scale. I trust some people, to a degree, with certain things. Maybe. But what is at my core, I keep to myself. It's not how I want to be, but it's how I am and I accept that cold reality in order to attempt to survive.

I try not to beat myself up for making very human mistakes.

I agree with that. Hard not to, but yes, it's good to be realistic and forgive oneself. We are not perfect, but flawed and conflicted. There is no value in trying to be better unless we can first admit we are flawed.

 

[sugar]

I never trusted when I was young. I never really understood how to properly be an introvert. As I got older, and when my mum died and my siblings and I became closer, I realised I was actually normal and okay; I learned how to be myself and started to trust more.
Then I became chronically ill and eventually my siblings bullied me out of my home to get their share of it (the inherited family home) and dumped me here. in The Bunker They didn't completely abandon me, but they did kind of leave me to die, and I nearly did. That is when I realised that I was right all along, that I need to find my own way of dealing with shit rather than expecting others to help me.
Now I see trust as a sliding scale. I trust some people, to a degree, with certain things. Maybe. But what is at my core, I keep to myself. It's not how I want to be, but it's how I am and I accept that cold reality in order to attempt to survive.


I agree with that. Hard not to, but yes, it's good to be realistic and forgive oneself. We are not perfect, but flawed and conflicted. There is no value in trying to be better unless we can first admit we are flawed.

I have seen inheritance issues completely tear families apart, especially siblings.

Leaving you to die to get their share of the inheritance is almost blood-money. It is disillusioning that people can get away with this. I am sorry this happened to you. I can see how this has shaped your views. I am glad that you still give a reasonable amount of trust to others rather than completely shutting yourself out.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Leaving you to die to get their share of the inheritance is almost blood-money.

It's too easy for me to paint an entirely bad picture, being on the receiving end. They actually did what they thought was best in a terrible situation and realistically, I couldn't stay there. I don't blame them for it because they had to do something, but regardless of intent, nothing changes the fact that I was bullied when I was at my lowest ebb.
Ironically, the shock of displacement was what sent my health into a dangerous down-spiral, but it also helped me dig very deep to find a core of cold anger, which I use to this day to sustain and motivate me. So really, without being abandoned I never would have found that core. Supreme irony

It's good that you have found that self-respect. It can take some people a lifetime to do that and some never do.

 

[KleinerWolf]

Thinking about how I used to act a few years ago. I was a doormat. I did anything and everything to get people to like me. I would do my friend's assignments at school, thinking that's what friends do. I wouldn't call out people's shitty behaviour because I didn't want to cross the line. I let some of my family walk all over me. I thought people would like me if I just sat silently in the corner. I realise now that none of those people respected me.

At least I know better now and have built some self-respect. It's incredibly frustrating to think about nonetheless.

Give them an inch they take a mile.
Has to have boundaries to protect our own needs.
I didn't know that when I was younger either.

 

[sugar]

Give them an inch they take a mile.
Has to have boundaries to protect our own needs.
I didn't know that when I was younger either.

Knowing and asserting your boundaries is so important. I used to feel bad for saying 'no' to people and rather try to weasel myself out of situations.

 

[KleinerWolf]

Knowing and asserting your boundaries is so important. I used to feel bad for saying 'no' to people and rather try to weasel myself out of situations.

Yeah same.
Didn't work out so well.