Venting It's all over. My plans have come crashing down. I can't do it anymore

[cececinderella]

I thought my parents arguing last night was the end of it. [check last thread I posted for context] I was really hoping everything would be ok this morning. It's the opposite of ok. My plans for college? Destroyed. My plans to move and start a new life? Gone. I can't fucking stay in this town. I just can't. It's dangerous, the people who have hurt me in the past are here, and it will harm me to stay in the long run. And yet I'm being forced to stay. My parents have been lying to me this entire time, making me think everything was going to plan and that it would all be ideal. It's not. Everything is ruined. I've relapsed on self harm within hours of finding this out, and I'm already considering overdosing on my prescription medication. I'm so tired of this. I went months thinking it was all okay. And they lied to me. Nobody is telling me anything even now. I just want to disappear, to CTB, all of it. I don't think I was meant to last this long, and this was a sign. I'll have my mind made up by next week.

 

[DeusVult]

Things will eventually be okay, I know you really don't see any way out right now, I've been there myself, almost CTB. In your state of needing help, try reaching out for it, go talk to a therapist, or go as for help at a psychiatric hospital, they can help you with your situation, I promise. They'll give you a safe place to spend some time in, away from the terrible world, you'll be able to talk through your problems, and receive guide for the future.

 

[getoutgirl]

Hi I'm really sorry to hear that. What happened? Why are your plans ruined or them lying and forcing you to stay there?
Also If you can don't try overdosing with your prescription, most likely, very likely, it won't kill you and will only add a bunch more pain to the one you are already experiencing. Try to resist that, but I know that urge, it gets bad when you are just so overwhelmed. Also sorry you've relapsed with sh, but don't be harsh on yourself over it either, understandable that you need some stress relief, if that does it and keeps you from putting yourself in worse danger, then it sucks but do it safely.
In any case, I can't ask you to be chill today if this just happened, I wouldn't expect that, but do your best to be kind to yourself in how you are dealing with it. You seem to be getting enough external shit already, minimize the inner one. If you can. Big hugs your way, I really hope your plans can still work out somehow, sooner or later <3

 

[cececinderella]

Hi I'm really sorry to hear that. What happened? Why are your plans ruined or them lying and forcing you to stay there?
Also If you can don't try overdosing with your prescription, most likely, very likely, it won't kill you and will only add a bunch more pain to the one you are already experiencing. Try to resist that, but I know that urge, it gets bad when you are just so overwhelmed. Also sorry you've relapsed with sh, but don't be harsh on yourself over it either, understandable that you need some stress relief, if that does it and keeps you from putting yourself in worse danger, then it sucks but do it safely.
In any case, I can't ask you to be chill today if this just happened, I wouldn't expect that, but do your best to be kind to yourself in how you are dealing with it. You seem to be getting enough external shit already, minimize the inner one. If you can. Big hugs your way, I really hope your plans can still work out somehow, sooner or later <3

Unfortunately, my parents simply told me I would be set up for college already and I would not be forced to stay in the valley for another year. They know I don't want to stay here, as it's just bad to be here and bad memories prevent me from wanting to stay. I've expressed the desire to leave immediately after graduation for 2 years now. I do have the money and financial aid to move away, however, there's a good chance they won't let me because I'm only 18 and don't trust my financial stability. I've genuinely thought about the medication and realized I was being irrational, that if I have to CTB I shouldn't do it with a method that's so risky. I'm just overwhelmed and hoping this is all just a minor bump that goes away soon. Thank you

 

[getoutgirl]

I'm glad you calmed down a bit in regards to the medicine at least. It's only bad times if you follow that impulse yeah. But like I said all that it's understandable. You said you already have bad history with that place, that valley you live in, only normal you whole world seems to crash down if you suddenly feel you'll be stuck there for longer. No doubt the abruptness of it all, receiving after believing it would be easier for so long, makes it a lot harder to manage all at once. So bare that in mind and give yourself some time to focus.

If you ask me, this does sound like a minor bump that can go away soon. It'd be a lot harder if you didn't have money and financial aid, that might mean enduring staying there for longer, which sure it's still posible if real awful. But you have that, And you're 18. You are not Only 18, you are an adult. I guess you live in the US which means, sure they can tell you not to go, but legally you can flip them off and do what you want to do with your life. Don't know your circumstances, maybe it's a bit more complex, but remember you should always do what you think is best for you, and fight for it. Your family seems like a bit of a mess so hey try navigate that, convince them or gain their trust for more benefits and to make it easier, but if that don't happen, go to college, adapt your plan, don't give up to their shit of all people.
k that's just some encouragement cos I do think the situation you described can have a good ending prbbly easier than your crisis might have made it look. So hey here is hoping for that also. Lots of hugs take it easy u got it <3