Polyxo
Member
- Mar 1, 2025
- 79
To those who think CTB is the easy way out,
I have been struggling to make the choice to live every single morning for at least 13 years. I have parents and relatives who love me. You think going thru with CTB is easy??? Fight survival instinct??? Knowing that my family will suffer and never be the same??? I cry all the time knowing I have to CTB despite all the "signs" telling me I shouldn't. This is what my mind and my soul are telling me. I can't ignore the voices. The pain of knowing I deserve to die and that I've never wanted anything more desperately or passionately. I fight myself every day. I fight to stay alive. You talk about people who've died from terminal illness like they fought every day. "Fighting cancer" or "fighting COVID". Why do people who CTB "commit" it like they've done a crime?
I have been struggling to make the choice to live every single morning for at least 13 years. I have parents and relatives who love me. You think going thru with CTB is easy??? Fight survival instinct??? Knowing that my family will suffer and never be the same??? I cry all the time knowing I have to CTB despite all the "signs" telling me I shouldn't. This is what my mind and my soul are telling me. I can't ignore the voices. The pain of knowing I deserve to die and that I've never wanted anything more desperately or passionately. I fight myself every day. I fight to stay alive. You talk about people who've died from terminal illness like they fought every day. "Fighting cancer" or "fighting COVID". Why do people who CTB "commit" it like they've done a crime?
