Story Just had the police at my door

[Pointless life]

So if been feeling shit for days now and gave been binge drinking

I was in the process of crushing drugs up to possible ctb tonight then hears a bang st my door so I quickly hid the drugs and pill crusher and answered the door and to my surprise 2 police officers were standing there. They had apparently been called by a family member to do a welfare check on me

I managed to lie to them to get rid of them but now I'm worried they will be back and possibly force entry into my flat. I can't risk being found mid attempt because it's taken me do long to gather my supplies and I'll surly get sectioned.

I'm thinking I got 2 choices

1. Carry on as planned tonight and risk being found or

2. Postpone my ctb and wait until there is less attention drawn to me. The only downside with that is the fact I just can't go on to face another day if this shitty exsistance.

 

[outrider567]

Damn, that's why I don't tell anyone anything about myself that's CTB-related---Sure I talk about Depression but that's it

 

[wannafly]

Well if they've already assessed your welfare and deemed you ok why would they come back?
How many people do you think are gonna call to have a welfare check done on you?

 

[Pointless life]

This welfare check was apparently from my mum. My dad who is separated panics if he has not heard from me as well as my 1 close friend.

I could be uncouncious for up to 12 hours before I die so although I message them to say I'm fine 12 hours is a long time to go without them becoming suspicious.

If wanted to get a hotel room but money wise it's not an option atm.

I'm hoping after I sent my messages to my parents and friend they will get off my back and I can just go on peace with no interuption

I forgot to mention my cpn ( community psychriatric nurse) also raises alarms if she has not heard from me

 

[brokenbutterflies]

So if been feeling shit for days now and gave been binge drinking

I was in the process of crushing drugs up to possible ctb tonight then hears a bang st my door so I quickly hid the drugs and pill crusher and answered the door and to my surprise 2 police officers were standing there. They had apparently been called by a family member to do a welfare check on me

I managed to lie to them to get rid of them but now I'm worried they will be back and possibly force entry into my flat. I can't risk being found mid attempt because it's taken me do long to gather my supplies and I'll surly get sectioned.

I'm thinking I got 2 choices

1. Carry on as planned tonight and risk being found or

2. Postpone my ctb and wait until there is less attention drawn to me. The only downside with that is the fact I just can't go on to face another day if this shitty exsistance.

I've been there before several times, once the police escorted me to hospital where I was held for a psych evaluation. I don't envy your position at all, it's a difficult one, This is why I don't tell people anything anymore because their way of helping ends up making things worse for me.

 

[Pointless life]

I've been there before several times, once the police escorted me to hospital where I was held for a psych evaluation. I don't envy your position at all, it's a difficult one, This is why I don't tell people anything anymore because their way of helping ends up making things worse for me.

The ironicly I haven't spoke to anyone for 3 or so days which has raised alarms

 

[brokenbutterflies]

The ironicly I haven't spoke to anyone for 3 or so days which has raised alarms

Ah that also happened to me when I ignored my family for a month, I either say too much or not enough

 

[Nohopejoe]

If only we could talk to the people in our lives about how we feel and how depressed we are without getting yelled at or belittled or risking having strong arm tactics like calling the police used on us.

I've had a lifetime of being told that I should not feel the way I feel. I always get told about someone who has it worse. The one that gets me really going if someone saying " all you have to do is ______" no one seems to get that being severely depressed makes things that seem easy to them very hard for me

 

[Pointless life]

update

fuck it I'm going to test my luck

Iv got a few more pills to crush and put in to capsules but I'm ready to go I don't want to face another day of this shity life.

My method of amitryptalyn diazepam tagamat and morphine.

If tried this method back in November and I would have died if I wasent found.
Even when they found me I was on a breathing machine for 3 days in intensive care and that was a close call.

I really pray this time I'm not found

The only thing that takes the piss is crushing the drugs and putting them into capsules lol I attached photo got 2 boxes of the drug pictured


Here goes nothing

 

[FuneralCry]

I can imagine that it must be an awful and stressful situation to be in and I know that it is hard to carry on living when all you want is to leave. I think that I would personally not attempt ctb if there was a risk of being found too early, but I understand the feeling of being desperate to leave. I hope that in whatever happens you find relief from your suffering.

 

[Judy Garland]

This welfare check was apparently from my mum. My dad who is separated panics if he has not heard from me as well as my 1 close friend.

I could be uncouncious for up to 12 hours before I die so although I message them to say I'm fine 12 hours is a long time to go without them becoming suspicious.

If wanted to get a hotel room but money wise it's not an option atm.

I'm hoping after I sent my messages to my parents and friend they will get off my back and I can just go on peace with no interuption

I forgot to mention my cpn ( community psychriatric nurse) also raises alarms if she has not heard from me

I hear you on that. I have to worry and schedule around people too when I do this. I have to have it where I have at least 6 days as nothing days so I can ease myself into dying. If my therapist doesn't hear from me, she'll definitely call the police (eventually) because I'm "suicide risk". Then there's the person who comes and meets with me once a month to make sure I'm doing ok, she'll raise alarms if I don't answer my door. This is hard to do. I wish it were a simple on/off switch, but it's not. Life is even hard to leave behind.

 

[wannafly]

Bless you and best of luck to you whatever happens, and whatever you do.

 

[jamie_]

i must admit i am afraid when there is a knock at the door and always hold my breath just in case there's a chance it's police. less for a welfare check but still.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

That's a difficult situation you find yourself in, and, I guess, I should consider myself lucky that I don't have to worry about anything happening like that to me (since I have no one), but, honestly, I really don't, because, well, I have no one, so that kinda sucks in its own right. The only thing I'd suggest is make a phone call to whomever you're worried about calling LE on you (your dad) right before you are getting "ready for bed", and ctb right after you hang up with them. That would give you about 8 hours to carry out your plan without having to worry about welfare checks. It's not 12 hours, but it's something.

 

[Nohopejoe]

update

fuck it I'm going to test my luck

Iv got a few more pills to crush and put in to capsules but I'm ready to go I don't want to face another day of this shity life.

My method of amitryptalyn diazepam tagamat and morphine.

If tried this method back in November and I would have died if I wasent found.
Even when they found me I was on a breathing machine for 3 days in intensive care and that was a close call.

I really pray this time I'm not found

The only thing that takes the piss is crushing the drugs and putting them into capsules lol I attached photo got 2 boxes of the drug pictured


Here goes nothing

I'm praying for you