Life and suicide and things of that sort

[lifeandeath]

Posting what i'm about to post on here will probably get a lot of hate but i'm hoping i can change the life of maybe one person here at least but i just hope i can help out the people on here.

I saw a video by a guy named tartacular or something like that discussing this forum and basically he just kept on bashing it because a person he knew called bobby c committed suicide.Based on what he said it seems pretty much everyone here wants to commit suicide.

Based on what he said in the video about this forums ideology, where life is a problem and death is the only solution, i'd disagree however there is one thing i agree about on this forum and its things to do with therapy and medication.

In my opinion the mental health industry is filled with sleazy greedy bastards who want to keep us broken and depressed ,they want kids with ADHD to sit there and take drugs such as adderall,or depressed people to take drugs because this somehow makes them "feel better".I mean if we really think about it why would a therapist want you to get better?Realistically speaking if you got better thats less money for them.The only times i agree with the mental health industry is when it comes to loss of sanity such as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia or psychosis.Other than things of that sort its fucked.


But based on my experience therapy and shit like that isn't the only way to get out of extreme depression or suicidal thoughts.


Before i decide to share what i did to get out i want to talk abt my experience with this shit because it might not be as bad as others but different people have different lives ig.So i have tried to CBT twice when i had pointed a knife to myself.I was honestly sick and tired of life in general,i wasn't even angry i just couldn't be asked to live anymore both times.Based on what the NHS says it was very likely that i had this thing called anhodema or something like that its a disorder where you are unable to feel pleasure.I felt like this for many reasons.


I come from a fairly well off family and poverty wasn't much of an issue for me but my family life isn't rlly good.Its pretty terrible tbh.Out of fear of getting doxed by some of the users here for going against what they think i will not go into details but i'll tell you some of the themes, separation,mental insanity and bad abuse.



Because of all the shit that happened in my life I essentially had no purpose at all.I was skinny fat and did nothing with my life,i was masturbating all the time.My daily routine was to come home,sleep for 2 hours,wake up,masturbate for another hour straight then afterwards scroll through youtube for hours and eventually sleep at like 2 in the morning or 1 in the morning.I never went outside and i barley showered because at the end of the day why should i?my life was fucked and i'd been fucked over so many times by things that were out of my control.right?



I was living like this up until a year ago.Up to that point i had a knife to my chest twice as I hadn't been happy at all for over 2-3 years,like genuinely even when i was "laughing" with my friends i wasn't even truly happy i was just blank.Occasionally i'd get pissed if i got beat and that was about all the emotion i experianced.



But then ig i found a way to get out of depression and suicidal thoughts.and ik i will definitely get hate on this forum for saying these things and i might not be a professional on this but i'll stand by my message no matter what.My message that no matter what the fuck happened to you in your life you can be happy.And its not just "my" message its the message of so many people who've got out of a depression.Even if ur a piece of shit cunt you can always change no matter what.



So here are the important things you have to do in order to be happy according to my experience and the experience of some other depressed people that ik.





1.Workout and ear healthy.
2.Write down your thoughts when ever you're angry or sad or somethings on your mind.
3.Do altruistic things and spend time in nature


4.the most important one,find your purpose.








1.Working out and eating healthy.Ok so i'm not sure how many of you exercise or not but when i say workout and eat healthy i don't mean doing a 20 minute bike ride and eating ur "5 a day".I mean becoming shredded or buff.Listen to me when i say this no matter you're situation you'd be more happy if you were seeing results in your own body then if you weren't.Listen if you get any body and give them a button that if they press gives them there dream physique with abs and everything,everyone would press it.But truthfully you can get your dream physique you just have to put in the hard work.Thats what makes having a great physique so beautiful is that you look in the mirror and seeing your abs or buff biceps and knowing just how much work it took to do that,it'll give you something to be proud of,i'm going to assume most of you here were like me and were never proud of anything you did but if you workout trust me you'll be proud since you put in EFFORT to achieve BEAUTY.I don't have a good physique rn but i'm working on trying to improve it and its great.Some tips for working out and dieting:for dieting eat non processed food as everything you have nowadays is filled with chemicals.Eat natural shit such as:oats,nuts,peanut butter, fruit and veg ,greek yogurt, certain types of cheese,honey,milk,brown rice, meat from butchers.These are some examples.As for working out make sure to progressive overload and stuff and you should be good to go o yeah btw 1.2-1.7grams of protein per kilo of bodyweight.




2.writing down things:this one doesn't really need much explaining but basically it helps clear your mind,if you have all these emotions and thoughts running through your head it helps to just write it down and have a permanent view of your thoughts on the subjects it helps a lot.Just try it out pour your heart out in a notebook or something whenever you feel sad and see how you feel after.



3.Doing altruistic things.This one is interesting.By doing altruistic things i mean doing good things for others,for example cooking a meal,going out finding a homeless person and giving it to them,sitting down and eating with them and maybe chatting abt ur experiences with them or something.Or lets say u live in a very controlling home and u can't go out maybe try go online and help others get out of depression as well.As well as this forgiveness is important.Listen hate is like fire,it can't be put out by fire can it,if u add fire to fire the fire just becomes bigger,but if you put water on the fire,the fire goes out.Water is like forgiveness,now this doesn't mean you just let people walk all over you and if they beat tf out of u or summin u just say i forgive u and keep being friends with them,if ur getting wronged by someone repeatedly within a short time frame than obviously you can cut ties with that person but still forgive them.View it like this"I don't want to be wronged again by you but i hope you change this part of your personality soon but i forgive u but i just dont want to be wronged again but me and you aren't enemies".Sorry for bad wording lol i'm such a wordsmith.Anyway point is just be a good person.Now listen no matter what evil thoughts you have no matter how evil you can STILL BE A GOOD PERSON.Me personally am a bit sociopathic in a way and have a lot of evil and vile thoughts,and yes i'm a bad person 100%.Im a complete piece of shit but yk what its better to be a piece of shit naturally and overcome ur thoughts and urges and do good in the world rather than be born a natural saint right?I am capable of doing bad things and i have done bad things but i've also done really good things and that makes me happy knowing a pos like me can overcome his urges and do good.




Finally number 4 is having a purpose.THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE.Most men and women now a days don't actually have a goal in life,they don't have something they can pursue tirelessly.See before i had no purpose but now i'm a lot happier as i have a purpose and a goal.My goal is to become one of the strongest kids in my area by fighting the strongest people in other schools.Ik it sounds dumb but i enjoy it and it gives me something to work for,just a month ago i started freestyle wrestling and although i'm still learning how to put everything together its been pretty good so far.Now i'm not saying that you have to have the same goals as me but find a goal you can realistically work for rn and pursue your goal and once you complete it make a new goal for yourself.For example when i'm 20-21 i want to become an IBJJF world champion,ADCC medalist and a kickboxer and although its unrealistic it gives me something to work for and i will achieve my goals.You make ur own goals based on ur interests and work for it day in and day out,hell if you don't have any interests ur goal can be to be physically fit or something.Point is you need a purpose.




Ik this has been a long ass essay on how to not be depressed any more by someone who u don't even know however i hope it helps AT LEAST one of you.Even though u've probably been told to kill yourself,don't.At least try these things and see how this ends up for you.Think about it,someone who's ripped,has a purpose,and does good things all the time is not gna be depressed no matter what happens to him.


Thank you if you read this i'm checking the word count rn and its roughly 2000 words so yeah its very fucking long but when ur talking abt a topic like this its hard to talk abt it without writing some big long uni student ahh essay.Anyway i'm gna try attach a screenshot of a pic which i pretty strongly agree with.


Any way thank you for reading my post and i'll pray that you all get better soon and remembering no matter how unhappy you are you can always turn it around and no matter how much of a piece of shit you are you can always turn it around.

 

[FuneralCry]

Posts like this aren't what the suicide discussion is meant for, I'm so sorry that you were so bored to the point that you felt a need to troll a suicide forum, it's disgusting to invalidate people's suffering with toxic pro-life garbage. I wonder if you will still be saying "you can always turn it around" if you end up suffering so extremely in the future, the fact is that existing holds unlimited potential for torture, anyone can end up experiencing the most severe debilitating pain possible at any time which is a reason as to why wanting suicide is perfectly rational in this world. Seriously OP grow up, this post is so cringe.

 

[lifeandeath]

I'm not particularly sure what you mean by invalidate suffering?I never said that you don't have a right to want to kill yourself that would be hypocritical since i've wanted to as well.

But i want to ask you a question.

Do you right now have any purpose/goal in your life that you want to achieve

Are trying to get into a good shape physically(i.e having abs or being buff)

And are you going outside and doing altruistic things for others?


Also btw sorry if it comes across as a troll maybe its just the way i word things.

 

[Dot]

I'm not particularly sure what you mean by invalidate suffering?I never said that you don't have a right to want to kill yourself that would be hypocritical since i've wanted to as well.

But i want to ask you a question.

Do you right now have any purpose/goal in your life that you want to achieve

Are trying to get into a good shape physically(i.e having abs or being buff)

And are you going outside and doing altruistic things for others?


Also btw sorry if it comes across as a troll maybe its just the way i word things.

1. Questn -- how dd u cme acrss Tantcruls vdeo -- did YT recmmnd or was it postd smewhre els

2. Ur intentn mght b good bt ths post = v naive -- ppl suffr wth mre thn jst depressn
Am sre tht othr membrs wll add thr own problms bt own persnl issus wll nt b fixd wth diet hobbies & lifting

 

[lifeandeath]

1)so basically at one point i was kinda into creepypastas and reddit stories yk them text to speech things on youtube and for some reason they recommended me his video


2)ik people suffer with a lot more than just depression,there are many other worse debilitating mental disorders out there and i've seen how bad these things can get.I am genuinely curious I don't mean this in an insulting way but if you want to can you tell me about your own bad experiences

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it's generous of you to share what things have helped you. I'm not in total disagreement either. I have tried all 4 things on your list and yes- they all help.

What I would say is- you have to WANT to 'get better' though. You have to have that will to live and improve life for yourself- you have to be willing to put in the effort- and it will be a LOT of effort. I'm 43. I've done the things on your list. Yes- they help. No- they don't give me enough reason to want to live.

You need to feel reasonably confident that your reward of a 'happy' life will be worth all that effort. When you have been unhappy for years/decades- it can be difficult to envisage being happy. It's probably not an emotion we trust either- because in many people's experiences here- it is fleeting and quite often leads to even more intense feelings of sadness. Setting yourself up for a fall type of thing.

I agree- many people probably COULD dig themselves out of the hole they are in- but they need to REALLY want it. Other people telling them they SHOULD want to do it isn't enough. Even worse is people saying they MUST do it. (Which I appreciate- you're not saying.) Ultimately- we are all entitled to make that decision for ourselves.

Where I agree is- if you feel like you HAVE to carry on living- following the above advice will likely give you the best results. Many people here have decided they don't HAVE to keep living though. It's not like doing any of the above is easy or instant. Many people here simply don't have the energy for that now. They just want to rest.

I'll be the first to try and politely say it but posts like these are probably best suited to the 'Recovery' section- where people are looking for ways to improve their lives. It honestly doesn't bother me too much because I'm open to hear what other people think. Still- other members come here because they want to get away from the platitudes they have likely heard 100's of times before.

It isn't always that people don't know how to improve their situation. Quite often- we are doing things/ not doing things from choice. Sorry if that sounds aggressive- it wasn't meant to be. I actually didn't find your post offensive or anything. It's nice that you care enough about complete strangers to want to share your story and advice. All I guess I'm trying to emphasize is choice here. Some people have CHOSEN not to do things that MIGHT help them and- that's up to them.

 

[Dot]

1)so basically at one point i was kinda into creepypastas and reddit stories yk them text to speech things on youtube and for some reason they recommended me his video


2)ik people suffer with a lot more than just depression,there are many other worse debilitating mental disorders out there and i've seen how bad these things can get.I am genuinely curious I don't mean this in an insulting way but if you want to can you tell me about your own bad experiences

Slf dd an onlne hynoss on tp of an alrdy fragle psyce whch unlockd thngs whch cnnt b put bck

Am trappd wth frozn bdy in st8 of terrr 24/7
Am terrfd of own reflectn & own vce -- hve bn mute fr 2 yrs & whn tryng 2 tlk slf bdy seizs & jrks & slf drool evrywhre
Nt smethng tht cn b fixd wth medcatn or thrpy or lfestyle chnge-- slf hd an enrichd lfestyle b4 ths all happnd

 

[lifeandeath]

Alr so if i'm not mistaken you are basically saying that yes these things help but someone has to have the really want it and put in a lot of effort

 

[Dot]

Alr so if i'm not mistaken you are basically saying that yes these things help but someone has to have the really want it and put in a lot of effort

& sme ppl hve tried all thse thngs bt thr issus r mch deepr thn tht & mainstrm treatmnts hve eithr nt helpd thm or hve traumtisd thm furthr
Mny ppl hre hve persnlty dsordrs & complx PTSD -- & mny d/ nt hve accss 2 propr hlp @ all

Slf regulrly spk 2 ppl wh/ r attmptng recvry ovr & ovr agn & stuatns mke thm relpse & hve 2 strt ovr & ovr agn

 

[The anhedonic one]

I have tried everything under the sun to get better.
NOTHING WORKS.
Anhedonia is untreatable.
Persistent clinical depression is untreatable.
Existential crisis is untreatable.
Extreme childhood abuse is untreatable.

If you had walked in my shoes and felt my pain, and the pain of many on this forum then you wouldn't be talking about this pro-life, goody 2 shoes shitfuckery.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Well, you have valid points, but unfortunately in most cases they do not cure the actual sources, which lead to such desperate lives. If you have a tree and the roots were eaten from animals you can fertilize that tree as much as you want, as long as there are no new roots growing again the tree will die, sooner or later.

I for myself know my problem: I can't generate the fuel any more that I need to live the life I want to live. The possibilities I'd have are limited and the rewards wouldn't be enough to give me a life that was acceptable for me, the life I'm dreaming of, the life I had before.

What's the use of a therapy that tells me oh your life is so great until I believe it, but right after the therapy I see that my life has not improved becasue the source of the misery - not enough fuel and no chance to generate enough fuel - is still there and wasn't solved. The problems of the psycho doc und hospital are solved they have even more fuel but again not me.

If you have a suitable solution I'm ready to listen. But still it's a hen & egg problem.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Alr so if i'm not mistaken you are basically saying that yes these things help but someone has to have the really want it and put in a lot of effort

Yep, exactly. Many of the people on here have either done some or all of those things. They could well have helped for a time. It can be hard to maintain a squeeky clean lifestyle forever though. Plus- this may sound weird to you but melancholy can feel more comfortable for some people. Some of us simply don't have the energy or will to continually challege ourselves in life- if we don't really see the end result as being worth it.

 

[lifeandeath]

Slf dd an onlne hynoss on tp of an alrdy fragle psyce whch unlockd thngs whch cnnt b put bck

Am trappd wth frozn bdy in st8 of terrr 24/7
Am terrfd of own reflectn & own vce -- hve bn mute fr 2 yrs & whn tryng 2 tlk slf bdy seizs & jrks & slf drool evrywhre
Nt smethng tht cn b fixd wth medcatn or thrpy or lfestyle chnge-- slf hd an enrichd lfestyle b4 ths all

So just to be clear,you had a very fragile psyche and did hypnosis or something and now you're trapped in a state of terror and are a mute?

 

[chloramine]

I think your intentions are good, but you have some misunderstandings about this forum. I didn't watch tantacrul's video, but I've heard plenty of other people describe it and it does not represent this community well. Yes we're all here because we're suicidal, however we don't all have the same ideas about life and death. It's also less that life is a problem for a lot of people and more that they cannot do this anymore. I certainly don't think life is bad or evil- life can be amazing and wonderful and beautiful and so so worth it. Just not for me.

I've done everything on your list. They can help, but they don't solve the problem. I'm still miserable most days. More than anything I'm tired. I'm so so tired. It's exhausting to try and try and try and keep having to experience this. It's exhausting to break over and over. I agree that it's possible for everyone to recover, but that doesn't mean they'll get to. Different people need different things and many people cannot access the things that they need. For others the things they need don't exist yet.

On another note every strategy you mentioned takes motivation and energy which tend to be in short supply- also some of those aren't accessible to those with physical disabilities.

Again I can see you mean well, but you're jumping in with a one size fits all solution and humans are more complicated than that. We've probably all already heard all of these things before. They're everywhere on the internet when you try to research method information on how to die.

 

[noxu77]

unique perspective you're sharing here. It's clear that you've given a lot of thought to these issues and I admire your intention to help others, based on your own experiences.

However, we must acknowledge that individual experiences with problems like depression are complex and deeply personal. What works for one person may not work for another. Some members of this forum may identify with your ideas, eg those who are unsure of how to begin their journey to recovery. And for them your advice could serve as a valuable starting point for them.

We've both been led here by similar means, including the YouTube content we've watched. It's exposed us to a wide range of experiences and struggles with depression and mental health. Not everyone here is dealing with circumstances they can control. For instance, a gentleman I met who is dealing with Fluoroquinolone toxicity (being "floxed"), is a prime example of someone stuck in a situation beyond their immediate control.

I can see that you're promoting a pro-life approach, which is certainly alright your right to do so. However, this perspective may be controversial in this space where many individuals have their own unique views and coping mechanisms. We must respect personal choice, including the right to life and the right to death, is a complex issue that deeply affects many here.

but your intention seems to be to offer an alternative perspective, a potential lifeline for those who feel like they're out of options and think there can be others , which is fine and should be ok but as I experienced from my thread people are different I'm still sorry for not understanding the entirety of this forum but I think your intentions are good just understanding is lacking.

 

[lifeandeath]

Yep, exactly. Many of the people on here have either done some or all of those things. They could well have helped for a time. It can be hard to maintain a squeeky clean lifestyle forever though. Plus- this may sound weird to you but melancholy can feel more comfortable for some people. Some of us simply don't have the energy or will to continually challege ourselves in life- if we don't really see the end result as being worth it.

Ok so my view is that life is hard and thats what makes it worth it.The feeling of achieving something like getting a good physique feels great since it takes effort.If somebody is afraid of working hard in order to be happy then i don't really understand that.I'm not trying to be rude but if you don't put in the effort for things then you shouldn't expect to get them yk.Like someone can't sit there and say life is shit when they're not going to even try put in the effort and hard work to get a happy life and maintain it

I think your intentions are good, but you have some misunderstandings about this forum. I didn't watch tantacrul's video, but I've heard plenty of other people describe it and it does not represent this community well. Yes we're all here because we're suicidal, however we don't all have the same ideas about life and death. It's also less that life is a problem for a lot of people and more that they cannot do this anymore. I certainly don't think life is bad or evil- life can be amazing and wonderful and beautiful and so so worth it. Just not for me.

I've done everything on your list. They can help, but they don't solve the problem. I'm still miserable most days. More than anything I'm tired. I'm so so tired. It's exhausting to try and try and try and keep having to experience this. It's exhausting to break over and over. I agree that it's possible for everyone to recover, but that doesn't mean they'll get to. Different people need different things and many people cannot access the things that they need. For others the things they need don't exist yet.

On another note every strategy you mentioned takes motivation and energy which tend to be in short supply- also some of those aren't accessible to those with physical disabilities.

Again I can see you mean well, but you're jumping in with a one size fits all solution and humans are more complicated than that. We've probably all already heard all of these things before. They're everywhere on the internet when you try to research method information on how t

I think a lot of people here don't really understand that the things i mentioned don't take motivation.They take discipline.Realistically if you look at a body transformation the guy wasn't motivated to do it for a full year or something but what he did was PUT IN THE WORK WHEN HE DIDNT WANT TO AS WELL AS WHEN HE DID.


It doesn't really matter if you want to or not because somedays you won't want to but the feeling you get after you conquer those urges of giving up is the best reward

I have tried everything under the sun to get better.
NOTHING WORKS.
Anhedonia is untreatable.
Persistent clinical depression is untreatable.
Existential crisis is untreatable.
Extreme childhood abuse is untreatable.

If you had walked in my shoes and felt my pain, and the pain of many on this forum then you wouldn't be talking about this pro-life, goody 2 shoes shitfuckery.

I had anhedonia i literally mention in my post i had something like that but I didn't know the name of it.


Truthfully speaking if we keep on telling ourselves the disorders we have are untreatable we won't get better EVER.


Also me and another friend of mine have had childhood trauma and abuse but that isn't untreatable.Many great people in the past have had very hard lifes,whose to say you're not able to be one of them?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Ok so my view is that life is hard and thats what makes it worth it.The feeling of achieving something like getting a good physique feels great since it takes effort.If somebody is afraid of working hard in order to be happy then i don't really understand that.I'm not trying to be rude but if you don't put in the effort for things then you shouldn't expect to get them yk.Like someone can't sit there and say life is shit when they're not going to even try put in the effort and hard work to get a happy life and maintain it

What you say here is true. I would like to put effort into sth new, but for that I need sth new, a new idea, a new business. And that is the problem, I don't have an idea, and everything I touch failes since years. And that creates a downward spiral especially when you are already in your middle ages. It's hard or almost impossible to start from 0 or from an even lower level again.

 

[lifeandeath]

What you say here is true. I would like to put effort into sth new, but for that I need sth new, a new idea, a new business. And that is the problem, I don't have an idea, and everything I touch failes since years. And that creates a downward spiral especially when you are already in your middle ages. It's hard or almost impossible to start from 0 or from an even lower level again.

Listen my guy its hard yes its hard but still try.If you keep living life scared of everything thats hard,then you will not get anywhere either.I came up with the most unexpected thing ever in fighting to give me a meaning in my life,i was literally never ever interested in fighting at all,never even threw a proper punch at someone or been in an actual fight up to that point.I wasn't even particularly weak or anything i just got didn't even get into any fights.But then i managed to come up with fighting which was pretty hard and it did take me like 2 months to find something that'd truly give me a purpose and it was unexpected.Also just because you're in your middle ages doesn't give you a reason to just not try change your life for the better,no matter what age you can always start,it will be hard but thats the way life is,you have to get used to the pain and suffering of this cruel world and discipline urself in order to achieve happiness.

 

[Dot]

It will be hard but thats the way life is,you have to get used to the pain and suffering of this cruel world and discipline urself in order to achieve happiness.

Thse r th/ phrses tht ppl wll fnd invald8tng

Nt evry1 cn b hppy thru discplne & u d/ nt hve knwldge of indviduls circmstnces -- tht = Y ppl cme 2 SaSu bcse commnts lke tht only hrt thm

 

[lifeandeath]

Thse r th/ phrses tht ppl wll fnd invald8tng

Nt evry1 cn b hppy thru discplne & u d/ nt hve knwldge of indviduls circmstnces -- tht = Y ppl cme 2 SaSu bcse commnts lke tht only hrt thm

I'm not exactly sure by when you say not every1 can be happy through discipline.Yes there might be an exception every now and then but majority of the time people will be more happy if they're disciplined and getting rewarded for their discipline.


Btw dot i'm very sorry about what happened to you and your case in particular is something that's very sad and i hope maybe one day you'll get better and i wish u the best man.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Ok so my view is that life is hard and thats what makes it worth it.The feeling of achieving something like getting a good physique feels great since it takes effort.If somebody is afraid of working hard in order to be happy then i don't really understand that.I'm not trying to be rude but if you don't put in the effort for things then you shouldn't expect to get them yk.Like someone can't sit there and say life is shit when they're not going to even try put in the effort and hard work to get a happy life and maintain it

I think a lot of people here don't really understand that the things i mentioned don't take motivation.They take discipline.Realistically if you look at a body transformation the guy wasn't motivated to do it for a full year or something but what he did was PUT IN THE WORK WHEN HE DIDNT WANT TO AS WELL AS WHEN HE DID.


It doesn't really matter if you want to or not because somedays you won't want to but the feeling you get after you conquer those urges of giving up is the best reward

Yep- I agree. Life requires a great deal of work and I don't have time for people who expect stuff to land in their lap either. I've worked hard for the things I've achieved in life. I maybe just don't get the same sense of satisfaction from those things that you do.

For me- my working hard has developed out of a coping mechanism to deal with a shitty childhood. So- for me- it isn't working hard for achievement- it's getting by in life via distraction. I'm creative too- and like many creative people- I'll never be entirely satisfied by what I create. It's how we continue to challenge ourselves I suppose. Creativity tends to bring just as much pain as it does pleasure- especially in today's age where it's SO difficult to sustain yourself financially through it.

When it comes to physique- I admire you and I agree with you- you should be proud of the effort you put in to get buff. I've been overweight most of my life. However, I went through a phase where I lost 5 stone and got fit. In truth- I did it to try and impress a guy. I will admit that I felt more condident and happier in myself till he got a girlfriend and I just lost the will to keep starving myself. In retrospect- all of my crushes have been limerance though- a very unhealthy mindset and- seeing as I am the obsessive type- my weight loss also bordered on being an eating disorder!

I do understand your mindset by the way. In terms of my creative work- sometimes the bigger and harder the challenge- the greater the sense of achievement there is when I am (relatively) pleased with the result. I can understand how that can be applied to the rest of life.

Still- life imposes limitations that prevent some of us reaching that bliss. In terms of my work- I'm not THAT good to be able to financially sustain myself doing this. I've been struggling for years but I know in my heart I'm going to need to give up soon. For me- that IS my purpose.

In terms of getting fit and healthy- yes- I should. It would make me feel better I know. Still- my end result wouldn't be to attract a man/men/partner. I'm really not interested in all that now. Yes- I SHOULD be doing it for myself but like we've already covered- you need to WANT it badly.

Maybe I've never had the sustained period of happiness that you have experienced- so- I simply don't know what I'm aiming for. Life has always been a struggle with not enough of a sense of reward. I don't even desire it because it feels so alien to me. I think I'd be faking it if I pretended to be happy about my achievements. I wonder if we're wired differently as well- I will ALWAYS pick out the faults in what I've done or what I look like. Maybe you're just more of an optimist. I'm not convinced all of us get a sense of satisfaction when we achieve things- for some of us- it's just never enough. ESPECIALLY if we are doing those things as a kind of bandaid to slap over a bunch of trauma.

 

[lifeandeath]

I'm not exactly sure by when you say not every1 can be happy through discipline.Yes there might be an exception every now and then but majority of the time people will be more happy if they're disciplined and getting rewarded for their discipline.


Btw dot i'm very sorry about what happened to you and your case in particular is something that's very sad and i hope maybe one day you'll get better and i wish u the best

Yep- I agree. Life requires a great deal of work and I don't have time for people who expect stuff to land in their lap either. I've worked hard for the things I've achieved in life. I maybe just don't get the same sense of satisfaction from those things that you do.

For me- my working hard has developed out of a coping mechanism to deal with a shitty childhood. So- for me- it isn't working hard for achievement- it's getting by in life via distraction. I'm creative too- and like many creative people- I'll never be entirely satisfied by what I create. It's how we continue to challenge ourselves I suppose. Creativity tends to bring just as much pain as it does pleasure- especially in today's age where it's SO difficult to sustain yourself financially through it.

When it comes to physique- I admire you and I agree with you- you should be proud of the effort you put in to get buff. I've been overweight most of my life. However, I went through a phase where I lost 5 stone and got fit. In truth- I did it to try and impress a guy. I will admit that I felt more condident and happier in myself till he got a girlfriend and I just lost the will to keep starving myself. In retrospect- all of my crushes have been limerance though- a very unhealthy mindset and- seeing as I am the obsessive type- my weight loss also bordered on being an eating disorder!

I do understand your mindset by the way. In terms of my creative work- sometimes the bigger and harder the challenge- the greater the sense of achievement there is when I am (relatively) pleased with the result. I can understand how that can be applied to the rest of life.

Still- life imposes limitations that prevent some of us reaching that bliss. In terms of my work- I'm not THAT good to be able to financially sustain myself doing this. I've been struggling for years but I know in my heart I'm going to need to give up soon. For me- that IS my purpose.

In terms of getting fit and healthy- yes- I should. It would make me feel better I know. Still- my end result wouldn't be to attract a man/men/partner. I'm really not interested in all that now. Yes- I SHOULD be doing it for myself but like we've already covered- you need to WANT it badly.

Maybe I've never had the sustained period of happiness that you have experienced- so- I simply don't know what I'm aiming for. Life has always been a struggle with not enough of a sense of reward. I don't even desire it because it feels so alien to me. I think I'd be faking it if I pretended to be happy about my achievements. I wonder if we're wired differently as well- I will ALWAYS pick out the faults in what I've done or what I look like. Maybe you're just more of an optimist. I'm not convinced all of us get a sense of satisfaction when we achieve things- for some of us- it's just never enough. ESPECIALLY if we are doing those things as a kind of bandaid to slap over a bunch of trauma.

Ahhhh i might see an issue here.When you refer to when you lost the 5 stone you say that you felt more confident and happy but you did it to IMPRESS A GUY and when SAID GUY GOT WITH SOMEONE ELSE that crumbled your self confidence.You see my friend when you do things like combat sports or fitness for other people it never lasts,you need to do things for YOU.You can't workout for someone else my friend because people are not so reliable and change all the time.You say you did feel more confident in your self and you were in a better place but truthfully if you did it for yourself you would probably still have the physique today or at least still be healthy.Basically what i'm trying to say is imo ur mistake was doing it to impress others,yes most ppl start gyming for girls or guys but the ones who maintain end up staying for themselves,because they feel better,bro its never to late to change this time it'll be easier to lose that weight and once you start to regain you're confidence back you can go on to find your purpose and just be better again.You might not be 100% happy but u'll certainly feel a lot better i mean you admitted that you did feel better when you were fit so why not start again but this time start for urself.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Listen my guy its hard yes its hard but still try.If you keep living life scared of everything thats hard,then you will not get anywhere either.I came up with the most unexpected thing ever in fighting to give me a meaning in my life,i was literally never ever interested in fighting at all,never even threw a proper punch at someone or been in an actual fight up to that point.I wasn't even particularly weak or anything i just got didn't even get into any fights.But then i managed to come up with fighting which was pretty hard and it did take me like 2 months to find something that'd truly give me a purpose and it was unexpected.Also just because you're in your middle ages doesn't give you a reason to just not try change your life for the better,no matter what age you can always start,it will be hard but thats the way life is,you have to get used to the pain and suffering of this cruel world and discipline urself in order to achieve happiness.

You didn 't tell me anything new. I know all that. I failed several times when I was younger but each time I climbed up the ladder even higher. Now I don't have the energy to recover any more. How to refill the batteries with hope? With hope for what? I don't have anything to fight for anymore and no new ideas. Answers to these questions would be a base for a potential recovery.

And that you found sth what worked great for you makes me happy.

Refilling the batteries: maybe going in a pilgrimage, going onto an island with no internet / phone, with no daily problems for some time ... I wish for that. But that needs FUEL and to get that amount of FUEL it needs a business behind it and without refilled batteries there is no new business (idea) and that circle is complete .....

 

[lifeandeath]

You didn 't tell me anything new. I know all that. I failed several times when I was younger. Now I don't have the energy to recover any more. How to refill the batteries with hope? With hope for what? I don't have anything to fight for anymore and no new ideas. Answers to these questions would be a base for a potential recovery.

And that you found sth what worked great for you makes me happy.

Refilling the batteries: maybe going in a pilgrimage, going onto an island with no internet / phone, with no daily problems for some time ... I wish for that. But that needs FUEL and to get that amount of FUEL it needs a business behind it and without refilled batteries there is no new business (idea) and that circle is complete .....

When you say fuel wdym

When you say fuel wdym

Also i have a question here when you say you tried when you were younger to get fit what exactly were you doing

 

[Praestat_Mori]

When you say fuel wdym

Also i have a question here when you say you tried when you were younger to get fit what exactly were you doing

FUEL = Money, unfortunately our society is based on money, and yes I know that money does not make necessarily happy and there are deceases that money cannot cure. And I'm used to a lifestyle that I cannot achieve with just a basic 9-5 job, I actually never ever had a 9-5 in all my life. From this point of view I have 0.0 motivation to "degrade" myself to a 9-5 slave.

Also i have a question here when you say you tried when you were younger to get fit what exactly were you doing

I always had a "Lucky Hand" on things, buinesses, being at the right location at the right time and so, I always loved what I was doing that's why it didn' t make me tired. and i had plenty of time for recreation too. so everything was perfect from my point of view. And a few years ago the project of a life time failed with no recovery. and that hit was too hard, because all the goals I'd still have are out of reach now.

 

[je.suis.prêt]

Even though I know the right things to do to help myself, it's hard to be consistent. The points you give are valid — for some people. I'm trying to do these things, but I just don't have a motivating aim in life.

There's nothing I look forward to, there's nothing keeping me here, I wouldn't mind not existing. So I can't help but feel that whatever I do falls into the void of pointless lethargy I call my life.

There is just nothing to live for, so when I try to do these things, I just can't be consistent.

My problems are not as bad as others' on this forum, so the changes you mention will help me massively.

But I do need something to live for.

Thank you :)

 

[Forever Sleep]

Ahhhh i might see an issue here.When you refer to when you lost the 5 stone you say that you felt more confident and happy but you did it to IMPRESS A GUY and when SAID GUY GOT WITH SOMEONE ELSE that crumbled your self confidence.You see my friend when you do things like combat sports or fitness for other people it never lasts,you need to do things for YOU.You can't workout for someone else my friend because people are not so reliable and change all the time.You say you did feel more confident in your self and you were in a better place but truthfully if you did it for yourself you would probably still have the physique today or at least still be healthy.Basically what i'm trying to say is imo ur mistake was doing it to impress others,yes most ppl start gyming for girls or guys but the ones who maintain end up staying for themselves,because they feel better,bro its never to late to change this time it'll be easier to lose that weight and once you start to regain you're confidence back you can go on to find your purpose and just be better again.You might not be 100% happy but u'll certainly feel a lot better i mean you admitted that you did feel better when you were fit so why not start again but this time start for urself.

Yeah- I totally agree. It's VERY important to do these things for yourself and not others. Why don't I do it again? Because I'm not in that mindset. I know full well how much effort it would take to get back there- I've done it already afterall. Yes I felt BETTER- I was still suicidal though! I've had ideation for 33 years.

My 'purpose' is also unlikely to be an athlete- I'm not gifted enough in sports. Neither do I enjoy exercise that much. I'm an artist. I HAVE achieved a modest amount of success in what I would consider to be my 'purpose' in life. The problem is money...

Let me ask you this- do you earn your living through your passion of fighting? Do you have to work full time alongside your passion for keeping fit and fighting? Presumably those memberships cost a lot. Is it enough for you then to keep up your fitness and fighting as a hobby? How would you feel about it do you think- if you HAD to earn your living through fighting?

Honestly- I truly am happy for you if you have discovered that magical balance in life. You either have a job you find tolerable, your passion for sports is enough to get you through a job you don't enjoy OR- best of all- you are a professional and can earn money from doing what you love. IF though- you are financially supported by someone else- then I'd have to argue that your situation is different. I probably COULD be a lot happier if I didn't have the stress of having to financially support myself via my passion which is also my purpose in life. If I didn't have financial worries- I likely would have a very different life. I might have even tried boxing! Although a black eye and broken nose isn't probably as acceptable on a girl.

 

[lifeandeath]

Yeah- I totally agree. It's VERY important to do these things for yourself and not others. Why don't I do it again? Because I'm not in that mindset. I know full well how much effort it would take to get back there- I've done it already afterall. Yes I felt BETTER- I was still suicidal though! I've had ideation for 33 years.

My 'purpose' is also unlikely to be an athlete- I'm not gifted enough in sports. Neither do I enjoy exercise that much. I'm an artist. I HAVE achieved a modest amount of success in what I would consider to be my 'purpose' in life. The problem is money...

Let me ask you this- do you earn your living through your passion of fighting? Do you have to work full time alongside your passion for keeping fit and fighting? Presumably those memberships cost a lot. Is it enough for you then to keep up your fitness and fighting as a hobby? How would you feel about it do you think- if you HAD to earn your living through fighting?

Honestly- I truly am happy for you if you have discovered that magical balance in life. You either have a job you find tolerable, your passion for sports is enough to get you through a job you don't enjoy OR- best of all- you are a professional and can earn money from doing what you love. IF though- you are financially supported by someone else- then I'd have to argue that your situation is different. I probably COULD be a lot happier if I didn't have the stress of having to financially support myself via my passion which is also my purpose in life. If I didn't have financial worries- I likely would have a very different life. I might have even tried boxing! Although a black eye and broken nose isn't probably as acceptable on a girl.

Ok so first of all ur basically afraid of effort and im not saying this in a rude way but why is effort such a bad thing.Also you might not know this but its actually ALOT easier to lose weight the second time around since muscle memory and sciency stuff yk?If ur issue is with mindset thats ok.You just gotta take things at a right pace for u,u don't have to lose weight fast or anything like that u can do it over the course of a year or 2 or maybe even 3.You also said you were still suicidal which can happen considering just bcs ur fit doesn't mean u have other qualities.But from my experience a therapist isn't ur friend,a friend u tell ur issues to can snake u,but what won't betray you is them nights in a gym where you're by ur self and alone with ur own thoughts.What won't betray u is ur own notebook with ur weirdest thoughts in it and also what won't harm u is giving a meal to a homeless guy.As for the thing of fighting where you asked if i earn my living through fighting,the answer right now is no but in the future i will.The thing is for work i feel someone has to work a job that also is pretty well linked to there main purpose in life yk what i mean.Also throughout most of my journey fighting i never had any memberships but that didn't stop me as i studied fighting in my free time.O yeah also do u have discord bcs chatting on here is kinda hard and I genuinely enjoy discussing this with you and its easier on discord.

Even though I know the right things to do to help myself, it's hard to be consistent. The points you give are valid — for some people. I'm trying to do these things, but I just don't have a motivating aim in life.

There's nothing I look forward to, there's nothing keeping me here, I wouldn't mind not existing. So I can't help but feel that whatever I do falls into the void of pointless lethargy I call my life.

There is just nothing to live for, so when I try to do these things, I just can't be consistent.

My problems are not as bad as others' on this forum, so the changes you mention will help me massively.

But I do need something to live for.

Thank you :)

This one honestly hits close to home for me and kinda made me genuinely nearly tear up because that was literally me for like 2 years straight.Heres what i learned,motivation is meaningless my guy.All motivation does is potentially boost something for a day or 2,thats why its hard to be consistent.YOU NEED TO BE DISCIPLINE ,even when you don't want to do it,you do it anyway,thats what'll make you consistent bro.You can't expect motivation for a whole 6 months straight what u need is discipline,but a tip is try to build up you're discipline in a sustainable way if you completely lack it thats what i did and it worked pretty well.

FUEL = Money, unfortunately our society is based on money, and yes I know that money does not make necessarily happy and there are deceases that money cannot cure. And I'm used to a lifestyle that I cannot achieve with just a basic 9-5 job, I actually never ever had a 9-5 in all my life. From this point of view I have 0.0 motivation to "degrade" myself to a 9-5 slave.

I always had a "Lucky Hand" on things, buinesses, being at the right location at the right time and so, I always loved what I was doing that's why it didn' t make me tired. and i had plenty of time for recreation too. so everything was perfect from my point of view. And a few years ago the project of a life time failed with no recovery. and that hit was too hard, because all the goals I'd still have are out of reach now.

I think you mentioned something earlier about going on a pilgrimage or Something?Listen i'm not even shitting you here i want to know how much money that'll cost because i can try get a gofundme going or summin like that with the help of my friend

 

[Forever Sleep]

Ok so first of all ur basically afraid of effort and im not saying this in a rude way but why is effort such a bad thing.Also you might not know this but its actually ALOT easier to lose weight the second time around since muscle memory and sciency stuff yk?If ur issue is with mindset thats ok.You just gotta take things at a right pace for u,u don't have to lose weight fast or anything like that u can do it over the course of a year or 2 or maybe even 3.You also said you were still suicidal which can happen considering just bcs ur fit doesn't mean u have other qualities.But from my experience a therapist isn't ur friend,a friend u tell ur issues to can snake u,but what won't betray you is them nights in a gym where you're by ur self and alone with ur own thoughts.What won't betray u is ur own notebook with ur weirdest thoughts in it and also what won't harm u is giving a meal to a homeless guy.As for the thing of fighting where you asked if i earn my living through fighting,the answer right now is no but in the future i will.The thing is for work i feel someone has to work a job that also is pretty well linked to there main purpose in life yk what i mean.Also throughout most of my journey fighting i never had any memberships but that didn't stop me as i studied fighting in my free time.O yeah also do u have discord bcs chatting on here is kinda hard and I genuinely enjoy discussing this with you and its easier on discord.

Thanks and I do appreciate what you're saying. I'd say I'm more stubborn than afraid of effort though. I put ENORMOUS amounts of effort into some areas of my life but not in others. I have to admit now though- that I'm becoming lethargic in all areas- partially due to the lack of fitness- I do realise.

I do REALLY appreciate you taking the time to chat. I do admire your mindset too. I'm not looking for 'help' and advice though- so, I'll pass on the discord thing- although I do greatly appreciate the offer.

I guess what I've been trying to do here is try to show the experience of life through a suicidal person's lense. I DO know what MIGHT help me in life- but I'm unwilling to do it. That's the bottomline. It's fine if you want to interpret that as me being lazy and afraid of effort. I know I can be. I also know I CAN and HAVE worked bloody hard at certain things in life- maybe even harder than you! I once worked over 70 days in a row without a break because I had so much work on. Long days too. So- trust me- I'm not afraid of effort when I have drive. It's just that though- motivation.

I've actually encountered very fit people in the past who were very similar to you. I do get it too- I bet the feeling is so good- you almost feel enlightened and that you need to try and 'convert' more people. I worked with a lady once to whom fitness was everything. She was a bit like a religious convert- trying to save other people's souls. I do get where you are coming from and I think it's kind of you to care about other people.

Who knows what lies ahead? I'm holding on for my Dad to go before I CTB. Anything is possible in life- I may suddenly get the urge again to lose weight, get fit and turn things around. That has to come from me though- and it has to be genuine. Right now- death is a whole lot more appealing than press ups!

For you though- I wish you the very best in life. I hope you get your wish and get to do what you love as a living. I have been luckier than most in that regard and I'm grateful for the time I could do it.

 

[lifeandeath]

Thanks and I do appreciate what you're saying. I'd say I'm more stubborn than afraid of effort though. I put ENORMOUS amounts of effort into some areas of my life but not in others. I have to admit now though- that I'm becoming lethargic in all areas- partially due to the lack of fitness- I do realise.

I do REALLY appreciate you taking the time to chat. I do admire your mindset too. I'm not looking for 'help' and advice though- so, I'll pass on the discord thing- although I do greatly appreciate the offer.

I guess what I've been trying to do here is try to show the experience of life through a suicidal person's lense. I DO know what MIGHT help me in life- but I'm unwilling to do it. That's the bottomline. It's fine if you want to interpret that as me being lazy and afraid of effort. I know I can be. I also know I CAN and HAVE worked bloody hard at certain things in life- maybe even harder than you! I once worked over 70 days in a row without a break because I had so much work on. Long days too. So- trust me- I'm not afraid of effort when I have drive. It's just that though- motivation.

I've actually encountered very fit people in the past who were very similar to you. I do get it too- I bet the feeling is so good- you almost feel enlightened and that you need to try and 'convert' more people. I worked with a lady once to whom fitness was everything. She was a bit like a religious convert- trying to save other people's souls. I do get where you are coming from and I think it's kind of you to care about other people.

Who knows what lies ahead? I'm holding on for my Dad to go before I CTB. Anything is possible in life- I may suddenly get the urge again to lose weight, get fit and turn things around. That has to come from me though- and it has to be genuine. Right now- death is a whole lot more appealing than press ups!

For you though- I wish you the very best in life. I hope you get your wish and get to do what you love as a living. I have been luckier than most in that regard and I'm grateful for the time I could do it.

A couple things wrong with that argument.First is if you know fitness will improve you're life,then you should put effort into it no matter what,it isn't about you're motivation to do it,u can't keep motivation for a concept of not eating ur favourite foods,putting urself through pain and not seeing immediate results.It requires discipline and that is the most important thing.It'll benefit you in other parts of life.Also you have to understand that fitness isn't the only thing i'm talking about here,doing altruisitic things and writing down when ur feeling fucked up can help you heavily as well.Finally,i'm not trying to scold you or anything but isn't it kind of disrespectful that CBT after he dies so theres no sadness from him.i believe you're farther wouldn't want you to cbt after his death and as a way of honouring him you should keep pushing forward,and maybe one day that spark to turn you're life around will come.