Venting Loneliness Communal Venting Thread

[EmptyBottle]

Funny that I come across this when the loneliness kicks in. I feel old but I know I'm young yet it doesn't feel that way, I feel a lot older than I am. 19 and I'm still alone, wasted my best years doing a bunch of nothing. Let anxiety rule my youth, let myself become a truant because I hated when people looked at me. I hate feeling their eyes on me. Two years ago I thought this loneliness was a lack of love-type of relationship but honestly I don't know. I don't care too much for falling in love with someone and seeing where it leads. Love is something I view to be dangerous, there are a lot of times where I wish I could experience that love again.

Mmm, yep, not having regular in person contacts does feel isolating sometimes.
I also see the risks in love, and have no idea whether the effort (for me) would be worth the result or not.

The love I held for family and friends is something I wish to feel again. i just wish I didn't feel so isolated from them but I know if I tell them how I feel they wouldn't really get it, they have people to call friends, they have support networks. I don't got friends anymore besides my online ones who I play games with. I don't got any real support, I can barely support myself. I'm aware of how contradictory I can be, I hated people looking at me yet I was willing to let them have their way with me just to feel noticed by somebody.

I also spend more time with online friends than in person friends,

There's one fling that's stuck in my head on occasions, he was gentle most times and he often held me close after we were done. It confused me so much...yet I liked that warmth. Nothing ever came from it but it's just a memory that confuses me. Sorry for the long shtick. I'm just tired and want to chat I suppose? I barely speak with my sister's or mom anymore, my mom's even told my sister that I don't got much of a presence even when I'm out there interacting with them. Probably wasn't for my ears but it's kind of comforting. I'd rather know how my mom views me than left thinking she cares about me like how she cares for the others. I should sleep... I hope y'all all get some good rest, I should get mine too.

...and have memories of some friends in the past, would be nice to reconnect to whoever is willing to connect.

Good night, and dw, the message wasn't too long.

 

[frayed]

Whenever I remember how lonely I am, I get a strange feeling. I get very cold and feel completely disconnected from the world. It's a very sad feeling, and no one should have to go through such a terrible thing.

I thought it was just me

 

[Dejected 55]

I am lonely at all times. Sometimes it is almost bearable, most of the time it is not. I'm never not lonely. There are times when I would be fine being alone, everyone needs some amount of alone time for their own sanity and identity... but because I am alone all the time, and never by choice, it makes the times when I could be okay being alone also unbearable because they are not times of my choosing to self-reflect, but imposed alone time because I have no choice in the matter when to take those solitude moments for what they should be.

I have no one to share things with... when an almost good thing happens or I think I have a good idea about something... that impulse to reach out and share with someone close to me, it falls to the ground sadly because I have no one... or the bad times when I need a touch or a shoulder or an empathetic ear... I don't have that either, so I have to handle all the bad things on my own too. And, I so wish I could be someone's shoulder... someone's confidant that she wants to share when something is good in her life too... but I can't be that, give that to anyone because I am always alone.

 

[R. A.]

reporting.

i can probably count on one hand, definitely two, the number of times i've had consensual/non-medical physical contact with another human in the last year. .
that's bad.

i used to get more than than in the span of two fucking days, either being a student, then working with kids, or living with or around friends.

i am a shrivelled empty husk of what remains of a person

 

[Wolf Girl]

I'm never going to be in the kind of relationship I want and it's killing me. SaSu is the only place I can talk about this without it getting downplayed or people making promises that everything will "work out."

I *JUST* want to date someone compatible who is excited to date me. And that just doesn't fucking exist apparently. I want a good morning text. I want someone to be proud of me and that they're dating me. I want to be with a partner I actually find attractive so I don't have to close my eyes during sex. I know all this is unrealistic because I'm not conventionally attractive enough, or financially secure, or successful in any way. It's a contest and I can't compete.

I am rejected by potential dates for my autism (even by other autistic people) and being unable to take the lead in a conversation. I can't count the number of people who message me "hi" with the expectation that I should do all the labor of actually starting and carrying the conversation while they contribute nothing. I no longer reply to hi/hey/what's up/how's your day/etc because it always goes nowhere because those people won't return the effort.

This hurts. This hurts so fucking bad. I know I'll never have what I want or need. I'm so touch-starved. I feel desperate. I want to just fucking run into traffic or jump into the river. I'm so lonely. Why doesn't anyone want to keep me around? I feel worthless. Bone deep worthlessness because no one wants me around.

I'm just good for sex. That's all anybody wants me for.

 

[Cosmophobic]

Having friends that you don't feel close to can be worse than having none at all. I have "friends" and not one of them knows the real me. They wouldn't care to know. I feel more lonely around them than I do by myself. They'll ask "what I've been up to" knowing full well that all I've been up to is fucking existing. Barely. Then they have free reign to just talk about themselves.

I've never had a romantic relationship so that is something I wonder about a lot. Naturally. I try to convinve myself that I'm ok with dying alone, that not every animal can win in the game of attracting a mate, but it still bothers me. If only being able to conceptualize and understand our biological drives made it possible to ignore them. We're as stuck as any other animal is in body determinism we just have the added burden of knowing about it.

 

[Blank_]

Strangely enough, loneliness is the one thing still preventing me from killing myself. I've always imagined that when the time comes, I will have at least a few memories of true friendship and love and warmth to keep me company.

Now that I'm here, I can see that I don't have any at all. There's nothing but the same hollow sadness in the pit of my stomach that I've felt ever since I was a child, and I really, really don't want this to be the very last thing I'll ever feel.

 

[Wolf Girl]

Strangely enough, loneliness is the one thing still preventing me from killing myself. I've always imagined that when the time comes, I will have at least a few memories of true friendship and love and warmth to keep me company.

This is so real. It's so tragic to die without memories or experiences inherent to a fulfilling life. I'm so sorry, Blank.
.


I hate talking to other women and they're like "I keep telling myself I'm gonna stay single for a while, but I just keep getting into relationships wherever I go, teehee!" Like shut the fuck up. Stop rubbing it in.

 

[_Gollum_]

I hate talking to other women and they're like "I keep telling myself I'm gonna stay single for a while, but I just keep getting into relationships wherever I go, teehee!" Like shut the fuck up. Stop rubbing it in.

Boggles my mind that some women are just constantly getting approached (in a positive way) by men in their day-to-day lives, whereas I'm invisible to them. They can't be friends with men because the men will develop feelings for them, I can't be friends with men because I'll develop feelings for them.

 

[Wolf Girl]

I'M SO FUCKING TIRED OF GETTING GHOSTED FOR ASKING FOR CLARITY ABOUT PEOPLE 'S INTENTIONS WITH ME!!!!!!!! I'm FUCKING AUTISTIC and it says so in every fucking bio on every fucking dating site. FUCK.
Also I WANT FRIENDS WHO ARE NORMAL. I want to experience normal things.

 

[EmptyBottle]

I'M SO FUCKING TIRED OF GETTING GHOSTED FOR ASKING FOR CLARITY ABOUT PEOPLE 'S INTENTIONS WITH ME!!!!!!!! I'm FUCKING AUTISTIC and it says so in every fucking bio on every fucking dating site. FUCK.
Also I WANT FRIENDS WHO ARE NORMAL. I want to experience normal things.

dating sites and apps make money on subscriptions... if they were too successful, they'd get less money in subscriptions...

Feel free to contact me here btw (I have Autism too) ^u^

 

[Pluto]

 

[Wolf Girl]

I'm panicking. I'm so sad and lonely that I can't catch my breath. My lungs are burning.

I got rejected by the person I was really hoping to be with and I got embarrassingly upset when talking to them after they rejected me. I crashed out visibly. I'm disgusting and pathetic.

I genuinely don't know what to do. I feel like I'm dying from loneliness. I'm thinking about going into the hospital because I'm too lethargic to be able to ctb. I just want to be held, fuck.

 

[brassicasaur]

I'm never going to have a relationship. Last time I tried, I got falsely accused of sexual assault. I never even had any sex. I'm lonely, but I know loneliness beats the alternative, having someone who will eventually betray you.

 

[R. A.]

I'm panicking. I'm so sad and lonely that I can't catch my breath. My lungs are burning.

I got rejected by the person I was really hoping to be with and I got embarrassingly upset when talking to them after they rejected me. I crashed out visibly. I'm disgusting and pathetic.

I genuinely don't know what to do. I feel like I'm dying from loneliness. I'm thinking about going into the hospital because I'm too lethargic to be able to ctb. I just want to be held, fuck.

physical contact is a base human need; whatever response youre having is normal. going without it like subsisting on dirty water and stale bread. i can count on my hands the number of times i've hugged a person in the last ....??? two years? i can't even get a sense of the time or occasions. two and a third years maybe, yeah it's awful. i'm dying. i am sorry.

 

[ankawannadie]

just want some friends to send some messages with before i kill myself in a couple of months.

 

[J_M]

just want some friends to send some messages with before i kill myself in a couple of months.

I'm here. Want my discord?

 

[ankawannadie]

I'm here. Want my discord?

i prefer conversations on sasu over discord... just trying to distance myself from all social media. ah it seems like i can't start conversations with you for some reason.

 

[J_M]

i prefer conversations on sasu over discord... just trying to distance myself from all social media.

alright send me a message whenever you are up to it

 

[ankawannadie]

alright send me a message whenever you are up to it

Will do. I don't know when conversations unlock for people but I'll be sure to reach out in the future.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

Well , I'm also autistic and I think you're a kind person and you'll find someone to be your friend or maybe lover?
I don't want to personally be a lover to anyone but if someone would show up and demand a hug or to hold their hand, I'll hug them and hold their hand, so maybe there are more people like me out there.
Not really good at these things so I don't want to give false advice and I'll stop here I guess.

 

[Merocero]

Lonely person here as well sigh,, having some people irl to spend time with would definitely make me less suicidal or depressed, its just so hard being alone...

 

[Dejected 55]

I'm panicking. I'm so sad and lonely that I can't catch my breath. My lungs are burning.

I got rejected by the person I was really hoping to be with and I got embarrassingly upset when talking to them after they rejected me. I crashed out visibly. I'm disgusting and pathetic.

I genuinely don't know what to do. I feel like I'm dying from loneliness. I'm thinking about going into the hospital because I'm too lethargic to be able to ctb. I just want to be held, fuck.

This really connected with me. I'm not 100% sure I've had a panic attack, but I feel like I've been really close a few times and this is what I identified with from your post. When the weight upon you crosses just over whatever your tolerance threshold is and it just feels like you're going to collapse underneath and everything starts to make no sense around you.

I tend to get ghosted after rejections, or sometimes ghosted instead of a proper rejection... so I guess I'm fortunate that I haven't crashed out in person. Last year I most definitely crashed out online. I was spewing all over my Facebook page. I was not doxxing or identifying the person I was attached to... you would have had to know both me and her to know who I was talking about and IF you did know both of us then you knew already... so I was vaguebooking and I wrote a thesis on the entire history of almost every problem I ever had in my entire life, and all the things I liked about her and all the broken feelings I had and all the dreams that were gone... and once I wore myself out of all that... after a period of several months... I just deleted all my social network accounts, so you couldn't find it now if you tried and it's like I never existed online basically. I've tried to find remnants of me, and I'm gone.

My point is... your post made me feel the same feels I had last year and really still have from time to time now about the loss I felt that broke me into pieces.

I don't know how to help or what to say that is comforting... but I hear you and I get your experience... and I'm sorry that you're having the experience right now.

 

[Ashu]

Sadly, I envision a future where AI and robots are the primary means for humanity to satiate the natural desire for social connection.

I don't think so. Most people get along with other people.

Aside from one-armed pity hugs and quick fist bumps from acquaintances, I haven't felt the touch of another person in a long time.

I'm not even longing for sexual contact necessarily; I just wish I could hold the hand of someone special.

By the way, I love your ramen girl profile pic.

 

[EmptyBottle]

I just deleted all my social network accounts, so you couldn't find it now if you tried and it's like I never existed online basically. I've tried to find remnants of me, and I'm gone.

Mmm, I leave some of my socials idle... also, I have taken screenshots of random comments on YT and even Facebook, so I think there's a chance someone deleted their account, yet their comment is still in my phone's storage.

But I don't recheck comment sections to find what got deleted, and I don't really even read those screenshots.

But screenshots saved me when my comment got auto removed from YT, I could see what I wrote and not wonder what was written.

Note: I do archive some posts on SaSu to HDD, especially if I replied, coz I don't want to lose my reply. The files don't spread beyond my Linux systems.

 

[Dejected 55]

I don't think so. Most people get along with other people.

I would disagree with this.

More than 50% of marriages end in divorce. Friendships tend to be transitory as well. I'm not saying no one gets along at all... but I don't think "most people get along" is an accurate statement that can be backed with empirical evidence. IF that were true, it feels like there would be less war and less conflict in the world.

I don't think everyone hates each other... I think a lot of people don't get along with each other, and then I think most people just don't know each other... but the behaviors of the people who do know each other seems to indicate to me that IF you could meet everyone in the world, you probably would not get along with most of them. Sure, you'd find a bunch you do get along with... perhaps more than enough to make you happy in life and them as well... but say 8 billion people in the world, odds seem to be WAY against you getting along with most of them.

 

[sadman1897]

Loneliness and silence are detrimental to the mind . I've somehow managed to push away most of my friends . Luckily I have family , but they can only fill so many voids . I've stayed single for so long I can't imagine being in a relationship , especially when I'm not mentally ready to cater to a SO's feelings when I can barely handle my own .

 

[EmptyBottle]

I would disagree with this.

More than 50% of marriages end in divorce. Friendships tend to be transitory as well. I'm not saying no one gets along at all... but I don't think "most people get along" is an accurate statement that can be backed with empirical evidence. IF that were true, it feels like there would be less war and less conflict in the world.

I don't think everyone hates each other... I think a lot of people don't get along with each other, and then I think most people just don't know each other... but the behaviors of the people who do know each other seems to indicate to me that IF you could meet everyone in the world, you probably would not get along with most of them. Sure, you'd find a bunch you do get along with... perhaps more than enough to make you happy in life and them as well... but say 8 billion people in the world, odds seem to be WAY against you getting along with most of them.

True, tho I wonder if it is the early relationships that fail more, before those people understand the 2 ways of a relationship, tho there probably are more factors too. And yep, friendships last as long as they are maintained, maintenance can be tricky sometimes, and unfortunate errors can ruin them.

The good news is there is a little less war overall compared to centuries ago, but still, I wonder how long it will take before war becomes a rarity.

Oh yes, many people have differing personalities (yes, personalities can probably be influenced by the person themselves, but it is tricky to change) and views that aren't for compromising (whether good or bad depends on the specific view).

 

[Dejected 55]

I should have also added... not getting along with someone doesn't equate to hate and conflict. You and I can meet, not get along, and we go or separate ways. We don't have to walk away with hate or ever encounter or affect each other ever again. So, in the context of world peace, for instance, I don't believe it is necessary for everyone to get along. Everyone just has to agree that everyone has a right to their own existence as long as they aren't forced to interact with each other.

On the flip side... You could also hate someone to their core... but realize they have something you need and you have something they need... and agree with each other that while you hate each other to infinity, you agree to trade terms that are mutually beneficial and you can go on hating each other without actually causing harm.

 

[Wolf Girl]

I hate the feelings of worthlessness that come from being neglected and rejected. Why doesn't anyone value me? I must be awful to be around.