Please review my method.
I'd like to go as soon as possible. Paranoia is holding me back. I can't get caught.
My parents are only out for a few hours at a time. By the time I work up the courage to go through, they might come back and discover what I'm up to, and then I'd be locked up indefinitely.
Debating between day when they're out, and night. They go out maybe once every few days. But I heard them awake at around 1am once, so not sure about night/early morning. Would be less exposed at night, though.
I plan to take a lot of medication (sertraline, parecetamol, and iboprufen - unsure of amount but have quite a lot in) take a knife, and head down to the local tracks.
Hopefully, the meds will make it easier for me to cut myself and when I bleed out it should be easier to get myself on the tracks.
I plan to listen to music to distract myself somewhat, but then I also want to be aware in case I'm being watched.
I could gather the pills while my parents are out and hide them in my room, and then grab the knife and go when they're next out, or at night.
Or I could just do it all in one day.
Maybe take half the pills at home and half at the tracks.
I'm really stressing out about it. Every time the phone rings I fear it's the police alerting my parents that I've been researching suicide. Same for post. And visitors. And I have to constantly check that I have a private comnection.
I just want out. I want to watch myself bleed out. Train has to be involved, though, because I don't want my body to be intact. And because it's practically fool-proof and efficient.
I don't seem to have enough time to get prepared. When my parents are out, I'm too anxious about when they'll come back to focus properly on preparing.
That's why night is a possibility. Plenty of time to prepare and is predictable, whereas my parents leave the house randomly which makes it hard to prepare.
Authorities know that the tracks is my chosen suicide spot, so that'll be the first place they'd look. I have plenty of time to kill myself without being discovered, but only if I'm in that frame of mind. I want to die all the time, but often I'm just too anxious to go through.
I actually want to kill myself; I want that experience, so it's not like I need to spend more time on my decision.
Please help.
I'd like to go as soon as possible. Paranoia is holding me back. I can't get caught.
My parents are only out for a few hours at a time. By the time I work up the courage to go through, they might come back and discover what I'm up to, and then I'd be locked up indefinitely.
Debating between day when they're out, and night. They go out maybe once every few days. But I heard them awake at around 1am once, so not sure about night/early morning. Would be less exposed at night, though.
I plan to take a lot of medication (sertraline, parecetamol, and iboprufen - unsure of amount but have quite a lot in) take a knife, and head down to the local tracks.
Hopefully, the meds will make it easier for me to cut myself and when I bleed out it should be easier to get myself on the tracks.
I plan to listen to music to distract myself somewhat, but then I also want to be aware in case I'm being watched.
I could gather the pills while my parents are out and hide them in my room, and then grab the knife and go when they're next out, or at night.
Or I could just do it all in one day.
Maybe take half the pills at home and half at the tracks.
I'm really stressing out about it. Every time the phone rings I fear it's the police alerting my parents that I've been researching suicide. Same for post. And visitors. And I have to constantly check that I have a private comnection.
I just want out. I want to watch myself bleed out. Train has to be involved, though, because I don't want my body to be intact. And because it's practically fool-proof and efficient.
I don't seem to have enough time to get prepared. When my parents are out, I'm too anxious about when they'll come back to focus properly on preparing.
That's why night is a possibility. Plenty of time to prepare and is predictable, whereas my parents leave the house randomly which makes it hard to prepare.
Authorities know that the tracks is my chosen suicide spot, so that'll be the first place they'd look. I have plenty of time to kill myself without being discovered, but only if I'm in that frame of mind. I want to die all the time, but often I'm just too anxious to go through.
I actually want to kill myself; I want that experience, so it's not like I need to spend more time on my decision.
Please help.
