Venting More failure

[kkatt]

So I wasn't having the best of times,and knew my mum had a box of amitriptyline at her house.
I went down there to shave my head and also to pick up the Ami.
But for some reason I added cracked open a bottle of wine and some gin, grabbed the dog's supply of valium and necked the lot.
Very peaceful. I don't even remember taking them. Just waking up in the ICU. Bruised to hell from chest compressions. Full crash team (apparently). Even a central line stitched into my neck.
So why am I here writing this? Someone I met through this community years ago decided my messenger had been off too long and called the police for a welfare check. The police promptly kicked in my door,then my parents door too
That person is now obviously blocked and deleted from everything.
If it had been an hour later ,I would have been done.
I didn't regain consciousness for a long time. When I did, I was absolutely furious. After about 4 days there I managed to stand and walk. So was thrown in a wheelchair and sent off to the psych ward-no choice option).
As a method, I'd highly recommend it-just allow long enough to so as not to be saved.
I was severely messed up coming round. It has had an effect on my heart, but told that will be a temporary thing too.
I think the new plan involves jumping.

 

[Blackjack]

Holy shit that's quite a story. How pissed off are you at your "friend"?

 

[kkatt]

Holy shit that's quite a story. How pissed off are you at your "friend"?

What friend? Blocked and deleted.

 

[woxihuanni]

What friend? Blocked and deleted.

That piece of filth should not exist, there should be a delete from universe button. Were they still on this forum?

I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Fuck this.

 

[kkatt]

That piece of filth should not exist, there should be a delete from universe button. Were they still on this forum?

I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Fuck this.

This was someone who knew me from ASH many years back. (Alt.Suicide.Holiday) was the mother of pro choice suicide forums.
I'm pissed cos even if I had told him(Which I obviously hadn't),the concept is PRO CHOICE.

 

[woxihuanni]

This was someone who knew me from ASH many years back. (Alt.Suicide.Holiday) was the mother of pro choice suicide forums.
I'm pissed cos even if I had told him(Which I obviously hadn't),the concept is PRO CHOICE.

Somebody you trust tries to wrench even death away from you, cannot think of a worst betrayal.

 

[wendydong1]

This was someone who knew me from ASH many years back. (Alt.Suicide.Holiday) was the mother of pro choice suicide forums.
I'm pissed cos even if I had told him(Which I obviously hadn't),the concept is PRO CHOICE.

ahhh, ASH.. that was my forum when I was in college... I think the preferred suicide method was cynanide back then?

 

[kkatt]

ahhh, ASH.. that was my forum when I was in college... I think the preferred suicide method was cynanide back then?

Yeah. Till Suzy Gonzales.
The Ami was good if nobody calls the police.

 

[azucaramargo]

So I wasn't having the best of times,and knew my mum had a box of amitriptyline at her house.
I went down there to shave my head and also to pick up the Ami.
But for some reason I added cracked open a bottle of wine and some gin, grabbed the dog's supply of valium and necked the lot.
Very peaceful. I don't even remember taking them. Just waking up in the ICU. Bruised to hell from chest compressions. Full crash team (apparently). Even a central line stitched into my neck.
So why am I here writing this? Someone I met through this community years ago decided my messenger had been off too long and called the police for a welfare check. The police promptly kicked in my door,then my parents door too
That person is now obviously blocked and deleted from everything.
If it had been an hour later ,I would have been done.
I didn't regain consciousness for a long time. When I did, I was absolutely furious. After about 4 days there I managed to stand and walk. So was thrown in a wheelchair and sent off to the psych ward-no choice option).
As a method, I'd highly recommend it-just allow long enough to so as not to be saved.
I was severely messed up coming round. It has had an effect on my heart, but told that will be a temporary thing too.
I think the new plan involves jumping.

Wow!

 

[spanishguy22]

So I wasn't having the best of times,and knew my mum had a box of amitriptyline at her house.
I went down there to shave my head and also to pick up the Ami.
But for some reason I added cracked open a bottle of wine and some gin, grabbed the dog's supply of valium and necked the lot.
Very peaceful. I don't even remember taking them. Just waking up in the ICU. Bruised to hell from chest compressions. Full crash team (apparently). Even a central line stitched into my neck.
So why am I here writing this? Someone I met through this community years ago decided my messenger had been off too long and called the police for a welfare check. The police promptly kicked in my door,then my parents door too
That person is now obviously blocked and deleted from everything.
If it had been an hour later ,I would have been done.
I didn't regain consciousness for a long time. When I did, I was absolutely furious. After about 4 days there I managed to stand and walk. So was thrown in a wheelchair and sent off to the psych ward-no choice option).
As a method, I'd highly recommend it-just allow long enough to so as not to be saved.
I was severely messed up coming round. It has had an effect on my heart, but told that will be a temporary thing too.
I think the new plan involves jumping.

Glad you don't have brain damage. That selfish guy who called police could have put you in an even worse state.

Do you have any clue as to how long it took police to find you? As to know how fast Ami kills. Seems like an awful timing. Unlucky

Why won't you do Ami again? If it's so peaceful I'd prefer it to jumping.

 

[omoidarui]

That piece of filth should not exist, there should be a delete from universe button. Were they still on this forum?

Even though the friend did the wrong thing, what if they were acting out of worry? Intentions are important. I agree the OP was right to block them, but your words seem harsh.

That piece of filth should not exist, there should be a delete from universe button.

Meanwhile, in Facebook posts about SS: "these pieces of shit should be put to their deaths!" - the cries of the mob mentality passing extreme judgement on our community because they perceive us to be doing the wrong thing, without even questioning our intentions.

Somebody you trust tries to wrench even death away from you, cannot think of a worst betrayal.

that last bit leans pro-death/just weird

 

[kkatt]

Thanks for the replies.
Still in psych. Connection is awful.
Doc wants to put me on a new med, "Lurasidone", that blocks the effects of dopamine and endorphins. Obviously I will disagree.
I feel more desperate to die than ever. Staying pretty doped up. Feels like I reached a peak.
I was so close. Would do the Ami again now if I had more-for sure

 

[kkatt]

Glad you don't have brain damage. That selfish guy who called police could have put you in an even worse state.

Do you have any clue as to how long it took police to find you? As to know how fast Ami kills. Seems like an awful timing. Unlucky

Why won't you do Ami again? If it's so peaceful I'd prefer it to jumping.

I agree I would prefer the Ami if I can get more

 

[kkatt]

While in the hospital,I had a wobble and went for the ligature. I got stuck on the Trachea and was suffocating.
In case you don't know,it's virtually impossible to suffocate yourself. The survival instinct kicks in and you tear it off. But it was on tight and I was panicking. I hit the emergency alarm about 5 times and it didn't work. Fact is,almost none of the alarms there work.
I quickly twisted the ligature and hit the sweet spot and passed out.
Someone must have seen me cos I came round with an ambulance crew and could see nothing.
Thing is,I have been advised to claim from the insurance company,because in doing so,they will insist that the alrms are repaired immediately. I have approached a mental health charity (MIND), because it really isn't about the money. I've had a lot of shit for this,but if you understand how insurance companies work,it makes sense.
If I do nothihng,it could take several months to fix. If I claim a small amount,the company will refuse to insure them unless it's sorted.
Am I an utter shit?

 

[Blackjack]

While in the hospital,I had a wobble and went for the ligature. I got stuck on the Trachea and was suffocating.
In case you don't know,it's virtually impossible to suffocate yourself. The survival instinct kicks in and you tear it off. But it was on tight and I was panicking. I hit the emergency alarm about 5 times and it didn't work. Fact is,almost none of the alarms there work.
I quickly twisted the ligature and hit the sweet spot and passed out.
Someone must have seen me cos I came round with an ambulance crew and could see nothing.
Thing is,I have been advised to claim from the insurance company,because in doing so,they will insist that the alrms are repaired immediately. I have approached a mental health charity (MIND), because it really isn't about the money. I've had a lot of shit for this,but if you understand how insurance companies work,it makes sense.
If I do nothihng,it could take several months to fix. If I claim a small amount,the company will refuse to insure them unless it's sorted.
Am I an utter shit?

Not sure I totally understand what happened or what you're trying to accomplish, but no you're not an utter shit. Do whatever you can to stick it to the Psych ward. They all suck.

 

[kkatt]

Claiming compensation is easy in a case like this and there are loads of companies that do it. But I have used a charity because I'm not bothered about the money. Those alarms may be needed. I pressed it cos I was panicking. But someone else might actually need help.

 

[Blackjack]

Claiming compensation is easy in a case like this and there are loads of companies that do it. But I have used a charity because I'm not bothered about the money. Those alarms may be needed. I pressed it cos I was panicking. But someone else might actually need help.

How much $ could you possibly get?

 

[kkatt]

No idea. Not too bothered. But it is quite a serious issue.
The unit is a 20 bed critical care unit. Alarms are vital. Several patients and staff are supporting me.
None of the staff want to walk in and find someone dead because their alarm didn't work.

 

[Sweet emotion]

So I wasn't having the best of times,and knew my mum had a box of amitriptyline at her house.
I went down there to shave my head and also to pick up the Ami.
But for some reason I added cracked open a bottle of wine and some gin, grabbed the dog's supply of valium and necked the lot.
Very peaceful. I don't even remember taking them. Just waking up in the ICU. Bruised to hell from chest compressions. Full crash team (apparently). Even a central line stitched into my neck.
So why am I here writing this? Someone I met through this community years ago decided my messenger had been off too long and called the police for a welfare check. The police promptly kicked in my door,then my parents door too
That person is now obviously blocked and deleted from everything.
If it had been an hour later ,I would have been done.
I didn't regain consciousness for a long time. When I did, I was absolutely furious. After about 4 days there I managed to stand and walk. So was thrown in a wheelchair and sent off to the psych ward-no choice option).
As a method, I'd highly recommend it-just allow long enough to so as not to be saved.
I was severely messed up coming round. It has had an effect on my heart, but told that will be a temporary thing too.
I think the new plan involves jumping.

How did this person know where you live?

 

[kkatt]

He'd sent me things before.
But I wasn't at home
The police broke in and searched my phone books

 

[Sweet emotion]

You gave him your address?