Story My downfall story

[GetReadyy]

I don't know how to use this page properly, but I want to tell you why I want to commit suicide.

My parents died in a car accident shortly after I turned 18. I'm the only survivor in my family. During this period, I fell into depression and asked my close friend for help. He was treating me very well, but something was wrong. He was acting strange. A few days later, he raped me. He apologized to me many times, but I said I would tell the police what happened. This is a very long topic, so I will explain it briefly. He said that if I went to the police, he would expose me, share my photos on the internet and that I would regret it for the rest of my life. I haven't had many decent friends in my life. The people to whom I would tell my troubles and get advice from died in a traffic accident. I don't know what I should do. I wrote down all these events that happened to me on a piece of paper. I have no job and I dropped out of school. I only have a house, which I inherited from my family. Sometimes I look out the window of the house and I want to put an end to all this. Some parts of my life story may seem strange. This process took about 2 months and I experienced a lot in these 2 months. I cannot write them all here. But I wanted to share my story with you. I wanted to keep a memory here

Jumping out of the window may not be the best suicide method, but it seems like the fastest way. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm sorry that I couldn't explain this whole process to you fully. Just telling this much made me cry. Talking about these topics reminds me of those moments..

I realized I didn't mention it when I first wrote. I would like to add that I did not have any psychological problems before. I was happy

 

[BasilThePlant]

1, I am so sorry. No one deserves to go through that. Im here if you ever need someone to tell your troubles to, it's anonymous so you dont have to worry about judgement or being left alone again!
2, I never reccomend people to ctb. You seem like you have a long life to live, so I hope you keep trying. I know thats not an answer you asked for, but I care for you! I hope you reach out to me, im a good listener <3

 

[kyhoti]

I'm sorry for the trauma you've faced. It seems so unfair. May you find the peace you seek, here or elsewhere.

 

[GetReadyy]

I don't know how to send a message. I don't view anyone's profile :((

1, I am so sorry. No one deserves to go through that. Im here if you ever need someone to tell your troubles to, it's anonymous so you dont have to worry about judgement or being left alone again!
2, I never reccomend people to ctb. You seem like you have a long life to live, so I hope you keep trying. I know thats not an answer you asked for, but I care for you! I hope you reach out to me, im a good listener <3

 

[fallingtopieces]

I am sorry for what you've been through, what a horrible person that so called friend was. Please don't act impulsively, you'll be able to see the chat/message icon after a small number of posts and reaction emojis, it's not a lot.

 

[GetReadyy]

I am sorry for what you've been through, what a horrible person that so called friend was. Please don't act impulsively, you'll be able to see the chat/message icon after a small number of posts and reaction emojis, it's not a lot.

I can't visit profiles or text, probably because I'm using VPN. Anyway, I won't be here for a while anyway but ty ^^

 

[BasilThePlant]

I don't know how to send a message. I don't view anyone's profile :((

Its only unlocked after a certain amount of messages. But I will for sure get back to you once I get perms! <33

 

[fallingtopieces]

I can't visit profiles or text, probably because I'm using VPN. Anyway, I won't be here for a while anyway but ty ^^

it's not the vpn, just the short post and reaction count. can i ask if you have any extended family that u could also talk to?

 

[GetReadyy]

it's not the vpn, just the short post and reaction count. can i ask if you have any extended family that u could also talk to?

No, I don't speak to anyone in my extended family, I only spoke at my parents' funeral

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

I wish you had a better option. Good luck to you.

 

[hellworldprincess]

I'm sorry you went through all that. It's
I'm not going to tell you what to do or not do, but I hope you find a different way.
I hope he gets what he deserves rather sooner than later.

 

[Soupster]

I'm sorry your friend violated your trust in the grossest manner. I firmly believe rapists deserve to have thier lives made a permanent, gruesome hell with no chance of escape for as long as humanly possible. There is no 'oops I'm sorry' for those people.

As for ctb... I hope you can get the help you need and recover from the traumas you've encountered and go on to lead a healthy, happy life where you don't think it's necessary. If you truly feel you've exhausted every method of healing and cannot go on, jumping out the window of a house is extremely unlikely to result in ctb. I've fallen accidentally from the roof of a three story house and it is extremely painful (and scary), but it is certainly not anything I'd recommend to anyone. I have permanent injuries that never properly/fully healed from that fall that simply make life worse. 0/10 would recommend.

I wish you the best, and am always open to listening and discussing things in a judgemental way if you need or want someone to talk to. Take care of yourself and remember none of this is your fault.

 

[GetReadyy]

I'm sorry your friend violated your trust in the grossest manner. I firmly believe rapists deserve to have thier lives made a permanent, gruesome hell with no chance of escape for as long as humanly possible. There is no 'oops I'm sorry' for those people.

As for ctb... I hope you can get the help you need and recover from the traumas you've encountered and go on to lead a healthy, happy life where you don't think it's necessary. If you truly feel you've exhausted every method of healing and cannot go on, jumping out the window of a house is extremely unlikely to result in ctb. I've fallen accidentally from the roof of a three story house and it is extremely painful (and scary), but it is certainly not anything I'd recommend to anyone. I have permanent injuries that never properly/fully healed from that fall that simply make life worse. 0/10 would recommend.

I wish you the best, and am always open to listening and discussing things in a judgemental way if you need or want someone to talk to. Take care of yourself and remember none of this is your fault.

I experienced this disgusting incident with my "friend" at such a bad time that I couldn't even raise my voice. After everything was over, he quickly packed up and left the house. About a few hours later he came back and checked if I still went to the police. I still couldn't get over the shock I experienced and I was crying at home. I was feeling nauseous and vomiting. Maybe I was disgusted with myself at that moment. Maybe I didn't do my best to get out of that situation. There was no one else I could turn to for help. Maybe you could suggest I go to a therapist, but I don't have the money to pay for anything other than one or two sessions. Actually, I'm in a void in a way. And life keeps hitting me from all sides.

Actually, the reason I don't jump from the window is that people will mess with my dead body after I jump from the window. I don't want to be a burden to people after I die, and I don't want anyone to see me dead. Maybe if I somehow die in the forest, animals will find my corpse instead of people. The cops probably won't come looking for me. Anyone who could have reported me missing is dead.

 

[suffering_mo]

I don't know how to use this page properly, but I want to tell you why I want to commit suicide.

My parents died in a car accident shortly after I turned 18. I'm the only survivor in my family. During this period, I fell into depression and asked my close friend for help. He was treating me very well, but something was wrong. He was acting strange. A few days later, he raped me. He apologized to me many times, but I said I would tell the police what happened. This is a very long topic, so I will explain it briefly. He said that if I went to the police, he would expose me, share my photos on the internet and that I would regret it for the rest of my life. I haven't had many decent friends in my life. The people to whom I would tell my troubles and get advice from died in a traffic accident. I don't know what I should do. I wrote down all these events that happened to me on a piece of paper. I have no job and I dropped out of school. I only have a house, which I inherited from my family. Sometimes I look out the window of the house and I want to put an end to all this. Some parts of my life story may seem strange. This process took about 2 months and I experienced a lot in these 2 months. I cannot write them all here. But I wanted to share my story with you. I wanted to keep a memory here

Jumping out of the window may not be the best suicide method, but it seems like the fastest way. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm sorry that I couldn't explain this whole process to you fully. Just telling this much made me cry. Talking about these topics reminds me of those moments..

I realized I didn't mention it when I first wrote. I would like to add that I did not have any psychological problems before. I was happy

First off, I am SO, SO sorry for your suffering. That's terrible, all of it. I don't know whether you should go to the police or not.... only you can decide that because of the trauma it will bring. Do you have ANYONE
you can rely on for help? To help you get on your feet and going? I don't think jumping out of the window is a good idea so glad you are not considering that. It's not likely to work and you will just be hurt. I think even though you are hurting, you want to live and you have potential to still have a good life. You need some help. There's always options, especially at your age. You have that house, which you can sell, and move into an apartment and also that will help you pay for therapy, etc. Can you go to a mega church around you, or Catholic Charities, for some support and guidance?

 

[GetReadyy]

First off, I am SO, SO sorry for your suffering. That's terrible, all of it. I don't know whether you should go to the police or not.... only you can decide that because of the trauma it will bring. Do you have ANYONE
you can rely on for help? To help you get on your feet and going? I don't think jumping out of the window is a good idea so glad you are not considering that. It's not likely to work and you will just be hurt. I think even though you are hurting, you want to live and you have potential to still have a good life. You need some help. There's always options, especially at your age. You have that house, which you can sell, and move into an apartment and also that will help you pay for therapy, etc. Can you go to a mega church around you, or Catholic Charities, for some support and guidance?

I want justice to be served, but I don't have the courage to complain. I have never been to the police station in my life. Before I lost my family, I was someone who lived a normal life. My father loved me very much, he was a protective person, it was out of the question for this to happen to me when he was around. I used to disagree with him, but now I understand. These days I just cry and sometimes I think about getting up and going to the police, but I only leave the house to go to the market and buy water and snacks. I was already a skinny person and I lost 3 kilos in the process, I think it's about 6.6lbs. I refuse to eat. Because I have trouble sleeping at night, I force myself to eat before going to bed. I'm not sure when all this will end. My relatives think I'm a troubled girl after these events. we had the accident was at night, the car hit a tree very hard and rolled over. I don't know how that moment happened, but when I opened my eyes, I was on the ground and the car was not next to me. I will not explain this process in detail. If I sell the house I live in, I probably won't be able to buy a house again. I'd rather die than go to a therapist. I'm not a religious person. My family was religious. Maybe before I die, I will donate the house to charity for their sake.

 

[suffering_mo]

Please try to get some help before you give up. Even if you are not religious, there are people at those places that can help you. If not at the first you try, at another. Of course you are troubled...look at what you have and are going through. You are young enough to worry about getting another house later, not now. You could end up married down the line. You have much potential before you decide to give up. As a mom, I wish I could give you a big hug and help you. If I were well enough, I would. And there are many caring souls out there who would. Don't give up yet.

 

[permanently tired]

I want justice to be served, but I don't have the courage to complain. I have never been to the police station in my life. Before I lost my family, I was someone who lived a normal life. My father loved me very much, he was a protective person, it was out of the question for this to happen to me when he was around. I used to disagree with him, but now I understand. These days I just cry and sometimes I think about getting up and going to the police, but I only leave the house to go to the market and buy water and snacks. I was already a skinny person and I lost 3 kilos in the process, I think it's about 6.6lbs. I refuse to eat. Because I have trouble sleeping at night, I force myself to eat before going to bed. I'm not sure when all this will end. My relatives think I'm a troubled girl after these events. we had the accident was at night, the car hit a tree very hard and rolled over. I don't know how that moment happened, but when I opened my eyes, I was on the ground and the car was not next to me. I will not explain this process in detail. If I sell the house I live in, I probably won't be able to buy a house again. I'd rather die than go to a therapist. I'm not a religious person. My family was religious. Maybe before I die, I will donate the house to charity for their sake.

Can you let us know what country you're residing in and maybe we can research local laws if there is a way to help? You used kilos first, are you from the UK?

 

[GetReadyy]

Please try to get some help before you give up. Even if you are not religious, there are people at those places that can help you. If not at the first you try, at another. Of course you are troubled...look at what you have and are going through. You are young enough to worry about getting another house later, not now. You could end up married down the line. You have much potential before you decide to give up. As a mom, I wish I could give you a big hug and help you. If I were well enough, I would. And there are many caring souls out there who would. Don't give up yet.

Thank you for being here and caring about people. I'm sure you are a wonderful mother. When I read your articles, I think of my mother, she loved talking to people, listening to them and helping them... Even your writing style is similar :) I resist as much as I can. It is quite difficult to experience all this. I'm thinking of going to the police, but I know he'll post my photos on the internet. He doesn't bluff. Seeing my photos floating around on the internet means another blow that life will deal me.

 

[Forever Sleep]

You have been through some absolutely horrendous things. I'm so sorry. I really don't know what to advise either. I think your so called 'friend' behaved monstrously and continues to- threatening to hurt you further if you go to the police.

I wish I knew what to advise. I wish I could confidently say justice would prevail and he would be prosecuted and sentenced with no more trauma for you. I just don't know though. I imagine rape is harder to prove long after the fact. I don't know whether they can seize his electronic equipment to delete any stuff he has on you. I understand why you're so worried.

People are utterly disgusting aren't they? You were clearly in a vulnerable state and it's obvious that he took advantage of that. I expect he knows it too- which is why he's so nervous about you going to the police. If there's any doubt in your mind though- threatening someone further to post nude pictures of them online really doesn't seem like the action of an innocent person. If someone accuses you of a crime you feel you didn't commit, you don't threaten them with more crimes, to try and keep them silent! Sorry but he sounds like such a piece of shit.

 

[GetReadyy]

You have been through some absolutely horrendous things. I'm so sorry. I really don't know what to advise either. I think your so called 'friend' behaved monstrously and continues to- threatening to hurt you further if you go to the police.

I wish I knew what to advise. I wish I could confidently say justice would prevail and he would be prosecuted and sentenced with no more trauma for you. I just don't know though. I imagine rape is harder to prove long after the fact. I don't know whether they can seize his electronic equipment to delete any stuff he has on you. I understand why you're so worried.

People are utterly disgusting aren't they? You were clearly in a vulnerable state and it's obvious that he took advantage of that. I expect he knows it too- which is why he's so nervous about you going to the police. If there's any doubt in your mind though- threatening someone further to post nude pictures of them online really doesn't seem like the action of an innocent person. If someone accuses you of a crime you feel you didn't commit, you don't threaten them with more crimes, to try and keep them silent! Sorry but he sounds like such a piece of shit.

Maybe if all this hadn't happened in a short period of time, I would have been able to deal with this situation better. I'm disgusted with myself. I hate myself. From what I've been through... What's happened to me... I don't want to commit suicide, but I have no idea how to solve all this. All my strength is gone. I think about these things every minute and every second at home. I feel loneliness in my bones. He's still trying to reach me. I think it won't change anything even if I go to the police because I don't have any evidence. I'm so scared. What if he threatens me with my photos this time and wants to have something with me again? I changed my phone number but he arrived at my doorstep. He asked me to forgive him after everything that happened. When I told him I would call the police he left. He wasn't like that. We remained friends for years. We went on vacation, he was with me even the first time I drank alcohol. Now he has turned into a monster. I don't know what to do, I just want it to be over. I want to continue my life. I want to start again. I see that moment even in my dreams. I can't look in the mirror. There is no end to all this. It doesn't end

 

[Forever Sleep]

Maybe if all this hadn't happened in a short period of time, I would have been able to deal with this situation better. I'm disgusted with myself. I hate myself. From what I've been through... What's happened to me... I don't want to commit suicide, but I have no idea how to solve all this. All my strength is gone. I think about these things every minute and every second at home. I feel loneliness in my bones. He's still trying to reach me. I think it won't change anything even if I go to the police because I don't have any evidence. I'm so scared. What if he threatens me with my photos this time and wants to have something with me again? I changed my phone number but he arrived at my doorstep. He asked me to forgive him after everything that happened. When I told him I would call the police he left. He wasn't like that. We remained friends for years. We went on vacation, he was with me even the first time I drank alcohol. Now he has turned into a monster. I don't know what to do, I just want it to be over. I want to continue my life. I want to start again. I see that moment even in my dreams. I can't look in the mirror. There is no end to all this. It doesn't end

You shouldn't blame yourself. We probably all put ourselves in slightly vulnerable positions when we trust people and he built up your trust and/or when awful things happen to us and we are vulnerable. It's obvious that he took advantage of all of that. Whether that was his intention from the start, who knows but it's clear he has really wronged you.

I don't know enough about the law to know what you need to prosecute. I guess it depends on just how much you want justice- what you're prepared to go through to get it.

I think personally, I'd be more tempted to assure him you won't press for those charges but that you do want a restraining order against him because you don't like him just turning up and threatening you. Hopefully that would assure him that you want nothing to do with him anymore but that it needs to work both ways- he needs to stay away from you too. I feel so much anger towards him for you. Maybe that's a more cowardly way out but, if there's no chance of prosecuting him (and I just don't know if there is,) you could just be opening yourself up to a lot more hurt.

I just don't know what to say. Honestly, my heart breaks for you. This is a time you need support from your family. I only know what you're going through to a far lesser degree. My Mum died when I was 3. It's really hard not having people you can turn to. I hope you can find just a little bit of support here but I realise it's nothing near what you really need.

The only other thing I can think of is to get in touch with advice places. I assume they must exist. Those that deal with sexual assaults on women etc. I expect they would be able to advise more on what would be involved if you were to bring a case against him.

 

[fallingtopieces]

Maybe if all this hadn't happened in a short period of time, I would have been able to deal with this situation better. I'm disgusted with myself. I hate myself. From what I've been through... What's happened to me... I don't want to commit suicide, but I have no idea how to solve all this. All my strength is gone. I think about these things every minute and every second at home. I feel loneliness in my bones. He's still trying to reach me. I think it won't change anything even if I go to the police because I don't have any evidence. I'm so scared. What if he threatens me with my photos this time and wants to have something with me again? I changed my phone number but he arrived at my doorstep. He asked me to forgive him after everything that happened. When I told him I would call the police he left. He wasn't like that. We remained friends for years. We went on vacation, he was with me even the first time I drank alcohol. Now he has turned into a monster. I don't know what to do, I just want it to be over. I want to continue my life. I want to start again. I see that moment even in my dreams. I can't look in the mirror. There is no end to all this. It doesn't end

I suspect he is afraid that u would go to the police and even if u think it's hard to prove, he will be put in the system and it will haunt him. The fact that you tragically lost your parents and were left vulnerable would certainly work against him. I think @Forever Sleep recc on contacting an organization that helps SA survivors can also help you and guide you with clearer advice and steps. Keep any evidence, accounts of threats he made as well as that too will be used against him. Whether to prosecute or to make sure they never appear in your life again.

 

[GetReadyy]

I suspect he is afraid that u would go to the police and even if u think it's hard to prove, he will be put in the system and it will haunt him. The fact that you tragically lost your parents and were left vulnerable would certainly work against him. I think @Forever Sleep recc on contacting an organization that helps SA survivors can also help you and guide you with clearer advice and steps. Keep any evidence, accounts of threats he made as well as that too will be used against him. Whether to prosecute or to make sure they never appear in your life again.

I realized there is something I haven't mentioned here before. I did not send the photos and videos to him. He took the photos while he was with me. And yes, he came to my house again and showed me the photos he took, about 2 hours after he raped me. I don't know if he sent the photos to someone else. You don't know how bad this situation is for me. I'm officially at an impasse. I'm undecided whether to go to the police or not. I don't know if they can take her phone and delete the photos. What if the photos are somewhere the police can't find them? Maybe I'm just paranoid. I hope he doesn't come to my door anymore. I just want to move on with my life Thank you for making me feel like I'm not alone

 

[fallingtopieces]

I realized there is something I haven't mentioned here before. I did not send the photos and videos to him. He took the photos while he was with me. And yes, he came to my house again and showed me the photos he took, about 2 hours after he raped me. I don't know if he sent the photos to someone else. You don't know how bad this situation is for me. I'm officially at an impasse. I'm undecided whether to go to the police or not. I don't know if they can take her phone and delete the photos. What if the photos are somewhere the police can't find them? Maybe I'm just paranoid. I hope he doesn't come to my door anymore. I just want to move on with my life Thank you for making me feel like I'm not alone

The fact that u didn't take any photos means no-consent was given. If he distributed them without consent it certainly does not work in his favor. If he distributed them after any legal action it would make things worse for him. Please search for SA support services in your city/state, it would be confidential so he would not know. They can give you clear guidance once you explain your situation. They would not pressure u to do anything u don't want to.

 

[GetReadyy]

The fact that u didn't take any photos means no-consent was given. If he distributed them without consent it certainly does not work in his favor. If he distributed them after any legal action it would make things worse for him. Please search for SA support services in your city/state, it would be confidential so he would not know. They can give you clear guidance once you explain your situation. They would not pressure u to do anything u don't want to.

Thank you for your ideas, you helped me a lot. I will do what you say...

 

[fallingtopieces]

Here is a link from nami with resources.

 

[GetReadyy]

Here is a link from nami with resources.

I called them today. They will help me in this process. I can't do anything more than thank you. Thank you for everything...