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I

idiotmother

Student
Mar 21, 2025
140
I can't take it much more. I have SN, it hasn't been opened but I shook it this morning and it was very clumpy. Not sure if it was due to being near AC unit after not being exposed to ac or what. Does anyone know if it'll still be ok? It's sealed and I received it a few weeks ago, so probably ok but would appreciate others input.
I also don't have any antiemetics and I have no money to buy them with. I have propranolol and klonopin, however. Can anyone offer advice or support, I'm really struggling. I'm so scared and nervous , but I'm like that anyone due to psych med damage. I feel like I need to get out of this body as soon as possible. These drugs have destroyed me and I can't even taper them without horrific reactions. Been hospitalized three times.
 
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I

idiotmother

Student
Mar 21, 2025
140
I'm thinking about driving to secluded spot (hopefully no cops drive by), and drinking propranolol and klonopin mixture, waiting for about half an hour, then taking Sn. Maybe stumble further into the woods away from my car so I don't fill my car with mess. I'm scared but I don't know what else to do, I'm getting worse and worse as the days go on and I just want the suffering to stop. It probably won't though, it'll just pass on to my family and I'll be forced to watch from wherever I go in afterlife. Why is life so cruel.
 
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I

idiotmother

Student
Mar 21, 2025
140
Blah.
I wish people would respond. Never had any luck being accepted just fucking ignored, even on a damn suicide forum. All these other posters get so many responses and I just sit here talking to myself. Idk, just cursed in every aspect. Always have been.
 
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K

Kalista

Failed hard to pull the trigger - Now using SN
Feb 5, 2023
467
it was very clumpy
it clumps even when sealed.

however, it is recommended to not refrigerate it. simply keep it in a cool, dry place from now on and not directly in front of an ac, just in case.


I have propranolol
"A dose of 400mg of propranolol taken with the antiemetic (metoclopramide) was previously advised, finally some reports have suggested that the use of a beta blocker is a luxury that serves no function other than alleviating the tachycardia (racing heart). It is argued that the raised cardiac oxygen requirements will speed death (presumably from cardiac arrest). However, until more information is available, the benefit of using beta blocker cannot be established. The beta blocker has, therefore, been removed from the protocol."

and klonopin
below is someone's successful regimen using that drug.

"TheAnswer:
I have been testing the meto and will also test zofran. No issues in test dosing

I rented a one-bedroom suite in a hotel in the corner for 6 nights. IF SN fails, will puke it up as prescribed, recover in my room, get ready for Plan B Insulin (Have loads of fast and long-acting and 100 unit syringes. Very familiar where to inject in 10 different places. Failure won't happen, extremely unlikely, but doesn't hurt to have a Plan B. And, yes, I know all about the ratings of ctb insulin [smile].) There is no room service unless requested and I can disable lock from inside so no housekeeping hotel keys will be able to gain entry into room. Room is in the corner. No other rooms near me except a studio next door. I'm in a corner removed from main hallway. No one will be walking by my door. My living room shares the wall with stairwell but according to staff no one uses the stairway, which I trust is true. I'm not going to be in the living room. Bedroom is surrounded by two outside walls. Other wall of my bedroom shares wall with my bathroom and other side of my bathroom wall shares wall with the next unit's living room). I will close the bathroom door. Other wall of my bedroom shares with my living room. I will be closing my bedroom door. I'll also have a sign on my bedroom door, do not enter, call police. Not sure what else I should say.

I am undecided on what time to specifically ctb. If I do it at night, say 7:00 pm, I could risk complaints from the white noise and music (both not loud) remaining on after I ctb. Maybe I don't do any added noise but just some soft music for comfort. Don't want to be found for at least a day. I'd prefer to do it during the day when most people will be out but equally could say folks will be out during the evening for dinner, etc.

Antacids. Don't think I will be taking any antacids as reduces acid into stomach which in turn could turn more of the SN (NO2) into NO, which will happen automatically but want to lessen that degree for obvious reasons. Who the hell knows about the antacids. Yes, PPeH no longer recommends only due to no benefit or consequence established.

Fast for 8 hours
11:00: Clear liquid fast starts – though will do sips of water for meds
11:00 May also do Gabapentin, which reminds me if I'm going to take Gabapentin maybe I should start now with dosing. Any thoughts from someone that knows about Gabapentin? I was previously on it for another reason, not not seizures, so it is a relaxant and pain reducer.
1:30: 5 mg of klonapin (I'm currently taking .5 mg pretty much daily, and will continue before ctb, likely more as I get closer.)
1.30: 600mg of Ibuprofen (Aleve or Advil)
2:00: 8 mg of Zofran ondansetron
2:15: 30 mgs of meto

  • While waiting, mix 3 glasses of SN – 25 mg with 50 mil of water.
3:00 Drink SN"

-----

Source:

-----

leave well
 
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I

idiotmother

Student
Mar 21, 2025
140
it clumps even when sealed.

however, it is recommended to not refrigerate it. simply keep it in a cool, dry place from now on and not directly in front of an ac, just in case.



"A dose of 400mg of propranolol taken with the antiemetic (metoclopramide) was previously advised, finally some reports have suggested that the use of a beta blocker is a luxury that serves no function other than alleviating the tachycardia (racing heart). It is argued that the raised cardiac oxygen requirements will speed death (presumably from cardiac arrest). However, until more information is available, the benefit of using beta blocker cannot be established. The beta blocker has, therefore, been removed from the protocol."


below is someone's successful regimen using that drug.

"TheAnswer:
I have been testing the meto and will also test zofran. No issues in test dosing

I rented a one-bedroom suite in a hotel in the corner for 6 nights. IF SN fails, will puke it up as prescribed, recover in my room, get ready for Plan B Insulin (Have loads of fast and long-acting and 100 unit syringes. Very familiar where to inject in 10 different places. Failure won't happen, extremely unlikely, but doesn't hurt to have a Plan B. And, yes, I know all about the ratings of ctb insulin [smile].) There is no room service unless requested and I can disable lock from inside so no housekeeping hotel keys will be able to gain entry into room. Room is in the corner. No other rooms near me except a studio next door. I'm in a corner removed from main hallway. No one will be walking by my door. My living room shares the wall with stairwell but according to staff no one uses the stairway, which I trust is true. I'm not going to be in the living room. Bedroom is surrounded by two outside walls. Other wall of my bedroom shares wall with my bathroom and other side of my bathroom wall shares wall with the next unit's living room). I will close the bathroom door. Other wall of my bedroom shares with my living room. I will be closing my bedroom door. I'll also have a sign on my bedroom door, do not enter, call police. Not sure what else I should say.

I am undecided on what time to specifically ctb. If I do it at night, say 7:00 pm, I could risk complaints from the white noise and music (both not loud) remaining on after I ctb. Maybe I don't do any added noise but just some soft music for comfort. Don't want to be found for at least a day. I'd prefer to do it during the day when most people will be out but equally could say folks will be out during the evening for dinner, etc.

Antacids. Don't think I will be taking any antacids as reduces acid into stomach which in turn could turn more of the SN (NO2) into NO, which will happen automatically but want to lessen that degree for obvious reasons. Who the hell knows about the antacids. Yes, PPeH no longer recommends only due to no benefit or consequence established.

Fast for 8 hours
11:00: Clear liquid fast starts – though will do sips of water for meds
11:00 May also do Gabapentin, which reminds me if I'm going to take Gabapentin maybe I should start now with dosing. Any thoughts from someone that knows about Gabapentin? I was previously on it for another reason, not not seizures, so it is a relaxant and pain reducer.
1:30: 5 mg of klonapin (I'm currently taking .5 mg pretty much daily, and will continue before ctb, likely more as I get closer.)
1.30: 600mg of Ibuprofen (Aleve or Advil)
2:00: 8 mg of Zofran ondansetron
2:15: 30 mgs of meto

  • While waiting, mix 3 glasses of SN – 25 mg with 50 mil of water.
3:00 Drink SN"

-----

Source:

-----

leave well
Thank you for providing all this information. So it suggests not using the beta blocker because the fast heart speeds up death? So scary, I was looking to be as relaxed as possible. I thought the lower blood pressure would speed up unconsciousness. Idk what to do. Thanks again for all the info, though!
 
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Z

zardoz

Student
May 21, 2025
103
Hope you're doing Ok.

I'm not familiar with it but klonopin is a benzo, corrrect? That will have much more overall effect than the beta blocker. I wouldn't worry too much about it.

Wishing you all the best, whatever course you decide is right for you.
 
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Infinitespace_

Student
Jan 23, 2021
108
if your okay coming back again in a different body go ahead?
 
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idiotmother

Student
Mar 21, 2025
140
if your okay coming back again in a different body go ahead?
Are you talking about reincarnation?
Hope you're doing Ok.

I'm not familiar with it but klonopin is a benzo, corrrect? That will have much more overall effect than the beta blocker. I wouldn't worry too much about it.

Wishing you all the best, whatever course you decide is right for you.
Yes it's a Benzo. Not sure I'll be able to do this tonight, my mom is on my case pretty extreme. I even fasted since this morning. Idk I feel like I can't keep living like this, these drugs have absolutely ruined me. Every moment is torture. I wish I didn't have to die but I'm pretty sure that's what's gonna end up happening.
 
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Leonszabs

Leonszabs

Fortnite Expert
Aug 12, 2025
49
Hey, I just wanted to send you some love :heart: and I genuinely hope you find the peace you're looking for
 
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DeadSouls

DeadSouls

Perpetually sad.
Jun 23, 2025
110
Hey, I am sorry you are feeling so badly. I wish you peace in whatever way you may find it. You are not alone here. 🖤 Xoxox
 
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I

idiotmother

Student
Mar 21, 2025
140
Hey, I just wanted to send you some love :heart: and I genuinely hope you find the peace you're looking for
Thank you so much!
Hey, I am sorry you are feeling so badly. I wish you peace in whatever way you may find it. You are not alone here. 🖤 Xoxox
Thank you, trying to find peace but I've lost it now
I wish you the best, hope you find relief from suffering 🫂:heart:
Thank you, still here. My SN is gone, it was in my room and now it's gone. I'm looking all over for it . I wonder if one of my family members got to it. I can't believe this. I'm not trying to be dramatic, I literally had it in here and now I cannot find it. I feel so anxious and scared all the time and I liked having it. Even I didn't end up using it, I liked having it with me in case things got really bad. And things are really bad and now I feel so much worse without it. Idk what to do. I feel betrayed and violated. My sneaky ass family member probably saw this post and grabbed it. FUCK YOU!!! YOU'RE MAKING ME WORSE, stop fucking meddling, you have NO IDEA HOW MUCH I AM SUFFERING. YOU'RE FORCING ME TO GET DRUNK AND JUMP FROM SOMEWHERE AND THATS EVEN MORE HORRIFIC. God damn it!!!! Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you!!!
 
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I

idiotmother

Student
Mar 21, 2025
140
I never should have posted out in the open. Now I'm really screwed. Stupid, stupid! Of course they're watching this message board, how could I have been so dumb??! Omg I can't believe this, I feel so fucking lost now. Idk what to do. Like all the control just left me and I can't handle this. I need it back. Going to have to start taking more benzos now, my heart won't stop pounding, I feel so fucking betrayed and horrible. It took so much effort to get the Sn, all to have it stolen from me, it's just horrible!! I know the intentions are good but they are absolutely clueless as to how I'm feeling and they are screwing me up more by taking the Sn. Obviously I understand , but I can't fucking handle it. I need it back please!!! I'm sick of having what little autonomy I have violated by hospitals and my family members. It's truly awful. I can't fucking stand this.

And no decency to even fucking tell me!! Just fucking takes it and leaves me to realize it's lost. So fucked up. I used to love this person the most now I feel like I hate them. They took the little bit of peace I had left.
 
Last edited:
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Leonszabs

Leonszabs

Fortnite Expert
Aug 12, 2025
49
I never should have posted out in the open. Now I'm really screwed. Stupid, stupid! Of course they're watching this message board, how could I have been so dumb??! Omg I can't believe this, I feel so fucking lost now. Idk what to do. Like all the control just left me and I can't handle this. I need it back. Going to have to start taking more benzos now, my heart won't stop pounding, I feel so fucking betrayed and horrible. It took so much effort to get the Sn, all to have it stolen from me, it's just horrible!! I know the intentions are good but they are absolutely clueless as to how I'm feeling and they are screwing me up more by taking the Sn. Obviously I understand , but I can't fucking handle it. I need it back please!!! I'm sick of having what little autonomy I have violated by hospitals and my family members. It's truly awful. I can't fucking stand this.

And no decency to even fucking tell me!! Just fucking takes it and leaves me to realize it's lost. So fucked up. I used to love this person the most now I feel like I hate them. They took the little bit of peace I had left.
Sending my love to you :heart: I understand how that could be incredibly frustrating. Take some deep breaths, you'll manage to overcome this feeling of being overwhelmed. Everything will work out
 
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idiotmother

Student
Mar 21, 2025
140
Sending my love to you :heart: I understand how that could be incredibly frustrating. Take some deep breaths, you'll manage to overcome this feeling of being overwhelmed. Everything will work out
Thanks for saying so. There's a lot of stress in my life and I feel like a rabid, caged animal. I don't feel relief from my anxiety and restlessness and I'm just so traumatized. But thank you for your support, I appreciate it.
 

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