It will happen eventually for me, I'll eventually be free from this torturous, deeply undesirable existence of suffering all for the sake of it as death is all that's inevitable after all, existing to me is just waiting to die and I'd just always prefer to not exist than suffer, non-existence is all I wish for.
It's all that's positive and is the only relief for me in this existence I always saw as such a dreadful mistake but of course I exist in this horrific anti-suicide world where I'm so cruelly denied the option to cease existing peacefully with no more suffering, it's all just so terrible to me and it feels like I've suffered for so long in this existence I never would had chosen.