knivesandcuddles
Member
- May 7, 2025
- 29
This year, I've personally lost two beings who were very close to me, via sodium nitrite. @spark, a very close friend of mine, died 2025-06-26. @shroomia, my girlfriend (and more practically speaking, my wife) died 2025-10-10.
I'm starting this thread partly to share my anecdotes about their SN deaths + hypoxia in general, but also to discuss possible inaccuracies many might assume about SN as a suicide method. I think it's important that we understand what we're getting into, and whether we can expect peacefulness, since that's what many on here are hoping for.
spark:
spark (it/its pronouns, 19 years old) died by SN on June 26, 2025. spark didn't have any of the other drugs that are typically recommended with an SN regiment: anti-emetics, benzodiazepines, beta-blockers...
No, spark "rawdogged" it with nothing but weed. spark asked shroomia to call with it so it wouldn't have to be alone when it died. According to accounts of shroomia, both on SaSu and more privately in person between the two of us, spark's death was unfortunately...rather painful. spark complained of the nausea and pain to shroomia, even waking back up after losing consciousness, and continuing to be in pain.
In the end, the SN worked, and it took perhaps ~1 hour at most, though shroomia didn't keep track of it. spark...reached out to shroomia while she was at work. shroomia took that call while she was at work from a bathroom stall...
shroomia:
shroomia (she/her or it/its pronouns, 24 years old) died by SN on October 10, 2025. shroomia did have all of the drugs that are recommended for an SN regiment.
I painstakingly took notes of what she told me that night, and you can read the minute-to-minute details in her SaSu thread. However, shroomia too experienced pain while dying from SN. She took her SN around 01:10, and was already unresponsive by 01:22, just 12 minutes later. In the January 2025 PPeH (page 122 of 225), Exit International discusses that 12 minutes is actually rather typical for losing consciousness:
The things I heard on call with my girlfriend are more or less exactly what is reported. This is the good news. SN works. Period.
However, it leaves open a rather unsettling fact: SN is quite unforgiving as a method of suicide. shroomia had already taken several tablets of benzos as well as an anti-emetic prior to the SN at 01:10, and yet...she told me about her stomach hurting, and I could hear things like vomiting over the call.
spark and I:
spark and I attempted to CTB with carbon monoxide (CO) on 2025-05-14 (May 14, 2025). That attempt didn't work out, and the both of us suffered symptoms of hypoxia because we both survived.
For me, because I didn't have any sedatives when we brought our burning coals into the room, I ended up waking up after initially losing consciousness. I was in immense pain. I had a headache, severe nausea, and I could barely stand. I left the room and made it to the bathroom, where I found my underwear was already wet from urine, and I also had to clean up quite a bit of feces that had already left my body while I was unconscious. I later learned that all of my remaining headmates had died in that attempt. The brain damage was already that bad.
In the days and weeks that followed, the headache remained for several days. I also developed a cough with flu-like symptoms, which is apparently also common of hypoxia induced by CO poisoning. Those flu-like symptoms stayed around for 1-2 weeks.
In the PPeH (page 175 of 225), Exit International reports their findings of CO deaths:
The time that passed between starting our CO attempt and ending it was anywhere between 30 minutes to 2 hours. We didn't keep track very well. I was in a lot of pain, after all. However, with the symptoms I had, I find it surprising that either of us survived at all. It leaves me questioning what went wrong - if we didn't stay in the room long enough, or if the CO concentration dropped too rapidly because of spark spreading out the coals onto grilling trays for surface area, or if the table from the PPeH is misleading and inaccurate.
On the Peacefulness of Nitrites:
Since both CO and SN are known to induce hypoxia (and likely also potassium nitrite - KNO2, aka KN), I've reached some personal beliefs about these methods that I hope can help inform others about the consequences.
Hypoxia sucks. I've lived it. And both spark and shroomia died in discomfort (and yes, even pain) from it. There are some good and bad takeaways from this that we should disillusion ourselves of...
The good:
Lastly, all of this isn't to try to scare people away from SN. Rather, if SN is part of your plan, please consider when you take your supplementary drugs. SN is fast. If the other drugs aren't already kicking in, the SN might be quicker, and such a death might end up more painful than most would anticipate.
If you're not already familiar with the resource, you should look into the Psychonaut Wiki. It's a wiki of information on drugs and their effects. While most of it is recreational-use information, the site also documents what to expect from benzodiazepines, such as alprazolam (aka Xanax), and when the effects peak.
That's all. Thanks for reading.
I'm starting this thread partly to share my anecdotes about their SN deaths + hypoxia in general, but also to discuss possible inaccuracies many might assume about SN as a suicide method. I think it's important that we understand what we're getting into, and whether we can expect peacefulness, since that's what many on here are hoping for.
spark:
spark (it/its pronouns, 19 years old) died by SN on June 26, 2025. spark didn't have any of the other drugs that are typically recommended with an SN regiment: anti-emetics, benzodiazepines, beta-blockers...
No, spark "rawdogged" it with nothing but weed. spark asked shroomia to call with it so it wouldn't have to be alone when it died. According to accounts of shroomia, both on SaSu and more privately in person between the two of us, spark's death was unfortunately...rather painful. spark complained of the nausea and pain to shroomia, even waking back up after losing consciousness, and continuing to be in pain.
In the end, the SN worked, and it took perhaps ~1 hour at most, though shroomia didn't keep track of it. spark...reached out to shroomia while she was at work. shroomia took that call while she was at work from a bathroom stall...
shroomia:
shroomia (she/her or it/its pronouns, 24 years old) died by SN on October 10, 2025. shroomia did have all of the drugs that are recommended for an SN regiment.
I painstakingly took notes of what she told me that night, and you can read the minute-to-minute details in her SaSu thread. However, shroomia too experienced pain while dying from SN. She took her SN around 01:10, and was already unresponsive by 01:22, just 12 minutes later. In the January 2025 PPeH (page 122 of 225), Exit International discusses that 12 minutes is actually rather typical for losing consciousness:
The things I heard on call with my girlfriend are more or less exactly what is reported. This is the good news. SN works. Period.
However, it leaves open a rather unsettling fact: SN is quite unforgiving as a method of suicide. shroomia had already taken several tablets of benzos as well as an anti-emetic prior to the SN at 01:10, and yet...she told me about her stomach hurting, and I could hear things like vomiting over the call.
spark and I:
spark and I attempted to CTB with carbon monoxide (CO) on 2025-05-14 (May 14, 2025). That attempt didn't work out, and the both of us suffered symptoms of hypoxia because we both survived.
For me, because I didn't have any sedatives when we brought our burning coals into the room, I ended up waking up after initially losing consciousness. I was in immense pain. I had a headache, severe nausea, and I could barely stand. I left the room and made it to the bathroom, where I found my underwear was already wet from urine, and I also had to clean up quite a bit of feces that had already left my body while I was unconscious. I later learned that all of my remaining headmates had died in that attempt. The brain damage was already that bad.
In the days and weeks that followed, the headache remained for several days. I also developed a cough with flu-like symptoms, which is apparently also common of hypoxia induced by CO poisoning. Those flu-like symptoms stayed around for 1-2 weeks.
In the PPeH (page 175 of 225), Exit International reports their findings of CO deaths:
The time that passed between starting our CO attempt and ending it was anywhere between 30 minutes to 2 hours. We didn't keep track very well. I was in a lot of pain, after all. However, with the symptoms I had, I find it surprising that either of us survived at all. It leaves me questioning what went wrong - if we didn't stay in the room long enough, or if the CO concentration dropped too rapidly because of spark spreading out the coals onto grilling trays for surface area, or if the table from the PPeH is misleading and inaccurate.
On the Peacefulness of Nitrites:
Since both CO and SN are known to induce hypoxia (and likely also potassium nitrite - KNO2, aka KN), I've reached some personal beliefs about these methods that I hope can help inform others about the consequences.
Hypoxia sucks. I've lived it. And both spark and shroomia died in discomfort (and yes, even pain) from it. There are some good and bad takeaways from this that we should disillusion ourselves of...
The good:
- SN works. Period.
- SN gives a relatively fast death, and leads to rapid unconsciousness.
- SN requires a fair bit of other drugs to ensure that it's a peaceful way of dying at all.
- Some of those drugs can be several times more expensive than the SN itself.
- In several countries, first responders are increasingly carrying around the antidote to SN, "methylene blue." (Source: PPeH, page 120 of 225)
- SN is so rapid that it has become clear to me that the timing of other prior drugs is crucial to the peacefulness of the method.
- Without already being in a state of heavy drowsiness, the onset of hypoxia symptoms can also be just as rapid and it might lead to an uncomfortable or even painful death.
- Both spark and shroomia were relatively young when they died. Age and other physical traits can always play a role in what our own bodies experience.
Lastly, all of this isn't to try to scare people away from SN. Rather, if SN is part of your plan, please consider when you take your supplementary drugs. SN is fast. If the other drugs aren't already kicking in, the SN might be quicker, and such a death might end up more painful than most would anticipate.
If you're not already familiar with the resource, you should look into the Psychonaut Wiki. It's a wiki of information on drugs and their effects. While most of it is recreational-use information, the site also documents what to expect from benzodiazepines, such as alprazolam (aka Xanax), and when the effects peak.
That's all. Thanks for reading.
Last edited:
and sorry again for your loss
