Discussion Parents are responsible for what happens to their kids

[fkyou]

Parents are responsible for what happens to their kids. If they doomed them with shit genes like ADHD and autism you don't have the right to have high expectations on your kid when they grow up. If they get bullied constantly in social settings and don't know how to defend themselves/they have a "weak personality" that's your problem too because you gave them shit genes (social anxiety autism panic disorder..) or didn't mentor them. When they grow up and feel like their life is meaningless and has no value it probably is and you have no right to tell them what's the right thing to feel when you aren't them. It just seems that parents have such misplaced authority power to judge how their kids turn out when they are the ones who determined the kid's quality of life from the start from genes to wealth to location of birth...so when a kid feels they failed to secure a financial future they are right and you are not there to teach them how/what to feel or shame them for not coping with this life.you can't really come up to me when I'm in the deepest level of misery to tell me I'm being irrational and that what I think is not true.

The funny thing is when they think you ruined their egoistical family imagine and call you a retard (for having a severe mental illness),well duh IAM a retard thanks to the genes you blessed me with, completely disregarding that their genes are the cause of this. Just a complete lack of understanding of mental illness.they believe they can play Russian roulette with you and still to turn out how they desire. If someone thinks they'd rather ctb than continue this life it's your fault yeah. We didn't want to say this but you wanted to so you get what you want/give. I know how to blame too.

 

[moonmuse]

1000% i agree if parents are fcked they should not expect their kiddos to be einstien and mary curie

 

[Ligottian]

Amen! I'm fucked because of my mother's genes. Of course she was fucked because of her father's genes. I'm talking anxiety, depression. That type stuff.

 

[pomie]

this but also not even just genes, also if the parents are full on narcissists. dont have kids if youre a narc. Youre gonna give your kid a plethora of mental illnesses even without passing down genes just by failing to raise them right

 

[PropaneOctane]

This is why i'm heavily considering working on sterilizing myself in the future. I'm ace, never wanted kids, and my family's genes are immensely fucked.

 

[fkyou]

1000% i agree if parents are fcked they should not expect their kiddos to be einstien and mary curie

 

[Off_Switch]

This is 100% true, and any parents that cannot accept this, probably shouldn't have had children.

 

[davidtorez]

Amen! I'm fucked because of my mother's genes. Of course she was fucked because of her father's genes. I'm talking anxiety, depression. That type stuff.

Same here

 

[_Gollum_]

They'd still be responsible even if they gave you the best genes, because they needlessly brought you into existence in the first place, after which point the amount of suffering you can endure is endless.

 

[Off_Switch]

They'd still be responsible even if they gave you the best genes, because they needlessly brought you into existence in the first place, after which point the amount of suffering you can endure is endless.

Every news article I read that reports about population rate decline warms my heart. I am so glad to see that people are starting to wake up to the idea that existence and procreation is pointless and stupid. We should be proud of ourselves for not perpetuating this madness by creating more and more needless bloodlines of endless suffering. The human race will never improve. It will only get worse. All the unborn children that will never have to suffer send their gratitude from the future.

 

[Terrible_Life_99]

You are absolutely right! The genes a little child gets and also who his parents will be and ofc very important point how they'll raise him are so important aspects which form the personality of a human being. Many suicide scientists write about the reasons of suicide , they mention not belonging to a group, jobless, lonely, mental illness and so forth and so on but in my opinion this is probably the most important point! We couldn't decide who our parents will be, how they'll raise us etc yet our little brains when we were little children was forced to "learn" by our parents.
for example: a person is depressed and kill's himself, he's depressed because no friendships works, no partnership works and he isn't able to have a functioning career. Now lets consider the fact that this poor person has bad genes from his parents which increases the risk of getting depression and also the parents who were narcissists made him a narcissist without him wanting that and therefore because he's a narcissist none of his relationships works and his career doesn't work because he is mentally handicapped because of his family. So the actual reasons why he killed himself were his parents, their mistakes and the fatal consequences of their reckless mistakes…

 

[dontwakemeup]

As a mother, I partially disagree to a certain extent. I think most parents are honest to their children regarding their upbringing. I never knew my mother's story until after her death. My mother was on drugs and didn't raise me. The person who raised me was a horrible person. My kids never will hear the hell I've survived.

Nature vs nurture. Just because your upbringing was bad doesn't mean you can't be successful and live a productive life. If you have disabilities, learn other methods to fulfill YOUR dreams. All parents want their kids to succeed BUT success to that child maybe just a manager at McDonald's, and that's ok. Long as it's what you want in your life.

If I could give any advice to people who are still at home with their parents is this: Tell them what you need. Tell them how they can help you. Help them understand what we understand on this site. Tell them it hurts they keep pushing you when you are unable to do something. Im sure a lot of you will be hurt if your parents told you their story. Of course its not an excuse, but i can bet you are just like them. Best wishes to you all.

 

[vitbar]

I don't think it is fair to put all the responsibility on your parents. You have agency too, and keep in mind your parents also have parents. Which of your ancestors is to shoulder all the responsibility?

Don't get me wrong it sounds like your parents have been awful towards you. Probably their parents were to them.

 

[Ligottian]

I'd be a very dysfunctional father at any rate. So glad I never fathered a child.

 

[popcorn1234]

I don't think it is fair to put all the responsibility on your parents. You have agency too, and keep in mind your parents also have parents. Which of your ancestors is to shoulder all the responsibility?

Don't get me wrong it sounds like your parents have been awful towards you. Probably their parents were to them.

This sounds like modern day therapy nonsense (disclaimer, I am not a boomer, I am a 27 year old woman who happens to be interested in psychology before the biological aspect of psychology took root). Just bc OP's grandparents hurt OP's parents doesn't mean that it's okay for OP's parents to hurt their kid. At some point, parents have to take responsibility for how they harmed their child and actually try to do better.

Parents are responsible for what happens to their kids. If they doomed them with shit genes like ADHD and autism you don't have the right to have high expectations on your kid when they grow up. If they get bullied constantly in social settings and don't know how to defend themselves/they have a "weak personality" that's your problem too because you gave them shit genes (social anxiety autism panic disorder..) or didn't mentor them. When they grow up and feel like their life is meaningless and has no value it probably is and you have no right to tell them what's the right thing to feel when you aren't them. It just seems that parents have such misplaced authority power to judge how their kids turn out when they are the ones who determined the kid's quality of life from the start from genes to wealth to location of birth...so when a kid feels they failed to secure a financial future they are right and you are not there to teach them how/what to feel or shame them for not coping with this life.you can't really come up to me when I'm in the deepest level of misery to tell me I'm being irrational and that what I think is not true.

The funny thing is when they think you ruined their egoistical family imagine and call you a retard (for having a severe mental illness),well duh IAM a retard thanks to the genes you blessed me with, completely disregarding that their genes are the cause of this. Just a complete lack of understanding of mental illness.they believe they can play Russian roulette with you and still to turn out how they desire. If someone thinks they'd rather ctb than continue this life it's your fault yeah. We didn't want to say this but you wanted to so you get what you want/give. I know how to blame too.

While I don't believe that what we call mental illness is genetic (I believe it's social and psychological), I do see your point. When kids are growing up, their parents can have a huge impact on their development, for better or worse. So, in that sense, I do believe if a kid is struggling with their mental health, most likely (not always), the parents are responsible.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

Being able to self-regulate and operate independently are skills that children are not born with, it's something that must be developed. Unless parents make efforts to actually teach their children to be independent individuals, then those children will be failed through no fault of their own. You can't blame someone for not knowing something they were never taught.

So yes, I agree. It's hypocritical how some parents just magically expect their kid to become a functional adult with little to no actual teaching, and then get surprised that their now adult child rots in bed all day. I hope by being self-aware I can spare a child by not bringing them into existence, I don't think a child deserves someone like myself as a mother. I can barely even take care of myself.

 

[nunofyourbusiness]

Parents are responsible for what happens to their kids. If they doomed them with shit genes like ADHD and autism you don't have the right to have high expectations on your kid when they grow up. If they get bullied constantly in social settings and don't know how to defend themselves/they have a "weak personality" that's your problem too because you gave them shit genes (social anxiety autism panic disorder..) or didn't mentor them. When they grow up and feel like their life is meaningless and has no value it probably is and you have no right to tell them what's the right thing to feel when you aren't them. It just seems that parents have such misplaced authority power to judge how their kids turn out when they are the ones who determined the kid's quality of life from the start from genes to wealth to location of birth...so when a kid feels they failed to secure a financial future they are right and you are not there to teach them how/what to feel or shame them for not coping with this life.you can't really come up to me when I'm in the deepest level of misery to tell me I'm being irrational and that what I think is not true.

The funny thing is when they think you ruined their egoistical family imagine and call you a retard (for having a severe mental illness),well duh IAM a retard thanks to the genes you blessed me with, completely disregarding that their genes are the cause of this. Just a complete lack of understanding of mental illness.they believe they can play Russian roulette with you and still to turn out how they desire. If someone thinks they'd rather ctb than continue this life it's your fault yeah. We didn't want to say this but you wanted to so you get what you want/give. I know how to blame too.

Parents who fucked up their kids' development for whatever reason deserve a painful and slow death. They deserve to suffer before, to spend most of their remaining years completely abandoned and abused in a 1 star rating nursery home. Vengeance is the only solution

 

[divinemistress36]

Being able to self-regulate and operate independently are skills that children are not born with, it's something that must be developed. Unless parents make efforts to actually teach their children to be independent individuals, then those children will be failed through no fault of their own. You can't blame someone for not knowing something they were never taught.

So yes, I agree. It's hypocritical how some parents just magically expect their kid to become a functional adult with little to no actual teaching, and then get surprised that their now adult child rots in bed all day. I hope by being self-aware I can spare a child by not bringing them into existence, I don't think a child deserves someone like myself as a mother. I can barely even take care of myself.

I needed to hear this thank you

 

[vitbar]

This sounds like modern day therapy nonsense (disclaimer, I am not a boomer, I am a 27 year old woman who happens to be interested in psychology before the biological aspect of psychology took root). Just bc OP's grandparents hurt OP's parents doesn't mean that it's okay for OP's parents to hurt their kid. At some point, parents have to take responsibility for how they harmed their child and actually try to do better.

I didn't say it is ok to hurt your kids if a parent hurt you. OP was talking about inheriting shit genes and that how a person turns out is entirely the fault of their parents. I agree with you that it would be unfair for their parents to blame the grandparents and so on.

 

[FoxSauce]

Yes and no..yes you can end up with issues or other things from your parents but moslty is up to you. Ofc circumstances plays a role too.


I guess it come fome your own will?

Your responsible of what or who you wanna be.

 

[Isolatedloser]

Every news article I read that reports about population rate decline warms my heart. I am so glad to see that people are starting to wake up to the idea that existence and procreation is pointless and stupid. We should be proud of ourselves for not perpetuating this madness by creating more and more needless bloodlines of endless suffering. The human race will never improve. It will only get worse. All the unborn children that will never have to suffer send their gratitude from the future

There's a reason why the population rate is declining. I agree 100%

 

[locked*n*loaded]

The thing is nobody knows whether their genes are going to become dominant, or recessive, when they're comingled with another's genes, at least not to the examples the OP postulated . It's a crap shoot. Ofc, if you talk about mental retardation, or other congenital abnormalities, then genes are known to play a direct role. I don't think you can pin being bullied, or having autism, or ADHD on genes, at least not entirely.

 

[rustcohle4life]

Being able to self-regulate and operate independently are skills that children are not born with, it's something that must be developed. Unless parents make efforts to actually teach their children to be independent individuals, then those children will be failed through no fault of their own. You can't blame someone for not knowing something they were never taught.

So yes, I agree. It's hypocritical how some parents just magically expect their kid to become a functional adult with little to no actual teaching, and then get surprised that their now adult child rots in bed all day. I hope by being self-aware I can spare a child by not bringing them into existence, I don't think a child deserves someone like myself as a mother. I can barely even take care of myself.

Most do the bare minimum and a lot do a absolute shite job. Tens of Millions are not even with their child's father or have kids by multiple different men and vice versa. Many have kids while on hard drugs, homeless, or prostitutes.

Don't even get me started on people who have kids in active war zones who are now orphans with both their legs and arms blown off. Yeah, looking at the behavior of some of these so called "parents" is insane.

Anyone having kids in 2025 with all the evil shit you see on social media everyday has got to have a nobel peace prize medal of honor phd summa cum laude olympic gold medal valedictorian ufc champion fields medal pulitzer prize grammy award hesiman trophy stanley cup abel prize conrad hilton humanitarian medal of freedom LEVEL OF WILLFULL FUCKING IGNORANCE.

Whatever, if you want to play the game, enjoy watching your kids suffer while they search for meaning.

 

[Isolatedloser]

Most do the bare minimum and a lot do a absolute shite job. Tens of Millions are not even with their child's father or have kids by multiple different men. Many have kids while on hard drugs, homeless, or prostitutes.

Don't even get me started on people who have kids in active war zones, who's kids are now orphans with both their legs and arms blown off. Yeah, looking at the behavior of some of these so called "parents" is insane.

Anyone having kids in 2025 with all the evil shit you see on social media everyday has got to a nobel peace prize medal of honor phd summa cum laude olympic gold medal valedictorian ufc champion fields medal pulitzer prize grammy award hesiman trophy stanley cup abel prize conrad hilton humanitarian medal of freedom LEVEL OF WILLFULL FUCKING IGNORANCE.

The world is fucked.

 

[sanction]

As a mother, I partially disagree to a certain extent. I think most parents are honest to their children regarding their upbringing. I never knew my mother's story until after her death. My mother was on drugs and didn't raise me. The person who raised me was a horrible person. My kids never will hear the hell I've survived.

Nature vs nurture. Just because your upbringing was bad doesn't mean you can't be successful and live a productive life. If you have disabilities, learn other methods to fulfill YOUR dreams. All parents want their kids to succeed BUT success to that child maybe just a manager at McDonald's, and that's ok. Long as it's what you want in your life.

If I could give any advice to people who are still at home with their parents is this: Tell them what you need. Tell them how they can help you. Help them understand what we understand on this site. Tell them it hurts they keep pushing you when you are unable to do something. Im sure a lot of you will be hurt if your parents told you their story. Of course its not an excuse, but i can bet you are just like them. Best wishes to you all.

I am having disagreements with my mother. We have on-going miscommunications and misunderstandings

In short, I simply can't do 9 to 5 job for the next few decades. It will simply push me to 10000% guaranteed suicide.

She seems to not able to fully accept this fact, nor able to fully understand. No matter what, she just pushes me to go do it anyways, and just proceeds with endless lectures if I disagree

Do you have any tips or advice how to communicate with her regards to this??

Deep down I understand options are limited, since we are not wealthy or anything. But I'm simply not able to do 9 to 5 job and be stuck in survival mode forever like that. I simply see no point to it, and would 100% rather die if that's the only option and future

Just want her to understand, that her forcing me to pursue this path, is no difference than her pushing me to die. Since the result is guaranteed suicide

Is this the only fate and outcome?? Any suggestions how to communicate with her about this?? How to find solutions??

 

[silentnights56]

No birth, no death, simple as day.

 

[fkyou]

The thing is nobody knows whether their genes are going to become dominant, or recessive, when they're comingled with another's genes, at least not to the examples the OP postulated . It's a crap shoot. Ofc, if you talk about mental retardation, or other congenital abnormalities, then genes are known to play a direct role. I don't think you can pin being bullied, or having autism, or ADHD on genes, at least not entirely.

Huh?

 

[kabuto43]

The thing is nobody knows whether their genes are going to become dominant, or recessive, when they're comingled with another's genes, at least not to the examples the OP postulated . It's a crap shoot. Ofc, if you talk about mental retardation, or other congenital abnormalities, then genes are known to play a direct role. I don't think you can pin being bullied, or having autism, or ADHD on genes, at least not entirely.

Yes you can't pin some of these things on genes but you definitely can blame them on your upbringing and the way that your parents raised you a lot of these problems and the social failure that ensues from them is a direct reflection of the parents failure

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Huh?

Huh doesn't quite convey what you don't understand about my post. You opined that genes, either from your father or mother, were responsible for adhd, autism, social anxiety, panic disorder. That's BS. Nobody knows what causes adhd, or autism, for certain, but being bullied because of having a "weak personality" certainly has nothing to do with genes. If that is the case, it came about entirely through environmental reasons. And I highly doubt that adhd, autism, etc are the result of genes. More likely they're the result of some, yet unknown, environmental factor, also.

 

[fkyou]

Huh doesn't quite convey what you don't understand about my post. You opined that genes, either from your father or mother, were responsible for adhd, autism, social anxiety, panic disorder. That's BS. Nobody knows what causes adhd, or autism, for certain, but being bullied because of having a "weak personality" certainly has nothing to do with genes. If that is the case, it came about entirely through environmental reasons. And I highly doubt that adhd, autism, etc are the result of genes. More likely they're the result of some, yet unknown, environmental factor, also.

Really?! People say ADHD and autism are genetic..you are the first I heard say otherwise..I'm not here to argue regardless.whthere genes or environment it's the same bs ..even if it's environmentall yes they are responsible for it.. directly or indirectly even if they didn't mean it..and no I didn't write this post for debate.. don't take everything literally..