Story Partial hanging attempt

[upyourgrindset]

I would like to share my experience with partial suspension hanging.

I bought a rope, a soap, rented a car and drove to a nearby forest (it was about 10pm). I went about 150m into the woods, found a branch about 2m above ground, tied the knots as stated in the wiki and started my 2 hour journey of attempting to suicide.

I started with knot in the back of my neck, rope position on the neck according to wiki (between base of the neck and middle of Adams apple). I have attempted to pass out using this approach about five times, standing and pushing forward with straight legs. None of the tries was successful; I always started to suffocate before passing out. I tried lubricating the rope using a soap, which helped it to tighten more easily, but that only caused a faster closure of my airways. I also tried padding around my Adams apple, but that didn't help either.

I rested for a while, wondering what am I doing wrong. Then I thought I just might try putting the knot in the front. As I was just curious, I didn't really give much thought to the position and I just kind of lowered my knees. To my surprise, I nearly passed out after a few seconds; instinctively straightening my legs lead to release of pressure from the knot and I was conscious again.

I tried hanging with knot on the back of my neck a few times more, but it didn't work, so I decided to go with knot in the front. Now at this point, having attempted about 8 times my neck started to seriously hurt, so I had to pad my whole neck. So I put the knot in the front, straightened my legs and leaned backward. I tried counting; don't remember getting to ten. The last thing I remember is my body swinging to the side; then I passed out.

The experience I had afterward was closest to a nightmare. I believe that I swung in to the tree, which probably caused me to "wake up" (putting in quotes because I wasn't truly awake; it was more like a glimpse of consciousness). I desperately tried to untie the knot; I managed to making a less bit tight, which made me conscious and be able to stand up.

After this, I was pretty much done. Even though I knew I finally found a way to CTB, I was so tired I just smoked a cig, drank nonalcoholic beer and drove home.

My takeaways:
- experimenting with position of body and rope is needed to find what suits you
- soap does help with slip knot tightening (when using rope)
- rope gets slightly stretched the first time it is used (had a cotton rope)
- if you don't pass out <15 seconds, you are probably doing it wrong
- a more stable position might've been the difference between success and failure

 

[B18]

I would like to share my experience with partial suspension hanging.

I bought a rope, a soap, rented a car and drove to a nearby forest (it was about 10pm). I went about 150m into the woods, found a branch about 2m above ground, tied the knots as stated in the wiki and started my 2 hour journey of attempting to suicide.

I started with knot in the back of my neck, rope position on the neck according to wiki (between base of the neck and middle of Adams apple). I have attempted to pass out using this approach about five times, standing and pushing forward with straight legs. None of the tries was successful; I always started to suffocate before passing out. I tried lubricating the rope using a soap, which helped it to tighten more easily, but that only caused a faster closure of my airways. I also tried padding around my Adams apple, but that didn't help either.

I rested for a while, wondering what am I doing wrong. Then I thought I just might try putting the knot in the front. As I was just curious, I didn't really give much thought to the position and I just kind of lowered my knees. To my surprise, I nearly passed out after a few seconds; instinctively straightening my legs lead to release of pressure from the knot and I was conscious again.

I tried hanging with knot on the back of my neck a few times more, but it didn't work, so I decided to go with knot in the front. Now at this point, having attempted about 8 times my neck started to seriously hurt, so I had to pad my whole neck. So I put the knot in the front, straightened my legs and leaned backward. I tried counting; don't remember getting to ten. The last thing I remember is my body swinging to the side; then I passed out.

The experience I had afterward was closest to a nightmare. I believe that I swung in to the tree, which probably caused me to "wake up" (putting in quotes because I wasn't truly awake; it was more like a glimpse of consciousness). I desperately tried to untie the knot; I managed to making a less bit tight, which made me conscious and be able to stand up.

After this, I was pretty much done. Even though I knew I finally found a way to CTB, I was so tired I just smoked a cig, drank nonalcoholic beer and drove home.

My takeaways:
- experimenting with position of body and rope is needed to find what suits you
- soap does help with slip knot tightening (when using rope)
- rope gets slightly stretched the first time it is used (had a cotton rope)
- if you don't pass out <15 seconds, you are probably doing it wrong
- a more stable position might've been the difference between success and failure

Thank you for sharing your story. How was your SI?

 

[upyourgrindset]

Thank you for sharing your story. How was your SI?

I am sorry, I am quite new here, what is SI?

 

[Acceptance]

I am sorry, I am quite new here, what is SI?

SI = Survival Instinct

 

[NaughtyGirl]

I am sorry, I am quite new here, what is SI?

Survival instincts.

When you used the soap, was it just a regular bar? Did you soak the rope in water for that?

You managed to avoid the feeling of exploding head in both positions?

 

[upyourgrindset]

SI = Survival Instinct

Ok, thanks

Thank you for sharing your story. How was your SI?

SI hit for me in three occasions:
- when I used knot in the back of my neck and started suffocating, I couldn't push through; at some point, it wasn't about "not being strong mentally", it was more or less instinctive
- first time I tried knot in the front while bending my knees; when I nearly passed out, I stopped (straightened my legs). however, I think that wasn't as much of an instinct as not being fully committed to that particular attempt
- the last attempt, after hitting tree, trying to untie myself was instinctive; I didn't think about it at all, I hardly even remember it

When you used the soap, was it just a regular bar? Did you soak the rope in water for that?

Took a bar of soap and slid it quickly back and forth on the rope.

You managed to avoid the feeling of exploding head in both positions?

Yes, I suspect that with the knot in the back, I didn't close artery and vein at all; that's why I wasn't able to pass out. With the knot in the front of my neck, I felt this a little bit, but it was bearable. I wouldn't really even say it felt like my "head exploding", more like the head being a bit "fuller" than normally.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Hello. I wanted to go into the forest and ctb soon. I also failed with partial many times. I think It is how I just practiced for full suspension. We will see.

 

[upyourgrindset]

Hello. I wanted to go into the forest and ctb soon. I also failed with partial many times. I think It is how I just practiced for full suspension. We will see.

Wishing you all the luck. I will probably be giving a shot to the night-night method next time. Also have SN on the way, but kind of hoping I won't be there to see it arrive.

 

[apathetic.]

thankyou for this

 

[fox_wannabe]

Wishing you all the luck. I will probably be giving a shot to the night-night method next time. Also have SN on the way, but kind of hoping I won't be there to see it arrive.

Thank you I will up my suicidionairgrindset and go back to void.
Also night night is very stressful method. Exit bag with inert gas is much more calm and much, much faster. What made you want to ctb my friend? Can I call you like that?

 

[upyourgrindset]

Thank you I will up my suicidionairgrindset and go back to void.
Also night night is very stressful method. Exit bag with inert gas is much more calm and much, much faster. What made you want to ctb my friend? Can I call you like that?

I am kind of hoping night night will be like partial suspension, but I won't have to fear about messing it up by falling down or whatever. I haven't done my research on inert gas yet; that would seem like good option, I am just not sure whether I would be able to find a source to buy from. For me, the ideal method as of right now is SN; I am feeling more and more I want to CBT at home; or at least at some peaceful place.

No probs with calling me friend. I see life as pointless. I don't have a problem facing hardships, I am willing to go great lengths to achieve what I want. But I can't ignore the pointlessness of life anymore; when I wake up, when I eat, when I do something to school, when I work, when I talk to friends. And I am just stuck at doing nothing. I know this might sound like a silly reason to everyone here who suffer depression and / or have other mental illness, but recently (say months) I just became unable to really do anything. And the solution to "find your own meaning" doesn't really work; what does it matter whether I finish school? What does it matter whether I exercise and diet? Why would anything matter? If I knew I lost something I had, I would try to get it back; but it feels a bit different. Looking at my friends living their lives feels like looking at NPCs, oblivious to the absurdity of life in better case, trying to forget about it in worse case. In a sense, it feels like I already died. I just need my body to follow.

 

[fox_wannabe]

No probs with calling me friend. I see life as pointless. I don't have a problem facing hardships, I am willing to go great lengths to achieve what I want. But I can't ignore the pointlessness of life anymore; when I wake up, when I eat, when I do something to school, when I work, when I talk to friends. And I am just stuck at doing nothing. I know this might sound like a silly reason to everyone here who suffer depression and / or have other mental illness, but recently (say months) I just became unable to really do anything. And the solution to "find your own meaning" doesn't really work; what does it matter whether I finish school? What does it matter whether I exercise and diet? Why would anything matter? If I knew I lost something I had, I would try to get it back; but it feels a bit different. Looking at my friends living their lives feels like looking at NPCs, oblivious to the absurdity of life in better case, trying to forget about it in worse case. In a sense, it feels like I already died. I just need my body to follow.

Yeah, I understand. I feel the same way about life, but I also do have problem with any motivation or achieving anything. I feel like I am going to end up poorer than my parents and stuck in this meaninglessness while at the same time escaping suffering every day of my life.

Were you suicidal beforehand? Did you decide to die in recent months? I feel I became suicidal like 5 months ago. Like really suicidal. I think people can feel bad about their life for very long time before the suicide idea slowly come up. It is very repressed so for some It never occurs that it is an option. For me It was the time when I begun to exercise more freedom over myself when I noticed that It would be better not to be alive, because being alive is too painful.
Life is absurd. Your parents have sex and 9 months later you are born. Fucking stupid.

 

[upyourgrindset]

Yeah, I understand. I feel the same way about life, but I also do have problem with any motivation or achieving anything. I feel like I am going to end up poorer than my parents and stuck in this meaninglessness while at the same time escaping suffering every day of my life.

Were you suicidal beforehand? Did you decide to die in recent months? I feel I became suicidal like 5 months ago. Like really suicidal. I think people can feel bad about their life for very long time before the suicide idea slowly come up. It is very repressed so for some It never occurs that it is an option. For me It was the time when I begun to exercise more freedom over myself when I noticed that It would be better not to be alive, because being alive is too painful.
Life is absurd. Your parents have sex and 9 months later you are born. Fucking stupid.

Got you. My motivation went out of the window the day I realized I just don't care anymore.

I was actually suicidal when I was a kid. I can't count the number of evenings I just lied down and thought about suicide; at the time, I would probably tell you the reason was that "life is hard and painful", but throughout my life, I learned that's not a problem for me; I can take a lot if there is a higher meaning. Looking back, I would say I lacked precisely this.

I wasn't suicidal almost at all when I was with my girlfriend; but I remember speaking with her about it and this topic was one of the few things we couldn't find a common ground; she never really understood how can someone really want to end his life.

We broke up relatively recently. I wasn't suicidal after the fact, not seriously (of course I felt bad sometimes and even thought it might be preferable not to live, but that's still a long way for me to a suicide). I was contemplating suicide for a few months now and about a week ago I made the decision to go. This sounds like it is very short time thing, but after several months of existential crisis, I am exhausted. Last week, I laid in a bush 3 meters away from a railway, too scared to put my neck on rails when the time has come. The reason I didn't go through that day wasn't that I found a reason to live; I went there with a small hope that that's what will happen; that putting myself in the face of death would kick me in the ass and show me how great life is. Came back disappointed.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Got you. My motivation went out of the window the day I realized I just don't care anymore.

I was actually suicidal when I was a kid. I can't count the number of evenings I just lied down and thought about suicide; at the time, I would probably tell you the reason was that "life is hard and painful", but throughout my life, I learned that's not a problem for me; I can take a lot if there is a higher meaning. Looking back, I would say I lacked precisely this.

I wasn't suicidal almost at all when I was with my girlfriend; but I remember speaking with her about it and this topic was one of the few things we couldn't find a common ground; she never really understood how can someone really want to end his life.

We broke up relatively recently. I wasn't suicidal after the fact, not seriously (of course I felt bad sometimes and even thought it might be preferable not to live, but that's still a long way for me to a suicide). I was contemplating suicide for a few months now and about a week ago I made the decision to go. This sounds like it is very short time thing, but after several months of existential crisis, I am exhausted. Last week, I laid in a bush 3 meters away from a railway, too scared to put my neck on rails when the time has come. The reason I didn't go through that day wasn't that I found a reason to live; I went there with a small hope that that's what will happen; that putting myself in the face of death would kick me in the ass and show me how great life is. Came back disappointed.

I wasn't suicidal as a kid. I was happy, even though I had many reasons to be sad, bullies, judging parents, school problems. Later in life I was grinding to go to good college and was taking jobs, but I was depressed. It was caused by my adhd and fact that I am a bit autistic, just tiny bit but I am still not liked by peers in school. I do not fit in competitive job market and do not care about sex, money and such, Tbh I am bored majority of time as nothing gets me going.

I am exhausted. I am sorry to hear you had hard times leaving this place. Being on the edge of ctb and not doing it is mental torture. I get that, I was thinking for a second after my first attempt that I will get better, that It was rock bottom and I can only go up. I tried supplements and different medications but these are bandages and wound is much deeper. Life and existence here is the wound. The fact that I am unfulfilled by anything and I do not want anything.

 

[upyourgrindset]

I wasn't suicidal as a kid. I was happy, even though I had many reasons to be sad, bullies, judging parents, school problems. Later in life I was grinding to go to good college and was taking jobs, but I was depressed. It was caused by my adhd and fact that I am a bit autistic, just tiny bit but I am still not liked by peers in school. I do not fit in competitive job market and do not care about sex, money and such, Tbh I am bored majority of time as nothing gets me going.

I am exhausted. I am sorry to hear you had hard times leaving this place. Being on the edge of ctb and not doing it is mental torture. I get that, I was thinking for a second after my first attempt that I will get better, that It was rock bottom and I can only go up. I tried supplements and different medications but these are bandages and wound is much deeper. Life and existence here is the wound. The fact that I am unfulfilled by anything and I do not want anything.

Agreed. Suicide isn't apparently as easy as people like to put it. And the feeling after failed attempt is terrible.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Agreed. Suicide isn't apparently as easy as people like to put it. And the feeling after failed attempt is terrible.

It is bad. It feels empty. And your life is destroyed as you didn't plan to survive.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds unpleasant what you have been through. I can imagine it must be frustrating to fail an attempt. Of course ctb is difficult and we all deserve the option of euthanasia. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.