[POLL] Are you past the point of no return?

[soonnotkoei]

title.

are you fully decided on ctbing, or are you still not past that point yet?
if you have anything to share about your vote, please do so. just curious.

 

[HereWeGo!]

I really want to CTB. But I'm so afraid of failing. I also think my SI are to strong to fully commit.

 

[Nadir]

Voted no. I have a plan and it happens tomorrow. Still believe there is choice and I'm choosing not to fight anymore.

 

[onetimereject]

I'm still looking for that emotional trigger for that one last step.

 

[finallydone]

i certainly am

 

[Forveleth]

I am here only because my previous attempts failed. My frontal lobe is 100% ready if my SI would just let me go.

This decision comes despite whatever the future holds. I posted in another thread if you gave me $1B right now I would just CTB in a more exotic location. I am done.

(also nice avatar OP. Connor is the goodest of good boys )

 

[HereWeGo!]

I am here only because my previous attempts failed. My frontal lobe is 100% ready if my SI would just let me go.

This decision comes despite whatever the future holds. I posted in another thread if you gave me $1B right now I would just CTB in a more exotic location. I am done.

(also nice avatar OP. Connor is the goodest of good boys )

What are your methods and how did your attempts fail if I can ask?

 

[Forveleth]

What are your methods and how did your attempts fail if I can ask?

First (real) attempt was suffocation. The plan was to cover my face with a mask so I could not breathe and knock myself out with chloroform so I would not struggle. I was unaware of how quickly people metabolize chloroform. My body processed everything that was in the rag and I woke up before I could die. Puked everywhere, had vertigo for three days, am now nauseated by the smell of chloroform. I wish I had planned a way to get a constant drip into the rag and just die from that. It was really a quite peaceful way to go.

Second (real) attempt was several rounds of partial hanging. I would almost pass out and then I would just snap awake and straighten up because of my damn SI. I most likely will have to go for full suspension to get around this.

 

[ma0]

I've planned it, I've mostly made peace with it, I fantasize about it. Still, I think there is still a small bit of hope in there.

I want to destroy that hope, and fully ruin myself.

 

[HereWeGo!]

First (real) attempt was suffocation. The plan was to cover my face with a mask so I could not breathe and knock myself out with chloroform so I would not struggle. I was unaware of how quickly people metabolize chloroform. My body processed everything that was in the rag and I woke up before I could die. Puked everywhere, had vertigo for three days, am now nauseated by the smell of chloroform. I wish I had planned a way to get a constant drip into the rag and just die from that. It was really a quite peaceful way to go.

Second (real) attempt was several rounds of partial hanging. I would almost pass out and then I would just snap awake and straighten up because of my damn SI. I most likely will have to go for full suspension to get around this.

Sorry to hear about your failed attempts. Thanks for your testimonials.

I've also tried partial several times. It's really really hard. Because SI would take over during unconsciousness or just before. I think you really have to be determined if you would success a partial attempt. It would be interesting to see a ratio between successful and unsuccessful attempts.

I really can't understand why me and more people doesn't consider drowning. There are little risk of failure if using weights.

 

[whitetaildeer]

really clinging to the possibility of things getting better. that if i do ___, or that if ___ happens to me, or any contrived thing that will magically fall into my lap, the nmaybe things will just start to get consistently better with time (bad/good things happen sporadically, with differing extremities. though i guess that's life), or maybe i'll like myself just a little bit more.

otherwise, i fantasize a lot about ctb. i'm not completely worried about an attempt failing (i've chosen a gun for my method, should i choose to commit to it), but even a 1% chance of failing is still very daunting. life is just very random so who knows what could happen?

 

[Forveleth]

I really can't understand why me and more people doesn't consider drowning. There are little risk of failure if using weights.

Because the first 60 seconds are the worst terror you will ever feel in your life. It is not something most people want to subject themselves to. Also, access to deep enough water. Not everyone has that.

 

[diy-event]

title.

are you fully decided on ctbing, or are you still not past that point yet?
if you have anything to share about your vote, please do so. just curious.

I am creating a momentum that will take me past the point of no return The momentum is the planning that requires how I plan to dien

 

[qu13t5l33p]

I can't see myself dying of old age. I'll either perish from an accident or contracting a disease early, or I'll take my own life. Even if things somehow do get better, I believe that I'll always seriously be thinking about suicide.

 

[HereWeGo!]

Because the first 60 seconds are the worst terror you will ever feel in your life. It is not something most people want to subject themselves to. Also, access to deep enough water. Not everyone has that.

Does it matter that much if you are going to die anyway? I think almost every method except firearm will be really traumatic.

I think what keeps the most people away from drowning is that you surely know you are about to die, there are no turning back.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Yes i have fully decided i want to kill myself asap

nothing could ever change my mind. just as no one can convince me there is a reasons why i have to live another minute or why i have to want to live another minute or why i have to do anything .

What i want to do is avoid extreme suffering and unbearable pain and get out from under the threat of extreme torture.

The only reasons i do anything is to avoid even worse pain as from hunger ( groceries work etc) homelessness ( job) , distractions ( boredom) etc..

imo every human is a slave on multiple levels first a slave to the body always hungry always needs, work chores fix problems. then to the mind boredom depression unfullfilled desires worry problems ad memories etc,, then to the society gov culture cultural norms other people ways you have to behave and do garbage meaningless things expected of you to do when you'd rather just sit there.

They imposed this life then locked the door to the prison by making anyone helping u with suicide a crime . They made this life and wold an even worse prison

 

[FuneralCry]

I'd personally never wish to suffer in this existence at all, I have no interest in being enslaved in this futile, torturous existence with no limit as to how much one can suffer just to die in agony from old age, to me old age just sounds like extreme horrific torture, I'd never wish to prolong the suffering but more than anything I wish I never suffered at all, nothing under any circumstances would make me wish to be conscious in this existence, I just want nothingness instead, eternal non-existence where all is finally gone truly is all that could ever be desirable to me.

I'd never wish to be conscious at all and I find it such a terrible tragedy how this existence was even imposed, I find it such a cruel, futile burden to exist, I see existence as an abomination that just causes suffering all for the sake of it and problems there was never a need for, my wish to die is a result of existence, I just want peace from the burden of existence, I'd always prefer to be at peace over suffering so unnecessarily in this existence I always saw as a mistake

 

[HereWeGo!]

Yes i have fully decided i want to kill myself asap

nothing could ever change my mind. just as no one can convince me there is a reasons why i have to live another minute or why i have to want to live another minute or why i have to do anything .

What i want to do is avoid extreme suffering and unbearable pain and get out from under the threat of extreme torture.

The only reasons i do anything is to avoid even worse pain as from hunger ( groceries work etc) homelessness ( job) , distractions ( boredom) etc..

imo every human is a slave on multiple levels first a slave to the body always hungry always needs, work chores fix problems. then to the mind boredom depression unfullfilled desires worry problem etc,, then to the society gov culture cultural norms other people ways you have to behave and do garbage meaningless things expected of you to do when you'd rather just sit there.

What method will you be using you think?

 

[soonnotkoei]

I really want to CTB. But I'm so afraid of failing. I also think my SI are to strong to fully commit.

hmm i can definitely relate to that. i am in somewhat of the same situation. hope i overcome it one day.

I am here only because my previous attempts failed. My frontal lobe is 100% ready if my SI would just let me go.

This decision comes despite whatever the future holds. I posted in another thread if you gave me $1B right now I would just CTB in a more exotic location. I am done.

(also nice avatar OP. Connor is the goodest of good boys )

seems SI is the major thing holding people back from ctb. again, its the same thing for me. but you seem already locked in, good for you.
(thanks, def my favorite game character )

I'd personally never wish to suffer in this existence at all, I have no interest in being enslaved in this futile, torturous existence with no limit as to how much one can suffer just to die in agony from old age, to me old age just sounds like extreme horrific torture, I'd never wish to prolong the suffering but more than anything I wish I never suffered at all, nothing under any circumstances would make me wish to be conscious in this existence, I just want nothingness instead, eternal non-existence where all is finally gone truly is all that could ever be desirable to me.

I'd never wish to be conscious at all and I find it such a terrible tragedy how this existence was even imposed, I find it such a cruel, futile burden to exist, I see existence as an abomination that just causes suffering all for the sake of it and problems there was never a need for, my wish to die is a result of existence, I just want peace from the burden of existence, I'd always prefer to be at peace over suffering so unnecessarily in this existence I always saw as a mistake

first of all, i am a big fan of your writing Funeral. truly have a way with words. and i agree about the old age thing. old age seems unideal. dying of old age is definitely out of the question for me because, as you said, i dont see a point in prolonging the suffering. dont we all wish we werent given consciousness in the first place?

 

[soonnotkoei]

Voted no. I have a plan and it happens tomorrow. Still believe there is choice and I'm choosing not to fight anymore.

wishing you the best whatever you choose.

 

[egg_an]

Tried recovering before, bought into the shit abt how 'it gets better' because I was really young and barely experienced anything. Well surprise it only got worse, in every single facet of my life.

I've given up on living, it's just not for me I guess. No one can convince me to give my life a third try, I'm mentally ill not stupid.

Held back from just jumping off a high building or in front of some train tracks because the risk of surviving and having to live in the aftermath is just too high, I'm also a wuss and would rather catch the bus in a painless way.

 

[soonnotkoei]

Tried recovering before, bought into the shit abt how 'it gets better' because I was really young and barely experienced anything. Well surprise it only got worse, in every single facet of my life.

I've given up on living, it's just not for me I guess. No one can convince me to give my life a third try, I'm mentally ill not stupid.

Held back from just jumping off a high building or in front of some train tracks because the risk of surviving and having to live in the aftermath is just too high, I'm also a wuss and would rather catch the bus in a painless way.

the thing about the "it gets better" concept is that it doesnt apply to some people. people think that everyone can recover from a tough state. in reality it isnt a universal rule.

 

[egg_an]

the thing about the "it gets better" concept is that it doesnt apply to some people. people think that everyone can recover from a tough state. in reality it isnt a universal rule.

Exactly. People also assume the 'cause' is situational or immediate when it can also be within the person.

Personally, I've kept myself up many nights scratching myself because I couldn't stand my heartbeat, you can't just 'recover' from that. The rule only applies to people who, deep down, still want to live.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

What method will you be using you think?

Shotgun

 

[Nadienobody]

I have been thinking about CBT for the last 10 years, I didn't really care about the future. Now I think I'm very close to the point of no return, fixing my life would require too much work and I'm not sure if I can or if it is worth it.

 

[Sutter]

True to form.

Didn't vote, was a small box, smelled like a fox trap. Get busy trapping myself some days.

Fence was closest but rail about a fence and there are no fences I have that won't be under/over/through and past my paws at some point.

Still some thoughts on a life to live. Some more suffering but anything easy, never did really enjoy that for any length of time.

Reason for a fence? Well maybe distill my own whiskey, not a lush or alcoholic. Maybe someday make a friend of an angry, off the cuff, truth in your face, older Scottish woman. Don't know why, think there may be a caring in the lilted voice and a piss on that, woman.

Still looking into what I am, tinkering with the distillation of my own being, looking for a Final Cut that sums me well enough.

I'm a practical fellow when it comes to death. I know some pass easy, some don't. The for sure things in life are not the good ones or plated as we would like.

A moment, all the fears I've had were a moment, powerful joys the same. It seems a good constant to consider, for me. There are numerous options that once started will offer a fair gamble of passing. No, wouldn't want death by a million mice stamping me in to the mud but tiny feet are powerful. When the time comes would pick a method that offers that gamble, like poisoning by Hemlock. Not the way for some but partial hanging isn't mine either. I have a framework of a death, that ripples as little as possible for those that may still find me a treasure in their own minds.

Not as much ideation, but more there is a twilight path to trod on and when I step off on that I'd like to go with concerns at rest and my daughters on their own journey, and my wife knowing I wanted a love that could have been good enough for forgiveness. Will look to get as close as I can to some of those. Then keep an eye on that path or an ear out for that cursing friend with a lilting voice that's giving life and death a stripping down.

A deep loss sometimes covers all the sparkle in a soul. Even now as it washes me, I'm still bitchin at my mistakes, callousness, love, death, life, existence, pointlessness of it, and true to form will go down with an old fire burned low.

Maybe, a just not having it either way but a moment will tip the can, answer option would have done it. Can't just let it be right?! How I was hammered out though.

Sutter

 

[human909]

I am most likely gonna do it. I'm just so sick of life at this point, i don't even think i wanna recover anymore. my recovery would be death where i can finally have peace for once.

 

[Gem_andtheholograms]

I feel like i passed my point of no return 9 years ago when i realised living a long and happy life wasn't in the cards for me, but after my first botched attempt a little over 6 years ago i spent a few years genuinely trying to find a way to live and for a while almost believed i might just land on my feet. But i realised the past few months i just don't have the strength left to keep fighting myself, becuase i just feel like i keep losing. And when i lost my job last month, i decided it was time to go. it feels like a definitive point of no return now. I have a timeline, i'm making preparations, and i've started mentally saying goodbye to the people around me. I'm making my peace with it.

 

[FaultyCepheus]

title.

are you fully decided on ctbing, or are you still not past that point yet?
if you have anything to share about your vote, please do so. just curious.

Completely irrelevant but just wanted to say love to see another detroit become human fan - even though you went with the second saddest scene for a profile pic

 

[HereWeGo!]

Shotgun

That's brutal I would say, but I think it's a good method because it's as close as 100% deadly. The downside is the corpse with the gory blown away brain spread all around the place.