[POLL] Are you past the point of no return?

[soonnotkoei]

Completely irrelevant but just wanted to say love to see another detroit become human fan - even though you went with the second saddest scene for a profile pic

truly peak. and yes that was the point of the pfp, having no choices left. also i think i know what the saddest scene is.

 

[FaultyCepheus]

truly peak. and yes that was the point of the pfp, having no choices left. also i think i know what the saddest scene is.

Personally hanks my favourite character so any bad ending hank scenes (one in specific) would be the saddest for me. What i would give to play that game for the first time again

 

[soonnotkoei]

True to form.

Didn't vote, was a small box, smelled like a fox trap. Get busy trapping myself some days.

Fence was closest but rail about a fence and there are no fences I have that won't be under/over/through and past my paws at some point.

Still some thoughts on a life to live. Some more suffering but anything easy, never did really enjoy that for any length of time.

Reason for a fence? Well maybe distill my own whiskey, not a lush or alcoholic. Maybe someday make a friend of an angry, off the cuff, truth in your face, older Scottish woman. Don't know why, think there may be a caring in the lilted voice and a piss on that, woman.

Still looking into what I am, tinkering with the distillation of my own being, looking for a Final Cut that sums me well enough.

I'm a practical fellow when it comes to death. I know some pass easy, some don't. The for sure things in life are not the good ones or plated as we would like.

A moment, all the fears I've had were a moment, powerful joys the same. It seems a good constant to consider, for me. There are numerous options that once started will offer a fair gamble of passing. No, wouldn't want death by a million mice stamping me in to the mud but tiny feet are powerful. When the time comes would pick a method that offers that gamble, like poisoning by Hemlock. Not the way for some but partial hanging isn't mine either. I have a framework of a death, that ripples as little as possible for those that may still find me a treasure in their own minds.

Not as much ideation, but more there is a twilight path to trod on and when I step off on that I'd like to go with concerns at rest and my daughters on their own journey, and my wife knowing I wanted a love that could have been good enough for forgiveness. Will look to get as close as I can to some of those. Then keep an eye on that path or an ear out for that cursing friend with a lilting voice that's giving life and death a stripping down.

A deep loss sometimes covers all the sparkle in a soul. Even now as it washes me, I'm still bitchin at my mistakes, callousness, love, death, life, existence, pointlessness of it, and true to form will go down with an old fire burned low.

Maybe, a just not having it either way but a moment will tip the can, answer option would have done it. Can't just let it be right?! How I was hammered out though.

Sutter

i don't know what it is about your way of expressing thoughts, it seems rather poetic. very beautifully put.

Personally hanks my favourite character so any bad ending hank scenes (one in specific) would be the saddest for me. What i would give to play that game for the first time again

knew it. to not spoil the game for anyone reading: i believe you're talking about the "GET OUTTA HERE!!" scene
I've played through the game a few times and yes, the first time you play the game it's truly something else.

 

[vitbar]

ask me before I found the right meds? Certainty; Since? not certainly. Partly because I could see myself doing it when old regardless of depression, but also because I spent so many years knowing it was coming.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I don't know. To me, the point of no return seems kind of weird, as I feel like suicide for me is inevitable.

I would like to be saved though.

 

[Shimidori]

Well, I did already attempt it back in September... And failed, leaving what feels like permanent marks on my neck from it. Even then, all I could think is "I'll be trying this again...".

Right now, I'm just drifting through life by studying. I get up, I put on a mask in front of people, but when I'm alone, I'm just planning for next time, hoping that something goes wrong and forces me to finally do it again, and, this time, not fail.

 

[nomoredolor]

title.

are you fully decided on ctbing, or are you still not past that point yet?
if you have anything to share about your vote, please do so. just curious.

I keep going from yes to the on the fence and back again. It's not a question of if but when. And my loved ones make me feel so guilty for wanting to leave them. (I attempted in the start of December and I regret being unsuccessful.) I have stayed as long as I have only for them. I really want to Ctb this year but my loved ones make my resolve waver. Im buying the SN and grave plot and still doing all the planning either way. I need to be ready.

Anna

 

[soonnotkoei]

I keep going from yes to the on the fence and back again. It's not a question of if but when. And my loved ones make me feel so guilty for wanting to leave them. (I attempted in the start of December and I regret being unsuccessful.) I have stayed as long as I have only for them. I really want to Ctb this year but my loved ones make my resolve waver. Im buying the SN and grave plot and still doing all the planning either way. I need to be ready.

Anna

i have to agree, family makes it harder to commit to ctb. its like you will do all the prep down to the last detail knowing that you will hesitate taking that last step due to guilt.

 

[Namelesa]

I am on the fence. I see some potential way to get better and I do want to some things with my life but I have to be really lucky. Otherwise I want death a lot of time especially if its non-existence as there I can't regret doing anything or desire anything or experience anymore suffering.

 

[3rdworldsadness]

I'm being abused everyday and nobody to help so yes.

 

[beseechgod]

Voted no. I have a plan and it happens tomorrow. Still believe there is choice and I'm choosing not to fight anymore.

ctb is itself a fight, but it will be the final one to overcome.

 

[Nadir]

ctb is itself a fight, but it will be the final one to overcome.

i had everything in place. months of work. i bailed, threw the sn down the toilet. the dissapointment is unreal. i think the benzos in my system worked against me, i can get little flashes of hope when im high as fuck, next time i wont take them. i always thought failed attempts were pathetic but i get it now

 

[PhDone]

I honestly have to. I cant live with the condition I have. Its ctb or vad. I'll cast my vote as yes.

 

[beseechgod]

i had everything in place. months of work. i bailed, threw the sn down the toilet. the dissapointment is unreal. i think the benzos in my system worked against me, i can get little flashes of hope when im high as fuck, next time i wont take them. i always thought failed attempts were pathetic but i get it now

I'll keep this in mind. Can't let this happen. Luckily benzos just make me relaxed and sleepy, no flashes of hope lol.

 

[lamy's sacred sleep]

Exactly. People also assume the 'cause' is situational or immediate when it can also be within the person.

Personally, I've kept myself up many nights scratching myself because I couldn't stand my heartbeat, you can't just 'recover' from that. The rule only applies to people who, deep down, still want to live.

yessssssssssss

 

[outrider567]

There is no return

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I think that I probably am, but I want something to change.

 

[ForeverCaHa]

I used to just casually think "yeah one day I'll do it", but after the past month I've had, it's become an inevitability. An inevitability which is hurtling towards me. Definitely don't think there's any other option now, I'm done. It's been an exhausting time.

 

[JesiBel]

Sure, ctb is how I'm going to "leave" this existence, unless someone kills me first or something unexpected happens to me like an accident or sudden illness and die.

Like the point of no return of a black hole, nothing can escape. All that remains is to be devoured and disintegrated by the depths of its gravity. There is no hope left.

 

[Halfhourdays]

It's inevitable, inexorable. I can't wait for my SN to arrive.

 

[L_n]

im confident im gonna die but genuinely reckon im like immortal or smth atp so i put on the fence lmaoo

 

[DarknessAtNoon]

Yes. It's virtually certain I will end my own life at some point however there is wide variability as to when it will happen. Could be tomorrow, could be in ten years.

 

[shroomia]

For me it feels like there's no other option to escape this pain and suffering except suicide

 

[soonnotkoei]

Yes. It's virtually certain I will end my own life at some point however there is wide variability as to when it will happen. Could be tomorrow, could be in ten years.

to be honest, this is how i feel. i really want it to happen but i dont know when.

 

[maneose]

i feel like i could return to how i was, but i seemed to fuck up a lot so.. idk how much my brain can recover

 

[artificialpasta]

Poll options kinda sneaky because you either are past the point of no return or you aren't. 99% of people, even on here, aren't.

 

[DeathIsJustAJourney]

Have been for months but here in uk MH & police seem to think they have the right to dictate how we live or die and when they know your ready they follow you everywhere and even spy into your apartment from the apartment above due to the walls having such huge voids with doors built into them so all properties are connected,absolute joke it is,what happened to a person being in charge of their own life?I wanted to go a peaceful way but these people make you have to choose a more direct violent way that incurs an instant death such as drive up the wrong side of motorway,force cops to pull a trigger,a house of fire,a gas explosion,and many many other ideas that spin thru my mind,if I head to a bridge they'll be on me,if I head to a forest they stalk me,if I head to a dealer they interfere,it's like my options are limited and it's driving me insane fast,it's supposed to be my life my choice,but not here in uk,if anyone is ever gonna feel this way,whatever you do never disclose it to anyone in uk just do it or you will never get to do it,absolutely infuriating and mind destroying for real

 

[citrusrope]

I think mentally, I'm past the point of no return in the sense that I've already got my eyes opened to reality and got a taste of what depression is. So there is no "going back" to being the person who was naive about the world, and to the person who didn't know what depression feels like. It's like asking a person who got a taste of chocolate to completely forget what it tastes like. It's just not possible.

So yeah, since my mind has already progressed to passively thinking about CTB, I'll never be able to just "not think about it."

Now, if we're talking about if I'll be actually ctb-ing, that's a different story because I don't have the means to do it nor am I brave enough. So who knows.

 

[soonnotkoei]

Poll options kinda sneaky because you either are past the point of no return or you aren't. 99% of people, even on here, aren't.

you are right. it's really a 0 or 1 question. but i figured that people aren't 0 and 1 so i left more human options on there if that makes sense. plus as you can see, there are people who are uncertain. and it's valid to count them in the "no" category. mostly what i want to know is if they're unsure where they're at, whats the reason?

 

[lamy's sacred sleep]

Nothing is pulling me out of the peace that knowledge of one's death brings.
I simply can not bring myself to recover.