I wish I had a fatal stroke in bed. I'll go to bed now thinking of it. The thought calms me...
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Just spent an hour reading Attack of Titan spoilers on the wiki since they take forever to release new anime seasons.
I really don't know what to feel.
I really don't know what to feel.
Does that mean I need to do something criminal so he can kill me
Nah, just say "Kira is a meanie".
I feel too much.
I feel awful when I worry about my dog dying in a few years, maybe less. Just the fact she is already a senior dog and sooner or later she is likely to have health issues is enough to make me feel like total shit.
I am watching something? I am feeling. Are the people laughing? I will laugh (if it is funny :p), are they suffering? I will feel like shit for no reason. It is too much empathy, and I have no use for it. That is why these days I avoid anything that is too sad, I just can't deal with that anymore.
I wish I could turn off my emotions and feelings... Like, for the rest of my short life. I know they serve a function in the survival of humankind, and that is why they exist, but COME ON.
Fucking stupid bitching ass estrogen doesn't help either.
I don't want to be a heartless bastard who jokes about rape and disgrace in the lives of others, but being this emotion magnet is also not cool. Not cool at all.
I feel awful when I worry about my dog dying in a few years, maybe less. Just the fact she is already a senior dog and sooner or later she is likely to have health issues is enough to make me feel like total shit.
I am watching something? I am feeling. Are the people laughing? I will laugh (if it is funny :p), are they suffering? I will feel like shit for no reason. It is too much empathy, and I have no use for it. That is why these days I avoid anything that is too sad, I just can't deal with that anymore.
I wish I could turn off my emotions and feelings... Like, for the rest of my short life. I know they serve a function in the survival of humankind, and that is why they exist, but COME ON.
Fucking stupid bitching ass estrogen doesn't help either.
I don't want to be a heartless bastard who jokes about rape and disgrace in the lives of others, but being this emotion magnet is also not cool. Not cool at all.
Yeah estrogen can really mess you up but I need it to feel somewhat normal as I don't on the other
Yeah, I wouldn't want to not have estrogen. It is just that the emotional effects are a pain sometimes.
If the world wasn't like this... if the system changed... if the environment was different... would we still be looking for an exit?
The world would have to be so much different than it is for me to be satisfied with it. And it would have to be changed before my birth so I could actually enjoy it. Yep, I know it is selfish, but that is who I am.
Depending on the change, it may not be as selfish as you think. I'm not one to judge, 'cause I feel the same.
I say I am selfish because I am only interested in the change if I could reap the benefits of it. Growing up in the body I want and in an actual good place, a planet that isn't plagued by vile and evil people? Oh boy, give me.
I want all of it.
Heck, I used to like the idea of reincarnation because of the possibility, you know? But cynicism took all the good things I once believed in and now every time I think about the idea, I can only imagine being born in an even worse situation/place/etc.
Anyways, back to the main point: Now that I am an adult, almost 28 years old (one day and seven hours left, as a matter of fact), I couldn't care less about changes. I mean, yeah, changes are important and I want them to happen, but they affect me so very little considering my current state of mind, age, etc.
Like I said, selfish.
RM5998
Sack of Meat
- Sep 3, 2018
- 2,202
You'd run the risk of getting a painful, prolonged and possibly public death, probably for demonstrative purposes. It's not reliable.
I will take it.
Lunar
Student
- Aug 14, 2018
- 188
It's OK. I'm selfish too @millefeui
It's not the whole reason (there's a lot of different factors) but still a pretty big reason in why I want to ctb. I feel pretty bad because I sound like a spoiled, immature child at 28 but this isn't a world I want to live in. I'd rather of not been born, I can't deal with how life is structured and just roll over and accept it. I don't belong here and I never have, I'm not "built" for this existence. Breathing is a sickness.
It's not the whole reason (there's a lot of different factors) but still a pretty big reason in why I want to ctb. I feel pretty bad because I sound like a spoiled, immature child at 28 but this isn't a world I want to live in. I'd rather of not been born, I can't deal with how life is structured and just roll over and accept it. I don't belong here and I never have, I'm not "built" for this existence. Breathing is a sickness.
By the way, I like your Johan Liebert picture.
I'm so jealous my dog can fall asleep whenever she's bored but I can only get three hours a night with the help of alcohol and benzos.
My double dosage of benzos will be available soon so maybe that will help.
My double dosage of benzos will be available soon so maybe that will help.
blueming
if we can stand outside the borders of time
- Sep 21, 2018
- 253
mattwitt
# 978
- Jun 28, 2018
- 2,307
Going through my finances right now and I am $ 43,497.94 in debt !!! And I don't care LOL !!!
Not going through my finances because I'm at least 41,000 in debt through my estimates lol. At least I can buy groceries, dog food, and alcohol for now.
Edit: For credit card debt, I know I've paid more interest than I owe. Be part of the right group and you'll be financially set for life. If not, you'll be used.
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Chloe
Member
- Jun 24, 2018
- 93
I only get about 4 hours sleep,i have to take sleeping pills,but i try just to take them 3 times a week and not everynight.
The only thing that really does help me sleep is weed,but i live at home,so i have to wait until my parents are sleeping.
Sorry you can not sleep well.
mattwitt
# 978
- Jun 28, 2018
- 2,307
Debt is a trap that is hard to get out of !
mattwitt
# 978
- Jun 28, 2018
- 2,307
Because of human beings !
mattwitt
# 978
- Jun 28, 2018
- 2,307
I only take them once or twice a week myself and I don't take them to make me fall asleep I take them to make me sleep longer so I usually take them after being up for 16 hours and when I do take them I can sleep anywhere between 8 - 16 hours !
RM5998
Sack of Meat
- Sep 3, 2018
- 2,202
I only feel I've slept well if it's between 2-3 hours. Any more and I feel like I'm rotting. Like right now.
Chloe
Member
- Jun 24, 2018
- 93
8 hours would be very good,but 16 hours wow i would like that :) Sometimes i just stay up and sleep every second night.
I wish I could buy sleeping medication. I want to die, but I can find this to entertain me even so slightly in an every day basis... Those things are just not enough to entertain me for what, 12 hours or more each and every day. If I could sleep like 15 hours at least... Boy, that would be good.
Shame I need prescriptions to buy it.
Shame I need prescriptions to buy it.
Trashcan
Trash
- Aug 31, 2018
- 1,234
One of the nice things about being dead is I'll never have to deal with an asshole again.
