Random thoughts

[Fylobatica]

At that point I left the conversation, and now I remembered why I am way less sociable than before.

Hah! I actually lol'd. Bitter truth, however.

 

[Tiburcio]

More flashbacks:

I also remembered when I discovered this place, I saw millefeui and I tried to spell her name for 15 long minutes without success. After a while, I put her username in Google translate but it didn't clarify anything. I put her name in 4 different languages trying to find the right pronunciation but I gave up. Now I pronounce it with typical crappy spanish accent, pronouncing it exactly as it sounds in my language.

 

[Fylobatica]

More flashbacks:

Oh man, this is the second time I'm chuckling, lol.

I remember talking with her about this name. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...vorite-tv-series-to-continue.1249/#post-14502

Apparently "millefeui" is also derived from "millefeuille", it's a French pastry. 2x harder to pronounce, I wonder how it would sound in Spanish, though.

 

[Tiburcio]

Oh man, this is the second time I'm chuckling, lol.

I remember talking with her about this name. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...vorite-tv-series-to-continue.1249/#post-14502

Apparently "millefeui" is also derived from "millefeuille", it's a French pastry. 2x harder to pronounce, I wonder how it would sound in Spanish, though.

French mmmm

I don't know how to explain the spanish sound very well, the "ll" sounds like "j" I guess, and after it the e,u,i sounds respectively, the three in a row.

It's the most accurate description I can give.

 

[Fylobatica]

It's the most accurate description I can give.

I'm imagining it and it sounds like something that should be in the Guinness Records Book 2018.

 

[millefeui]

Apparently "millefeui" is also derived from "millefeuille", it's a French pastry. 2x harder to pronounce, I wonder how it would sound in Spanish, though.

Yeah. that is the origin of the name. I took it from here (her original name is Millefeui). It is not that hard for me to pronounce but I am used to the pronunciation of romance languages. Also, French is like my third favorite language, so there is that.

My regular username is a lot easier to pronounce, but for safety reasons I chose to use millefeui in this site instead.

 

[Sharethepain]

I have something interesting as well. Two days ago my schoolmate from elementary school that I see sometimes told me he remembered how I told him I´d kill myself when I am 20. I absolutely forgot about that, I could have been like ten years old back then, and now I´m exactly 20 and about to do it. Fate is a strange thing.

 

[Tiburcio]

I also tried to learn french but I gave up.

To be honest, I can't say I have a very strong will.

 

[millefeui]

Learning a new language is really timing consuming. It does take a lot of motivation, discipline, etc. If you don't have a good reason to learn the language, you eventually just drop it. I should be fluent in Japanese and French, especially Japanese since I have all the reasons to learn it properly, but lack of proper reason to learn the languages are a big barrier to me.

 

[deflagrat]

yeah. i've been hallucinating for 2 years now. i see things that aren't even there. it only got worse this 2017.
i also lose track of time without me knowing it. for instance, I thought I was inside my room talking to a human being I know. it seems so real. then as if I was awakened from a dream, I will be pulled back from reality, and I will discover myself standing still somewhere (worse is in the road but not in the middle).


do you also have hallucinations?

Yeah, I am taking Antipsychotics to eliminate them. I used to have a lot of conversations with the voices and that's one of the reasons why I don't have too many friends, the voices replaced any friends I could potencially have. Sometimes I miss them, specially when I am bored (which ends up happening all the time because I have the entire day to myself).

Right now I am trying to see whether reducing the amount of APs is good for me or not.

Visual hallucinations are completely ordinary in my case, I have read about people seeing stabbing monsters, I see weird nice looking women who stop and look at me, but nothing else (I posted on reddit about it here).

 

[Justanotherconsumer]

Anyone ever notice all the rediculously rules in a national "park" I mean they have more "park rangers" (cops) and more unmerited contact with them then in normal tenament living. So they can't even allow us the illusion of freedom for even a day. Or have you even seen all the fencing along the highway? Nobody lives there but guess what? Your not allowed on that side of the property, how would they enforce such rules? I believe it's by ammonia detectors, sometime try hopping the fence, know what happens? Within 10 minutes you will have a national guard helicopter up your ass, or the kind without any markings at all. We are in a fucking prison, and most don't even know it.

 

[icky]

I've been in love with my new school. It's been the first time in my life where I could relate to my peers, be challenged academically, and live in a place where shit actually happens. Established art/design veterans stop by all the time for scouting, lectures, and networking. It boasts a 98% employment in relevant fields to all graduates and it's the most affordable option in terms of attending a reputable institution. Graduating from this school is considered a Golden Ticket into the industry. People were so proud when I got accepted, "Hey! Icky's moving to [city]! She got accepted into one of the best design schools in the country!"

It's about 99.9% confirmed that I can never go back. I entertained the idea of quickly transferring to a cheaper school but jesus christ after the thoroughly unaffordable Top 100, it's all "middle of nowhere" state schools with tiny over-generalized programs with dogshit websites. Yet I'm being encouraged to settle because "it's all about that piece of paper," like I'm chasing an Accounting degree and not a career that relies almost entirely on networking and quality portfolios. I can't get a network established in the middle of nowhere at a generic school with zero connections to the industry. I can't craft a good portfolio if I'm being taught by a displaced Psychology instructor with zero knowledge of art and design like at my last college.

Say I graduate from Bumfuck Univeristy, I'll be 32 and I'll end up doing Accounting anyway because B.U. isn't going to help me find a job! I've watched people with "useful" and "practical" majors graduate from these places and immediately fall into YEARS of unemployment or irrelevant filler gigs. I can't go back to a state/general college structure. Even with all of the perks of attending this school, I can't go back to being surrounded by people I have nothing in common with. But that's my last option. It fucking sucks. I was roomed with a girl who didn't even want to attend, she failed everything, lost her financial aid/scholarships, and was still a Freshman by her second year but her rich parents continued to pay for everything. Really activates the old almonds....

Sorry for the novel, I have no one to talk to about this stuff. TL;DR I'm too poor to attend awesome design school, tired of constantly abandoning shit, salty about ungrateful rich roommate, would rather CTB than settle

 

[ge0rge]

I've been in love with my new school. It's been the first time in my life where I could relate to my peers, be challenged academically, and live in a place where shit actually happens. Established art/design veterans stop by all the time for scouting, lectures, and networking. It boasts a 98% employment in relevant fields to all graduates and it's the most affordable option in terms of attending a reputable institution. Graduating from this school is considered a Golden Ticket into the industry. People were so proud when I got accepted, "Hey! Icky's moving to [city]! She got accepted into one of the best design schools in the country!"

It's about 99.9% confirmed that I can never go back. I entertained the idea of quickly transferring to a cheaper school but jesus christ after the thoroughly unaffordable Top 100, it's all "middle of nowhere" state schools with tiny over-generalized programs with dogshit websites. Yet I'm being encouraged to settle because "it's all about that piece of paper," like I'm chasing an Accounting degree and not a career that relies almost entirely on networking and quality portfolios. I can't get a network established in the middle of nowhere at a generic school with zero connections to the industry. I can't craft a good portfolio if I'm being taught by a displaced Psychology instructor with zero knowledge of art and design like at my last college.

Say I graduate from Bumfuck Univeristy, I'll be 32 and I'll end up doing Accounting anyway because B.U. isn't going to help me find a job! I've watched people with "useful" and "practical" majors graduate from these places and immediately fall into YEARS of unemployment or irrelevant filler gigs. I can't go back to a state/general college structure. Even with all of the perks of attending this school, I can't go back to being surrounded by people I have nothing in common with. But that's my last option. It fucking sucks. I was roomed with a girl who didn't even want to attend, she failed everything, lost her financial aid/scholarships, and was still a Freshman by her second year but her rich parents continued to pay for everything. Really activates the old almonds....

Sorry for the novel, I have no one to talk to about this stuff. TL;DR I'm too poor to attend awesome design school, tired of constantly abandoning shit, salty about ungrateful rich roommate, would rather CTB than settle

eek, that sounds very fucking frustrating indeed

careers that rely on networking, portfolios, or generally anything that involves a magical mixture of people skills, actual talent, and fifty gallons of fucking luck, are the absolute worst. sometimes I envy people with straightforward, interview-based jobs

 

[KCN]

French is like my third favorite language, so there is that.

I've never been able to pronounce more than a single word in French. Those accents!

 

[millefeui]

I've never been able to pronounce more than a single word in French. Those accents!

Charming accents!

 

[Tiburcio]

I've never been able to pronounce more than a single word in French. Those accents!

You should hear me. I'm just pathetic.

 

[millefeui]

I feel like changing my avatar, though last time I changed someone pretty much asked me to put it back. I guess (some?) people here relate me to this Mugi picture.

 

[RoloTomasi]

I feel like changing my avatar, though last time I changed someone pretty much asked me to put it back. I guess (some?) people here relate me to this Mugi picture.

I was guessing who she was because it looks familiar, so it was from K-On! case closed.

 

[millefeui]

I was guessing who she was because it looks familiar, so it was from K-On! case closed.

Yes. I like K-On. It makes me feel happy, which is rare for me.

 

[RoloTomasi]

Yes. I like K-On. It makes me feel happy, which is rare for me.

I see a lot of k-on around back then, didn't watch it much though. But your status is a song from Eureka 7, one of my favorites.

 

[Gray Wounds]

Yeah, I am taking Antipsychotics to eliminate them. I used to have a lot of conversations with the voices and that's one of the reasons why I don't have too many friends, the voices replaced any friends I could potencially have. Sometimes I miss them, specially when I am bored (which ends up happening all the time because I have the entire day to myself).

Right now I am trying to see whether reducing the amount of APs is good for me or not.

Visual hallucinations are completely ordinary in my case, I have read about people seeing stabbing monsters, I see weird nice looking women who stop and look at me, but nothing else (I posted on reddit about it here).

i know nothing of meds. Does they help you at some point? I mean, i too become reliant to the voices and when I somehow can't hear them, i feel alone and abandoned.

You have nice hallucinations. :)

 

[Blackbird]

Today I was walking in the mountains and I came across a herd of goats. I was sitting by the trees and spent some time watching them grazing. Some of them noticed me and kept staring at me, they were probably scared of me. Everything was so peaceful, it felt like a surreal experience. Too bad some damn herding dogs came along and started barking at me. I also twisted my ankle while I was trying to get away from them.

 

[Gray Wounds]

Just finished reading The Girl With the Dragon Tatoo and the Girl Who Played With Fire.
Now I am rushing to finish the third and the last book written by Stieg Larsson. Gotta do it before I ctb.

 

[icky]

I wanna continue my Duolingo lessons, I was trying to learn Spanish and Japanese. But doesn't it take years to be able to speak the latter naturally? What if I end up using that as an excuse for another postponing?

 

[Tiburcio]

Revealing against society is very helpful for me, I enjoy throwing shit to their rules and spitting on them.

---------------

About french people and spitting: I was in Paris the last year, they treated us like shit and I spitted on the bill. I requested to escape fastly without paying but they were too cowards. Fucking society and its fucking people.

 

[Fylobatica]

I was in Paris the last year, they treated us like shit and I spitted on the bill. I requested to escape fastly without paying but they were too cowards.

That would have been an instant hit on YouTube if somebody had the chance to snap a video, lol.

 

[Fylobatica]

I've been eating sweets for about half an hour and I think I'm on a chocolate high. My head feels like floating

 

[ge0rge]

I've been eating sweets for about half an hour and I think I'm on a chocolate high. My head feels like floating

the only dignified & worthwhile way to go is through diabetic coma

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

I wanna continue my Duolingo lessons, I was trying to learn Spanish and Japanese. But doesn't it take years to be able to speak the latter naturally? What if I end up using that as an excuse for another postponing?

Damn, I wish a had the motivation to learn a third language, I tried Russian but the cyrillic is just too much for my damaged brain to process. IMO any reason is good for postponing, especially if you still have the motivation and energy to learn new stuff then why not :P

 

[KCN]

I was in Paris the last year, they treated us like shit

How come? This is interesting, since I've always been hearing about "French people and their good hospitality" like it's a trademark of some kind.
Probably an overgeneralization.