Random thoughts

[deflagrat]

I think I discovered another fear: reading stories of sexual abuse when young.

I find it extremely scary. It makes me feel more anxiety than tarantulas, feline predators and anime profile pictures in the world.

What's wrong with Anime? It's everything but scary. You should watch Attack on titan, that's what I am watching now.

 

[Tiburcio]

What's wrong with Anime? It's everything but scary. You should watch Attack on titan, that's what I am watching now.

I have nothing against it but for some reason, it makes me feel very anxious.

I don't know why. I feel they are staring me. And that design makes me feel uncomfortable.

And yes I found it scary, I'm unabled to enjoy it at all.

 

[Plankter]

I remember when i was 5 or 6 (which makes this one of my earliest memories) i was wandering around in the house, bored, trying to find what to do and i stopped for a few moments and thought like "whats the point ? Why do i want to have fun anyway ? Why do i even live ?" And it had bugged me for a while. Im still fascinated that one my earliest memories is about thinking about how meaningless everything is.

 

[Midnight]

Anyone else here afraid they might still be here for a long time? Unable to push themselves over the edge no matter how low they get? A method is one thing but finding something to push you up untill that point is my problem. First thing that comes to people's mind is "you're not ready" but tbh after more than 15 years of thinking this way i don't think i'll ever be ready enough. I envy the people who come in here weeks or day's before they ctb.

 

[Tiburcio]

"you're not ready"

Even here there is people who fuck us with this shit.

Anyone else here afraid they might still be here for a long time? Unable to push themselves over the edge no matter how low they get? A method is one thing but finding something to push you up untill that point is my problem. First thing that comes to people's mind is "you're not ready" but tbh after more than 15 years of thinking this way i don't think i'll ever be ready enough. I envy the people who come in here weeks or day's before they ctb.

Yes, I can't overcome my fear and I'm afraid of remaining for a long time. One of my worst nigtmares is having a long life.

"you're not ready"

Again to this, this is super annoying, like if some of us weren't 10000% sure of what we are doing and what we want.


Oh god, I have so much anxiety in this moment, sorry if it looks aggresive.

 

[Midnight]

Even here there is people who fuck us with this shit.


Yes, I can't overcome my fear and I'm afraid of remaining for a long time. One of my worst nigtmares is having a long life.


Again to this, this is super annoying, like if some of us weren't 10000% sure of what we are doing and what we want.


Oh god, I have so much anxiety in this moment, sorry if it looks aggresive.

It's difficult .. not being "ready"=/= not being suicidal if that makes sence. I have difficulty putting it into words.

Some people saying "you're not ready" as if they mean you should overthink your depression/suicidality and try being happy instead and see if it works out. Well after 15 years of depression i think i can pretty much conclude there isn't a fix for my issue that is nothing short of a miracle.

Others may mean something different when they say those words idk .. it's all very difficult

 

[KCN]

It intensified and I don't know why.


I think the highest rank is even better. When you have thousand post and you wasted the whole chromatic range, after red you got pink and after it, you got purple and you become a mod. If you post even more, your name turns blue-purple and you are adminded. If you still continue posting, you have blue again, fuck it up and you lost your account.

oh man, this would turn out to be an excellent plot for a horror story from the depths of the WWW.

 

[KCN]

Today I tried to stay "positive" and actually do something that's supposed to be good, especially for my overall health (going out for a walk with somebody I care at least a bit, after years spent about 99% alone) but needless to say the whole initiative backfired on me, lol. It was kind of dull, that "expectations VS reality" type of thing. Nevermind, I'll get back to bed for now

 

[Tiburcio]

The last day I had 32 likes of @Caerula in less thsn one hour.

Will she beat her mark?

 

[Caerula]

The last day I had 32 likes of @Caerula in less thsn one hour.

Will she beat her mark?

I just came back to this forum and saw a bunch of new posts XDDD I'm enjoying reading them XDDD

 

[Tiburcio]

I just came back to this forum and saw a bunch of new posts XDDD I'm enjoying reading them XDDD

I see it

 

[Life sucks]

I just came back to this forum and saw a bunch of new posts XDDD I'm enjoying reading them XDDD

Welcome back and don't leave. I'll try to give more enjoyment

 

[Caerula]

Welcome back and don't leave. I'll try to give more enjoyment

Awww sometimes I take breaks from internet but I love this place too much to actually leave. And your posts are always like on point :D

 

[Tiburcio]

My mind is too numbed for writting something decent

I wanted to post something related with my feelings but they don't want to go out

 

[KCN]

@Tiburcio my prophecy was right! Your nickname eventually became red.

 

[Tiburcio]

@Tiburcio my prophecy was right! Your nickname eventually became red.

Do you think I will be adminded some day too?

 

[KCN]

Do you think I will be adminded some day too?

"I foresee that you will become the undisputed ruler of every forum on Earth".

 

[Tiburcio]

"I foresee that you will become the undisputed ruler of every forum on Earth".

It sounds good!

But it would sound better if I would participate in other forums

 

[ge0rge]

I for one welcome our new Spanish overlord

 

[mattwitt]

How small does small go? Is infinite smallness even possible?

 

[KCN]

infinite smallness = exponentiation of nothingness until both sides collide

 

[mattwitt]

infinite smallness = exponentiation of nothingness until both sides collide

What happens when the unstoppable force collides with the immovable object ?

 

[KCN]

What happens when the unstoppable force collides with the immovable object ?

strength always wins, to stop an unstoppable force the immovable object would require to be located in more dimensions than the one in which the vector of the force travels

 

[Life sucks]

How small does small go? Is infinite smallness even possible?

There is no smallest positive real number

 

[mattwitt]

strength always wins, to stop an unstoppable force the immovable object would require to be located in more dimensions than the one in which the vector of the force travels

Or the unstoppable force could just simply pass through the immovable object

 

[RaptorHavx]

I had some very weird dream today in which I was feeling extremely dizzy and hallucinating. Odd place. Waking up from sleep in some room with other sleeping people. Basically I was waking up in dream in dream and in another dream... it was like nightmare hallucination. When I finally woke up, and was afraid it's not reality again for 10th time or so, I couldn't bloody move my body even a bit, I was paralysed. Being scared as f*** after a while I could finally move bits of my body and eventually raise myself. Looking at clock broke my mind. It felt like hours have passed but in fact it was almost the same time as when I went to sleep. It takes me a WHILE to fall asleep. Then how the hell ? What happened to me... I've missed my antidepressant dose, but seriously ? This thing was... I have no words...

 

[Dip]

I had some very weird dream today in which I was feeling extremely dizzy and hallucinating. Odd place. Waking up from sleep in some room with other sleeping people. Basically I was waking up in dream in dream and in another dream... it was like nightmare hallucination. When I finally woke up, and was afraid it's not reality again for 10th time or so, I couldn't bloody move my body even a bit, I was paralysed. Being scared as f*** after a while I could finally move bits of my body and eventually raise myself. Looking at clock broke my mind. It felt like hours have passed but in fact it was almost the same time as when I went to sleep. It takes me a WHILE to fall asleep. Then how the hell ? What happened to me... I've missed my antidepressant dose, but seriously ? This thing was... I have no words...

For some reason this came to mind.

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

Argh, I logged on facebook to stalk someone and then my crush's name popped on the search bar, almost made me cry... yet another reason to end this pathetic life.

 

[mattwitt]

Am I pathetic for being here?

 

[Tiburcio]

Am I pathetic for being here?

No u arent