moya117
A replacement that can easily get replaced
- Mar 31, 2023
- 212
its like the title says, if i REALLY want to, i can, i even have a friend here on sasu on the same country and we can ctb together with SN but i feel like its not my time yet and im afraid i will fail.
i grew up in a very very religious household and society, my dad is a shaman, my grandparents on my mother side is basically from a big family and they get respected by people since their former parents build a mosque and all that stuff, basically my family hold almost all the powerfull positions. you know how that affect me as a child? i can't get the thought of god out of my head, though i don't believe in religion, there's really a chance that there is a god out there, watching how my dad performs precidure to cure someone and all that stuff just ingrained in my brain.
my problem is, my dad have a teacher you see, he is dead now but all his predictions are true, one time theres a person (i dont remember his name) that read the holy book written in arab when he is on the way to meet my dad's teacher, and my dad's teacher knows that he is reading the holy book without him mentioning it and even said that the way he reads are incorrect. basically a lot of stuff come true.
when i was born, my dad bring me to him and asked what my future will be, he goes silent for long and then laugh and just said that i will be very rich, that's all, almost like he knows something.
my family finance really go up and down, if we get poor, we get REALLY poor, and if we get rich, we get VERY rich, though i dont feel like a rich kid at all, at least from my father, he spends his money on something we don't even know what that is, well, probably another woman cus he does have a lot of sidechicks.
i get the experience of being a rich kid through my mom tho, maybe like for 2 years, and i feel gratefull for that.
now tho, my family is in debt, we struggle to find jobs and managing house chores at the same time.
my point is, i did not get rich yet, so im afraid that it's not gonna be successful, i already have my silly attempt before when i was a teen trying to od and it failed, i know that OD-ing have a low successful rate but i still feel scared, i want to but i feel like its not my time yet.
HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO WAIT, if i do ctb will i really go to hell? cus its not fair if i will, i am already in hell.
and yea, even though i watch a lot of ppl saying that god is not real and that they don't believe in god, i can't. i wish i can.
i wish i can just ctb without even harboring the question about the prediction or the afterlife.
i tried, i really really tried to recover but almost all of it goes down the drain.
i grew up in a very very religious household and society, my dad is a shaman, my grandparents on my mother side is basically from a big family and they get respected by people since their former parents build a mosque and all that stuff, basically my family hold almost all the powerfull positions. you know how that affect me as a child? i can't get the thought of god out of my head, though i don't believe in religion, there's really a chance that there is a god out there, watching how my dad performs precidure to cure someone and all that stuff just ingrained in my brain.
my problem is, my dad have a teacher you see, he is dead now but all his predictions are true, one time theres a person (i dont remember his name) that read the holy book written in arab when he is on the way to meet my dad's teacher, and my dad's teacher knows that he is reading the holy book without him mentioning it and even said that the way he reads are incorrect. basically a lot of stuff come true.
when i was born, my dad bring me to him and asked what my future will be, he goes silent for long and then laugh and just said that i will be very rich, that's all, almost like he knows something.
my family finance really go up and down, if we get poor, we get REALLY poor, and if we get rich, we get VERY rich, though i dont feel like a rich kid at all, at least from my father, he spends his money on something we don't even know what that is, well, probably another woman cus he does have a lot of sidechicks.
i get the experience of being a rich kid through my mom tho, maybe like for 2 years, and i feel gratefull for that.
now tho, my family is in debt, we struggle to find jobs and managing house chores at the same time.
my point is, i did not get rich yet, so im afraid that it's not gonna be successful, i already have my silly attempt before when i was a teen trying to od and it failed, i know that OD-ing have a low successful rate but i still feel scared, i want to but i feel like its not my time yet.
HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO WAIT, if i do ctb will i really go to hell? cus its not fair if i will, i am already in hell.
and yea, even though i watch a lot of ppl saying that god is not real and that they don't believe in god, i can't. i wish i can.
i wish i can just ctb without even harboring the question about the prediction or the afterlife.
i tried, i really really tried to recover but almost all of it goes down the drain.
)
