Venting Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is BEYOND exhausting

[Mooncry]

I just CAN'T… I hate feeling like every interaction with people is a mistake. I can feel fairly fine in the moment, but the dread always sets in later. Without fail.

"Everything you said was cringe/annoying,"
"You definitely overshared,"
"Your tone and mannerisms were so weird and they could tell,"
"Nobody ever enjoys your presence or anything you have to say,"
"You stick out like a sore thumb,"

I feel so embarrassed and ashamed of even LIVING. Like everything I do is wrong, no matter what. Everything can go perfectly fine and I still feel this way. People can show me all the kindness in the world and outwardly tell me how much they enjoy my presence and it doesn't make a difference. I still believe they must be faking it and they hate me and I did something wrong.

Why? Why can't I just be normal? I don't ever remember it being this bad, truly… It's getting worse, to the point where I just want to crawl under a rock and never be perceived again. I despise being perceived.

It isn't like a paranoia of being secretly hated. It's just like… self-consciousness/self-awareness on crack. If you know, you know, honestly. It's hard to accurately put it into words.

I know it comes from my autism and ADHD. I've been judged my whole life for being weird and different, not being able to interact like a normal person. So, at this point, it's just been beaten into me that I must be fundamentally wrong 100% of the time. I can never do good.

I wish I was born with a normal brain. I want to know what it's like to be a neurotypical girl. I'm so jealous… Why do I feel like a straight up different species?

 

[kiki <3]

word by word. it is like you are in my head right now. and i am really sorry that you feel this way.

that part about it being beaten into you... you do not know a different reality. you know deep down that this is not a way to live a life but how do you even begin to unlearn "this" when you do not know a different reality? this is what you are used to all of your life. that's the scariest part for me, how... real it is. almost like an additional organ in your body.

and it is not paranoia, as paranoia is more specific. it's just a very intense general feeling.

 

[Mooncry]

word by word. it is like you are in my head right now. and i am really sorry that you feel this way.

that part about it being beaten into you... you do not know a different reality. you know deep down that this is not a way to live a life but how do you even begin to unlearn "this" when you do not know a different reality? this is what you are used to all of your life. that's the scariest part for me, how... real it is. almost like an additional organ in your body.

and it is not paranoia, as paranoia is more specific. it's just a very intense general feeling.

Yes, exactly this. There's no off button and it's nearly impossible to convince yourself that you're being irrational. Because you don't believe it—you believe all your negative perceptions are real. It's the worst and I'm sorry you can relate. Big love to you

 

[uniqueusername4]

Same. I feel like an alien. I can't even go through the drive thru or go to the grocery store like a normal person. I feel so freaking weird all the time. Then I isolate myself and that just makes me fucking weirder.

 

[Mooncry]

Same. I feel like an alien. I can't even go through the drive thru or go to the grocery store like a normal person. I feel so freaking weird all the time. Then I isolate myself and that just makes me fucking weirder.

Me too. I feel like I never even come out of my room anymore.

 

[render]

i relate to this way too much, i can't shake the feeling that everyone i know hates me even if they say otherwise... it's hard to cope with but i'm too embarassed to tell anyone. you're definitely not alone here, i'm sorry this is happening to you as well

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

I relate to this so much. RSD sucks. I primarily stay home when I don't have to be out. It's something I've been dealing with as long as I can remember. I'm sorry you're suffering in that way too.

I found this article helpful.

Living with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is common in neurodivergent people and people with complex trauma. This article explains what it’s like.

neuroclastic.com

 

[Mooncry]

I relate to this so much. RSD sucks. I primarily stay home when I don't have to be out. It's something I've been dealing with as long as I can remember. I'm sorry you're suffering in that way too.

I found this article helpful.

Living with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is common in neurodivergent people and people with complex trauma. This article explains what it’s like.

neuroclastic.com

Thank you, it was very helpful and insightful. I hate that other people feel the same way I do with this, but it is comforting to hear about others' experiences.