handsomestboy
New Member
- Feb 21, 2025
- 4
Anyone is free to talk about their own relationships here, as much as I'm here to talk about my own situation with the goal of advice, this is a free space to vent.
I am in what I consider to be an extremely loving relationship. However, my long term partner has Bipolar. They are medicated. They are doing well. I can't help but feel exhausted and worthless. I do not know what to do to make it better. I cannot change them. I know this, and I wish I could. Nearly every other day there's some kind of conflict. Usually mild, but everytime something mean is said to me.
I feel childish. I should be over all of it. They don't mean it. I know that. But it is so frequent. I know they feel sorry after. They cry and sob and even hurt themselves as punishment. I can't help but be heartbroken. I am not comfortable expressing hurt in response to these words out of fear. I just cannot bring myself to knowing it'll hurt them more, so I suck it up and swallow it down every time. I let us come back down together. Say it's all okay. I try to forget every time. I just can't when it happens so much.
I never say mean things. At least not to the extent of calling them things like stupid or a bitch. I try to approach everything gently. I love gently. It doesn't translate. There is no balance. I feel as if I'm not worth changing for. I could never imagine doing any of that. Then again, they are bipolar. It is out of their control just as much as mine. They can be as self aware as they want, it doesn't change the fact that it will keep happening.
I tell myself I can handle it, but I can't. I don't want to accept that. I don't want to leave. I am their future, they are mine. I have nobody else. I don't know what moves to make to improve myself anymore. I need to change but I don't know how. I don't want to let myself be hurt. I don't want the words to matter to me. The words don't matter to them, so why me? There's no substance behind them.
Just wonder what I'll do. I don't know if I want this forever. I want to want it.
I am in what I consider to be an extremely loving relationship. However, my long term partner has Bipolar. They are medicated. They are doing well. I can't help but feel exhausted and worthless. I do not know what to do to make it better. I cannot change them. I know this, and I wish I could. Nearly every other day there's some kind of conflict. Usually mild, but everytime something mean is said to me.
I feel childish. I should be over all of it. They don't mean it. I know that. But it is so frequent. I know they feel sorry after. They cry and sob and even hurt themselves as punishment. I can't help but be heartbroken. I am not comfortable expressing hurt in response to these words out of fear. I just cannot bring myself to knowing it'll hurt them more, so I suck it up and swallow it down every time. I let us come back down together. Say it's all okay. I try to forget every time. I just can't when it happens so much.
I never say mean things. At least not to the extent of calling them things like stupid or a bitch. I try to approach everything gently. I love gently. It doesn't translate. There is no balance. I feel as if I'm not worth changing for. I could never imagine doing any of that. Then again, they are bipolar. It is out of their control just as much as mine. They can be as self aware as they want, it doesn't change the fact that it will keep happening.
I tell myself I can handle it, but I can't. I don't want to accept that. I don't want to leave. I am their future, they are mine. I have nobody else. I don't know what moves to make to improve myself anymore. I need to change but I don't know how. I don't want to let myself be hurt. I don't want the words to matter to me. The words don't matter to them, so why me? There's no substance behind them.
Just wonder what I'll do. I don't know if I want this forever. I want to want it.
