scared to buy SN

[yeaimhere13]

honestly im a bit terrified to take the leap of faith and purchase the needed materials. i feel like if i purchase SN, the possibility of using it becomes more real. i struggle with severe depression and OCD but ive never been genuinely suicidal, mostly just ideation to help cope with the pain. but everything is getting worse and even though I'm still holding onto hope for the future, i might need a way out soon. I'm so disgusted with myself to the point where i can't stand existing as me. its a constant battle between my rational self and the part of me that wants to disappear forever. i know it would hurt so many people, especially my mother. but i want to be able to make my own choices and be selfish if i must. i really don't want to die but i see no other choice as of right now. I'm going to give it more time and start trying to recover in therapy. I'm seeing my psych soon as well so maybe getting back on meds will aid in that process.

 

[EternalShore]

if you are scared about using it after a particularly bad day and not when you've fully made up your mind, you can certainly choose not to yet~ :) I'm glad you clearly care about others' thoughts about it and won't do it to spite them~ :) I wish you the best with your attempts at recovery and will pray for you! ^_^

 

[yeaimhere13]

if you are scared about using it after a particularly bad day and not when you've fully made up your mind, you can certainly choose not to yet~ :) I'm glad you clearly care about others' thoughts about it and won't do it to spite them~ :) I wish you the best with your attempts at recovery and will pray for you! ^_^

thank u, i appreciate ur words. im going to hold off on doing anything until i see my therapist and psych.

 

[motherofmahesh]

It feels like I wrote this. I know how you feel.