scared to buy SN

[yeaimhere13]

honestly im a bit terrified to take the leap of faith and purchase the needed materials. i feel like if i purchase SN, the possibility of using it becomes more real. i struggle with severe depression and OCD but ive never been genuinely suicidal, mostly just ideation to help cope with the pain. but everything is getting worse and even though I'm still holding onto hope for the future, i might need a way out soon. I'm so disgusted with myself to the point where i can't stand existing as me. its a constant battle between my rational self and the part of me that wants to disappear forever. i know it would hurt so many people, especially my mother. but i want to be able to make my own choices and be selfish if i must. i really don't want to die but i see no other choice as of right now. I'm going to give it more time and start trying to recover in therapy. I'm seeing my psych soon as well so maybe getting back on meds will aid in that process.

 

[EternalShore]

if you are scared about using it after a particularly bad day and not when you've fully made up your mind, you can certainly choose not to yet~ :) I'm glad you clearly care about others' thoughts about it and won't do it to spite them~ :) I wish you the best with your attempts at recovery and will pray for you! ^_^

 

[yeaimhere13]

if you are scared about using it after a particularly bad day and not when you've fully made up your mind, you can certainly choose not to yet~ :) I'm glad you clearly care about others' thoughts about it and won't do it to spite them~ :) I wish you the best with your attempts at recovery and will pray for you! ^_^

thank u, i appreciate ur words. im going to hold off on doing anything until i see my therapist and psych.

 

[motherofmahesh]

It feels like I wrote this. I know how you feel.

 

[researcher12]

i have a kg of SN sitting below my bed since 2022.

 

[lastch]

I'm the same. I think it's more real when you actually buy it. I'm also terrified of welfare checks or customs intercepting it. I have severe trauma from being hospitalised so I'm afraid of being put back in as well if the SN failed.

 

[cali22♡]

I also had a terrible fear and mega paranoia that someone could find out what I was up to but don't panic... it's all just paranoia if you approach everything reasonably cleverly nothing can happen to you I always thought that the woman who gave me the package knew what was inside but she didn't know and would never find out... I was also lucky that my SN source didn't put any information on the box itself or warn me that it was a chemical substance... It was just the name of the company that was it... It was almost too easy I can order tons of SN without any problems


</3