Resource Self Harm Support Thread

[SilentSuicidal]

i'm clean from deep cuts for almost a week now, i can't do it because my first-aid stuff run out; i can't buy more because i don't have a job.
god, i'm going insane, i can't stand the crushing feeling of being myself, knowing the fact that i'm me and that's enough reason for everything never gets better. it's stupid, i should be using this a opportunity to stop for good but i'm not "physically ruined" enough to even consider recovery. i barely make any sense.

I'm in the same boat you are. I can't do anything "bad" because i'm out of medical supplies. And I can't get more because I got fired from my job and already used up all of my remaining money. And really, nothing makes sense. But you are worth recovery, If you want it.

 

[flower1985]

Warning graphic self harm images in post



Self harm a lot see it as the next best thing to ctb, I also take aspirin to bleed a lot, use Stanley knife blades as easy to hide and very sharp, not bothered if i go to far or infections, if it happens then hey whatever. These are from earlier

 

[letmegetout]

Here's the progress of a cut I did a few weeks ago. Unfortunately it's going to be a raised scar, which is a bummer:

Spoiler

View attachment 65992

that's a large scar but I'm glad it seems to be healing well

 

[IDontLikeMyself]

I started lightly self harming when i was 15 because I used to swim a lot back than and couldn't do it that noticable. Than my mental health went downhill and got admitted to an inpatient childrens ward when i was 17. Because of the influence and triggers of other patients there i started selfharming really badly and ended up needing stitches once really bad. Since than it became an actual addiction and I still struggle with it now 4 years later. It comes and goes but I never manage to stay clean for that long. The longest i have been clean was 1 year and 3 months. I both despise and don't care about my scars. They are a part of me but i still feel very embarrassed about it when people judge me for it. I just wish someone would understand that I know what I am doing now and don't ever go too far that I would do major damage. Its a coping mechanism for me. A bad one yes but it works so why change it now. I also kinda wish i would have never been influenced to start self harming as badly as I do now and i do kind of blame my inpatient time for my addiction;

 

[Wkoncuodejde]

when I really don't have the strength anymore

 

[booplesnoot34]

I've been on and off cutting since I was 13ish. (I'm 28.) I'd do it a lot more if I wasn't worried someone would find out. Used to cut wrists, but moved to thighs and belly after I got caught. I never do it deep enough to my liking. Stupid SI. Been practicing deeper but it's nothing compared to what I've seen others do. I use a box cutter. Haven't done it in a few months because my friend (with whom I am in love) said he likes me less and less when I SH. He's a major reason why I haven't CTB yet, so I gotta suffer in silence, I guess.

I wish I could but I have no way too :(

Get crafty. I once had to resort to a freshly sharpened pencil.

I've been cutting for 10+ years. It helps me to make my emotional pain "real", I enjoy the blood and scars (they are the only things I like about my body), and tending to my wounds is a form of self-care for me, as odd as it may sound. Unfortunately, I need to slow down significantly because I'm becoming severely anemic, so I've been focusing more on scratching and hitting myself even though it doesn't work as well.

Spoiler: This is one of my favorite cuts

View attachment 57110

Whoa, that's gnarly! How did you get it so deep? How much did it bleed?

Staying clean is getting harder with each day. I'm literally paralyzed by urges. Can't do anything but lay there and fantasize about cutting… I really need a way out of this. I've gone too far with this stupid addiction and I can't stop

Spoiler: recent cut

View attachment 98557

WHOA THAT'S HUGE!!! How did you get yourself to do this?!

I'm in a million pieces. I'm all apart. Please help me die. I'm drunk and crying. Why couldnt I have a good life?

Spoiler: TW: Fresh burns and cuts along with some scars

View attachment 87476View attachment 87475

Spoiler: cut in progress

View attachment 87477Should I keep going? I hate this. I need help.

Spoiler: finished cut

View attachment 87485I'm done now. I hate myself.

Daaaaaaang how do you get past SI to do this?

Spoiler: Sh picture tw

View attachment 88630

been a very shitty day

Interesting, it looks like it should be bleeding a lot more.

I'm posting these to let you know you're not on your own:

Spoiler: Deep cut ahead

View attachment 70073View attachment 70074View attachment 70075

Did you sew it up yourself?

This is an album of what I did in the last week or so, along with some burns that aren't pictured (NSFW and sorry about my gigantic fucking disgusting pig leg)...I'll only post my favorites here:

Spoiler

View attachment 70885

Got a decent amount of blood considering it was only one cut. Too bad I can't go deeper.

View attachment 70886

I am nothing and I will always be nothing.

The dumbest part is that all of these were done because a person I love doesn't feel the same way about me. I wonder if anyone else here has self-harmed for a similar reason? I feel so stupid and juvenile and thought I was smarter than this. It sounds bad but I wish I could erase him from my memory.

I'm so tired of self-harming. Of hurting. Of being me. Of thinking so much. My brain just won't shut the fuck up. I want to die and need to die.

What do you do with all the blood you collect? Paint?

 

[Soulless Angel]

Dropping in x

 

[Soulless Angel]

I fucking broke my clean streak last night!

Spoiler

 

[SilentSuicidal]

Spoiler: vid

Vein from a couple days ago. Not much blood lost

View attachment video4929273647098495782 (1).mp4

 

[suprswag]

I have been cutting my wrists for the past 3 days after a 2 month-ish clean streak, shallow cuts, still a bit of blood though. Have self harmed since I was around 6ish (hitting myself in the head until I felt dizzy) and have only started cutting when I was around 12. I have always wanted to cut way deeper than I have before, and I feel like a pussy for always cutting so shallow.

 

[suprswag]

(still trying to figure out how to use spoilers, if it doesn't work, I'm sorry!) Cuts, from the past 3 days.

Spoiler: Shallow cuts

 

[prim]

i like cutting but its annoying because its very easily noticeable.. some deep cuts last for over a month before it looks like a notmal scar

 

[tomoki]

I started when I was 16. I mutilated all my forearms and thighs. the pain to cause was a veriatble distraction and a punishment (to be a being as useless and despicable as me), I took pleasure in seeing streams of my blood that I qualify as impure coming out of my body. it left me with deep scars of which I am very ashamed today. I can only wear long sleeves

 

[QteStimBnnuy]

I have been cutting my wrists for the past 3 days after a 2 month-ish clean streak, shallow cuts, still a bit of blood though. Have self harmed since I was around 6ish (hitting myself in the head until I felt dizzy) and have only started cutting when I was around 12. I have always wanted to cut way deeper than I have before, and I feel like a pussy for always cutting so shallow.

(still trying to figure out how to use spoilers, if it doesn't work, I'm sorry!) Cuts, from the past 3 days.

Spoiler: Shallow cuts

View attachment 106224
View attachment 106225

Shallow cuts are fine, each of us may have our own reasons as to why we do around a particular depth. Regardless, they are still valid cuts. Looks lovely, hope the best for couple styros

Thanks all to those who are sharing their pictures
I'll contribute one

Spoiler: previous lil cuts

One from one of my qts:

Spoiler: cutpuppet

I started when I was 16. I mutilated all my forearms and thighs. the pain to cause was a veriatble distraction and a punishment (to be a being as useless and despicable as me), I took pleasure in seeing streams of my blood that I qualify as impure coming out of my body. it left me with deep scars of which I am very ashamed today. I can only wear long sleeves

We probably have far different mindsets, but if it aids; scars are never something to be ashamed of imo (It's just that some morons don't know how to mind their own business!!)

Scars are essentially another form of tattoos. A style so to speak. It contains your story and your success in getting through the paths you've faced, the down times and your current point

If anything, it may serve you the message that things can perhaps continue improving. You just have to live to witness it, whatever method you choose

 

[Soulless Angel]

I used to be ashamed of my scars, now I have this on my arm, to embrace the scars not hide them, to turn them into a story, this was done when I was on my clean streak, the urge to cut over and over again though is hitting in hard, when I broke my streak the other day I went for my upper arm, I find it easier to hide

 

[RatLiker]

Used to cut myself a fair bit when I was in my teens, altho most of my scars have healed fully. Didn't try to commit by cutting as that seems like an incredibly painful way to go.
Not sure it counts, but nowdays I often space out and scratch myself until I start bleeding, usually around my neck and face. It's not really on purpose tho.

 

[Brokensoulwalking]

I self harm regularly on my left wrist. I recently stopped cause I got my scars tattooed over, whilst it was liberating to be able to go out in a t shirt again, I miss the feeling it gave me, but I won't destroy a piece of art.

We as humans are supposed to feel pain, if not we create it in our minds, and the mind creates more pain that physical ever could.

I cut myself to feel, I have no feelings otherwise, just my senses and my sadness. I convinced myself if I tattoo myself I will stop cutting. I have but its on my mind to be able to feel constantly. I can't do anywhere else for reasons I don't want to specify.

It's like for those couple of moments of deep pain, I am alive and I am real, I am human, not the nothingness I see myself as.

 

[SomethingsOff]

I've hurt myself minutely for a while but started seriously cutting a bit over a year ago. I still live with my mother and was caught, so I've been mostly forced to stop. I cut on my chest still, though, and have mostly turned to hitting myself in the head instead. Shame- I was pretty good at cutting, too. I have purple, raised scars all over. I'm only clean on my right arm because I have to roll up that sleeve for work. As soon as I move out, if I don't kms first, I'll slaughter that arm too.

 

[watchdog]

I'm just a baby cutter right now and I only have these box cutter blades.
I just recently started and this is my thigh so far.

Spoiler: just pretend my legs are shaved

dude im literally so embarrassed of not shaving my legs :/
but i want this habit to get worse and i want to cut much deeper!

 

[mondaymornings]

I honestly haven't cut myself in a couple years, but it feels kind of pathetic compared to everyone elses cuts in this thread. Mine were so incredibly shallow, like paper cuts or something. Since I find it hard to actually cut into myself I just hit my head or legs really hard, or scratch at myself. I even started smoking as a "socially acceptable" form of SH.
I also pick at my skin and fingers a lot which might be considered SH? I guess whatever you consider the SH umbrella to be.

 

[dimstar]

I have some deep burns, but I always made them into patterns so the scars are justified or not so horrible idk. But promised someone I'd stop. So now I cut and its frustrating I can hardly go deep. I've had a fee that split open a bit but most are bleed s little scratches. Theres just hundreds, a normal session I'll do 30+. It's also the same area as that's the only place on my thigh I dont have burn scars besides the inside. Maybe that's why I cant get deep? I want to cut deep I dont understand why i cant.
Also that some left. So I would get back into burning but I dont have any room. Maybe I'm OCD but I try not to fuck with my scars. Its probably a 5 by 12 area I have left where I've been cutting. But that's probably 500-1,000 cuts in the last 5 years. I break it into 3 areas and normally try to give it a week to heal before going back over it.

 

[IDontLikeMyself]

I started self harming in my teens but always very lightly because otherwise I couldn´t hide it. Than I got admitted inpatient because of my mental health in general and it went downhile from there. Some other person there self harmed really badly and became a bad influence on me. Had to get stitches for the first time there. Since than it just became worse and worse with the need to go deeper and deeper every time. After my last time inpatient I got clean luckily but since last year I actually have relapsed every few weeks. Luckily not that bad yet so no ER trips needed and stuff. But I´m so scared i might lose control again or my parents find out.

 

[vexi]

My intrusive thoughts won today, and in a sick way I'm really disappointed at myself for not cutting deeper...
Even now I want to continue cutting myself.

Spoiler: sh

 

[Catching_the_bus]

I'm currently 6 years clean from cutting but things have been so shitty lately that the urge is overwhelming... However if I start I know I won't stop... I will keep going until I Ctb and that's not a state I want anyone to find me in... I would much rather be found blue from SN then bloody and butchered... But the urge is so overwhelming that I can barely think about anything else

 

[CellarBoy]

I cut to lower beans this morning (don't know the proper name and too lazy to look it up) and the pain felt amazing. I haven't felt much in the last little while, and just feeling pain was like a sweet release.

 

[Deleted member 31858]

I had 10 months without cutting and I have 2 days doing it again, I also went back to drinking and mixing benzos, I feel miserable because I know that when I do these three things it is difficult to stop again :( I wish I could end all this already

 

[SalemKnives]

I've been wanting to start sh again since the last time i did it was like 1-2 months ago. normally i do it whenever i have an episode, but i miss the feeling i felt when i first started.

 

[BpdQueen]

Bruh i have such a craving to hurt myself.
Burn myself with a sigaret or cuts in my arm, im surrounded by friends now, but still i feel lonely and craving.
I love my scars, i love them, i don't feel ashamed for them, and idc that people who's life is all about sunshine and rainbows judge me for my scars. I wear them like tattoos.
But every damn time i crave for more.

I've been wanting to start sh again since the last time i did it was like 1-2 months ago. normally i do it whenever i have an episode, but i miss the feeling i felt when i first started.

What's a sh? If I may ask

Bruh i have such a craving to hurt myself.
Burn myself with a sigaret or cuts in my arm, im surrounded by friends now, but still i feel lonely and craving.
I love my scars, i love them, i don't feel ashamed for them, and idc that people who's life is all about sunshine and rainbows judge me for my scars. I wear them like tattoos.
But every damn time i crave for more.

What's a sh? If I may ask

O NVM my brain started working i know it

 

[Soulless Angel]

How peeps holding up? I broke again last night :(

 

[Soulless Angel]

heya, guess this thread is done with but damn im struggling tonight!!!