selfish altruism preventing me from ctb

[LittleMagician]

There are only two reasons why I have not ctb, inaccessibility to sn or any other viable method with a high success rate and also my inherent selfish altruism. Apparently I serve a purpose to some people in this world (though it can be heavily debated) one of whom is my mother obviously and other family members including siblings etc. I am basically going on living because I do not want to traumatise my family (especially the younger members) and obstruct them from being mentally okay just because I cannot bare to live. I am not sure if anyone else feels this way or if it's common.

 

[Lost Kin]

Well for me, it's exactly the same reason. I also just live on, so I don't hurt others. Even when I sometimes think that no one cares for me, I do know that's not right, and I would end up hurting the people I most care for if I decided to ctb. So I just keep on living and try not to bother or worry others with my problems.

 

[burningleaf]

I feel the same. I thought about it in simillar words before reading your post. In this case, I think I might look for something that will reduce my anxiety or can soften the experience for others. Maybe a careful last conversation and not the most disfiguring method in the second option.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, I'm also staying for the sake of others. I'm curious why you termed it 'selfish' altruism though. It's actually an interesting combination of words. Contradictory terms I initially thought but, it made me think further.

Is the 'selfish' bit the awareness that you mean something to your loved ones? Sometimes I question whether I am being narcissistic thinking my death will affect others. I'm not so sure really. I think we've all likely experienced missing someone- due to bereavement or, just relationships drifting. So, I think it's probably more realistic to think our suicides may affect our nearest and dearest negatively.

Overall though, I'd say it's more altruistic to live for others. When you think about it- someone who is suffering in some way needs that pain to stop. Sometimes, suicide seems like the best or only solution. Yet, we may choose not to do it because we put the needs of others first. We don't do it to protect them from grief, guilt, anger and all the other negative emotions associated with mourning a suicide.