Help Sexual frustration/males

[Life_and_Death]

I'm mostly looking for a sensible guys POV but I'll have a conversation with anyone, different opinions are always good.

So if you've read one of my recent threads you will already know. In case you haven't heres what happen(s).

Some times I want sex and some times I dont. I haven't had much if any really good sexual encounters so I'm a little all over the place on the subject. I understand that this can be difficult for people in general in the outside but I talked to him about it and explained it as best as I could with a PD that plays a part in it to. He says that's fine and that for a week or so he wouldn't be too ok but after that he'd forget about. However at no time did he say this was going to have visual effects. He also has said in the past that blue balls is an excuse (which I agree with if it's that bad jerk off, to clarify yes I know it's a thing but again jerk off don't drag a girl unwilling into it) but..... Idk if he knows he's doing it but..... He does the same thing to me just different. Instead of saying "hey help me out" he gets frusterated which makes me feel bad for changing my mind and I have a problem with that in the first place because I don't feel I'm allowed to......idk..... I don't think he means to but he still does....


It sucks that it seems I'm going to have to call it off due to incompatibility. also just to clarify my disorders are literally all over the place so it's not like we were incompatible and having arguments from the start. Plus whenever we have its always come with promises of change which makes me feel worse...... I really think I just can't do relationships..... But I don't think I can live alone either....

 

[awfullife]

Alot of us dudes are messed up from watching porn..I'm hard up for sex now as I havent had it in years but I know that it is super gratifying in the act but then afterwards, just meh....chemistry is just either there or it not...cant be forced.

Good sex also is never long term. It is fleeting. That's why many couples that have been married for 30 years donr have it any more. My brothers wife wont even hug him. She gets her affection from kids.

Women run the sex game and that's a fact though. But we likely contribute to the game by chasing.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Alot of us dudes are messed up from watching porn..I'm hard up for sex now as I havent had it in years but I know that it is super gratifying in the act but then afterwards, just meh....chemistry is just either there or it not...cant be forced.

Good sex also is never long term. It is fleeting. That's why many couples that have been married for 30 years donr have it any more. My brothers wife wont even hug him. She gets her affection from kids.

Women run the sex game and that's a fact though. But we likely contribute to the game by chasing.

Either I missed something or that wasn't beneficial to the thread

 

[Good4Nothing]

I don't understand the question.
What's PD?

 

[Life_and_Death]

I don't understand the question.
What's PD?

Personality disorder.

Something else in my life that makes my life complicated and unstable
Also sorry you're right.... I was leaving for work when I wrote it so I was in a bit of a rush.

I guess the question is he doing it on purpose or is it just a reaction from being sexually frusterated? Should I be concerned?

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I guess the question is he doing it on purpose or is it just a reaction from being sexually frusterated? Should I be concerned?

I understand that you want someones point of view on this but no one can really answer that. We don't know him or his reasoning. If you think you should be concerned then maybe you should be, trust your gut.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I understand that you want someones point of view on this but no one can really answer that. We don't know him or his reasoning. If you think you should be concerned then maybe you should be, trust your gut.

with all of the disorders i have, i dont trust anything. is it even possible that hes doing it subconsciously?

 

[Good4Nothing]

I don't understand what he's doing.

 

[NightmareTour]

Sexual frustration is never an excuse for pressuring or guilt tripping someone into anything. People are capable of and responsible for controlling it and dealing with it themselves if the other person doesn't want to have sex. Talk to him about it honestly, and if he carries on once he's aware of it, he's doing it on purpose.

It also sounds like he's using your mental illnesses to make you not trust your own instincts and feelings. That's called gaslighting, and it's very unhealthy.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

with all of the disorders i have, i dont trust anything. is it even possible that hes doing it subconsciously?

Of course it's possible. But he can't force you to do anything you're uncomfortable with. If he tries to do so then that's definitely a warning sign.

 

[stygal]

If I understand it correctly...you feel bad about not wanting to have sex sometimes because you're partner would like to have some and gets frustrated if you still don't?

I'm not a guy but that strikes me as insensitive. No matter if you suffer from a PD or not, it's okay to not want to have sex for a time.

An understanding partner should just be there for you and talk to you about your feelings and show compassion. After all like you said - jerking off is always an option.

After something traumatic had happened to me I couldn't have sex for a year while being in a relationship. We talked about it and he did everything to not make me feel like I was in the wrong or something.

 

[Life_and_Death]

with all of the disorders i have, i dont trust anything.

It also sounds like he's using your mental illnesses to make you not trust your own instincts and feelings.

sorry, no he hasnt done it himself its just the type of disorders i have, one i can specifically point to is capgras (imposter syndrome) it really only effects my pets but i have other things like that as well where things seem off to me. having disorders like that and an almost constant fear of them getting so bad that i have to be involuntarily committed for life because i refuse help from everyone due to lack of trust.....makes it difficult for me to trust my feelings. plus feeling like im over exaggerating my disorders however feel fake when im happy also doesnt help (i think my disorders are working against me lol)

Of course it's possible. But he can't force you to do anything you're uncomfortable with. If he tries to do so then that's definitely a warning sign.

If I understand it correctly...you feel bad about not wanting to have sex sometimes because you're partner would like to have some and gets frustrated if you still don't?

I'm not a guy but that strikes me as insensitive. No matter if you suffer from a PD or not, it's okay to not want to have sex for a time.

An understanding partner should just be there for you and talk to you about your feelings and show compassion. After all like you said - jerking off is always an option.

After something traumatic had happened to me I couldn't have sex for a year while being in a relationship. We talked about it and he did everything to not make me feel like I was in the wrong or something.

i think you guys are right...but im not good at talking about stuff, not even writing it down......

i hate to say it but i think the easiest way for me to get my honest thoughts out is to just keep it to myself then blow up how im feeling on paper, it seems to be the only time i can really write. however to make sure im not jumping too much i hold on to it and reread it when im in a better mood, edit it then give it too him. that way i can have an even amount of thought out sentences and the way im feeling.

seems like a good...ish idea to me??

also @stygal yes.....at least it seems that way to me

 

[Meditation guide]

one i can specifically point to is capgras (imposter syndrome) it really only effects my pets

How does it affect your pets? Sorry, just wondering.

Maybe you could tell him to say "hey help me out" instead of getting frustrated.

 

[awfullife]

Either I missed something or that wasn't beneficial to the thread

My apologies. I will try harder next time to be relevant.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

idk how to deal with that stuff just try meditating and thinking good thoughts