Help Should I leave here?

[Blue Rose]

Recently, someone told me that I seemed to be more pro-lifer than pro-choicer privately in our talking.
I feel that myself is ambivalent to my life and world. and this remark made me more confused and sadder than other days.

I asked myself, So Who are you? What do you think?
Have you sympathised with anyone in SS indeed, truly, sincerely?
Have you craved to die someday surely? So, who are you?

I started to cry again. Even my initiation in the general chat room was not sad as what I am feeling now.
I don't know why that user told me like that. I started to doubt myself. I felt shameful and guilty.

Surely I think that every people has their right to take their life on their will.
I love my death as I love my life.
After I chose my end on my will, I started to feel pure happiness...

But it is a different story, I started to wonder whether I am okay with being in SS from now.
I started to feel I should not be in SS anymore.
I fear that maybe I am hypocrisy without any awareness... or maybe I am deceiving myself...

If I leave here, I will be sad or feel as if I had been discarded by everyone.
And then... I don't know well.

 

[http-410]

To be honest, I find the inflationary usage of these words (pro-life, pro-choice) rather petty and kinda immature. Many suicidal people go through periods of ambivalence. It's normal, don't feel bad about it. Even if you're attracted to life (again), that should be accepted. Many people here have recovered and left this place. The only thing that bothers many is the proselytizing of one's views like religious fanatics. I'm just saying this without judging or having read your posts.

Also, I for one would keep social interaction here to a minimum - for my own mental hygiene.

Whether you stay here or not, you have to decide by yourself. If I still "feel comfortable", I'd stay. Otherwise, I'd take a break or leave this place.

 

[summers]

@Blue Rose people sometimes leave ss when they are in recovery, and the forum pushes them back to suicidal thoughts. If the forum is helping you, or you would feel bad leaving, then you should stay. There is nothing wrong with discouraging other members from killing themselves, or offering support, so long as you respect their situation and why they feel the way they do.

 

[◄✵火✵〇°Ø•WÅR•Ī°〇✵火✵►]

I'm sorry you went through that op To be honest, I enjoy your presence on SS. You bring so many different views and perspectives from your country and culture and it's really nice and informative! Also, I think you are a good person. And you already expressed that everyone has the freedom to choose what to do with their existence. If you want to, maybe take a break from engaging with the forum for a bit and see how you feel. Don't force yourself to delete your account if you don't want to. It would be too bad if you deleted your account and then end up regretting it... So take your time. As long as you know yourself, remember that everyone is free to choose what they do with their existence and respect the forum rules, you should have no reason to feel that you are doing something wrong... Different people will have different opinions, so if someone says they think you're a pro-lifer when you know you are not, you should stay true to yourself and remain respectful and neutral and you may even distance yourself from the people that make you not feel good. I'm really sorry that happened to you. I hope you're okay now. *hugs*

Edit: Sorry the text is so small, I messed with the settings and now it's either too big or too small and I don't know how to change it back to the default size T.T

 

[Life_and_Death]

Have you craved to die someday surely?

Why must this be a requirement? There's a recovery section. Depression is depression. I see no reason for you to leave as long as you have the understanding that this is a pro choice site and treat members with respect

 

[Symbiote]

I would take it with a grain of salt. People tend to accuse others of being something at that moment but doesn't represent anything else in the past. It was in that timeframe he thought you are pro-life, but that shouldn't define you. I've gotten a lot of helpful advice on here that would be considered pro-life statements, but those were from people who cared about me and felt that I could prolong my life a bit longer rather than impulsively CTB. I enjoy your posts and your presence in the chat room, I think you're a wonderful member of this community and would miss you

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Post until you get banned. That's my motto, anyways...