pretzelsandballoons
dopamine ridden bastard <33.
- Jul 11, 2023
- 188
screw this
i need to shower
instead im fixated on my chest feeling tight after talking with that person
i dont even want to call him an asshole anymore bc somehow i feel bad
house was empty, he was outside
perfect time to shower
then decided to get water and speak of the devil
i told him to leave me alone or ill scream
then he says okay and says sorry
like he wasn't being condescending for once
what a fucking asshole
that aside, could've been worse- i think i made my point
like eventually he respected my burning desire to not interact w him
??
threw me the fuck off
(muttered "thank goodness" to myself)
i started to wonder if things have always been fucked up
yes
when you always have a shitty foundation, shit starts to crack
it's just now, i have finally hit rock bottom
i mean i can keep digging deep but i dont want my little brother to be even more disappointed in me
and im pretty sure when i go back to that god-forsaken household, when the neighbour's cat comes back to visit my little bro n i- she'll smell me and she will hate me
she'll smell, realising, how much of a parasite i am
infecting everything
im like a cockroach, always bouncing back somehow
hiding in the dark cracks and crevices.
this reality ive decide to doom myself in,,
occasionally, it hits me that ive hit rock bottom (mayhaps I should stop sleeping bc i know it'll help a lot w accepting my reality but im just going to keep doing w/e the fuck i want so it doesn't matter, anything goes)
but there's this small part of me that has hope, it's small and disgusting
i am small and disgusting
a cockroach attempting to survive again somehow, hiding somewhere dark where no one can find n reach me
team cockroach fr
oh how delicious this life is! what a big fucking joke my life is!~
it's fucking terrifying that i think it's inevitable that i will keep digging deep
pershlaps i want everyone to hate me, dislike me at least
give me the world or shun me
simple things
im very small and scared all the time. it's like someone stuck a bunch of organs in a small prey animal. an ugly thing
-
convo w self:
-you can't be redeemed
-you made your bed so lay in it
-just for once, do something right (that's not fair..) you give up too easy anyhow
(fuck you)
-you wish you can get fucked
oki time to shower now uwu
i need to shower
instead im fixated on my chest feeling tight after talking with that person
i dont even want to call him an asshole anymore bc somehow i feel bad
house was empty, he was outside
perfect time to shower
then decided to get water and speak of the devil
i told him to leave me alone or ill scream
then he says okay and says sorry
like he wasn't being condescending for once
what a fucking asshole
that aside, could've been worse- i think i made my point
like eventually he respected my burning desire to not interact w him
??
threw me the fuck off
(muttered "thank goodness" to myself)
i started to wonder if things have always been fucked up
yes
when you always have a shitty foundation, shit starts to crack
it's just now, i have finally hit rock bottom
i mean i can keep digging deep but i dont want my little brother to be even more disappointed in me
and im pretty sure when i go back to that god-forsaken household, when the neighbour's cat comes back to visit my little bro n i- she'll smell me and she will hate me
she'll smell, realising, how much of a parasite i am
infecting everything
im like a cockroach, always bouncing back somehow
hiding in the dark cracks and crevices.
this reality ive decide to doom myself in,,
occasionally, it hits me that ive hit rock bottom (mayhaps I should stop sleeping bc i know it'll help a lot w accepting my reality but im just going to keep doing w/e the fuck i want so it doesn't matter, anything goes)
but there's this small part of me that has hope, it's small and disgusting
i am small and disgusting
a cockroach attempting to survive again somehow, hiding somewhere dark where no one can find n reach me
team cockroach fr
oh how delicious this life is! what a big fucking joke my life is!~
it's fucking terrifying that i think it's inevitable that i will keep digging deep
pershlaps i want everyone to hate me, dislike me at least
give me the world or shun me
simple things
im very small and scared all the time. it's like someone stuck a bunch of organs in a small prey animal. an ugly thing
-
convo w self:
-you can't be redeemed
-you made your bed so lay in it
-just for once, do something right (that's not fair..) you give up too easy anyhow
(fuck you)
-you wish you can get fucked
oki time to shower now uwu
