Story so fucked up it hurts

[idkcherries]

when i was born i had a growing bubble on my heart, and if it exploded it wouldve killed me.

they had to take me quickly to another hospital, here they didnt have the equipment. my family as catholics and the neighborhood made a prayer chain. the doctors were so certain id die while being trqveled to the other hospital that they had a priest already there.

they checked the day before as it grew. and once they checked the next morning it was entirely gone. no explanation. the doctors were heavily confused. and yeah ofc everyone else was pretty happy.

they called me a miracle baby for a while as i grew up. its not fair to me. i coudlve died and not be able to live here right now. i wish it did explode. its not fair. i always thought this, what is my purpose? if i didnt die what is my purpose on earth. i couldve died that day i wish i did so i didnt have to do it now. and not go through anything. its so fucking cruel. it doesnt make sense i shouldve died. i attempted once when i was 15 with so many random pills but i just threw up and had a quick nose bleed once it woke me up. how on earth did it not kill me? those pills were given to my mom for pain from her multiple surgeries. what is my purpose here? all i want to do is die as i was supposed to.

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly is all just so unfair, I wish that I died when I was much younger but I really wish that I never existed at all as it would had prevented all of this. I really do consider those who die to be the fortunate ones, as it really does sound so ideal to me being incapable of suffering, and just being permanently free from this cruel world.

 

[Shadowlord900]

It wasn't divine intervention or anything like that, you was just unlucky that it didn't explode and shrank. There are other people in situations similar to yours, some of those may have had the opposite hope and wish they could have survived but end up dying.

There's people who wish they were still alive and passed away, there's people who wish they were dead but still live. That just adds to how much life sucks in general.

Pill overdoses sadly are rarely ever fatal (at least if you don't already have another underlying condition). There's few specific drugs that you can ingest for an easy death, those being barbiturates (Pentobarbital and Phenobarbital) and certain opioids/opiates (Fentanyl). Sadly it's getting more difficult getting a hold of various barbiturates and deadly opioids over the years. (Pentobarbital while desired for most pleasant CTB is almost impossible to get a hold of without going into another country with a vendor that's willing to sell it to you like Mexico.)

You could probably CTB on various heart related drugs but I wouldn't recommend it. Heck I mean technically you can die from overdosing from paracetamol but I'd never recommend that either, you'll feel incredible pain for up to 2 weeks until you pass away from liver failure.