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Namelesa

Namelesa

Global Mod · A Terrible Product
Sep 21, 2024
2,319
So umm I think at least this point I can really do say I have BPD cus of that my parents are in mental health help group meetings where everyone there is dealing with someone with BPD. They have been applied for it as part of me being in the DBT group. I felt validated from this due to the symptoms I have suffered but now kinda just feel hopeless from all of this in that I really do have this really hard to deal with disorder that isn't really treatable but only manageable. Kinda also feels like this really shows that I am a terrible person cus of how most people with it are seen and that I myself have done terrible things cus of the symptoms I experience of it.

Also it just feels like what I have experienced in life shouldn't have made me this way at all. Like I didn't suffer any abuse from parents or lost anyone. I just struggled emotionally with school and was lonely in my early life and that I had many friends leave me even tho I didn't really know many of them for long time anyways and that my first relationship end in like 2 and a half months and after that i just felt so empty about everything else. I am factually so pathetic compared to most people.

God I feel so empty. I don't want to suffer with this for rest of my life that I forced to live through cus I can't kill myself. Why can't I go back to being me without experiencing relationships and friendships? Just remove those from my memory please. I don't want to live like this please. I could of lived fine as a loner but now feel so empty cus of others leaving me. I am so awful to have messed up with so many people, especially my second relationship. God I miss that one so much even tho it was unhealthy and I couldn't express anything in it. Someone look after me please.... I feel so hollow now even after going through so little amount of suffering.

I deserve whatever bad has happened to me. I want to die.
 
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EmptyBottle

EmptyBottle

🔑 Friends with Aera23
Apr 10, 2025
1,336
BPD in itself can feel nightmarish (according to what I've read online)... maybe there will be better treatments in the future, hopefully.

I also want some memories removed from me (don't want to recall here... coz... if they somehow do get removed, I'll be reminding myself if I reread this)

I feel... urgh... that one close friend said "sorry, I'm not interested"... I probably should have sent happy Birthday as the first message when the friend asked who I was (I made an alt account, to check if I was silently blocked or smth).. I have a feeling the friend sent that message coz they got a lot of people wanting romantic relationships (I didn't, I just wanted to catch up)

Suffering isn't easy to compare (and imo, doesn't need comparison... suffering is suffering)... severe unwanted thoughts, and other hard-to-detect stuff can be as bad as certain other nightmarish experiences that I've read here. I avoid comparing myself coz some ppl are better/worse off than me... if better, I might feel envy, if worse, I might feel disappointed about their situation, wishing it improves.
 
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FoxSauce

FoxSauce

Emotionally unstable like an IKEA table
Aug 23, 2024
808
Bro same the Rollercoasters of emotions, paranoid thoughts and dont want closeness yet you longed for something like that.


For me hallucinations (I dont know myself tbh but I heard things like that can happen.


Plus like your mood can shift ona conversation, tone of voice or even not texting for a while

Is a nightmare
 
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bipolar22

bipolar22

Notorious shtposter
Aug 31, 2022
308
I have bpd. Its intense. But not thr main source of my suffering. It has upsides. It mskes me love intensely and have deep empathy. Of course there thr downsides like mood swings and anger. But the main culprit is life in this hell of a society. Anybody sensitive will get crushed in this system made by narcissist to squeeze the life out their citizens without them realizing it. Most normal people are so indoctrinated and conditioned it doesnt bother them how bad their job or relatioship or our environment in general are. We feel it deeply. Yes bpd is a problem but in an emphatic and just society it wouldnt manifest as this relentless pain because we wouldnt be subjected to the daily torment that is just so normal for most people.
And normal people feel it too. You see the rise in drug addiction, food addiction, media addiction. We are sensitive individuals in a highly toxic environment (society). Thats where the true pain of bpd or being an empath comes from. At least thats what I believe.
 
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C

ChamberOfEchoes

Member
Sep 8, 2025
22
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Unfortunately, each of us carries a heavy burden in life. I've read something about this particular disorder. Would you be so kind as to describe some typical attitudes, behaviors, and situations associated with this disorder, which are considered so devastating for those close to them?
 
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ReturnToVega

ReturnToVega

Member
Sep 29, 2025
12
Reading your post took me back to when I was in a really similar place. For a long time, I thought I had BPD and felt hopeless. But I started doing something called shadow work (look up psychologist Carl Jung), where I confronted the parts of myself I hated, (the abandoned inner child, the fear of being unloved, the shame) and slowly, what I thought was BPD began to disappear.

The more I made peace with those parts, the less "BPD" I saw in myself. I eventually realized that the diagnosis was just a label for behaviors that had been protecting me from pain I hadn't fully processed yet.
 
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Namelesa

Namelesa

Global Mod · A Terrible Product
Sep 21, 2024
2,319
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Unfortunately, each of us carries a heavy burden in life. I've read something about this particular disorder. Would you be so kind as to describe some typical attitudes, behaviors, and situations associated with this disorder, which are considered so devastating for those close to them?
sure, I suffer with intense fear of abandonment, can feel emotions very intense emotions but also feel great emptiness. I have quite unstable friendships and relationships and they often end quite quickly with them leaving me cus I did something wrong our of intense mental pain or I leave cus of the fear of abandonment being too much. I sometimes self harm as a way to cope with anxiety or emptiness or to punish myself. I also can just have a really low self esteem in thinking I am completely worthless and just a harm to others and I often blame myself for everything tho occasionally I can be really angry at others and think of them as really bad suddenly (and particular with family that can lead to me physically hurt them from how I think they are completely evil.) Its just so much of a great struggle to cope being alone with emptiness and wanting to be close to someone but if I am close to someone then I will suffer with great anxiety on them leaving me and worried I will do something wrong to them. It just feels like I will suffer from extreme ends of the emotional spectrum no matter what happens.
 
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58Alice85

58Alice85

Autogynephile
Aug 31, 2025
211
Modern society is one huge mental asylum where everyone sane is branded as mentally ill
 
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