Story So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, goodbye ....

[Polka]

Mr underthesea did you ever consider a change of career/volunteer into helping people since you demonstrated compassion for people in your post?

Given the complexities of life that might be a substitute for the 'been there done that' malaise kind of impression I got from you which I totally understand by the way.

 

[OvertheRainbeaux]

May you find the peace you are searching for.

 

[maybeimalreadydead]

This was so well written. wishing you peace

 

[burnedCookie]

Thanks for your post. I hope you find the peace you deserve.

 

[underthesea]

Beautiful post. Wishing you all the best.

Thank you. And thanks for all your help wih N and Nitrogen, and your support in our private chats. Take care.

That was an insightful goodbye post.

Wishing you freedom from all suffering

Thank you. Thanks for taking the time to read and your well wishes.

Wishing you a safe journey

Thank you.

May you find the peace you are searching for. ❤

Thank you!

This was so well written. wishing you peace

Thank you. Kind of you to say so.

Thanks for your post. I hope you find the peace you deserve.

Thank you.

 

[passenger27]

Good luck to you and safe travels.

 

[APharmaDestroyedLife]

Everything you said regarding the youth I 100% agree with. What has the world become? Youth suicide was almost unheard of when i was young. Life does get better, and everything you said about not needing a degree is spot on. There is far to much pressure on the youth these days, to much uncertainty in such a divided and violent world, and when you combine that with lack of social skills , real life friendships, and experiences because of technology and screen time quickly replacing real life. You can start to see why so many people are struggling.

I hate to see you go, but it sounds like you have had a rich and full life, but maybe it's not over just yet? I really think you could help a lot of the younger people here. Of course this is your life, and your choice. It would have been nice to have spoken with you more. If you do leave on the 3rd have a safe journey, and truly , from my heart. Thank you for spending so much time in this post to reach out to the younger members. They need that, the system, the schools, the media, and modern family dynamics are failing our kids and young adults so badly.

 

[Moonicide]

Thank you for sharing your very last words and moments with us... I'm wishing you a safe and peaceful journey.

Sending you all of my love.

 

[underthesea]

So I watched second to my last sunrise this morning. Yesterday I watched the first sunset of MMXX (2020), It was glorious! Pic attached!

If I get a chance I will post tomorrow after I check in the hotel at 3 pm, my time zone. Not sure I will have the time. I want to make sure I reset all my devices and don't want to leave it to last minute since I want to only focus on things I need to do for perfect execution of my method.

I will watch my last sunset tomorrow evening, maybe get dinner and a tropical cocktail if I feel hungry and not too unsettled in the stomach! Then on to my journey! I posted on another thread the last song I will listen to, which is Moon River. Yes, I am old! But that song has always been my favorite ever since I first heard it watching Breakfast at Tiffany's, when I was little. To me this song represents adventure and a marvelous journey, and I have often used it during my travels on this Earth.

Maybe a little later I will post my edited goodbye note I plan to leave for the world. I haven't decided. It is very personal and I don't know how it will be received here and whether it is even prudent for me to post it here. I need to think.

Anyway, thank you again each one of you who are taking the time to read my lengthy posts and sending me so much love and hugs my way!
Peace and love to all.

 

[Retard]

Thank you for putting so much time and effort into all of your sincere and heart-felt posts here. They have been an absolute pleasure to read.

I'm truly glad to hear that you have led such a full and rich life, and that you have such beautiful scenery with you at this time.

Lots of love to you

 

[underthesea]

So you use a suicide bag? By the way are you German?

I am using Nitrogen with Exit bag method. See my "N vs Nitrogen dilemma, which to use?" thread.

No, I am not German. I am American, mentioned USA in several of my posts in other threads.

Mr underthesea did you ever consider a change of career/volunteer into helping people since you demonstrated compassion for people in your post?

Given the complexities of life that might be a substitute for the 'been there done that' malaise kind of impression I got from you which I totally understand by the way.

In the category of "been there, done that" - in the past, I have volunteered for many years at numerous non-profit organizations and also donated lot of money to charities. My life is more complex than what I have stated here. But yeah,-been there, done that too! Did not give me much satisfaction or relief from my issues.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

 

[underthesea]

Everything you said regarding the youth I 100% agree with. What has the world become? Youth suicide was almost unheard of when i was young. Life does get better, and everything you said about not needing a degree is spot on. There is far to much pressure on the youth these days, to much uncertainty in such a divided and violent world, and when you combine that with lack of social skills , real life friendships, and experiences because of technology and screen time quickly replacing real life. You can start to see why so many people are struggling.

I hate to see you go, but it sounds like you have had a rich and full life, but maybe it's not over just yet? I really think you could help a lot of the younger people here. Of course this is your life, and your choice. It would have been nice to have spoken with you more. If you do leave on the 3rd have a safe journey, and truly , from my heart. Thank you for spending so much time in this post to reach out to the younger members. They need that, the system, the schools, the media, and modern family dynamics are failing our kids and young adults so badly.

Thank you. Appreciate your feedback. Agree with you, with some additions.

There are numerous factors contributing to the dissatisfaction among youths today. While I do agree that society has failed in many ways- see my comment in my first post, I also think the youths today have the wrong illusion of what life is. They need to take responsibility in forging a direction for their lives. In my youth, my generation had to do many things we didn't like and we did it without complaining. I see lot of my friend's kids who feel so entitled that the smallest difficulty throws them in a fit! They want a pat on the back all the time, validation all the time. They feel like life owes them something. These are my friend's kids, who cannot carry on a conversation with an adult because their head is buried in their iPhones, zero connection to other human beings around them.

Few things young kids need to understand-
1) Life is NOT fair or easy. It is brutal for most people. Buddha talks about suffering in life. It has been that way since dawn of mankind.

2) Life does not owe anything to anyone. You have to take it, earn it with your own efforts, your own sweat and tears. If you have people to help, lucky you! Ask for help, no shame in that. Many people just do it on their own. That is why I mentioned fortitude and perseverance in my prior post. Look at the Herculean effort required to climb Mt. Everest, fly the first plane, the first of anything. It didn't just happen the very first time on a single attempt. It takes time, many failures, mistakes and finally taking all those lessons which leads to success! I see young kids too easily give up saying oh this is too hard! College is hard, love is hard, life is hard! Well, yeah- what did everyone expect?

3) Young kids think stuff will be handed on a silver platter. Sorry, life doesn't work that way. It is DAMN HARD- I will keep repeating this over and over! It will bring you to your knees. You can either stay down, or choose to say Hell no! and get up again.

4) People can be cruel. See my prior post. Ignore the naysayers. Focus on people who are a positive influence. Choose your friends wisely.

5) It is up to the young people to eschew all the false illusions and standards thrown at us- about looks, about what represents success, racism, sexism, ageism - all the "isms" and say "Enough! We will not go down this path, we know a better way."

6) Finally, biggest thing- young people think all issues are immutable! They say oh, I lack this skill or that character attribute... whatever. Change yourself! It is up to every single individual to figure out what will make themselves a better person and go make that change. Think you are selfish? go help someone else, volunteer and see people who are in worse shape than you might be. Think you are lousy at your job? Figure out what makes you lousy at your job; maybe it is not the right fit and go find the right job, or acquire the skill or attitude required to be good at your job. Think you cannot live without love of this one person, the only love of your life at age 19? Have you seen the divorce rates? Very few people are lucky to find one person early on and stay with them forever. I have seen maybe 3 in my entire life and they come from old school of traditions, not relevant in modern society. Many of my friends stay married for reasons other than love, as they grow apart with age. People change. There are like a billion people on this planet. You will find someone else later on in life.

Focus on making yourself a better person, comfortable in your own skin and things will fall in place. In the process, one will fail a lot, cry a lot but life goes on. Only perseverance wins at the end.

Two of my favorite states are Colorado and Montana "The Big Sky" state. When I was hiking up high passes at 13,000 ft, climbing 14,000 ft mountains in CO or hiking in brutally cold Glacier National Park in Montana, driving through desolate prairies with snow capped peaks, all I could think of was how did the Native Americans or the early settlers survive with meager rations they had? Our society has devolved into entitled, soft humans- myself included. I said to self- I wouldn't have survived one winter in Montana in the 1700-1800's! Those were the pioneers, the hardy people who accepted whatever challenges life threw at them and made way for the modern society- where everyone is spoiled and wants instant gratification, things handed on a silver platter. Amazon 2 day delivery isn't fast enough. McDonalds gave too hot a coffee, sue them! On and on ...all the demands and zillion choices in supermarkets etc. Isn't it time everyone said let us learn from the early pioneers and develop skills to endure this life, which is far more comfy now than it was back then. I urge young people to go climb a mountain, go visit the prairies and imagine how people lived and survived back then. No one gave them a darn thing! That is life! You have to earn it with your own sheer will and aptitude.

Again, I hate to sound preachy. My intention is for the young people to learn from my mistakes. I wish someone had told me all the stuff that I now know, which would have made it lot easier for me to cope vs. operating under illusions and false expectations.

Good luck. Be well and give it time!

 

[TAW122]

Enjoy the last remaining days on Earth @underthesea and I wish you a peaceful and dignified exit.

 

[Quax]

@underthesea I read your posts in this thread with great interest.... I totally agree with you... and I have to say (no offense) you don't sound like a suicidal person. I don't know your reasons nor the mistakes you made which lead you to end your life but...you know...are you sure?
I am a pro-choicer so I support you in that decision but deep in my heart I have doubts. I hope you don't get me wrong. I will feel with you and wish you save travels, peace and freedom.

 

[Saddad]

Bye bye, thankyou for the chats, good luck.

You seem a nice lady

 

[Secrets1]

Inspiring words, can see why you lived such a full life. I'm in my mid 30's at a crossroads, recently life has taken tough turns in apparently every facet. Headed away for a personal retreat with therapy soon, took screenshots of your posts. Thank you for the heartfelt message. Imagine I'll look back on them while healing, up in the mountains surrounded by nature. I may thank you again in the future, we'll see, keep your ears open. Enjoy these moments + what awaits you beyond them.

 

[underthesea]

@underthesea I read your posts in this thread with great interest.... I totally agree with you... and I have to say (no offense) you don't sound like a suicidal person. I don't know your reasons nor the mistakes you made which lead you to end your life but...you know...are you sure?
I am a pro-choicer so I support you in that decision but deep in my heart I have doubts. I hope you don't get me wrong. I will feel with you and wish you save travels, peace and freedom. ❤

Thank you for reading my lengthy posts! Glad I don't sound suicidal! I made this decision over last 6 yrs of contemplation. I even conferred with my doctor of 15 yrs, at that time, who agreed with me. When one makes a deliberate, well thought out decision it will appear different than people who make it impulsively and out of desperation. My life is more complicated than I can state here, isn't all life complicated? But I have my reasons and yes, I am quite sure. I appreciate your concern and your well wishes. Thank you.

 

[APharmaDestroyedLife]

Again, I hate to sound preachy. My intention is for the young people to learn from my mistakes. I wish someone had told me all the stuff that I now know, which would have made it lot easier for me to cope vs. operating under illusions and false expectations.

Good luck. Be well and give it time!

Yes, even growing up when I did in the 70's and 80's , there was a lot of things I had to overcome, I understood life was not always fair. There were things that you just accepted and moved on with life.

I do think the world is a harder and more confusing place now then it has been in a long time.

I honestly am glad I grew up in the era I did. I don't know if the world is heading in the direction of a better society or a worse one, but i think these last 2 decades are going to play a major part in the evolution of what we become as a species.

 

[cowbain]

Beautifully written.

As an 18 year old aspiring world traveler who already feels like a failure, I want to say thank you for this post.

May your departure bring you contentment <33

 

[underthesea]

Inspiring words, can see why you lived such a full life. I'm in my mid 30's at a crossroads, recently life has taken tough turns in apparently every facet. Headed away for a personal retreat with therapy soon, took screenshots of your posts. Thank you for the heartfelt message. Imagine I'll look back on them while healing, up in the mountains surrounded by nature. I may thank you again in the future, we'll see, keep your ears open. Enjoy these moments + what awaits you beyond them.

Thank you for taking the time to read and understand my message. I hope you find the answers you seek and the strength to overcome the hurdles you face. I hope you hang in there, at least till you are my age, then you can thank me on your 60th birthday! Keep the posts in a file, and on your 60th birthday you can take it out, read it and you will see that you will be way wiser than I am now! You will be like duh! this is pretty obvious stuff! LOL!

I am glad you are taking the time to go to a retreat and reflect upon the direction you need to take and ways to get to your goals. Hey even Buddha found enlightenment under a Bodhi tree! More people should analyze and reflect upon their lives and where they are headed- I wish I had done it more often. Again, one of those things I was not aware of when I was young.

Good luck.

Yes, even growing up when I did in the 70's and 80's , there was a lot of things I had to overcome, I understood life was not always fair. There were things that you just accepted and moved in with life.

I do think the world is a harder and more confusing place now then it ever was.

I honestly am glad I grew up in the era I did. I don't know if the world is heading in direction of a better society or a worse one, but i think these last 2 decades are going to play a major part in the evolution of what we become as a species.

Truth be told it will get even harder in 10-15 years when robots become common place and replace majority of jobs. Society is unprepared. They are especially not prepared for people living long lives . What are they going to do with all people over 60 yrs who will be looking for jobs because retirement savings, Social Security, Medicare aren't enough? Society has no clue what to do with older people who are still healthy and who can still be productive. With further medical advancements people will live to be 100 yrs! 70 yrs will be the new 50 yrs!

Besides, the Earth is overpopulated and has limited resources. It will get only worse, barring an outright nuclear war or some sort of antibiotic resistant virus plague that wipes out majority of population. This is why smart people like Hawking were warning us and saying populating other planets might be the only solution in the future.

With limited resources how is society going to take of old peeps? Ageism even now is rampant, wait till you are 60 yrs old to find out how people treat you- like you are useless, even if one isn't (I use "you" loosely here, I don't actually mean you personally!). Without constructive solutions, there will be long lines at the death clinics, if they become common. Sarco will be working overtime! LOL!

Young generations need to foresee these problems and find solutions. No one is going to do it for them. If you are depending on the govt to find solutions- good luck with that!

Beautifully written.

As an 18 year old aspiring world traveler who already feels like a failure, I want to say thank you for this post.

May your departure bring you contentment <33

Darling you are only 18 yrs old! All teenagers feel like a failure at one time or another. There is too much peer pressure and often no direction. Schools and colleges are truly horrible in preparing young kids for realities of life, for what is truly required to become successful.

We are fed stupid Cinderella stories from our childhood. "Happily ever after" fairy tales. Life is anything but! Big marketing firms throw these stupid ads showing unrealistic body types as being beautiful, flashy cars, big houses ... they are all material meaningless things. Everything they show you is an illusion. It is hardly a wonder kids feel like failures. But you are NOT a failure. I don't know your individual story as to why you feel that. You just need to see the right path, which is probably not clear to you right now. Many people discover who they truly are, or things that make them happy, their strengths and weaknesses, etc.only when they are older like in mid 20's, some even later! Heck, some people find clarity in their 40's and 50's! It is like being lost in a forest, without a compass and trying to navigate your way out. It can be done if you are smart about it. I won't regurgitate what I already said in my above various posts. But I hope you won't just give up in the forest and curl up and CTB. Fight your way out because you are worth fighting for, and who knows you might discover a beautiful Paradise beach right next to the forest!

Good luck my young darling! Don't give up, please! The world has so many beautiful things, and you have barely begun your life's journey. You are just out of the gate on this race track, you have a long ways to go. Don't be afraid to ask for help from people around you. Maybe a caring teacher, counselor, family, friends- someone. You need just one person in your corner. And remember- nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Lots of love to you.

 

[underthesea]

Hi y'all:
This will be my last post for today. I may log in tomorrow depends on how things go. IF the check in at the hotel is hectic, I may delay to the night of the 4th since I have hotel booked until the 5th, and hang out at the infinity pool with my last cocktail! On the day either 3rd or 4th night, my time zone, I may post pictures of my setup for @FightingSoux to check out. It all depends.

I ended my getting a cold, maybe from all the time in the water at the beach. Lol! Am hoping that doesn't get worse to affect my breathing.

I thank everyone again for reading all my lengthy posts and all the feedback and love. I know I might have missed replying to some posts. I tried to catch all. Sorry if I missed replying to yours, but know this- I did read all of the posts, and the warm wishes sent to me were overwhelming. It is very kind of all of you to take the time.

For one final time, I want to share with the young un's, on this site, a quote that always inspired me. I kept it on my desk.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. "

• By H. Jackson Brown's mother. Quote is often misattributed to Mark Twain.

I have decided it might not be prudent to share my entire goodbye note given the young age of many on this site, but I will share it's ending:

[I bid you farewell with my fav quotes from two men who were far wittier than I am, and reflect what I feel better than I ever can:

"I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it."
― Mark Twain

"Life was not a valuable gift, but death was. Life was a fever-dream made up of joys embittered by sorrows, pleasure poisoned by pain; a dream that was a nightmare-confusion of spasmodic and fleeting delights, ecstasies, exultations, happinesses, interspersed with long-drawn miseries, griefs, perils, horrors, disappointments, defeats, humiliations, and despairs--the heaviest curse devisable by divine ingenuity; but death was sweet, death was gentle, death was kind; death healed the bruised spirit and the broken heart, and gave them rest and forgetfulness; death was man's best friend; when man could endure life no longer, death came and set him free."
- Letters from the Earth, Mark Twain

"I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
— Winston Churchill ]

I have also attached this poem to my goodbye note:

" Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there. I did not die."

- Mary Elizabeth Frye

Thank you all! Goodnight.

 

[Canon1]

You are such an inspiration!

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I wish you peace.

 

[underthesea]

Good morning! Day to make the move to the hotel! Turns out to be a cloudy, rainy day. LOL! No spectacular sunrise- clouds! Bummer!

One thing I wanted to clarify, since I saw mixed posts about people guessing my gender, LOL- I am a woman! I know whenever I mention weightlifting, boxing, martial arts, having personal trainer certification, scuba, backpacking or horse back riding- people assume I am a man. Sorry- nope! I never did any sports growing up. I was a geek, skinny, with thick glasses, bad skin and got bullied all the time in school.

I learned to lift weights after watching Arnold's Pumping Iron, and found I was good at it. Btw, I was 29 yrs old when I first started lifting weights, when women back then were doing Jane Fonda wimpy workout. I first enrolled in sports at the University, grad school, where I discovered I could take sports as an elective, free of charge and it didn't count towards my GPA. I was 24 yrs old! I enrolled in ice skating, running and ballet. Yeah, ballet at 24 yrs! LOL! But I was curious and wanted to learn whatever I could. Of course, I wasn't flexible enough but that didn't stop me. Then they were offering free martial arts on the campus because they had some crime against women and they were giving free lessons to women. Of course, I took advantage of it because it was free!

The point of all this is, one is ever too old to learn new things or change, if one wants to. If I can do it, so can you. I used to be short, skinny, weighed like 90 lbs, could barely use 10 lbs weight. Went on to squat 190 lbs, leg press 375 lbs, bench 125 lbs, dead lift 215 lbs, while still weighing 100 lbs and NO steroids whatsoever! I always preferred not to put junk in my body. But I used to train at a hole in the wall gym where pro body builders trained, and even they were amazed, back then, that a tiny woman was leg pressing 375 lbs and squatting 190 Lbs. The weights looked bigger than I did. It was pretty funny!

It is too bad I cannot post link to my hiking videos on YouTube, without giving out my identity. But yeah, I started hiking and backpacking at 54 yrs! Being a weightlifter, I even hated cardio like running. Most best hikers are runners because you need endurance more than power or strength. So it wasn't easy for me, plus I was old! But again that didn't stop me. I was stubborn! I took classes in hiking and survival, navigation, Wilderness FirstAid, reading weather, everything required to be a safe hiker. I wasn't going to be the one in the news that a Ranger had to come and rescue, like many stupid hikers and climbers who don't know their own limits and become a nuisance to the Rangers, causing them much aggravation and expense. I hiked 1000's of miles, mostly alone.

People always ask me, why do you do all these things alone? Hiking, traveling, scuba etc? My response is this: I would never have done anything, accomplished anything if I had waited for someone to do any of these things with me. I would still be waiting, life would have passed by and I would have missed out on many exciting adventures! I never met anyone with the same non traditional, curious to learn and adventurous spirit like me, and who wanted to do all the things I did. So I went off alone. Just like I am heading off on this final grand adventure, into realms unknown, all alone!

You are such an inspiration!

Thank you dear! Nice of you to say that.

If I have inspired you even tiniest bit, please - go out there and live! See my quote in prior post about casting off the bowlines, Explore, Dream, Discover! It would make me enormously happy if you young kids log off this site and make an effort to live your life. The option to exit will be there for you 60 yrs from now, after you have experienced everything the world has to offer. As I keep repeating- it won't be easy, but if you make it, the rewards can be enormous!

Love

 

[Mloureiro]

Good morning! Day to make the move to the hotel! Turns out to be a cloudy, rainy day. LOL! No spectacular sunrise- clouds! Bummer!

One thing I wanted to clarify, since I saw mixed posts about people guessing my gender, LOL- I am a woman! I know whenever I mention weightlifting, boxing, martial arts, having personal trainer certification, scuba, backpacking or horse back riding- people assume I am a man. Sorry- nope! I never did any sports growing up. I was a geek, skinny, with thick glasses, bad skin and got bullied all the time in school.

I learned to lift weights after watching Arnold's Pumping Iron, and found I was good at it. Btw, I was 29 yrs old when I first started lifting weights, when women back then were doing Jane Fonda wimpy workout. I first enrolled in sports at the University, grad school, where I discovered I could take sports as an elective, free of charge and it didn't count towards my GPA. I was 24 yrs old! I enrolled in ice skating, running and ballet. Yeah, ballet at 24 yrs! LOL! But I was curious and wanted to learn whatever I could. Of course, I wasn't flexible enough but that didn't stop me. Then they were offering free martial arts on the campus because they had some crime against women and they were giving free lessons to women. Of course, I took advantage of it because it was free!

The point of all this is, one is ever too old to learn new things or change, if one wants to. If I can do it, so can you. I used to be short, skinny, weighed like 90 lbs, could barely use 10 lbs weight. Went on to squat 190 lbs, leg press 375 lbs, bench 125 lbs, dead lift 215 lbs, while still weighing 100 lbs and NO steroids whatsoever! I always preferred not to put junk in my body. But I used to train at a hole in the wall gym where pro body builders trained, and even they were amazed, back then, that a tiny woman was leg pressing 375 lbs and squatting 190 Lbs. The weights looked bigger than I did. It was pretty funny!

It is too bad I cannot post link to my hiking videos on YouTube, without giving out my identity. But yeah, I started hiking and backpacking at 54 yrs! Being a weightlifter, I even hated cardio like running. Most best hikers are runners because you need endurance more than power or strength. So it wasn't easy for me, plus I was old! But again that didn't stop me. I was stubborn! I took classes in hiking and survival, navigation, Wilderness FirstAid, reading weather, everything required to be a safe hiker. I wasn't going to be the one in the news that a Ranger had to come and rescue, like many stupid hikers and climbers who don't know their own limits and become a nuisance to the Rangers, causing them much aggravation and expense. I hiked 1000's of miles, mostly alone.

People always ask me, why do you do all these things alone? Hiking, traveling, scuba etc? My response is this: I would never have done anything, accomplished anything if I had waited for someone to do any of these things with me. I would still be waiting, life would have passed by and I would have missed out on many exciting adventures! I never met anyone with the same non traditional, curious to learn and adventurous spirit like me, and who wanted to do all the things I did. So I went off alone. Just like I am heading off on this final grand adventure, into realms unknown, all alone!


Thank you dear! Nice of you to say that.

If I have inspired you even tiniest bit, please - go out there and live! See my quote in prior post about casting off the bowlines, Explore, Dream, Discover! It would make me enormously happy if you young kids log off this site and make an effort to live your life. The option to exit will be there for you 60 yrs from now, after you have experienced everything the world has to offer. As I keep repeating- it won't be easy, but if you make it, the rewards can be enormous!

Love

I know i can't say this or should not but please don't go. You are such an inspiration, we need, the world needs you and people like you. But this is just my wish and I respect yours. Safe and peaceful travel my dear

 

[underthesea]

So I just checked in the hotel, it is about 4 pm.

As I stood in the hotel lobby to check in, with all guests swarming around, I felt extremely guilty about what the hotel staff was going to find. The hotel is a 5 star hotel, booked solid still after the holidays, cause I live in a place where it is peak tourist season now. And so I stood there feeling very guilty and wished I had finished this in Nov in Montana when I went to hike for one last time in MT in Oct-Nov. I should have just taken the car and parked somewhere remote in the park. But as I mentioned on another thread about places to get lost, I got scared at night at Lake Bowman, with bears prowling around and at that time felt I wanted closure with my body found, cremated and ashes scattered in the ocean. But now that I'm in the hotel I want to run off to the mountains where I can make as much mess as I want! Lol!

It was a tiring day today. I was trying to tie all loose ends. There is so much to take care of if one is trying to take care of everything so nothing remains to be done, So I'm tired and debating if I want to do this tomorrow night. I had originally booked the hotel for 2 nights, thinking if I did N, I might need longer time for discovery, in case I end up being one of those rare cases that took 24 hrs to pass with N! But Nitrogen doesn't take long and I could postpone this till tomorrow night and just relax tonight and do nothing tomorrow all day then I would be refreshed and in less tired state to execute meticulously the Nitrogen method.

But again my guilt overwhelms me because I feel if I do it tonight the hotel will find me tomorrow, housekeeping, and they will have tomorrow night paid for to take care of the mess, vs. finding me on the 5th checkout date when they might need to take the room off the market. But in all likelihood, they might have to take the room off the market regardless whether they find me on 4th or the 5th! I am leaving the hotel some money to compensate them somewhat, but without knowing how much costs they will incur because of me, I feel guilty!

Funny, I am not scared at all, just guilty. People have to deal with my mess! Sigh! Decisions, decisions!

 

[Carina]

One of my friends works in a hotel... just out of curiosity I asked what happens (granted varies). He's never had that happen before, but he assumes they'd just clean the room, change/discard sheets, find a way to hide the pickup a bit (like employee only elevators, etc), and rent it back out as usual.

 

[underthesea]

I

One of my friends works in a hotel... just out of curiosity I asked what happens (granted varies). He's never had that happen before, but he assumes they'd just clean the room, change/discard sheets, find a way to hide the pickup a bit (like employee only elevators, etc), and rent it back out as usual.

Thank you for that information. I was having visions of the room becoming hazmat area with a dead body. Luckily, my room is near service elevators! I have stayed at this hotel before and I had a similar room last time because it is quiet on this side of the hotel. I always ask for quiet rooms! So hopefully they can sneak my body out the service elevators and not the main elevators that goes through crowded lobby. I hope I don't make it in the newspapers, figured this hotel will be discreet.

I did bring a large plastic drop cloth to cover the bed, just in case there is leakage after death. Although, Dr. PN said there wasn't with this method but I figured it will be easier for them if I covered the bed with plastic drop cloth.

Yeah, I'm thinking tomorrow night cause I feel really tired right now and I don't want to be making mistakes with equipment.

I have to say I was a bit nervous dragging the tank in my shopping trolley through my rental building I was staying at, then taking Uber and dragging it through hotel lobby. I also brought another large bag so I wouldn't look too suspicious without any other luggage! Being cautious type I figured let me bring at least couple of extra clothes just in case, for some freak reason, my attempt fails. LOL!

 

[purplemoon]

I really hope that you find the peace you need, And thank you for sharing your beautiful, inner most thoughts. Your level of wisdom is incredible.

Truly, I wish that you could have had an opportunity to have written a small pamphlet for high school and college students; they would benefited greatly from the way you explained life, especially about what really matters, and not all of these illusions.

I am so sorry for anything you have experienced in life that made you sad. You sound so mature and insightful. Many people are often unable to see the beauty underneath, and they don't know that they don't know. Unfortunately it affects So many innocent people, including yourself as you mentioned. Your original title was sweet; it also reminded me of a song from the sound of music movie, so endearing.

Whatever your beliefs are, I respect them, but I'm sending you goodness and loving light for whatever you experience, and may you stay just the way you are, what a marvelous soul you must have.

You can write to us if you need to, and we also understand if you do not.

In your last moments, may you have your wishes for relief, freedom, and peace be yours always.

Hugs

 

[underthesea]

. Your original title was sweet; it also reminded me of a song from the sound of music movie, so endearing.

Whatever your beliefs are, I respect them, but I'm sending you goodness and loving light for whatever you experience, and may you stay just the way you are, what a marvelous soul you must have.

Thank you for your lovely post and the beautiful purple glowing light- I it!

Actually, I did take the title from the Sound of Music! Used to love that movie when I was a kid! Had a crush on Christopher Plummer back then. He was so handsome! LOL!

Thank you for taking the time to send me your dazzling purple moon and loving light my way, and for your best wishes!