Story So my wife and I are back together

[LadyAlastor]

So my wife and I got back together, that's a great thing and everything I can't help but feel a bit scared scared that everything's going to go wrong.

However on top of getting my wife back which was one of the things that was definitely causing my suicidal attempts and tendencies.

But I didn't realize my daughter would affect me in the same way because it's been so long that I've been able to see her that I have had thoughts of just taking myself out because I've missed two birthdays two Christmases pretty much two of every holiday and that kills me inside I guess my true fear is truly never being able to see her again and all that lands on my wife because she has to fight for custody of her.

So she's fighting the best she can but when her and I were talking things out I'd let her know how I felt over the course of two years every emotion every action everything that came with it including the suicidal attempts told her about how I was going to jump off the bridge off the 710 in the 405 freeway.

However when I told her that she looked like she really didn't want to hear that but it's like I'm telling you the truth you know this is how bad you being gone and not having my daughter in my life affected me that I didn't want to live in the hidden truth is the fact that I still don't want to because I'm scared that with all this effort I'm putting into and all this effort my wife is putting into that we still may never be able to see our kid again and I think that's what we'll push me to the point to where I'm going to say screw everything because my daughter is my world just like my wife is my world .


and I really can't live without either of them let alone both of them I can't live out without either of them and the thought of my daughter being gone for even more years that I'm not able to see her it's just too much pain to bear for me you know when I told her about my suicide attempts, in detail she did hold me as I was crying into her chest told me that everything's okay.


and she's glad I didn't do it cuz she doesn't know she just know she'd be able to live with herself. because comes to find out throughout this entire time she was still in love with me and she's still in love with me she's just not ready to say the words but I know she is and I've even called her out on it and she just blushed and embarrassment but I still sit here scared I guess it's natural at this point for me.



I just want my family back. I already lost my twins I don't want to lose my oldest daughter not the one I hold closest to my heart.


So for now I'm just holding on till then if my wife gets to have custody of our daughter good I can still see her and will be a family again but if she doesn't get custody and loses I can't guarantee anything.

It's been a very hard struggle for me.
All all I have is a picture of her I came next picture so close to my heart and I kiss it every night before I go to sleep I just want my baby my goodness I miss so much, I miss her laughter I miss her tears I miss her anger spouts I miss her silliness just everything I can't stand the thought of not having her in my life just like I can't stand the thought of not having my wife in my life it's just very difficult but I'm trying to hold on.


I'm trying to survive and I realize that surviving is so much harder.

 

[Apricity]

Man, I'm glad you got your family back. I'm currently fighting to get my wife back but I don't think I'll be successful. Sounds like you waited two years; it's only been 4 months and I'm tired of the anxiety. IDK how you lasted so long, but it's a good thing you did. I don't think I can.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you are going through a lot, and I can understand that it is hard when you are trying to survive from day to day. Life really can be a struggle. I wish you well.