So why do y'all Self Harm

[CutToRelease]

U don't have to read all of this post to respond just the next paragraph.

So I'm curious as to why other people self harm. Doesn't matter how u do it. Burn Cut Punch Scratch or bang your head into walls. Why do u do it and how did it start?


Me personally I'm not suicidal any more. I have things that have to happen first before I can die or if certain things happen then it wont matter and I can just die.

But I do cut. I cut a ton. And I have tried other means of SH but I prefer cutting. I do it mostly to release stress or to break out of dissociation. It could also be to just feel something. But I do notice the worse any of those problems are the deeper I go. Also I'm terrified of not having my blades on me. I will always have like at least 2 knives on me.

I don't really remember when it started. My memory is not the greatest furthest I can remember is like 5 months ago. Anything past that is glimpse and pieces of memory. What's even stranger is my memories don't feel like me. Like if u go play a game on some else computer u load up their save and your just there no idea how or why.

This is also why I have a chat log of just me yelling at my future self (who is me) he is rude me. Tells me to kill myself. I know it was me who type all of it but. I can remember it and it doesn't feel like its just my old messages.

I'm rambling any how bye for now.

 

[Dot]

Self Harm Support Thread

I see self harm mentioned a lot on this forum, but never one set area for it. So I wanted to do a thread where people can come and talk freely, seek support, Share images, {but please spoilers first} Self harm goes unnoticed, but its a path many of us walk. Share your story, support and more...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[maniac116]

Just my opinion but cutting etc isn't the only way people self harm.
Drinking & drugging, self sabotage & so much more is self harm too but I see what your point.
In fact CTB is self harm too...

 

[timetodie24]

U don't have to read all of this post to respond just the next paragraph.

So I'm curious as to why other people self harm. Doesn't matter how u do it. Burn Cut Punch Scratch or bang your head into walls. Why do u do it and how did it start?

For me it's a way of coping when i'm feeling overwhelmed . To punish myself too. Feels addictive almost.
Started in my early teens. Started with scratching and progressed to cuts. Sometimes burn or hit myself too.

Recently started sh in very different way to my usual sh . And the purpose of that is different as it's due to commands from voices.

 

[CutToRelease]

Just my opinion but cutting etc isn't the only way people self harm.
Drinking & drugging, self sabotage & so much more is self harm too but I see what your point.

Yeah that's fair its just the most obvious ones I thought of and I didn't feel like writing down every single possible one. Cause idk I'm lazy.

 

[pulleditnearlyoff]

U don't have to read all of this post to respond just the next paragraph.

So I'm curious as to why other people self harm. Doesn't matter how u do it. Burn Cut Punch Scratch or bang your head into walls. Why do u do it and how did it start?


Me personally I'm not suicidal any more. I have things that have to happen first before I can die or if certain things happen then it wont matter and I can just die.

But I do cut. I cut a ton. And I have tried other means of SH but I prefer cutting. I do it mostly to release stress or to break out of dissociation. It could also be to just feel something. But I do notice the worse any of those problems are the deeper I go. Also I'm terrified of not having my blades on me. I will always have like at least 2 knives on me.

I don't really remember when it started. My memory is not the greatest furthest I can remember is like 5 months ago. Anything past that is glimpse and pieces of memory. What's even stranger is my memories don't feel like me. Like if u go play a game on some else computer u load up their save and your just there no idea how or why.

This is also why I have a chat log of just me yelling at my future self (who is me) he is rude me. Tells me to kill myself. I know it was me who type all of it but. I can remember it and it doesn't feel like its just my old messages.

I'm rambling any how bye for now.

I feel exactly the same, also dissociation and feel like a different person is inside of me. It started with punching myself in the head couple of years ago to regulate emotions and release stress. Also binge-eating. Two years ago I added alcohol to numb emotions. When it became unbearable I started to strangle myself (partial hanging). The last couple of moths I'm in so much agony and mental pain and feel full of angre and frustration that I started cutting myself.

 

[awaitinglove]

i noticed that i usually do it at night and it's to fall asleep feeling physical pain rather than confronting my emotional pain. i guess it's an easier escape.

 

[Pryras]

It helps overwrite bad memories with worse experiences.

 

[brickedup]

started as a way of coping with strong emotions and eventually became habit every time shit hits the roof. trying my best to stop tho, a month clean as of rn :)

 

[onthefence]

I do it for the endorphins. Started with cutting in my early teens. Now I prefer burning because it is less messy but bruising is what I have had to use recently because other people are seeing my body and bruises are easier to explain away. Burning definitely works better though.

 

[RandomGirl52]

honestly at first i just did it to see why other people did it, max 7 cuts at a time and they were all cat scratches. then I found sh communitys and then one night my dad got really mad at me thinking I stole some stupid spoons and I did like 20 at a time to distract myself from the fear and got my first styro, after that I need to do at least 5 every night or I get super freaked out and feel a huge need to cut

 

[coolgal82]

mostly as like emotional regulation but sometimes i see it like alcohol or drugs where its like mostly a thing i do for that purpose but i also like to do it for fun every now and then

it used to only be drinking then evolved to cutting cus that wasnt doing it and tbh i had thoughts of it for a while but then i had a bad enough breakdown that i just starting swiping with some scissors a few months ago and its been devolving since then lmao

 

[soapgoat]

I started because I wanted to have confirmation of my depression. Like I wanted to physically see scars so i could tell that this was really happening. Also to hurt myself when I feel too guilty. When I disassociate too much I feel like I'm wearing my skin so I want to cut it off.

 

[atrophy]

I self harm when I mess up. It almost is like a punishment.
I see the scar and I am reminded of how much i loathe myself and the reason behind the self hate.

 

[VoidAetherium]

To ease my rage or pain when the whole incomprehensible of this dystopic sick reality is already to burst his idiocracy and disorientation on me

 

[sximii]

I don't even know to be honest. It started off as a coping mechanism, but It's just become a habit now, like an addiction. It's really bad at this point, a lot of my cuts 1-1.5cm deep, sometimes I go up to 2 or 3cm and I had stitches on a few occasions. I don't really wanna stop though, I'm just so used to it. Occasionally I also scratch my hands if I don't have any sharp objects or am in a place where I can't leave. So I have many scars on my hands but some people mistake it for dermatitis.

 

[nomoredolor]

cutting: started when I was 12 or 13. At first did it as punishment for masturbating thinking about girls (religious trauma) and then as a way to cope. Seeing the blood relaxes me and clears my head. I feel relief and the physical pain helps distract from mental pain. Aftercare also gives me something to do that feels ritualistic and helpful.

Burning: started in December after a failed attempt and then losing my love to suicide. The pain is unimaginable I often pass out from it. But it's still better than the emotional pain and grief. I feel like I deserve the torture. And if I can withstand this I can withstand anything. I don't allow any aftercare other than keeping it clean with soap and water. And the hit of dopamine I get after the worst pain is over is this isn't advised but I also like draining the burn blisters later on.

Thanks for sharing your experiences with us

Anna

 

[Gem_andtheholograms]

i mostly do it to vent frustration and anger w myself. and to physically feel a bit of the mental pain i'm in ig? and bc of my massive dypshoria i feel like a part of it is also punishing my body for being the way it is. I cut on occasion, but i honestly prefer biting myself, usually to the point of bruising and sometimes to the point of bleeding. I always do it on my upper arms for easy concealing. Most of the time i do it impuslively after doing something stupid. yesterday for example i gave myself 3 quick cuts after knocking a glass of juice all over my desk.

my drug usage is def self harm as well, but there i feel it's mostly just escapism and the craving to 'feel' stg

 

[lionetta12]

U don't have to read all of this post to respond just the next paragraph.

So I'm curious as to why other people self harm. Doesn't matter how u do it. Burn Cut Punch Scratch or bang your head into walls. Why do u do it and how did it start?


Me personally I'm not suicidal any more. I have things that have to happen first before I can die or if certain things happen then it wont matter and I can just die.

But I do cut. I cut a ton. And I have tried other means of SH but I prefer cutting. I do it mostly to release stress or to break out of dissociation. It could also be to just feel something. But I do notice the worse any of those problems are the deeper I go. Also I'm terrified of not having my blades on me. I will always have like at least 2 knives on me.

I don't really remember when it started. My memory is not the greatest furthest I can remember is like 5 months ago. Anything past that is glimpse and pieces of memory. What's even stranger is my memories don't feel like me. Like if u go play a game on some else computer u load up their save and your just there no idea how or why.

This is also why I have a chat log of just me yelling at my future self (who is me) he is rude me. Tells me to kill myself. I know it was me who type all of it but. I can remember it and it doesn't feel like its just my old messages.

I'm rambling any how bye for now.

U don't have to read all of this post to respond just the next paragraph.

So I'm curious as to why other people self harm. Doesn't matter how u do it. Burn Cut Punch Scratch or bang your head into walls. Why do u do it and how did it start?


Me personally I'm not suicidal any more. I have things that have to happen first before I can die or if certain things happen then it wont matter and I can just die.

But I do cut. I cut a ton. And I have tried other means of SH but I prefer cutting. I do it mostly to release stress or to break out of dissociation. It could also be to just feel something. But I do notice the worse any of those problems are the deeper I go. Also I'm terrified of not having my blades on me. I will always have like at least 2 knives on me.

I don't really remember when it started. My memory is not the greatest furthest I can remember is like 5 months ago. Anything past that is glimpse and pieces of memory. What's even stranger is my memories don't feel like me. Like if u go play a game on some else computer u load up their save and your just there no idea how or why.

This is also why I have a chat log of just me yelling at my future self (who is me) he is rude me. Tells me to kill myself. I know it was me who type all of it but. I can remember it and it doesn't feel like its just my old messages.

I'm rambling any how bye for now.

I think I do it just to focus on that instead of something else that I'm dealing with, basically to swap the focus. I also feel like I have control over something when I self harm. I don't have much control in my most important relations and it is a big issue for me and it breaks me mentally, so to feel better I do something that gives me some sense of control which is just to harm myself in silence.

 

[Loser1989]

I used to do it just to feel something, as edgelord as that sounds Now I do it to control my emotions. It helps to know I can do something to control myself and my mood. The aftercare I have to give myself is also a part of it. I like to clean and bandage and "look after myself" even though I go weeks without bathing and years without a hair cut. I feel like it's easy self care.

I've also developed a drinking problem this past month, I'd class that as self harm because I never used to drink but a nice vodka in the morning eases the anxiety.

For a few years I've also abused prescription meds and over the counter cocodamol. This has been replaced by the drinking though. I told my mum a few months ago that I felt my addiction to meds was a self harm thing.

So that's why :) thanks for posting the question ❤

 

[death_bed221]

I do it cuz its the only time I feel alive. Yea I am hurting myself but at least I am feeling something. A human experience. I don't feel anything otherwise. I am pretty much already dead. A walking corpse with a consciousness

 

[LevUwU]

Blood. Maybe that sounds weird, but I love seeing it, tasting it, just... blood...

 

[broth0100]

as a distraction and ditto on releasing stress. sometimes the only time my body feels correct is when its in some sort of self inflicted pain

 

[Rev346]

First time was so I could desensitized myself and learn to cut myself in more vital areas. Then I quickly learned that it's super addictive for me. Aside from addiction brain chemicals there is just a release knowing I am actually able to cut into my body. I also enjoy the sensation of putting alcohol sanitizer on the wound.

 

[Lavínia]

It was a way to see myself. My moods change a lot, in the past even more, so there were days when I was in a crisis, with horrible fear, unbearable pain and my mind screaming... and the next day everything was fine. I started to think that I was victimizing myself, looking for trouble. Time passed, I had crises again, and the next day: boo, booo, nothing here~. I just judged and didn't understand why I was feeling so afraid in those crises, I didn't understand, as if I were another person.
Thinking about me in the crisis, how it wasn't understood by anyone, not even by myself, I wanted to leave proof of its pain, something that would remember me:
- My pain exists! It's true! I exist. See me.
It started like that. Now it's an escapism, and a kind of hobby. A "need to paint more" or a childish thing like that, something to lost time thinking.

 

[zilk]

For me, it serves as a distraction and helps me forget about things, even if just for a short while.

 

[yeahyeahyeahfan]

Cutting helps me feel in control. I'm stuck with no car, a job I hate, a lack of funds, mental health problems, etc etc. But I can control my own skin, I can look at my arms in the mirror and feel like I at least have bodily autonomy. But it's other things too, it's multi-functional.

I think on some level it's probably a cry for help too. Like, see how seriously I'm hurting? I'm not making it up.

Don't know if this is messed up or not but I also think the scars are pretty. I have stripes!

In the past I tried burning for the same reasons as cutting, but the healing process is too annoying. I also used to hit myself in the head a lot, but that was less deliberate, it was some kind of automatic self-punishment when I started having bad memories or bad thoughts.

 

[kitia973]

I cut often; started when I was about 9 years old. It's a way for me to transform the mental pain into something physical and tangible. It also calms me down, and stops my impulses to hurt or destroy other people/things. The physical pain from cutting (I use a steak knife, the jagged edge makes it hurts a lot more than razor blades) makes me feel alive instead of numb.

 

[whytrymyguy]

U don't have to read all of this post to respond just the next paragraph.

So I'm curious as to why other people self harm. Doesn't matter how u do it. Burn Cut Punch Scratch or bang your head into walls. Why do u do it and how did it start?


Me personally I'm not suicidal any more. I have things that have to happen first before I can die or if certain things happen then it wont matter and I can just die.

But I do cut. I cut a ton. And I have tried other means of SH but I prefer cutting. I do it mostly to release stress or to break out of dissociation. It could also be to just feel something. But I do notice the worse any of those problems are the deeper I go. Also I'm terrified of not having my blades on me. I will always have like at least 2 knives on me.

I don't really remember when it started. My memory is not the greatest furthest I can remember is like 5 months ago. Anything past that is glimpse and pieces of memory. What's even stranger is my memories don't feel like me. Like if u go play a game on some else computer u load up their save and your just there no idea how or why.

This is also why I have a chat log of just me yelling at my future self (who is me) he is rude me. Tells me to kill myself. I know it was me who type all of it but. I can remember it and it doesn't feel like its just my old messages.

I'm rambling any how bye for now.

Lots of reasons. Wanting to punish myself, wanting the dopamine rush from cutting, sometimes just for the scars.

 

[CutToRelease]

To all who have replied to this thank you. Its nice to see I'm not alone in my reasoning that is a small comfort to have.