Dusk till dawn
Experienced
- Sep 7, 2018
- 224
When i was 8 year old, at night, i was at bed, having late night thoughts, i was thinking about death and how my parents will die one day, thinking about this made me cry because i didn't want to leave my parents, the funny thing is that i was like 8 year old so i didn't notice my parents are very unhappy and exhausted and tired from life, i just couldn't understand that and thought everything was rainbows and good, since i had friends, i wasn't living in poverty, i was happy and never thought my future could turn to be hellish enough that i'd consider death as a mercy upon myself, fast forward to like 10 years, my views completely changed, i learned life wasn't all good and rainbows, i no longer think adults are a bunch of idiots who understand nothing and just say meaningless stuff when they say life is dreadful and not all rainbows and fun, can't imagine how my younger self used to think, guess life really broke me considering i used to cry over the thought that one day the people i love will perish, life was like heaven to me so i couldn't understand when older people talks about how life is dreadful and tiring and boring, today i'm nothing but a lonely loser, with no purpose of life, living as an outcast, the simplest form of communication with people would make me happy, my views completely changed and i view death as a mercy to most people, i even desire to die, which is an outcome that i could have never predicted for my future self, i guess life really breaks you over the course of the years and makes you a completely new person, i only become more miserable and depressed over time, and now i'm really in my lowest points, wishing to die, lonely, an outcast, 0 friends, no purpose to keep living
