Story Sometimes you need to bring yourself to the edge of death to live again

[Bedrock48]

I am not endorsing anyone to do this, it's just a way I've found to cope when I can't cope with life anymore. You can easily end up dying from this, the more serious a method you use the greater the risk. Nobody should attempt this (talking to myself as much as anyone else) but for now I have no better coping mechanism. Wishing for death but knowing I had plans I had to be alive for. Its also a way I've become close with death in hopes to wrestle my SI into something more manageable.

I overdosed in a nearby park with whiskey and propranolol (among other meds). Not as a suicide attempt but more a serious self harm. Spent about 2 hours there in a state between consciousness and unconsciousness. It was very peaceful. Called the ambos on myself. Stumbled back to my house, leaving the key in the door and passed out on my couch. Woke up a couple hours later to 3 paramedics barging through my door. I wonder if/when I would've woken had I not called. Low blood pressure and low heart rate. Patched up and sent back home.

I can't explain how much better I feel. That itch for death and itch for self harm has been scratched. Now I can face living again for enough time to see my friends. If or when I complete suicide I hope its as peaceful as this experience. This'll be something I think back on for a while.

 

[noname223]

The last time I was really suicidal I tried a little bit partial and stood in front of the 7th floor of a building. I wanted to look death in the eye it quite scared me. My SI became very strong I felt like I was on the wrong track and wanted to give life another chance. To this point I did not try a lot of stuff.
Unfortunately almost nothing worked out what I've tried till today. Soon after this suicidal episode I had kind of the feeling I've just postponed suicide. Looking death in the eye can be pretty scary. I don't know the impact if I survive a suicide attempt. I hope that won't happen. And if I do it I really want to succeed.

 

[FuneralCry]

I could imagine how this could calm down suicidal thoughts, as you are acting upon them. It is one of my worst fears failing a method and ending up with consequences though. I will probably have to be desperate to try anything.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I seen the edge of death and it made me freak out and get so scared but it hasnt made me want to live in the sense that life suddenly became this wonderful thing that i would never want to let go off. I dont think it works in the way you mentioned. Our misery and dread dont disappear just because we were at the gate of death.

 

[Sakura94]

I've been there. But all the things that brought me there don't vanish so it's temporary and just an awful way to exist anyway.
I do hope it works out for you though. Things play out differently per each person.

 

[hahabye]

I definitely know what you mean.

5 years ago I had a terrible depressive episode, could not speak to anyone or do anything, I just wanted to dissappear. I was visiting my mom and had no knowledge on appropriate methods, so in the moment of an absolute despair I cut my wrist with a blade I took out from a shaver.

Cutting was never my thing, so I didn't even manage to go that deep. But the moment blood appeared, I called out for my mom.

After that, I felt like I was born again. The depressive episode was gone, as if it never happened. I managed to start a new study and lived a relatively normal life without another big episode for 3 more years.

I'm still wondering what happened in my brain during that close-to-death experience that made me feel like a different person.

 

[Bedrock48]

It is one of my worst fears failing a method and ending up with consequences though. I will probably have to be desperate to try anything.

Yeah, that's definitely the worst part. I accepted the possibility the other day because I was pretty desperate.

Our misery and dread dont disappear just because we were at the gate of death.

I do agree with you but, at least for me, it lessens. This time it's lessened significantly and I have the strength to live a little longer.

I've been there. But all the things that brought me there don't vanish so it's temporary and just an awful way to exist anyway.
I do hope it works out for you though. Things play out differently per each person.

Sadly it's likely a temporary fix for me too. It felt like my only two options that night were death and near death. I chose the latter because I knew I had to keep myself alive longer. If it ends up helping longer then then hell yeah I'll take it. I much appreciate the well wishes.

After that, I felt like I was born again. The depressive episode was gone, as if it never happened. I managed to start a new study and lived a relatively normal life without another big episode for 3 more years.

Heavily related to your entire post. 3 years I'd an amazing time and I'm glad you got to experience that (after from obviously the attempt) . Only time will tell how long this will help me but after spiralling for a couple months I finally feel like I want to face tomorrow at least.

 

[hahabye]

Heavily related to your entire post. 3 years I'd an amazing time and I'm glad you got to experience that (after from obviously the attempt) . Only time will tell how long this will help me but after spiralling for a couple months I finally feel like I want to face tomorrow at least.

Thank you!

I'm happy to hear you're finally feeling better. I really hope it will last!

 

[motel rooms]

When I stand on a pretty high bridge near where I live & look down at the shallow river beneath it, the thought of falling to my death gives me a huge adrenaline rush, which suppresses the psychological & physical pain that I'm forced to deal with. I feel healthy & alive, but only for a couple of hours. Sex & prolonged masturbation have almost the same effect on me though

 

[Bedrock48]

When I stand on a pretty high bridge near where I live & look down at the shallow river beneath it, the thought of falling to my death gives me a huge adrenaline rush, which suppresses the psychological & physical pain that I'm forced to deal with. I feel healthy & alive, but only for a couple of hours. Sex & prolonged masturbation have almost the same effect on me thoug

Gosh that does sound like an amazing experience. Wish I could myself but doing that in my area would come with a free takedown by a police officer haha.

As got the latter, I'm glad it works for you. Its not something I'd try myself seeing as I'm asexual.

 

[one.way.out]

It's a temporary effect. I had a moment after I attempted where I was like, "I can be happy, I can find community, I can be successful!" and then hours later I wanted to die again. :/