Hey, everyone. Wow. I'm not even sure what the hell it was. Suddenly I realized I have no idea what to do because you need to run for a bomb shelter when you hear the sirens, but we're not supposed to leave the house because of toxic fumes so I just ran out of the apartment with my go-to-bag and then sat on the staircase with my equally confused next door neibour until there was an unexpectedly early message that we can return to our homes. I am trying to find info on what to do in my unique combination of circumstances, but see nothing. I suppose I need to follow advice for those who don't have a shelter nearby and hide in the bathroom? Also this was really fast and I didn't hear the shelling, so I guess that was a false alarm or something. Crap, things are so chaotic and confusing....
I really love all of you guys and I'm super grateful to everyone who is being supportive

I also wanted to apologize about my initial scathing post about nuclear war and assholes drinking champagne - I edited that sentence out, not because I want to deny ever saying it but because I understand that antagonising other SaSu members no matter what they said is not okay. I hope I can be forgiven for blubbering it out in a heat of the moment given the uniquely awful circumstances.
I also wanted to apologize to
@diyCTB in case my response about NATO came off hostile, it's hard to convey tone on the Internet, but I didn't mean for it to be that way. The bewilderment about me calling the military attack unprovoked did hit a nerve in me because I was very emotional at the moment, but I do admit that it is also probably due to the fact tone is hard to convey on a forum and I must've misinterpreted the tone of the message as hostile and accusatory rather than just inquisitive. I absolutely don't mind any questions, even the uncomfortable ones. Although the question voiced in the post isn't a one I am qualifyed to answer - I myself really wish I had the slightest real understanding of what in the world does Putin really want, so I could anticipate what happens next, but I don't have a clue. If you'd ask me on Febuary 23, I'd say the same things - he doesn't want to be in a war with Ukraine because this war would be economically devastating to Russia and will not hinder the NATO and US at all. But the logical continuation of that was "that is why Russia is telling the truth, they aren't going to attack, we're safe, nothing to worry about". But then I had the rudest awakening of my life and now that I have been, obviously, proven wrong, I am in shock and no longer make any bold assumptions about Putin's intentions, because his intentions no longer make any sense to me. The official excuse for the war is Nazis that oppress Russians that live in Ukraine. As someone born, raised and living in Ukraine, with a Ukrainian citizenship but with both parents born and raised in Russia and all my aunts/cousins/other distant relatives still living in Russia, I think I am the definition of "Russian living in Ukraine" according to Putin, and I never experienced any Nazi oppression thankfully, or heard any first-hand accounts of oppression from any other Russian-speaking people living here, including the internally displaced people from Donetsk and Luhansk that work with me. And I sure as hell didn't sit here waiting for the day Putin will come and liberate me, especially
not like this. Plus, while history does know examples of countries and people that ultimately benefited from another country invading and overthrowing their horrible oppressive regimes, liberating people of other country can be a side effect of war or an excuse for war, but it's never the true reason to invade some other country, there is always geopolitical self-interest there. But I have no idea what Putin is really hoping to win from this, and I don't know what outcome I can hope for anymore and if there is any hope whatsover.
Another "shower thought" I had while sitting out there on the staircase is that you might've misread my (now edited) message about assholes popping champagne and since it included mention of Russia you might've thougth that I was talking about Russian people. But I didn't mean them, or Putin supporters or even Putin's government. I was referring to people here at SaSu that over the last couple of weeks were making posts and threads saying how cool it would be if a nuclear WWIII really started, either because they are antinatalists, misantropes or want more dead humans for whatever reason, or because they assume (mistakenly I must say) that a worldwide nuclear war would guarantee a quick and certain death for themselves and don't give a shit about everyone else. I shouldn't have antagonised them either because we're all hurt and broken people that can say very hurtful things sometimes, but in the heat of the moment I felt very very angry at them. It wasn't even technically the same post that discussed reasons why Zelensky only pretends to call for volunteers to raise morale - I made the Zelensky post, then read the news and made the second post, but since they were made in quick succession they were concatenated by the forum as an edit.
@motel rooms I am very grateful that you're trying to stand up for me. That is very kind of you, I really appreciate it. But it is all okay, no need to fight. I see that you're also very upset by the recent events, understandably. I join you in that anger and upset. Sending love your way.
@Moomin17 you are being incredibly suportive and caring in these trying times. The most important news I am waiting for from you is did you change your mind about volunteering yet? Did I convince you? I really don't want you to suffer horrible fate because of your bravery, kindness and sadly misguided desire to help

There is way too much suffering among the people I care about already.
Love and peace to everyone.