Sudden impulses

[endlessmelancholy]

I am usually alright but I get sudden impulses or urges to ctb. I have been hospitalized many times for it. It's a temporary relief but no permanent change. If I had sn or a gun I would have ctb long ago. I have recurring depressive disorder. I'm undergoing treatment from 12 years. I tried to hang and overdose to no effect. I'm getting tired of living like this. I don't know how to swim. Maybe I can try drowning? My life is such a mess right now. I wonder if my death can benefit someone? That way I will atleast be useful in death.

 

[gottacheckout]

I'm sorry you have to struggle so often. I have seen you reach out to others who are also struggling, that is something to be proud of. Do your impulses get better when you are helping others?

I'm not sure that drowning is a good option for you. Most people that can't swim are understandably afraid of water.

Sudden impulses or urges can make it tough to ctb, a lot of successful attempts are well planned and thought out.

 

[endlessmelancholy]

It actually feels better when I try to help others. I know the kind of situation they are in.

 

[AGWNOFMD]

When I was learning to swim, I once had a near drowning experience. In fact, I almost lost consciousness in an instant, without even swallowing any water. It wasn't until I was rescued that I started coughing and vomiting uncontrollably.
I hope this is helpful to you, or it can make you feel better...

 

[gottacheckout]

When you try to help others you have to relate to them on some level. What that does is get you out of your own head. Sometimes that is enough to change your outlook on life. Give it a chance, what do you have to lose?

 

[Alexandra0]

I am so sorry that life has treated you so unfairly. I know from experience how hard it is when you try and cross the line again and again and nothing works

When you scream at the Universe "I just want to disappear, is that too much to ask for?????" But no one answers, the Universe is indifferent to your pleas