Story Suicide notes: from the perspective of the other side

[OceanBlue]

I just wanted him to be happy and safe. I thought he was, finally. He was buying things, got a nice car

This is also so misguided.. you think people can be happy and safe in a world like ours? When continuing to live can result in so many different disasters? We should be happy and relieved that a loved one will never suffer again, if you actually need explanations - you don't understand the world enough.

Seriously! Do you really think this helps the OP?
You're making assumptions and accusations in a case you know nothing about.
Did ever thought about people can have multiple reasons to not leave a note? Even if they're close?

Should help the OP to rethink pro-living conditioning, that people can't be "happy and safe" living in hell and should not be expecting generic notes 'without accusations' from people they weren't close enough with. As we live in literal hell, what kind of explanations can we possibly demand from people? If we have enough awareness, we'll understand WHY without notes, if not - the notes will not help and those who CTB shouldn't be pressured into leaving them, like here. This person wrote enough for me to understand this much.

---

Edit: I think I figured out why it bugged so much. It's Sharon adjacent behaviour:
1. was not close enough for the person to confide in
2. has pro-living conditioning, "safe and happy" rhetoric, have not weighed the risks of pro-living option
3. centers themself, their own grief
4. becomes hysterical after fact, bothers the authorities or forums.
5. wants generic explanations for closure, without accusations - lack of accountability

It's definitely much better than actual Sharonism as they weren't the one who created them in the first place, but still very similar.

 

[Gaga786]

It's so easy to think that we might say or do this or that when someone dies close to us, but when that situation or thing occurs we go limp and in a state of confusion.Grief is a difficult and complicated feeling.@OceanBlue please let OP grieve the way they want to. Empathy goes a long way and I m sorry but you are coming off as very harsh, which is not needed at this time.
@Doombox Im sorry for your loss, may your brother rest in peace.Feel free to reach out if you need any sort of support.I wish you the best

 

[OceanBlue]

@Gaga786 I definitely identify with the CTB side and sharonism is not ok.

Edit: If my sibling behaved this way, it would be obvious they never even knew me, they'd be grieving an idea of me, something they needed for themself. These sentiments just reinforce the pro-living side. A person who CTB will never suffer, we should be focusing on what's best for them and accept their end-of-life decisions, including the notes they left or didn't leave. And WHY should be obvious - it's the rational and brave choice, a preventative measure.

 

[SexyIncél]

Should help the OP to rethink pro-living conditioning, that people can't be "happy and safe" living in hell and should not be expecting generic notes 'without accusations' from people they weren't close enough with. As we live in literal hell, what kind of explanations can we possibly demand from people? If we have enough awareness, we'll understand WHY without notes, if not - the notes will not help and those who CTB shouldn't be pressured into leaving them, like here. This person wrote enough for me to understand this much.

Where can I find an explanation of "Sharon"? Or does it mean Karen?

I think suicide-as-ghosting can suck for the ghosted. Suicide's often part of a dialogue; a pro-suicidal person like the OP can still wish one nice little last note before being ghosted

The OP wrote:

My brother probably figured nobody cared enough. But I do. ...

I can assure you that even if it seems like there's someone related to you that you have told yourself is off living their own life and not giving you a thought, the truth may be different and your suicide may very well hurt them.

Vital facet of relationships: if they're not maintained, they decay. Like love, caring is an act -- not some emotional state. This might be a lesson for those wanting a nice suicide note

The universe can be hard; not all of us have the energy or social skills for this

 

[odradek]

My brother killed himself. I don't yet have any details...I hope to talk to the investigator on Monday. Right now as far as I know there is no suicide note. My brother probably figured nobody cared enough. But I do. My brother had recently experienced good fortune in life, an influx of money, after being in a worrisome life situation for a long time (fyi we are adults and all live apart). I thought that finally he had a chance to be safe and happy, and it's spring, his favorite season. But he's dead and I don't know why. I can't even imagine why now of all times he couldn't take life anymore. He never seemed the type, whereas I've always been the type, which is why I have an account here. I don't think anybody would be surprised if I jumped ship. But my brother. Part of me wonders now if he had an account here.

Well I don't know if a suicide note would have helped or not. It could have hurt more if he listed reasons that perhaps I could have helped with. But if he had simply said that he'd discovered that finally having money did not improve his life and that he was miserable and saw no way out, then ok. It would still be awful but I would understand. I don't know. This is the first time I've been left behind by someone else's suicide. I can assure you that even if it seems like there's someone related to you that you have told yourself is off living their own life and not giving you a thought, the truth may be different and your suicide may very well hurt them. My family growing up was a disaster, and my parents are dead, and now my brother has killed himself.

I just wanted him to be happy and safe. I thought he was, finally. He was buying things, got a nice car. The neighbors told the cops that he was friendly and kept his lawn mowed. By all accounts this was his high water mark. So not knowing why he's dead now really adds to the pain. On the other hand, if he left a note filled with accusations then I would have to deal with that. I've seen advice here in the past on what to include and not include in suicide notes and I encourage everyone to really look into it because those left behind will have to live with whatever you do or do not provide them. And suicide is always shocking; there's no getting around that.

I know some people here will feel envious of my brother and I get that. I mean hell, I'm still here. But it's a lot more complicated than just choosing to die because the ripple effects can be worse than we realize. It's a lousy business all the way around....of course I'm not suggesting that anyone live in misery so as not to hurt others, which describes my life now. But this business of my brother just checking out out of the blue has really knocked me flat. I had no idea he was that unhappy, or why he was that unhappy now and apparently wasn't before when his life circumstances were worse. It's never going to make sense to me, and I get to just live with that.

Thanks for listening.

Sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing your story.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

This is also so misguided.. you think people can be happy and safe in a world like ours? When continuing to live can result in so many different disasters? We should be happy and relieved that a loved one will never suffer again, if you actually need explanations - you don't understand the world enough.


Should help the OP to rethink pro-living conditioning, that people can't be "happy and safe" living in hell and should not be expecting generic notes 'without accusations' from people they weren't close enough with. As we live in literal hell, what kind of explanations can we possibly demand from people? If we have enough awareness, we'll understand WHY without notes, if not - the notes will not help and those who CTB shouldn't be pressured into leaving them, like here. This person wrote enough for me to understand this much.

---

Edit: I think I figured out why it bugged so much. It's Sharon adjacent behaviour:
1. was not close enough for the person to confide in
2. has pro-living conditioning, "safe and happy" rhetoric, have not weighed the risks of pro-living option
3. centers themself, their own grief
4. becomes hysterical after fact, bothers the authorities or forums.
5. wants generic explanations for closure, without accusations - lack of accountability

It's definitely much better than actual Sharonism as they weren't the one who created them in the first place, but still very similar.

Sharon? Wtf are you taking about

OP lost her brother, they miss them , are in pain and would have liked to have answers.

What annoys me about your post

1. You don't know their situation
2. You haven't got a clue if they were close
3. You center yourself, would love to be ' right '
4. Become a right bitch if someone doesn't agree with you


And I can go on.


OP is in pain , they lost their brother. They loved him
And that's what matters

 

[Valky]

@OceanBlue I am sorry but stfu. Seriously. You have no idea whatsoever what was going on between them. What kinda accusations are you making here?? Can't you see that they are trying to grasp the circumstances? This has nothing to do with being pro life or twisting someone's end of their life. It is called processing. You have no right whatsoever to judge someone for venting, for trying to figure this out.

If I were them, I'd have the same questions. Telling someone that you wouldn't let them know your reasons either, if they were like that is lower than low. Who are you??? Get off this persons thread and let them grieve.


OP, I am really sorry for your loss. I wish you all the best and all the strength to process this and to grieve.

Your feelings are valid. Don't let anyone tell you that they are not. Thank you for sharing this and giving us insight. I really hope you find the answers you are looking for. All the best <3

 

[WaitingAllMyLife]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I have planned on taking my life for a very long time. I have always known I will have to wait until after my mom passes. But as that times gets closer and closer, so too does my demise. Because it hasn't been imminent, I have a list of things to do before I go. Some are things I will need to do just before (things I want to destroy/throw out/erase/etc) and some are things I need to do in advance. a few tasks I have completed already (officially declaring beneficiaries, giving away the few items of worth I want to go to someone in particular), but the one item at the top of my list every day for many years is write letters for the few people I want to explain myself to or remind how much I love/loved them. But it is SUCH a hard thing to do. I'm so scared I won't be able to say it all or explain it well enough. I compose the letters all the time in my head, but have yet to get a single one on paper. And I know that the day of (after Mom goes, I will go right after her) I will want to get it over with as quickly as possible and writing a letter on that day will feel impossible. And I'd be scared it would make me change my mind. So despite wanting to leave letters and intending to write them every single day, I still have not. Your post make me realize I really need go get on that. I don't want them to wonder why I didn't love them enough to say goodbye, even posthumously. Because I do. I'm just stuck. It's very likely your brother had the same issues. Too hard to write. No way to capture the magnitude of love and begging for forgiveness. And when the time comes you have to seize the opportunity as a great fear of many who want to CTB is chickening out.

Hope you can find peace, forgive your brother and at the very least, be glad for him that he's no longer in whatever pain drove him to take his life in the first place.

 

[FrostedHoax]

I'm very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing and offering your perspective.

 

[Doombox]

@OceanBlue I am sorry but stfu. Seriously. You have no idea whatsoever what was going on between them. What kinda accusations are you making here?? Can't you see that they are trying to grasp the circumstances? This has nothing to do with being pro life or twisting someone's end of their life. It is called processing. You have no right whatsoever to judge someone for venting, for trying to figure this out.

If I were them, I'd have the same questions. Telling someone that you wouldn't let them know your reasons either, if they were like that is lower than low. Who are you??? Get off this persons thread and let them grieve.


OP, I am really sorry for your loss. I wish you all the best and all the strength to process this and to grieve.

Your feelings are valid. Don't let anyone tell you that they are not. Thank you for sharing this and giving us insight. I really hope you find the answers you are looking for. All the best <3

I really appreciate your post.

Seriously! Do you really think this helps the OP?
You're making assumptions and accusations in a case you know nothing about.
Did ever thought about people can have multiple reasons to not leave a note? Even if they're close?


@Doombox I'm so sorry for your loss. My brother ctb as well, if you ever want or need to talk, you can always reach my through PM

Thanks to you too for sticking up for me. And to everyone else who was kind.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I have planned on taking my life for a very long time. I have always known I will have to wait until after my mom passes. But as that times gets closer and closer, so too does my demise. Because it hasn't been imminent, I have a list of things to do before I go. Some are things I will need to do just before (things I want to destroy/throw out/erase/etc) and some are things I need to do in advance. a few tasks I have completed already (officially declaring beneficiaries, giving away the few items of worth I want to go to someone in particular), but the one item at the top of my list every day for many years is write letters for the few people I want to explain myself to or remind how much I love/loved them. But it is SUCH a hard thing to do. I'm so scared I won't be able to say it all or explain it well enough. I compose the letters all the time in my head, but have yet to get a single one on paper. And I know that the day of (after Mom goes, I will go right after her) I will want to get it over with as quickly as possible and writing a letter on that day will feel impossible. And I'd be scared it would make me change my mind. So despite wanting to leave letters and intending to write them every single day, I still have not. Your post make me realize I really need go get on that. I don't want them to wonder why I didn't love them enough to say goodbye, even posthumously. Because I do. I'm just stuck. It's very likely your brother had the same issues. Too hard to write. No way to capture the magnitude of love and begging for forgiveness. And when the time comes you have to seize the opportunity as a great fear of many who want to CTB is chickening out.

Hope you can find peace, forgive your brother and at the very least, be glad for him that he's no longer in whatever pain drove him to take his life in the first place.

I know how hard the notes are. I'm glad you've been motivated to write them. I think sometimes writing it out in advance can help in terms of sitting with it, then, and seeing if any changes come up in your mind. Drafts.

FWIW, it's not a matter of forgiving my brother. I am not angry or resentful. Just confused; just wishing I was less confused. Whether I deserve an explanation or not doesn't mean I can't wish for one, and explain here how it would have helped me move forward. As you say, he is gone, and I am left behind to live with his decision. I know some here are going to assume that I'm making this all about me, but that's all I've got right now is my story and I would feel uncomfortable sharing what I know of my brother's story. I'm heartbroken that he felt driven to this point, and I know that nobody who knew him saw it coming. And that's all of his personal life that I'm willing to reveal. I'm so grateful to those who understood me and shared kind thoughts.

 

[telro]

I cannot imagine the pain of losing somebody so close so suddenly and unexpectedly... thank you for sharing your story, it really gives me a lot to think about now. I know that this phrase may seem hollow and generic and I've actually never used it before for that reason, but in this case I am really sorry for your loss. I wish I could've thought of something better to say, but it's how I feel. I wish only the best for you Doombox!

 

[Doombox]

I cannot imagine the pain of losing somebody so close so suddenly and unexpectedly... thank you for sharing your story, it really gives me a lot to think about now. I know that this phrase may seem hollow and generic and I've actually never used it before for that reason, but in this case I am really sorry for your loss. I wish I could've thought of something better to say, but it's how I feel. I wish only the best for you Doombox!

Actually that's the perfect thing to say. Seriously. Thanks!

 

[miserabletires9]

This is what I am afraid the most. Is my suicide will literally kill my parents. I've dragged this out for them for many years now, I just can't drag it out any longer.

I have written notes to two of my best friends, one who is my executor. I have written my notes to my parents. But I just don't know how to start to explain to them how I felt and why I felt the way I felt. I just kept apologize to them in my.notes and assure them it's actually better for me this way.

 

[whatevs]

I agree, it is such a waste and a dissapointment not to express why, especially if someone actually cares. Hell, my favorite book of all time is a very long suicide note, No Longer Human.

Make.
A.
Note.