Story Survived my SN last June

[LenkaX]

This is what I'm scared of! Not about dying, but about being found.

 

[Symbiote]

Hey man im going to attempt tonight, i dont scare death im just afraid of failing, can I pm you?

Sure. Send me a PM.

This is what I'm scared of! Not about dying, but about being found.

This is probably the most top priority things besides the regimen process. Being found is more likely when you have people that know you're a high suicidal risk or you have a stroke of luck that someone finds you just because they were doing their job. No fault on that security guard.

 

[StuFin]

Got to make sure follow regimen.

Got to make sure don't get discovered too early.

2 critical factors.

 

[Symbiote]

Got to make sure follow regimen.

Got to make sure don't get discovered too early.

2 critical factors.

I keep on reading on other threads from people eating their last meal or giant meal before attempting. That's the worst thing you can do to ensure a higher chance of vomiting.

Secondly, that they want to do it in their own home with their parents or SO around. House walls are always paper-thin, even apartment walls. Hotel walls are thin too, but no one really cares because strangers don't like to get involved in your business.

 

[Meditation guide]

They put Pepcid AC in my IV line to make sure that the SN didn't burn a hole in my stomach,

Glad you are alive! This was the bit of information I was wondering about. I take famitidine which is generic Pepcid. I will take it if I ever take SN for that same reason you mentioned.
Thank you for sharing this with us!

 

[Emily_Numb]

The NHS porbably wouldn't be able to google anything because the Commodore 64 doesn't have internet capabilities, and they probably forgot to pay the phone bills anyway.

You'd be dead before the carrier pigeons came back with the answer.

I genuinely lol'd like a snorting pig at that! Commodore 64 tho

 

[SleepyTime]

At the park I had premixed 25g of SN with half a bottle of water, shake it up, and then left it to sit in the truck until it was time to drink. So probably about 6 hrs. By then you couldn't tell if it was actually water or poison inside the bottle by looking at it, but you sure can smell it.

Does anyone know if this contributed to the failure? Waiting 6 hours after mixing the SN with water? Does this change the nature of the SN? I thought exposure to air caused it to change, wouldn't the oxygen in the water cause the SN to chemically change? Also, mixing it with "half a bottle of water" - isn't this too much?

 

[Lordsudbury]

$274K !! WTF !!

So how do u feel now that you're still alive and have not passed on as you intended ?

 

[yetme]

Actually yes. SN loses its potency in water, so mixing it 6 hours before the bus is not a good idea

 

[Emily_Numb]

This feels like one of the only genuine SN CTB attempts where someone did everything they could to be successful and just happened to be found. Absolutely mind blowing to read and I really appreciate you sharing this with us all.

How are things with your wife after this? Has this made you want to stick around? I can't imagine being in that situation, to come back from the dead if you will. Must be so surreal.

 

[peacechoice]

Thank you so much for sharing. I have backups now. I was planning to shoot myself with a shotgun, but now I might drink this and if I wake up, I'll take the gun to the head. Thank you for the details.

 

[ayb]

next attempt is gonna be with sn again? this time in a hotel?

 

[SmellyRat]

I keep on reading on other threads from people eating their last meal or giant meal before attempting. That's the worst thing you can do to ensure a higher chance of vomiting.

Secondly, that they want to do it in their own home with their parents or SO around. House walls are always paper-thin, even apartment walls. Hotel walls are thin too, but no one really cares because strangers don't like to get involved in your business.

Was it lab or food grade SN?

 

[Symbiote]

Does anyone know if this contributed to the failure? Waiting 6 hours after mixing the SN with water? Does this change the nature of the SN? I thought exposure to air caused it to change, wouldn't the oxygen in the water cause the SN to chemically change? Also, mixing it with "half a bottle of water" - isn't this too much?

I leave only 1/4 water in the bottle before mixing it with SN, then closing the lid airtight. I shake it up so that all the particles can dissolve quickly. When you leave it for more than 2 hours, it should look like regular water but with a strong chemical smell. I assume that would be the nitrite part. The taste is still salty as hell. As long as you do not let air into the bottle you're fine. It won't oxidize and lose it's potency. As long as the lid stays on the bottle, SN lasts for awhile. Still potent even after taking one test sip and you start feeling a bit fuzzy.

$274K !! WTF !!

So how do u feel now that you're still alive and have not passed on as you intended ?

The first month, family felt like they really cared for me, but it didn't last long. They started to theorized that I paid the doctors off to put me in that state and accused me of attention whoring. So now I've been planning for awhile in secrecy and will do it even further away from them. I won't leave a note.

 

[Emily_Numb]

The first month, family felt like they really cared for me, but it didn't last long. They started to theorized that I paid the doctors off to put me in that state and accused me of attention whoring. So now I've been planning for awhile in secrecy and will do it even further away from them. I won't leave a note.

Paid the Doctors off to put you in that state?!

I think your family may need some mental health assistance. In what world would that every happen? Absolute madness. Sorry you've been put though all this. X

 

[Symbiote]

This feels like one of the only genuine SN CTB attempts where someone did everything they could to be successful and just happened to be found. Absolutely mind blowing to read and I really appreciate you sharing this with us all.

How are things with your wife after this? Has this made you want to stick around? I can't imagine being in that situation, to come back from the dead if you will. Must be so surreal.

Not so good, first month after discharge was fine, we went to therapy together and try to solve our issues. Soon after that, we stopped therapy because my wife was sick and tired of me whinging about my issues to the therapist and she felt like a bad person. Didn't want her to feel bad, I thought I was being transparent since I included my personality problems. Lately my family members just tell me I'm very normal, and that what I did was manipulative and wrong. They see me as a bad person, and I agree and accepted it. I started agreeing and accepting a lot of aspects of my life and how it came to this point, which reignited my will to die.

I feel as if my family wants me to live, to continue to be punished for my childhood, my past, and my attempts. Some went as far as to say that poisoning is for pussies and that a real man either uses a gun or burns himself. They believed I paid the nurses and staff to lie about my medical records and as I said above, my wife got banned from the ICU because she thought I was faking being in a coma and she tried to wake me up aggressively which pissed off the nurses.

I follow a mantra that makes my SI go away, "The more I prolong my existence, the more my family will suffer." No matter what actions I take, good or bad, I'm still seen as a bad person since my past defines who I am.

 

[woxihuanni]

Not so good, first month after discharge was fine, we went to therapy together and try to solve our issues. Soon after that, we stopped therapy because my wife was sick and tired of me whinging about my issues to the therapist and she felt like a bad person. Didn't want her to feel bad, I thought I was being transparent since I included my personality problems. Lately my family members just tell me I'm very normal, and that what I did was manipulative and wrong. They see me as a bad person, and I agree and accepted it. I started agreeing and accepting a lot of aspects of my life and how it came to this point, which reignited my will to die.

I feel as if my family wants me to live, to continue to be punished for my childhood, my past, and my attempts. Some went as far as to say that poisoning is for pussies and that a real man either uses a gun or burns himself. They believed I paid the nurses and staff to lie about my medical records and as I said above, my wife got banned from the ICU because she thought I was faking being in a coma and she tried to wake me up aggressively which pissed off the nurses.

I follow a mantra that makes my SI go away, "The more I prolong my existence, the more my family will suffer." No matter what actions I take, good or bad, I'm still seen as a bad person since my past defines who I am.

Wow, here is a wife who accuses her husband of lying when he is in a fucking coma and tries to bully him out of a coma. She remains a wife. Whileas my situation. I don't understand life.

 

[Symbiote]

Wow, here is a wife who accuses her husband of lying when he is in a fucking coma and tries to bully him out of a coma. She remains a wife. Whileas my situation. I don't understand life.

I have a small family on my side, only my brother is still alive. While her family is super huge and financially well off. Divorce in her eyes is akin to murder and I might as well kill myself, if not, she will, financially, emotionally, and maybe physically. Fucked either way, at least if I suicide, I get back the only control I had of my life.

Was it lab or food grade SN?

Food grade SN 99.6%

Paid the Doctors off to put you in that state?!

I think your family may need some mental health assistance. In what world would that every happen? Absolute madness. Sorry you've been put though all this. X

Therapist thought she had god-tier level NPD. The rest of the family have some form of NPD. I'm their narc fuel apparently.

 

[spooky]

Dammit, I'm so sorry that happened. You were so close.

 

[KleinerWolf]

Sorry to hear your experience

 

[Kruger]

Thank you for this account, all first hand information is helpful

 

[greyhound]

Thanks this was really interesting. Quite the ordeal for you though.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

I do remember them pulling it out though. Was so scared that they were going to rip my dick off in the process. I'm actually more scared of catheter than my own death.

The best way (if there can be such thing) to have a catheter removed is for them to remove it while you are urinating. Much easier than while dry. Jus' sayin.

 

[Defenestration]

Yes SN works as it is intended to do, but it also helps to not be found within a timeframe of 12 hrs.

12 hours!!?!...6 hours or 8 hours is ok no ?

 

[Hopeindeath!]

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

 

[Symbiote]

12 hours!!?!...6 hours or 8 hours is ok no ?

The longer it is, the deader you are.

 

[OopsIdidntwanttodie]

Hi Symbiote, after reading your experience I have some questions. Is it okay if I pm you?

 

[itachi of death]

Do u feel any effects of the failed sn?I've had effects from a previous failed,and if I do sn I dont want to fail again and the effects of surving become worse than they are now?

 

[Symbiote]

Hi Symbiote, after reading your experience I have some questions. Is it okay if I pm you?

Sure, send me a PM.

Do u feel any effects of the failed sn?I've had effects from a previous failed,and if I do sn I dont want to fail again and the effects of surving become worse than they are now?

No effects from the SN, side effects from the Methylene blue which is an irregular heartbeat which I have to get checked monthly. PTSD from the taste of that stuff too lol. You said you had previously failed on SN too? What were your side effects?

 

[itachi of death]

Sure, send me a PM.


No effects from the SN, side effects from the Methylene blue which is an irregular heartbeat which I have to get checked monthly. PTSD from the taste of that stuff too lol. You said you had previously failed on SN too? What were your side effects?

I tried 80 200mg ibuprofen and a half cup of bleach,went to sleep for 5 hours woke up from friends taking me to the hospital,woke up feeling like a different person,for the first 3 years I couldn't keep food down,and couldn't conceive an intelligent thought,and loss of appetite ,still afte 10 years its hard to keep food down,so I was curious if it would add the these problems