Story The Darwin Awards

[maniac116]

THE Darwin Awards: Evolutionary Action.
The Darwin Awards honor those who tip chlorine into our gene pool, by accidentally removing their own DNA from it during the spectacular climax of a 'great idea' gone veddy, veddy wrong
The Car Wash Blues
2022 Darwin Award Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin

Driver wins a slow-roll Darwin Award

(15 April 2022, California) Perplexing. Why did a Las Vegas resident jump out of the car inside an Escondido car wash at midnight? Avoiding a bee? All we know is, they did.

Rene Tactay drove into the carwash, then EXITED the Scion hatchback (!!) while the drive was still IN GEAR. (!?) Under its own power, the Scion evidently crept forward as cars do, and the 56-year-old was pinned beneath the vehicle. Escondido police said, "The carwash was not active at the time."

Car Wash or carwash?

The driver was noticed by the next person to visit the carwash--eek! Authorities took the unresponsive body to Palomar Medical Center where death was confirmed. No extenuating circumstances have been found, so we bestow upon Rene a Washed-Up Darwin Award
Modern Armor
2006 Darwin Award Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin



(26 August 2006, Leicester, England) Darren's death was a mystery. The 33-year-old was found slumped in the hallway of his house, bleeding from stab wounds to his chest. Police initially assumed that an assailant had attacked him, but they could find no supporting evidence. A year later, the inquest revealed why Darren can stake his claim to a seat at the Winners Bench of Darwin Awardees.

Darren had called a friend that day. Minutes after he rang off he rang back to ask for an ambulance! The emergency responders said the front door was ajar, and Darren was lying near a bloodstained lock-knife. The knife was his own, purchased whilst on holiday in Spain.

Forensics investigators saw no indication of a struggle. The coroner reported that the stab wounds seemed to be self-inflicted. However Darren had shown no prior suicidal tendencies, and also had called for an ambulance. Puzzling...

His wife, who was on holiday at the time of the incident, was able to clear up the matter and revealed why our subject will go down in history as a Darwin Award winner. As she was leaving for holiday, she remembered that Darren wondered aloud whether his new jacket was 'stab-proof.'

That's right: Darren, alone and bored, had decided to 'funk around and find out' if his jacket could withstand a knife attack! He used his Spanish steel blade, and did not bother to test his jacket while it was draped over the back of a chair. No, our man thought that the best approach was to wear the garment and stab himself.

Sadly, his jacket-armor proved less resistant to a sharp blade than he had hoped. The coroner reached a verdict of accidental death by 'misadventure'.

 

[maniac116]

Tombstoned Footballer
2022 Darwin Award Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin

(13 May 2022, Majorca Spain) Dutch football pro Mourad Lamrabatte was hungry for a vacation prank: leaping off a cliff into the ocean! Thinking "My athletic strength will carry me way out into the beautiful blue waters 30-meters below!" he instructed his kinfolk to film the fatal feat, let out a triumphant yodel, and tombstoned** into the abyss.

(**Tombstoning - a caper where a thrill-seeker hurls themself off a cliff edge to hit the water feet-first.)1

Keep in mind that 30-meters is high even for experienced cliff divers; that 10-meters is the horizontal distance needed to reach deep water from this cliff face; and that calculated velocity on impact is 88 klick (55 mph).

This sick flip became a freefall into the sharp sea rocks below, because not even a great footballer can leap 10-meters horizonally. Adding insult to injury, the impact velocity was equal to being hit by a vehicle on the motorway. The Dutch athlete died in the brine at the age of 31, a goner I'm sorry to say.

RIP to Mourad, missed by family and fans alike.
But why would you do it? Straight suicide.

Perversely, losing his life _may_ enhance the survival of his contributions to posterity, aka kids: Research shows a connection between epigenetic changes and risk-adverse decisions, and so the children of a risk-taker may experience inheritable epigenetic changes to the genes that makes them risk-adverse, and less likely to follow a parent's fatal foolishness.

 

[Worndown]

A thousand ways to die.

 

[maniac116]

A thousand ways to die.

At least! Lol

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Multi Sport

The Darwin Awards: 10 Of The Worst Stupid Death Stories Ever

These stories are unbelievable but true: All of these ill-fated idiots deserve their Darwin Awards.

by Tristan Kennedy
2nd April 2020
There will always be an element of risk involved in action sports. It's part of the thrill, doing something difficult and/or dangerous and coming away unscathed. And anyway, if you have a reasonable amount of common sense, you can keep the risks to a minimum.


Unfortunately however, it seems that some thrill-seekers lack even the tiniest amount of common sense. And it's when you get really stupid people doing dangerous sports that things go wrong. Really wrong.

"As unbelievable as they might sound, all of these stories are sadly true"

These ill-fated idiots' all featured in the Darwin Awards. The 'award' is famously given out each year for the most stupid death, rewarding the person's willingness to "remove themselves from the human gene pool," and all entries are verified.

There are hundreds of stupid ways to die. The Darwin Awards are dedicated to documenting the best of them.
So as unbelievable as they might sound, all of these stories are sadly true…


1) The Ski Resort Sledge Thief[/h2]

Chairlift protective mats are not there for sledges. You may die
In 2008 46-year-old David Monk was on holiday in Sauze D'Oulx, Italy, with a group of friends.


After having a few beers one evening, the lads decided to steal a protective mat that covered the metal barriers at the bottom of the slope and use it as a sledge.

They hiked up the hill, hurled themselves down it, and promptly slammed straight into the very same barrier they'd stolen the protective matting from.
David died on the spot, earning himself a Darwin award in the process.
"He was a brilliant guy," David's friend Alan MacGregor told the Daily Mail. We're not sure "brilliant" is the word we would've chosen…

2) The Mid

The Brainless Bungee Jumper

In 1997, Police in Reston, Virginia, issued a statement saying they had found the body of 22-year-old Eric Barcia, who had apparently died attempting to bungee jump off a 70 foot bridge.

Eschewing commercial bungee operations, Eric had apparently taken matters into his own hands and tied several bungee cords together.
He strapped himself on securely, tied the other end to the bridge, and jumped, confident in the knowledge that he'd carefully measured out the bungee's total length – just under 70 foot.
Of course, what Eric had forgotten was that bungee cords stretch… [/h2]

 

[maniac116]

Attempted Gun Shop Robbery In Washington
In February 1990, a man thought that it would be a great idea to rob a firearms shop. As if that isn't mind-boggling enough, a police car was parked in front of the store. The man promptly stepped around the obviously noticeable police vehicle, entered a firearms shop full of armed people, including a policeman, and attempted to rob it.

The man panicked and fired a few warnings shots, that would be regarded as his last. Immediately after, the police officer and the gun clerk opened fire. Both of them being experienced marksmen didn't help the amateur robber, who was shot to death.

The story was confirmed by the photo editor of South County Journal, Marcus Donner.

 

[Forveleth]

I fucking LOVE the Darwin Awards! Thank you for posting these!

 

[maniac116]

I fucking LOVE the Darwin Awards! Thank you for posting these!

I'm glad you like them. When I read about these people it builds my self esteem lol

• Toasty Critter: The Power Line Incident
  In 2003, John, a Los Angeles real estate attorney from California, was skimming leaves from his pool when he noticed a palm frond caught in the power lines. His education had equipped him with sufficient understanding to become a successful litigator. Yet, he was not wise enough to avoid becoming a toasty critter when he reached up with the long metal pole and poked at the palm frond. Did I mention the power lines? John was, for once, on the path of least resistance.

 

[maniac116]

Marriage Fight Ends Badly For The Buenos Aires Husband
We all know that relationships can get heated. It's not unusual to see partners harshly discuss something or even fight a little bit. But, you rarely see a man throw his wife off of their 8-floor apartment balcony.

And that's exactly what a certain 25-year old man did in 1998. Luckily for his wife, she didn't plunge to her death, but fell onto some power wires and got tangled in them. The husband saw that and leapt after her. We will never know if he tried to finish his job by doing that or maybe changed his mind, because he missed the wires and fell straight on the ground. He was dead on the spot.

His wife managed to survive by swinging onto a nearby balcony

 

[SVEN]

THE Darwin Awards: Evolutionary Action.
The Darwin Awards honor those who tip chlorine into our gene pool, by accidentally removing their own DNA from it during the spectacular climax of a 'great idea' gone veddy, veddy wrong
The Car Wash Blues
2022 Darwin Award Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin

Driver wins a slow-roll Darwin Award

(15 April 2022, California) Perplexing. Why did a Las Vegas resident jump out of the car inside an Escondido car wash at midnight? Avoiding a bee? All we know is, they did.

Rene Tactay drove into the carwash, then EXITED the Scion hatchback (!!) while the drive was still IN GEAR. (!?) Under its own power, the Scion evidently crept forward as cars do, and the 56-year-old was pinned beneath the vehicle. Escondido police said, "The carwash was not active at the time."

Car Wash or carwash?

The driver was noticed by the next person to visit the carwash--eek! Authorities took the unresponsive body to Palomar Medical Center where death was confirmed. No extenuating circumstances have been found, so we bestow upon Rene a Washed-Up Darwin Award
Modern Armor
2006 Darwin Award Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin



(26 August 2006, Leicester, England) Darren's death was a mystery. The 33-year-old was found slumped in the hallway of his house, bleeding from stab wounds to his chest. Police initially assumed that an assailant had attacked him, but they could find no supporting evidence. A year later, the inquest revealed why Darren can stake his claim to a seat at the Winners Bench of Darwin Awardees.

Darren had called a friend that day. Minutes after he rang off he rang back to ask for an ambulance! The emergency responders said the front door was ajar, and Darren was lying near a bloodstained lock-knife. The knife was his own, purchased whilst on holiday in Spain.

Forensics investigators saw no indication of a struggle. The coroner reported that the stab wounds seemed to be self-inflicted. However Darren had shown no prior suicidal tendencies, and also had called for an ambulance. Puzzling...

His wife, who was on holiday at the time of the incident, was able to clear up the matter and revealed why our subject will go down in history as a Darwin Award winner. As she was leaving for holiday, she remembered that Darren wondered aloud whether his new jacket was 'stab-proof.'

That's right: Darren, alone and bored, had decided to 'funk around and find out' if his jacket could withstand a knife attack! He used his Spanish steel blade, and did not bother to test his jacket while it was draped over the back of a chair. No, our man thought that the best approach was to wear the garment and stab himself.

Sadly, his jacket-armor proved less resistant to a sharp blade than he had hoped. The coroner reached a verdict of accidental death by 'misadventure'.

If I laugh at Darren am I eternally damned ?

 

[maniac116]

Man tries to fight a lion (and loses, surprisingly)

An Australian kung fu master told his class in 1996 that they were good enough to 'take on lions.' This encouragement was not supposed to be taken literally. One student took the words to heart and headed to his local zoo. Many shocked zoo visitors reportedly saw the ensuing 'fight,' but we'll leave the details to your imagination.

If I laugh at Darren am I eternally damned ?

Naw! We need to laugh at ourselves & each other more!

 

[maniac116]

Matthew Webb

Photo credit: infoniagara.com

Professional swimmer Webb rose to fame by being the first man to swim the English Channel in 1875. After competing in several races and exhibitions in both the UK and USA, in 1882, Webb announced that he intended to swim across the rapids at the base of Niagara Falls.

Those who referred to the challenge as suicidal turned out not to be wrong. On July 24, 1883, wearing the same red trunks he wore when he completed the Channel swim, he jumped out of the side of a small ferryboat that he had rowed to mid-stream. Sadly, shortly after this, he was sucked into a whirlpool, and four days later, his body was found. His autopsy concluded that the large weight of the water temporarily paralyzed him, stopping him from breathing or using his limbs. Despite becoming a national icon for his achievements in swimming, his legacy stands in biting off more than he could chew with his final, near-impossible feat.

 

[maniac116]

Armor History Lesson: 16 Years Ago...

(26 August 2006) Haphazard Armor
England | Darren's death was a puzzle. The 33-year-old was found slumped in the hallway of his house, bleeding from stab wounds. Had an assailant attacked him? Police could find no supporting evidence. A year later the Inquest revealed why Darren can take his place among the stars of the Darwin Awards. Left alone in the house while his wife was on holiday, he decided to he decided to 'fork around and find out' if his new jacket was stab-proof...

---

Pallet History Lesson: 5 Years Ago...
(August 2017, Japan) Forklift Around And Find Out
Logistics was uppermost in the mind of a warehouse employee of Tanarumono Logistics. The worker needed to change a light bulb ten meters overhead and the forklift could only reach 2.5 meters, clearly not close enough. Expressed as a math problem: A person can reach a light fixture 2 meters overhead — and wants to replace a lightbulb 10 meters overhead — so how many 15-cm wood pallets must be stacked onto a 2.5 meter forklift platform, to reach the burnt bulb?

Title Suggestions From Readers
"The Odds Were Stacked Against Him"
"Jenga Difficultly Level: 10"
"Stack Attack!"
"An Unpalatable Death"
"Pallatative Care"
"Skidmark"

 

[maniac116]

Armor History Lesson: 16 Years Ago...
(26 August 2006) Haphazard Armor
England | Darren's death was a puzzle. The 33-year-old was found slumped in the hallway of his house, bleeding from stab wounds. Had an assailant attacked him? Police could find no supporting evidence. A year later the Inquest revealed why Darren can take his place among the stars of the Darwin Awards. Left alone in the house while his wife was on holiday, he decided to he decided to 'fork around and find out' if his new jacket was stab-proof...

---

Pallet History Lesson: 5 Years Ago...
(August 2017, Japan) Forklift Around And Find Out
Logistics was uppermost in the mind of a warehouse employee of Tanarumono Logistics. The worker needed to change a light bulb ten meters overhead and the forklift could only reach 2.5 meters, clearly not close enough. Expressed as a math problem: A person can reach a light fixture 2 meters overhead — and wants to replace a lightbulb 10 meters overhead — so how many 15-cm wood pallets must be stacked onto a 2.5 meter forklift platform, to reach the burnt bulb?

Title Suggestions From Readers
"The Odds Were Stacked Against Him"
"Jenga Difficultly Level: 10"
"Stack Attack!"
"An Unpalatable Death"
"Pallatative Care"
"Skidmark"

---

Heedless History Lesson: 25 Years Ago...
(77%) Out Of Their Minds
23 August 2007, HOLLAND || Darwin notes: "This sort of thing is rare today because changes were made to vehicles to protect the guilty, but for awhile there were quite a few incidents reported to the Darwin Awards."
HOLLAND || A group of employees was thrilled to enjoy a team-building bus tour, and get a break from BAU (Biz As Usu). It was sunny, and the more boisterous employees enjoyed sticking their heads out of the rooftop window like puppies in the wind. And then it happened — two men were singing lustily as the wind caressed their faces, when the bus entered a viaduct...

and the Heedless became the Headless. . .

which really isn't a thing, they only snapped their necks, a quick and painless death and a lesson for the rest of us.

 

[maniac116]

The Amateur Electrician

Electricity and water do not mix well. Please take care, or you may die
In 1999, jetskiing featured in the Darwin Awards once more. This time the hapless individual was a man named Rodney, who was happily doing laps of Lake Washington when he realised his battery was running a bit low.


Pulling up toward the shore he moored his jetski and ran to get a set of jump leads. He plugged the ends into a 110 volt outlet and ran down to the water's edge carrying the crocodile clips.

Unfortunately he didn't stop at the edge, and plunged straight in, electrocuting himself instantly.
His body was apparently found floating under the dock later that evening.

 

[maniac116]

Garry Hoy
Gary fell from the 24th story of the Toronto-Dominion Centre whilst attempting to demonstrate to a group of students that the windows were unbreakable. His death has been featured in television programs such as 1000 Ways to Die and MythBusters.

 

[maniac116]

Terrorist opens his own letter bomb

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet decided to send out a letter bomb in 2000. Not being the brightest of sparks he forgot to put enough postage stamps on the letter, meaning it came back to the 'return to sender' address. Khay was so happy to receive some post that he ripped it open. His career in terrorism ended there.

 

[thenamingofcats]

I was so close to winning once when I was 20. I was staying at a house where the water heater had a catastrophic failure and there ended up being a few inches of water on the floor of the utility room. There was a bunch of electrical stuff in there and I didn't know the water could be electrified. I walked right into the water and started mopping it up.

 

[maniac116]

The Pissed-Up Parkour Star

In 2002 a group of lads from Maidenhead, inspired by what they'd seen of Paris' Parkour scene, decided to give free-running a go.

Things started well for Marc and his mates. They found a gap between two multi-story carparks with a 40-foot drop below and after a taking a good long run-up, Marc managed to clear it.
Chuffed with his achievement, he headed to the pub with his pals. On their way home they passed the car park again and it was then that things started to go wrong.
Full of the Dutch courage that comes from a couple of pints, Marc threw himself at the gap again but lost his balance on the far side and fell 40 foot onto solid concrete. No amount of alcohol could've cushioned that blow.

 

[maniac116]

27 April 2001

An unknown Canadian man was visiting his mother's house to attend his father's funeral when, while cleaning the kitchen, he tripped over the open dishwasher door and was impaled on knives sticking up out of the cutlery tray, the wounds eventually proving fatal.

 

[maniac116]

In 1983, Michael Anderson Godwin was convicted of raping and murdering a 24 year-old woman and sentenced to death by electric chair, but his conviction was later overturned on appeal, and he received a life sentence instead. Quite the break for Godwin (assuming he liked breathing and not having 2,000+ volts of electricity pumped through his body). However, six years later, Godwin made the mistake of trying to repair a pair of earphones connected to his television. Seated naked on the metal toilet in his cell, Godwin bit into a live wire to fix the device — and accidentally electrocuted himself. How's that for irony? After having escaped the electric chair, Godwin couldn't escape the, shall we say, electric toilet.

Shayes17 / Getty Images

 

[maniac116]

The Niagara Falls Jet Ski Jumper

In 1995, a particularly daring daredevil named Robert decided to attempt something no-one had ever done before – ride his jetski off Niagara Falls.

Now that might sound completely stupid, but Robert had done some planning. He'd fitted his jetski with a rocket booster and was carrying a parachute.
The idea was to fire the booster as he hit the falls, opening the parachute at the apex of his flight and drifting down to safety in the water below.
Unfortunately Robert had failed to factor in one crucial element – the fact that water makes things wet.
As he hurtled towards the falls and pressed the button, his utterly-soaked rocket booster failed to ignite. Plummeting off the edge, he tried his parachute, but it wasn't water-proof either and failed to deploy.... Bye-bye Robert!

 

[maniac116]

Man Drowns in Pool During a Life Guard Association Party.

In 1985, the New Orleans lifeguards threw a big party to celebrate the fact that no one had drowned in any pool during the summer season (no, really). A clean, no-drowning record! A GREAT reason to celebrate!
"Hey Mark, guess what?"
"What, Kyle?"
"You're never gonna - okay. Get this. No blood on our hands this summer."
"What? Are you kidding me? We NEED to have a party"
But when all the excessive celebrations were over, Jerome Moody was found drowned at the deep end of the department pool. Mr. Moody was not a lifeguard, but he was at a party where 4 lifeguards were on duty and another 200 off-duty lifeguards were in attendance, celebrating that an entire summer with no deaths...

 

[maniac116]

OWNER OF SEGWAY COMPANY DRIVES SEGWAY OFF A CLIFF...

Segways, those annoying and inscrutable electronic sideways skateboard/pogo-stick self-propulsion "Human Transporter" devices that I must confess scare the shit out of me for reasons I cannot quite articulate, have never been more ironically tragic than on that day in 2010 when British investor Jimi Heselden, who'd purchased the company earlier that year, careened a Segway test model off the road and down an 80-foot cliff to his death. A coroner ruled that Heselden had died of "multiple blunt force injuries of the chest and spine consistent with a fall whilst riding a gyrobike."

 

[kingfool316]

I wish to join them, sadly i am not stupid enough despite what my family tells me. Wish they were right though

 

[maniac116]

Tripped by Beard – Hans Steininger, 1567

Hans Steininger, famous for his lengthy beard, met his untimely death after tripping over his facial hair during a fire. He fell down the stairs, breaking his neck.

 

[maniac116]

A PE Teacher Got An Up-Close Look At The Business End Of A Javelin

There are fewer more deadly pieces of sports equipment than the javelin. The track and field object is long, heavy, and sharp, so stories of it causing injury from time to time are not that surprising. Death by javelin, however, is a bit more difficult to achieve - that is, unless that javelin passes through the last place you would ever want it to on your body (no, not there - get your mind out of the gutter).
A P.E. teacher in Liverpool, England, got an extreme close-up of a javelin. in 1999, and it ultimately took his life. Walking to retrieve the object, which was lodged in the ground and standing upright, 41-year-old Jon Desborough lost his footing and fell on the pole, which jammed right into his eye socket. Desborough passed away after a month-long coma stemming from the accident.

 

[maniac116]

Clement Vallandigham
Clement Vallandigham was a lawyer who represented a man charged with killing someone during a bar fight. Vallandigham's approach was to convince the jury the dead man had shot himself as he drew his weapon from his pocket. As he faced the jury, Vallandigham recreated the situation exactly as it happened. And when I say exactly, I mean that he managed to also recreate the end result: a man shooting himself whilst drawing his pistol.
Vallandigham died from his injuries, but did manage to acquit his client on the grounds that a man can accidentally shot himself whilst drawing a weapon from his pocket by showing the jury exactly how this was done.
Lawyer. Of. The. Century.

 

[maniac116]

Using a chainsaw to turn a grenade into a firework does not work

A frugal man once tried to save some money by using a grenade to create his own fireworks. For some unknown reason he decided to use a CHAINSAW to crack open the grenade and get that sweet sweet gunpowder inside. Sparks started flying through the air, shortly before parts of the man's… well, you get the picture.

 

[kingfool316]

A PE Teacher Got An Up-Close Look At The Business End Of A Javelin

There are fewer more deadly pieces of sports equipment than the javelin. The track and field object is long, heavy, and sharp, so stories of it causing injury from time to time are not that surprising. Death by javelin, however, is a bit more difficult to achieve - that is, unless that javelin passes through the last place you would ever want it to on your body (no, not there - get your mind out of the gutter).
A P.E. teacher in Liverpool, England, got an extreme close-up of a javelin. in 1999, and it ultimately took his life. Walking to retrieve the object, which was lodged in the ground and standing upright, 41-year-old Jon Desborough lost his footing and fell on the pole, which jammed right into his eye socket. Desborough passed away after a month-long coma stemming from the accident.

Wait, 1000 ways to die made an episode about this. Guess this was the inspiration

 

[maniac116]

The Mentalist

Russia: Where most citizens can bend a spoon with their minds.

We weren't surprised to hear of E. Frenkel, a mentalist from Russia, who was convinced that he could stop moving vehicles in their tracks. He had apparently stopped various bicycles and cars with his mind (obviously, since they had screeched to a halt before hitting him when he tried it), and was ready to test his psychic powers against a freight train in 1989.

Now, we're pretty sure that his "powers" consisted of alert drivers who simply stomped on the brakes before Frenkel could be injured, but this never crossed his mind.

The engineer of the train saw Frenkel step onto the tracks with his arms raised and body tensed, but he couldn't stop the train in time. Trains just don't stop like that, and a mentalist probably should have known better.