The SS lounge

[Brick In The Wall]

If I did smoke them, it was the softpacks, those and unfiltered Camels. probably because i watched too many film noir detective movies and thought I was Phillip Marlowe

I started on Camel filters but I've had the non filtered ones too. Honestly they aren't that bad but all my friends were too pussy to smoke unfiltered.

I've seen atleast one or two of his movies. They definitely had style back then.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Getting fucked up and listening to music, yea it's a mood.

 

[sadworld]

Getting fucked up and listening to music, yea it's a mood.

Sounds great

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Sounds great

I wish it were half as great as it sounded. More like a coping mechanism than anything.

 

[Squiddy]

Hey everyone

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Hey yo V, I got a message just for you!

 

[ecmnesia]

here I come again to vent, instead of writing another thread.


i might have a chance to cbt this weekend. not sure yet. i'm ready but i am scared. as if to destabilize me suddenly people who haven't talk to me in weeks are sending messages. of all times, why now?

 

[virginiawoolf86]

Just wanted to share something I've been listening to. Hope someone out there enjoys it as well.

 

[AnotherBrick]

I'm so frustrated. For over a decade, I've exercised. For over a decade, I've gone to therapy. And over the course of a decade, I've tried an insane variety of SSRIs and antipsychotics. Okay, what about weed? Didn't work. Vitamin D? Does fuck all. I've even tried volunteering (to force purpose into my life).

And now, with outside pressure to try it, I wasted over a grand of family money to try ketamine. Guess what?

Guess. Fucking. What.

The results were negligible. They wasted so much money trying to help me. I feel like I'm failing them. I am failing them. The only thing left to try is shrooms. And when that doesn't work, where does that leave me? How many more things do I have to try before they'll let me leave?

 

[sadworld]

I'm so frustrated. For over a decade, I've exercised. For over a decade, I've gone to therapy. And over the course of a decade, I've tried an insane variety of SSRIs and antipsychotics. Okay, what about weed? Didn't work. Vitamin D? Does fuck all. I've even tried volunteering (to force purpose into my life).

And now, with outside pressure to try it, I wasted over a grand of family money to try ketamine. Guess what?

Guess. Fucking. What.

The results were negligible. They wasted so much money trying to help me. I feel like I'm failing them. I am failing them. The only thing left to try is shrooms. And when that doesn't work, where does that leave me? How many more things do I have to try before they'll let me leave?

I'm sorry to hear that. Some of us are just resistant against everything. Sending hugs

 

[Moroden]

(venting - sorry for my english)

I allways tought i was a normal guy when i was younger... I have a caring family, good friends, no serious health problems, no financial problems, i do even have the privilege of being able to afford some "luxuries" (i´ve had two nice motorcycles, now i have a car of my own, i play tennis... etc.).

But despite of being grateful about all of this... i dont understand why is that i cant really enjoy any of it. Im in pain just to wake up every day. I feel i dont want to be here, i dont belong here... i have no motivation for life... i dont have projects nor ambitions... cant find anything that makes me feel it is worth it.

I feel really sad and lonely... some times i fantasize that finding the "perfect love" would save me... altough i know its not true, and not going to happen... but i wish i had someone arms to fall asleep in sometimes...

I´ve been thinking of CTB every single day for the last 13 years... every day it gets harder and harder to fight against the idea, wich comes growing stronger...
I feel i cant stand it anymore... i feel really tired, i dont want to fight no more... i wish i could just give up and that all would be ok, i wish others understood...

I dont know what to do anymore... it makes me so sad, that deep inside of me, i really believe theres only one way to end the suffering... makes me so sad to know i wont be a normal guy... makes me so nostalgic to imagine a future that i know i wont live... i think im just a tool, and its my purpose to make the ones around me to experience the shit of losing someone loved... cant find another explanation for my existence...

Im thinking of buying some charcoal and CTB by that method before the year ends... im really scared of failing and wake up in a hospital bed...

Im really scared of continue living... i just want to give up...

 

[virginiawoolf86]

I'm so frustrated. For over a decade, I've exercised. For over a decade, I've gone to therapy. And over the course of a decade, I've tried an insane variety of SSRIs and antipsychotics. Okay, what about weed? Didn't work. Vitamin D? Does fuck all. I've even tried volunteering (to force purpose into my life).

And now, with outside pressure to try it, I wasted over a grand of family money to try ketamine. Guess what?

Guess. Fucking. What.

The results were negligible. They wasted so much money trying to help me. I feel like I'm failing them. I am failing them. The only thing left to try is shrooms. And when that doesn't work, where does that leave me? How many more things do I have to try before they'll let me leave?

Unfortunately, as was said, some of us are drug resistant. Believe me, I've been trying and it's very defeating. The only thing that has any effect on me is alcohol, and that's not doing me any good.

I hope you find what you're looking for. Is ketamine the same as DMT?

(venting - sorry for my english)

I allways tought i was a normal guy when i was younger... I have a caring family, good friends, no serious health problems, no financial problems, i do even have the privilege of being able to afford some "luxuries" (i´ve had two nice motorcycles, now i have a car of my own, i play tennis... etc.).

But despite of being grateful about all of this... i dont understand why is that i cant really enjoy any of it. Im in pain just to wake up every day. I feel i dont want to be here, i dont belong here... i have no motivation for life... i dont have projects nor ambitions... cant find anything that makes me feel it is worth it.

I feel really sad and lonely... some times i fantasize that finding the "perfect love" would save me... altough i know its not true, and not going to happen... but i wish i had someone arms to fall asleep in sometimes...

I´ve been thinking of CTB every single day for the last 13 years... every day it gets harder and harder to fight against the idea, wich comes growing stronger...
I feel i cant stand it anymore... i feel really tired, i dont want to fight no more... i wish i could just give up and that all would be ok, i wish others understood...

I dont know what to do anymore... it makes me so sad, that deep inside of me, i really believe theres only one way to end the suffering... makes me so sad to know i wont be a normal guy... makes me so nostalgic to imagine a future that i know i wont live... i think im just a tool, and its my purpose to make the ones around me to experience the shit of losing someone loved... cant find another explanation for my existence...

Im thinking of buying some charcoal and CTB by that method before the year ends... im really scared of failing and wake up in a hospital bed...

Im really scared of continue living... i just want to give up...

I'm so sorry you're going through this. For the record there is no "normal". Life is imperfect, sometimes painfully so, sometimes irrevocably so. But a lot of the time, we just need to keep moving even when it's hard.

For the record, I am by no means trying to diminish your pain. You have every right to feel the way you do and make whatever decision you feel is best. I'm just trying to let you know that you're not alone here. There'll always be someone to talk to.

 

[AnotherBrick]

Thank you, Sadworld and Virginia. I appreciate the comfort.

I hope you find what you're looking for. Is ketamine the same as DMT?

No, it's a general anesthetic but Google tells me it's been used as a party drug as well. It's starting to become a bit more common and is toted as a promising alternative for those with treatment resistant depression. Idk the real statistics but the clinic I went to said only 10% of patients don't see results. I thought I had seen mild improvement at first, but I'm starting to think it was just placebo.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

My kit has been on my mind nonstop this past week. All this drama lately in my professional and personal life as well as the upcoming Holidays are really taking an extra toll on me.

 

[AnotherBrick]

My kit has been on my mind nonstop this past week. All this drama lately in my professional and personal life as well as the upcoming Holidays are really taking an extra toll on me.

I'm sorry, brick buddy. It's definitely a tough time right now even without extra drama on top of it. I'm wishing you the strength to get through it all.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I'm sorry, brick buddy. It's definitely a tough time right now even without extra drama on top of it. I'm wishing you the strength to get through it all. ❤

Sir, thank you. I wish the same strength to you in finding a solution to your recovery!

 

[Deleted member 19276]

Are there free drinks in this thread, still?

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Are there free drinks in this thread, still?

Brother for you, top shelf is on the house!

 

[Deleted member 19276]

Brother for you, top shelf is on the house!

View attachment 51506

Cheers brother Brick, brothers and sisters!

 

[ilovenightmares]

Welp, another 'friend' who says suicide is for attention seekers even though they know my past. We were talking about the rates during lockdown.
This is the 3rd or 4th person who has alluded to this despite knowing my attempts, another being the classic "suicide is for cowards."

That's part of why I like this place I think.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

That's part of why I like this place I think.

That's why I like this place too. At least here people are aware that it's far more complex than that. Suicide can be either cowardly or courageous, as can staying alive, depending on the reasons someone has for choosing either one.

Also, I wanted to say hello to the lounge. I've been away for a while.

 

[_Kaira_]

Also, I wanted to say hello to the lounge. I've been away for a while.

 

[sadworld]

Good morning lounge!

 

[virginiawoolf86]

Good morning lounge!

Hiya, sadworld!

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I haven't slept or eaten for a little over 50 hours now. Running on pure shrooms and weed at this point!

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I haven't slept or eaten for a little over 50 hours now. Running on pure shrooms and weed at this point!

How has the weed not made you want to eat? Is it because of the shrooms?

 

[kohaku]

I'm so frustrated. For over a decade, I've exercised. For over a decade, I've gone to therapy. And over the course of a decade, I've tried an insane variety of SSRIs and antipsychotics. Okay, what about weed? Didn't work. Vitamin D? Does fuck all. I've even tried volunteering (to force purpose into my life).

And now, with outside pressure to try it, I wasted over a grand of family money to try ketamine. Guess what?

Guess. Fucking. What.

The results were negligible. They wasted so much money trying to help me. I feel like I'm failing them. I am failing them. The only thing left to try is shrooms. And when that doesn't work, where does that leave me? How many more things do I have to try before they'll let me leave?

Have you tried ECT?
TMS?
Check out this thread.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/new-treatment-options.54181/

 

[Brick In The Wall]

How has the weed not made you want to eat? Is it because of the shrooms?

I don't get the munchies. I started resisting that urge a long time ago because it sobers me up faster and felt like a waste.

I just haven't felt like sleeping either. Too much on my mind.

 

[AnotherBrick]

Have you tried ECT?
TMS?
Check out this thread.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/new-treatment-options.54181/

Thanks! I haven't tried those yet. I'm a bit apprehensive of ECT, but I think I'll look more into TMS. I appreciate the suggestion

 

[Squiddy]

Hey everyone