Story Therapist experience

[Treeline589]

Being completely honest I am fairly new here - I came in right after I read the nyt article. I appreciate this site, I've been looking for one like this for a while.

Anyhow onto my post. I know some don't care for therapists and I get that, I just happen to have found a good one. I tell my therapist everything. I can talk about my suicidal ideation without the fear of being locked up- I mean I don't admit to having a plan but I can talk about thoughts I have had about suicide and methods I have thought of, etc.

To make a long story short, I talked to my therapist about this site. I didn't mention the name, just that I had found a site. He didn't really say much, just allowed me to explore how I felt and what I thought etc. It was nice to be able to explore my feelings about the site.

I brought the site up last night in my discussion with my therapist. TBH I have thoughts of CTB on new years Eve which is my birthday. I think it would be a good day to go. My therapist knows I have thoughts of suicide for after Xmas and has implemented a safety plan but he has no idea that I have a date set.

Anyhow, last night he tried to tell me that he thinks I am psychologically dependent on suicidal ideation. I'm not sure how I feel about that. In a way it pissed me off. Is it even possible to be that? Does that mean he thinks I'm never going to CTB? Sure I have had suicide ideation for a long time but still. I don't know, I guess I just wanted to vent a little and see some other people's opinions on it. Just please don't bad mouth the therapist- like I said therapy is one place where I can be 98% honest, so that is helpful.

 

[needed_]

hey, i'm glad for you that you have a positive relationship to your therapist, you are very lucky about that. one thing about your message striked me: "Does that mean he thinks I'm never going to CTB?" - i don't know what he thinks but ctb should never be connected with "oh he thinks i'm not serious about it, i will show him how serious i am" or "he thinks i'm too weak for that, i'll show him i'm not weak". the decision should come completely from your heart

 

[little helpers]

honestly I'm glad your therapist is nice about these things. although no one knows what'll go once they learn (if you choose to share or hinted it) that you got a plan. if you were to be unfortunately detained in a psych prison though, I strongly advice that you keep certain things to yourself there. shrinks don't fucking care and all they do is shove SSRIs and antipsychotics down your throat. the more you tell 'em, the longer your sentence. cuz they only let you go when you no longer appear to be actively suicidal / "delusional" about them actually harming you to them.

you raised an interesting question and I happen to have thought about it before. in my understanding, suicidality does enable many to live. it sounds paradoxical, but it's the option to die that empowers some folks. feeling they now have control over their life/death when everything is utterly out of control. it's like in addiction or an ED. sense of control can provide immense relief. it's like, people can get anxious in a room when there's no fire exits.

self-determination feels good. and people rely on it to live. it's not of a right-or-wrong kind of existence. everyone needs autonomy as long as they're alive.

and those stripped of it are oftentimes those who choose to die.

Edit: there are people who desperately wants to live even when they're dead suicidal. I've had times like that a long, long time ago. not anymore. IMO it's only in that case that the "dependent on suicidality" thing is operational. if you want out regardless, it's of no use or meaning pathologizing it. and wanting out from one's suicidality is, itself, a very valid reason.

there's no "invalid reasons" when a person knows suicide is what they really wants. same with living.

 

[Treeline589]

Ty for the kind words

 

[callme]

Other than that he only pointed out what was already obvious to you, which doesn't help, I hope he isn't in some way biased towards holiday incident occurence. Of course, only if it is really true ctb's go up on holidays. He doesn't seem that way though, from how you describe.

Suicide as a driving force is prominent in Sylvia Plath's poetry, if you like poetry and are in a good enough state to read it. "Death to power" was it called, or something like that.

 

[steviewonder]

Being completely honest I am fairly new here - I came in right after I read the nyt article. I appreciate this site, I've been looking for one like this for a while.

Anyhow onto my post. I know some don't care for therapists and I get that, I just happen to have found a good one. I tell my therapist everything. I can talk about my suicidal ideation without the fear of being locked up- I mean I don't admit to having a plan but I can talk about thoughts I have had about suicide and methods I have thought of, etc.

To make a long story short, I talked to my therapist about this site. I didn't mention the name, just that I had found a site. He didn't really say much, just allowed me to explore how I felt and what I thought etc. It was nice to be able to explore my feelings about the site.

I brought the site up last night in my discussion with my therapist. TBH I have thoughts of CTB on new years Eve which is my birthday. I think it would be a good day to go. My therapist knows I have thoughts of suicide for after Xmas and has implemented a safety plan but he has no idea that I have a date set.

Anyhow, last night he tried to tell me that he thinks I am psychologically dependent on suicidal ideation. I'm not sure how I feel about that. In a way it pissed me off. Is it even possible to be that? Does that mean he thinks I'm never going to CTB? Sure I have had suicide ideation for a long time but still. I don't know, I guess I just wanted to vent a little and see some other people's opinions on it. Just please don't bad mouth the therapist- like I said therapy is one place where I can be 98% honest, so that is helpful.

Therapists aren't supposed to be confrontational. They're supposed to listen. It's right he didn't start going crazy over this site

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that thoughts of suicide can be comforting to many people, as suicide is the one way to escape from this life. I think the knowledge that there is a way out if things become unbearable can help many people to cope, as they do not feel trapped.

I'm pleased that you have had a good experience with therapy, being able to talk openly must be a relief. I wish you the best.