Venting This better not be fucking depression creeping up on me

[Cauliflour]

Idk I feel like recently I've been losing the will to do anything even though there's so much I could be doing. Like I'll sit, bored, not wanting to draw, or write, or study, or sleep, or watch YouTube, or eat even though I'm hungry and only do it just so I can focus. I can't become depressed now: my motive is shit and there's all these things I want to do and I refuse to just let myself waste all my precious free time doing jack shit because I can't get my shit together. I know I should eat veggies and go take a walk or something y'know be healthy but I'm dreadfully stupid so I won't.

Actually is this a vitamin pill thing? I've been taking 1 vitamin pill a day for the past 2 ish weeks because my diet is crap and these feeling have started to creep up on me within the past couple of days so is that linked or what? Am I just making my brain smarter by feeding it yummy vitamins so it's out of delusion or what? I mean, I used to take vitamin gummies a couple years ago and my dreams suddenly went way more vivid and longer and stopped after I stopped taking then because I hate gummies.

Suppose it could also be burnout but I refuse to be burnt out, I haven't done enough stuff this year to warrant being burnt out. I'm just lazy. I should've gone and killed myself properly back then so I don't have to deal with me wasting my life like this. Words can't express how much I fucking hate myself but I can't be too honest with myself because then I'll bully myself into depression and waste oxygen doing jack shit.

 

[usernamesarehard]

Idk I feel like recently I've been losing the will to do anything even though there's so much I could be doing. Like I'll sit, bored, not wanting to draw, or write, or study, or sleep, or watch YouTube, or eat even though I'm hungry and only do it just so I can focus.

Yup, sounds like depression to me. I deal with this pretty regularly. I want to learn how to draw so I can make some extra money and study so I can at the very least leave this city, hopefully I can leave the state. Although I spend my time scrolling on reddit and youtube and now posting things here to distract me instead of doing what I should be.
I recently got my appetite back. I think I was just depressed over my break up.

I can't become depressed now: my motive is shit and there's all these things I want to do and I refuse to just let myself waste all my precious free time doing jack shit because I can't get my shit together. I know I should eat veggies and go take a walk or something y'know be healthy but I'm dreadfully stupid so I won't.

I feel this. Are you taking any medications? Have you looked into taking meds? I didn't want to for a long time and while everything isn't magically better, I do feel better than I did when I didn't have them.

Suppose it could also be burnout but I refuse to be burnt out, I haven't done enough stuff this year to warrant being burnt out. I'm just lazy. I should've gone and killed myself properly back then so I don't have to deal with me wasting my life like this. Words can't express how much I fucking hate myself but I can't be too honest with myself because then I'll bully myself into depression and waste oxygen doing jack shit.

If you're depressed, even making a meal and doing some dishes can burn you out. It takes more energy and effort to do even simple tasks. Don't beat yourself up too much if it's hard to get the energy to do anything.
Take things one day at a time. I don't think you're lazy, you're just struggling.
I know it won't make you feel better, but just know there are people like me out in the world. People who can do things, but are too unorganized, unprincipled, and lack the ability to focus to actually get anything done.

Good luck man, I wish you the best. It sounds like you're really struggling.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Do you know what could pull you out of it even ever so slightly? Doing something with a friend if you have one (or more)? Exercise? Drawing anyways?

What vitamins are you taking? I got vivid nightmares from a certain type of magnesium so I'm sure some vitamins could have some side effects? Did you stopping them for a bit? Or google it?
props to you for even trying and taking em!

I'm pretty sure if you were lazy you wouldn't dislike not being able to do stuff. You would enjoy not doing things more I'd say.

 

[Ch4in3dcr0w]

(Off topic:Amazing doodle as always) The only thing u can give yourself now is time there is enough of it to do nothing and look in the wall for hours and be productive. People waste their youth doing drugs and partying and still have time to pick up the pieces and make somewhat of a life for themselfs u dont always need to be on a "grind" working like a well made machine even a volvo can break sometimes and it needs time for repairs. I dont think its the gummies but u can check with a doctor or on your own if those really affect you. Much love

 

[Cauliflour]

Yup, sounds like depression to me.

I'm gonna live in denial now. I don't feel depressed enough to be depressed. I think I'm just shit. Like what I hear from others online and here, THEY'RE actually suffering. I'm just subconsiously pretending to be depressed.

Are you taking any medications? Have you looked into taking meds?

No and I don't want to because then I'll have to deal with therapists.

 

[bankai]

certain type of magnesium

Let me guess, Magnesium threonate?It's the only type of magnesium to cross the blood brain barrier, so which is why you're probably getting those nightmares.



@Cauliflour I hope it's a good multivitamin. And I hope you're getting your minerals as well, like potassium. Potassium is actually pretty important for depression. You need your electrolyte levels high as well. Potassium, Magnesium And sodium.



I take some potassium citrate, magnesium glycinate, and some pink salt for sodium. Bought each separately.

 

[Cauliflour]

(Off topic:Amazing doodle as always) The only thing u can give yourself now is time there is enough of it to do nothing and look in the wall for hours and be productive. People waste their youth doing drugs and partying and still have time to pick up the pieces and make somewhat of a life for themselfs u dont always need to be on a "grind" working like a well made machine even a volvo can break sometimes and it needs time for repairs. I dont think its the gummies but u can check with a doctor or on your own if those really affect you. Much love

Keeping myself productive is the only thing stopping me from just grabbing a rope and killing myself. I know my purpose and I'm wasting space spending that time doing nothing of use. Entertainment is just to keep the mind healthy so it doesn't burn out too soon.

Let me guess, Magnesium threonate?It's the only type of magnesium to cross the blood brain barrier, so which is why you're probably getting those nightmares.

Idk what it was but the vitamins I was taking those years ago aren't the same as the ones I'm taking now and my dreams aren't really any different so god knows what was in those gummies.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Let me guess, Magnesium threonate?It's the only type of magnesium to cross the blood brain barrier, so which is why you're probably getting those nightmares.

Bisglycinate for me. Something about this likely.
"Bisglycinaat includes glycine, a calming amino acid—but glycine also stimulates NMDA receptors, which are involved in memory, perception, and dreams.
In some brains, this leads to weirdly immersive, surreal, or intense dreams."

Now on taurate. Much better. Oxide made my stomach upset.. Never tried threonate

@Cauliflour I hope it's a good multivitamin. And I hope you're getting your minerals as well, like potassium. Potassium is actually pretty important for depression. You need your electrolyte levels high as well. Potassium, Magnesium And sodium.



I take some potassium citrate, magnesium glycinate, and some pink salt for sodium. Bought each separately.

Electrolyte powder could work too
Diff tastes too. Although mine is mixed with bcaa amino.

Keeping myself productive is the only thing stopping me from just grabbing a rope and killing myself. I know my purpose and I'm wasting space spending that time doing nothing of use. Entertainment is just to keep the mind healthy so it doesn't burn out too soon.

Idk what it was but the vitamins I was taking those years ago aren't the same as the ones I'm taking now and my dreams aren't really any different so god knows what was in those gummies.

You sure they're vitamin gummies? I know some other gummies that could make you slow and weird dreaming too

 

[bankai]

Bisglycinate for me. Something about this likely.
"Bisglycinaat includes glycine, a calming amino acid—but glycine also stimulates NMDA receptors, which are involved in memory, perception, and dreams.
In some brains, this leads to weirdly immersive, surreal, or intense dreams."

Ah Ok,yes glycine on its own has an effect on sleep.Magnesium glycinate is supposedly one of the best forms of magnesium. One of the better absorbed forms by the body.



Some of these electrolyte powders can be pretty tasty as well.