Discussion Thoughts and Opinions as a Funeral Director

[InterestedParty]

Well this is my first post on this website, as I very recently found it while prowling through the CoE website.

I am a funeral director in a major Californian city, so naturally, I see my fair share of suicides a month.

This website strikes me as interesting though in that many people on here seem so motivated to learn and try out these elaborate suicides methods.

I think most people lack creativity in that in the past 30 days I had 2 by train, 1 by gunshot, and 3 by hanging. But other than that I did not see any other method this month.

But what I was trying to get at is that is from my personal experience, hanging is by far the most popular method at least in this part of California...

Also, yes, I can confirm that many families look ruined after one of their loved ones decides to go through with it, so keep that in mind I suppose.

If anyone has any questions though would be more than happy to answer them :)

 

[ladylazarus4]

what do the people who've hanged themselves look like after they die?

 

[SVEN]

Perhaps not so much lack of creativity as just paucity of options. Here in the UK where I am Firearms are not an option (although a Strathclyde cop who was in the Firearms Unit killed himself with an official sidearm in a Police Stationa few years ago). OTC medications are only available OTC because of their ineffectiveness, Poisons and Barbituates are tightly controlled, so ropes and high buildings (though access to them is becoming more restricted) remain the most easily available sources for ctb. Particularly if money is in tight supply.

 

[sevennn]

what do you have to do as a funeral director (idrk)?

 

[Forever Sleep]

May I ask- if you die in your own home with passpot to hand, will they still bother relatives to identify the body? Not sure whether you'd know that but, thought I'd ask. Do you think they would go from dental records if you requested that and left then the details?

 

[opheliaoveragain]

following.

 

[OutOfThisBody]

This is kinda a weird question, but if you prepare the bodies and stuff, do you have to see the dead people naked? If my body is discovered I would really hate for strangers to see me naked. Idk. Just a weird fixation of mine.

 

[alienfreak]

many people on here seem so motivated to learn and try out these elaborate suicides methods.

Do people here seek elaborate methods? I don't see it like that. I've been trying to figure out hanging and it is surprisingly difficult and complicated, it's starting to seem like one of the more elaborate methods to me

 

[InterestedParty]

what do the people who've hanged themselves look like after they die?

Just a lot of bruising around their necks.

Our beauticians are very talented though so after they have been prepared for viewing you would not be able to tell.
Fa

Perhaps not so much lack of creativity as just paucity of options. Here in the UK where I am Firearms are not an option (although a Strathclyde cop who was in the Firearms Unit killed himself with an official sidearm in a Police Stationa few years ago). OTC medications are only available OTC because of their ineffectiveness, Poisons and Barbituates are tightly controlled, so ropes and high buildings (though access to them is becoming more restricted) remain the most easily available sources for ctb. Particularly if money is in tight supply.

Fair points, also on a side note you seem very well spoken.

what do you have to do as a funeral director (idrk)?

Well the mortuary I work with is very busy, so I generally just direct the funeral proceedings to their final resting place, whether it be the crematorium or gravesite, etc.

We also do all prep on site, so embalming, makeup etc is also done by our team.

On occasion when there is a lack of grave shift personnel I will pick up cadavers from the hospital

 

[InterestedParty]

May I ask- if you die in your own home with passpot to hand, will they still bother relatives to identify the body? Not sure whether you'd know that but, thought I'd ask. Do you think they would go from dental records if you requested that and left then the details?

Sounds like a good way for the corpse to be deemed suspicious and end up going to the coroner where it will fall under further scrutiny

This is kinda a weird question, but if you prepare the bodies and stuff, do you have to see the dead people naked? If my body is discovered I would really hate for strangers to see me naked. Idk. Just a weird fixation of mine.

Hahaha yes, most of the time, until it is time to do their final dressing/makeup, the cadavers are kept nude.

Staff is professional though, the novelty of being in rooms with naked cadavers fades away quickly

 

[-Link-]

People here are not "motivated to learn and try out elaborate suicide methods." They are motivated to put an end to their unbearable suffering through what they see as the most efficient, least-painful method that's accessible to them.

They die completely alone without having any family support around them. It's sometimes horrifically violent or prolonged and agonizing. They sometimes feel regret after having already crossed the point of no return. They sometimes traumatize innocent bystanders or even first responders. And almost always, they are blindsiding their loved ones.

And they do all of this because their governments fail to provide them with dignified, medically-supported assisted dying services.

Nobody here is interested in "getting creative" or "trying out elaborate methods."

 

[suffering_mo]

@InterestedParty Have you seen any by sodium nitrite? Supposedly, the skin turns quite blue. If so, is there an open casket?

How long does it usually take between the actual suicide and the funeral? Is it much longer than usual?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sounds like a good way for the corpse to be deemed suspicious and end up going to the coroner where it will fall under further scrutiny

Hahaha yes, most of the time, until it is time to do their final dressing/makeup, the cadavers are kept nude.

Staff is professional though, the novelty of being in rooms with naked cadavers fades away quickly

I imagine all suicides go to the coroner/ for autopsy?

Are there a lot more direct cremations now?

 

[InterestedParty]

@InterestedParty Have you seen any by sodium nitrite? Supposedly, the skin turns quite blue. If so, is there an open casket?

How long does it usually take between the actual suicide and the funeral? Is it much longer than usual?

Prior to entering this website, I had never even heard of suicide via sodium nitrite.

It seems to be like a very popular topic on this forum, but to answer your question no.

Asked an old timer who has been in the business for a long time, and they too had not heard of a suicide using the compound.

As for skin color, MOST of the time, our beauticians can salvage the skin color and a open casket can proceed. Especially in Jewish services where they are not allowed to be embalmed, those more often than not have a shift in skin color, but makeup takes care of it.

All suicides go to the coroners office, regardless if its hanging, GSW, or whatever. Depending how busy they are there it could be 4-5 days until the body gets released to our mortuary. Then after that if the person had their funeral prearranged things are much more simple, if not then probably an average of 2-3 weeks of prep.

I imagine all suicides go to the coroner/ for autopsy?

Are there a lot more direct cremations now?

Yuppp basically anything not in a hospital or a hospice goes to the coroners office.

However I could see how staging your corpse to prevent your family being notified would bring even more attention to it.

Yes, direct cremations are about 1/5th of the cost.

 

[suffering_mo]

Oh wow. That's longer than I expected. Most funerals I see happen here are within 5-7 days but I guess if the coroner has to have extra time with a suicide, that would explain it too.

Interesting you haven't seen a sodium nitrite, not one. It's being banned from being sold to individuals in the US because of the number of teens who have died using it.

 

[InterestedParty]

Oh wow. That's longer than I expected. Most funerals I see happen here are within 5-7 days but I guess if the coroner has to have extra time with a suicide, that would explain it too.

Interesting you haven't seen a sodium nitrite, not one. It's being banned from being sold to individuals in the US because of the number of teens who have died using it.

The only funerals that are done within 5-7 days, at least in my area, are Jewish services where they prefer to bury as fast as possible.

Yeah im sure the powers at be are making attempts at keeping the substance under lockdown, but yup in my area never seen one or heard of one.

 

[DoneWithThisLife]

How very interesting all this is. I intend to CTB with sodium nitrite so it's comforting to know that my family will not have to see me all blue and be shocked.

 

[InterestedParty]

How very interesting all this is. I intend to CTB with sodium nitrite so it's comforting to know that my family will not have to see me all blue and be shocked.

Well, if they really wanted to, they could ask to see you at the coroners, before we even get the body, but this is not a common request at all, and is usually discouraged by every party involved

 

[wren-briar]

What CoE website are you referring to that led you here?

What led you to work in the funeral industry?

 

[suffering_mo]

@InterestedParty

Do you get any middle aged women with children still at home, by suicide?

 

[InterestedParty]

What CoE website are you referring to that led you here?

What led you to work in the funeral industry?

Referring to the Church of Euthanasia website.

Im primarily a pilot, but prior to that, was just an interesting, accommodating field to pay the bills and get me where I wanted to be

@InterestedParty

Do you get any middle aged women with children still at home, by suicide?

I can think of 2 instances, yes

 

[iusedtobehappy]

What happens to someone with no family at all? What do you do with the person's body? If there is a note saying they would like to be cremated but don't care where the ashes go, is that honored? TIA.

 

[InterestedParty]

In the case where someone dies with nobody to claim the body. It varies from place to place, but at least in my county...

The body is held for a period of months in case a next of kin shows up (That is willing to claim the body)

If nobody claims it, goes straight to direct cremation, and is then held in a county owned mausoleum full of unclaimed remains.

The note would be honored in that, that is standard protocol for us. We do the cremation, hold it in the vault, then after a period of time they are scattered.

 

[OutOfThisBody]

I think most people lack creativity in that in the past 30 days I had 2 by train, 1 by gunshot, and 3 by hanging. But other than that I did not see any other method this month.

How do you prepare the body of someone who got runover by a train for a funeral? Like can you only cremate them, no open casket? I imagine someone could get split into peices by a train.

 

[InterestedParty]

How do you prepare the body of someone who got runover by a train for a funeral? Like can you only cremate them, no open casket? I image someone could get split into peices by a train.

In this occasion his body was obliterated so everything was put into a body bag and placed into a casket.

In this case it was a cremation, but the family did request to see him in his condition after having to sign forms that basically amounted to not being responsible if you get traumatized.

Could they have requested an open casket?

As long as its not deemed a safety hazard yes, had a guy who used a revolver on his face, but the father insisted on an open casket.

 

[iusedtobehappy]

In the case where someone dies with nobody to claim the body. It varies from place to place, but at least in my county...

The body is held for a period of months in case a next of kin shows up (That is willing to claim the body)

If nobody claims it, goes straight to direct cremation, and is then held in a county owned mausoleum full of unclaimed remains.

The note would be honored in that, that is standard protocol for us. We do the cremation, hold it in the vault, then after a period of time they are scattered.

In a freezer? How is a body held for months? Then how long before the ashes are scattered? I would think it would be quicker.. I have been studying what happens after death for some time and there is residual earth energy that can be around for up to a year after the body dies. I know it to be a fact because when my husband died, there were sounds, disturbances, definite physical energy that remained for about 6 months, in his case. No, I'm not crazy. You can look that up. So the body IMO should be disposed of fairly quickly.

Another question. In the case of a hanging, were the ones you saw partial hanging (doorknob, etc.) or full suspension?

 

[InterestedParty]

In a freezer? How is a body held for months? Then how long before the ashes are scattered? I would think it would be quicker.. I have been studying what happens after death for some time and there is residual earth energy that can be around for up to a year after the body dies. I know it to be a fact because when my husband died, there were sounds, disturbances, definite physical energy that remained for about 6 months, in his case. No, I'm not crazy. You can look that up. So the body IMO should be disposed of fairly quickly.

Another question. In the case of a hanging, were the ones you saw partial hanging (doorknob, etc.) or full suspension?

Yup, in a freezer.

Its a problem in a lot smaller mortuaries that already have limited space.

Bodies just last quite a while when chilled. Its not unusual where I will show up to do a funeral and the death certificate has them as having died 2+ months ago.

Not sure how long the ashes are held until scattered to be honest. Our mausoleum for unclaimed ashes is veryyy big, so the managers dont see it necessary to clear out space, as we have plenty, so never actually heard of ashes from that particular vault being scattered, but i know eventually, they will.

As for residual earth energy, first time hearing that term, no comments , never seen anything supernatural.

For the hanging question, mostly full suspensions, but exclusively.

 

[ForestGhost]

I think most people lack creativity in that in the past 30 days I had 2 by train, 1 by gunshot, and 3 by hanging.

To be honest I am more intrigued by your strangely flippant attitude towards suicide than the details of your job. If this comment wasn't tongue-in-cheek, do you really think that anyone who commits suicide is motivated by how creative their method is? If it was tongue-in-cheek, have you just become so desensitized by the number of your encounters with death that you joke about suicide in these terms? Even though this is a pro-choice forum, I'm not sure this type of facetiousness is appreciated by most people here, especially from someone positioning themselves as a spectator of sorts.

 

[iusedtobehappy]

To be honest I am more intrigued by your strangely flippant attitude towards suicide than the details of your job. If this comment wasn't tongue-in-cheek, do you really think that anyone who commits suicide is motivated by how creative their method is? If it was tongue-in-cheek, have you just become so desensitized by the number of your encounters with death that you joke about suicide in these terms? Even though this is a pro-choice forum, I'm not sure this type of facetiousness is appreciated by most people here, especially from someone positioning themselves as a spectator of sorts.

TBF, death is what he does. He couldn't do it if there was a lot of emotion or thought about how each of these people were feeling or how they chose to end their lives. I could never do what he does bc I would be too emotional and honestly I would have a hard time turning it off. He's here to answer the questions most ppl can't answer bc we don't see that side of it, the physical disposing of bodies. JMO FWIW.

People here are not "motivated to learn and try out elaborate suicide methods." They are motivated to put an end to their unbearable suffering through what they see as the most efficient, least-painful method that's accessible to them.

They die completely alone without having any family support around them. It's sometimes horrifically violent or prolonged and agonizing. They sometimes feel regret after having already crossed the point of no return. They sometimes traumatize innocent bystanders or even first responders. And almost always, they are blindsiding their loved ones.

And they do all of this because their governments fail to provide them with dignified, medically-supported assisted dying services.

Nobody here is interested in "getting creative" or "trying out elaborate methods."

All true!

 

[InterestedParty]

To be honest I am more intrigued by your strangely flippant attitude towards suicide than the details of your job. If this comment wasn't tongue-in-cheek, do you really think that anyone who commits suicide is motivated by how creative their method is? If it was tongue-in-cheek, have you just become so desensitized by the number of your encounters with death that you joke about suicide in these terms? Even though this is a pro-choice forum, I'm not sure this type of facetiousness is appreciated by most people here, especially from someone positioning themselves as a spectator of sorts.

My comment was most definitely tongue-in-cheek rather than to be taken seriously.

Most people in my field spend our days joking like this. If everyday you clocked in to work and had to spend 8 hours recognizing just how serious each death was then staff would not last long at all.

I recognize suicide is a very serious matter, but when I mentioned the creativity, I phrased it in a way I would have said it talking to a coworker. Not often that I am discussing death with those that want to be dead.