Discussion Thoughts and Opinions as a Funeral Director

[justpathetic]

To be honest I am more intrigued by your strangely flippant attitude towards suicide than the details of your job. If this comment wasn't tongue-in-cheek, do you really think that anyone who commits suicide is motivated by how creative their method is? If it was tongue-in-cheek, have you just become so desensitized by the number of your encounters with death that you joke about suicide in these terms? Even though this is a pro-choice forum, I'm not sure this type of facetiousness is appreciated by most people here, especially from someone positioning themselves as a spectator of sorts.

Most people who deal with death regularly develop a dark sense of humor/sarcasm as part of their defense. Unless you're a sociopath you need defenses to do their job. It's not personal towards anyone and they try not to let it get personal for them as well.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

How fast does direct cremation happen when it's already prepaid for and there Is a next of kin to pick up the ashes,?

 

[InterestedParty]

Most people who deal with death regularly develop a dark sense of humor/sarcasm as part of their defense. Unless you're a sociopath you need defenses to do their job. It's not personal towards anyone and they try not to let it get personal for them as well.

I think he was able to word better than me. Did not mean anything personal.

How fast does direct cremation happen when it's already prepaid for and there Is a next of kin to pick up the ashes,?

As soon as the coroner's office release the body, and your spot in line at the crematorium clears up. Could be as short as 3-5 days after death.

 

[justpathetic]

Oh wow. That's longer than I expected. Most funerals I see happen here are within 5-7 days but I guess if the coroner has to have extra time with a suicide, that would explain it too.

Interesting you haven't seen a sodium nitrite, not one. It's being banned from being sold to individuals in the US because of the number of teens who have died using it.

You have to remember they said they were from a major city in Cali. That's a lot of deaths natural and unnatural. I've seen remains returned within 2 or 3 days as long as foul play was not a consideration. (No investigation)

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Have you ever seen someone who has died from SN? Additionally, are there any methods that you think are particularly "bad looking"?

 

[InterestedParty]

Have you ever seen someone who has died from SN? Additionally, are there any methods that you think are particularly "bad looking"?

To your first question, no

To your second question, can you elaborate? Bad looking how

 

[-nobodyknows-]

To your first question, no

To your second question, can you elaborate? Bad looking how

In regard to the body. Do you consider certain forms of death to be more "visually disturbing"

 

[InterestedParty]

In regard to the body. Do you consider certain forms of death to be more "visually disturbing"

I think the face holds the majority of human emotion.

Any death where the face is mutilated is disturbing in my opinion.

When you have an arm laying around, its easy to chalk it up in your mind as like just looking like a halloween prop, but properly disfigured faces are definitely the most disturbing for me.

 

[ForestGhost]

My comment was most definitely tongue-in-cheek rather than to be taken seriously.

Most people in my field spend our days joking like this. If everyday you clocked in to work and had to spend 8 hours recognizing just how serious each death was then staff would not last long at all.

I recognize suicide is a very serious matter, but when I mentioned the creativity, I phrased it in a way I would have said it talking to a coworker. Not often that I am discussing death with those that want to be dead.

Understood, I might have been overly sensitive. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I think the face holds the majority of human emotion.

Any death where the face is mutilated is disturbing in my opinion.

When you have an arm laying around, its easy to chalk it up in your mind as like just looking like a halloween prop, but properly disfigured faces are definitely the most disturbing for me.

So I guess gun suicides are pretty bad then…

 

[InterestedParty]

So I guess gun suicides are pretty bad then…

Depends on the caliber of the bullet tbh

 

[-Link-]

Understood, I might have been overly sensitive. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

You weren't being overly sensitive. Bringing suicide jokes in here as an outsider wasn't any more appropriate than making death jokes at a funeral. It was just an oversight on the part of the OP who, I'm guessing, understands that now.

 

[justpathetic]

You weren't being overly sensitive. Bringing suicide jokes in here as an outsider wasn't any more appropriate than making death jokes at a funeral. It was just an oversight on the part of the OP who, I'm guessing, understands that now.

Oh please people joke in here all the time. There are people in the world whose job is death. They look at it differently. They're actually interested in the hows and whys. They tend to think about it differently.

 

[TheBroken]

Very interesting - a funeral business person's input. Certainly accurate information based on the years I've worked funerals as an employee.

 

[-Link-]

Oh please people joke in here all the time. There are people in the world whose job is death. They look at it differently. They're actually interested in the hows and whys. They tend to think about it differently.

Outsiders don't get to come in here and make suicide jokes to us. Life just doesn't work like that. I don't care if they work as a funeral director. Or a police officer. Or a journalist. Or a janitor. Or if they're an astronaut on their way to Mars. If they're an outsider, then jokes are not OK.

You want to joke about it? No one's going to tell you not to because you are down here in the darkness with the rest of us.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

Very interesting thread. Any N suicides that you've come across by any chance? Probably too rare, especially in the US.

 

[MillieXIO]

Have you seen any college students who died/CTB away from home? Who contacts the parents? Does the family take the body home?

 

[InterestedParty]

Very interesting thread. Any N suicides that you've come across by any chance? Probably too rare, especially in the US.

Nope not any that I have seen, so wouldnt be able to say much about them

Have you seen any college students who died/CTB away from home? Who contacts the parents? Does the family take the body home?

Yea had a friend that did that, but also a couple that were "customers".

The police will contact the parents.

No the body will go to the coroners to establish cause of death.

 

[nomoredolor]

Well this is my first post on this website, as I very recently found it while prowling through the CoE website.

I am a funeral director in a major Californian city, so naturally, I see my fair share of suicides a month.

This website strikes me as interesting though in that many people on here seem so motivated to learn and try out these elaborate suicides methods.

I think most people lack creativity in that in the past 30 days I had 2 by train, 1 by gunshot, and 3 by hanging. But other than that I did not see any other method this month.

But what I was trying to get at is that is from my personal experience, hanging is by far the most popular method at least in this part of California...

Also, yes, I can confirm that many families look ruined after one of their loved ones decides to go through with it, so keep that in mind I suppose.

If anyone has any questions though would be more than happy to answer them :)

Thanks for answering our questions. Have you ever had someone preplan their funeral with you and then kill themselves afterwards? Obviously while omitting their suicidal intent.

Have you ever been left a note in your official duties? In your experience have you ever seen anything that the deceased did in preparation that provided even a modicum of comfort or understanding for the surviving family members? I appreciate your time

 

[InterestedParty]

Thanks for answering our questions. Have you ever had someone preplan their funeral with you and then kill themselves afterwards? Obviously while omitting their suicidal intent.

Have you ever been left a note in your official duties? In your experience have you ever seen anything that the deceased did in preparation that provided even a modicum of comfort or understanding for the surviving family members? I appreciate your time

1.Haha no but I would definitely not see that coming. It is 80% older or sick folks.

2.Left a note whileeeee like picking up a body? At a funeral? Where?

3.No, I don't really think there is much of anything that could comfort someone immediately after a suicide. Also generally from what the families have told me, it was quite sudden with not even a note left behind.

 

[PhDone]

I think the face holds the majority of human emotion.

Any death where the face is mutilated is disturbing in my opinion.

When you have an arm laying around, its easy to chalk it up in your mind as like just looking like a halloween prop, but properly disfigured faces are definitely the most disturbing for me.

Thanks for being prepared to be questioned. I know most people on here are suffering beyond imagination, but equally care what happens for those that will be affected. Hence you can see concerns about what happens next and how things look that are somewhat about others not themselves. I'm sure everyone is grateful therefore.

My question continues the theme of what looks worst, but for first responders. I understand the facial reference. So what about discolouration (assumed for SN) or eyes (maybe with FS v PS). Is there anything you see that would make you go "that would have been awful for first responders"?

I mean I guess these people also see RTA's etc. Death is not always age or terminal illness (hospice).

I guess also wrt shock for family comments, RTA and many other situations create immense shock too. Ctb is not alone in that. Life is harsh and no one is exempt.

 

[BlackEyedDog]

Just want to say I'm sorry about your friend that ctb. And thank you for taking the time to answer all these questions.

 

[Just_Another_Person]

Well this is my first post on this website, as I very recently found it while prowling through the CoE website.

I am a funeral director in a major Californian city, so naturally, I see my fair share of suicides a month.

This website strikes me as interesting though in that many people on here seem so motivated to learn and try out these elaborate suicides methods.

I think most people lack creativity in that in the past 30 days I had 2 by train, 1 by gunshot, and 3 by hanging. But other than that I did not see any other method this month.

But what I was trying to get at is that is from my personal experience, hanging is by far the most popular method at least in this part of California...

Also, yes, I can confirm that many families look ruined after one of their loved ones decides to go through with it, so keep that in mind I suppose.

If anyone has any questions though would be more than happy to answer them :)

Hi, I have a doubt regarding discard of funerary urns. Like, let's say someone wanted their ashes (they were cremated) to be thrown at multiple places (the sea, a forest and list goes on), what to do with the empty urn after all ashes were scattered? Putting in the trash seems disrespectful and I don't think the deceased would like for it to be stored in a church/temple/cemetery or even the home of family/relatives. The best I could think was buy a biodegradable urn, scatter the ashes in the requested sites and then throw it at the sea/river. There are better options?

Oh, another question: does funerary makeup can make a corpse killed by SN (Sodium Nitrite) look "normal" for the funeral/wake?

Thank you for your attention.

 

[J&L383]

Sounds like a good way for the corpse to be deemed suspicious and end up going to the coroner where it will fall under further scrutiny

Hahaha yes, most of the time, until it is time to do their final dressing/makeup, the cadavers are kept nude.

Staff is professional though, the novelty of being in rooms with naked cadavers fades away quickly

I took part in anatomy dissection and dead bodies are very detached from the real thing, in my experience. Funeral director business is definitely not for the faint of hearted though, I was glad when anatomy class was over!

 

[InterestedParty]

Thanks for being prepared to be questioned. I know most people on here are suffering beyond imagination, but equally care what happens for those that will be affected. Hence you can see concerns about what happens next and how things look that are somewhat about others not themselves. I'm sure everyone is grateful therefore.

My question continues the theme of what looks worst, but for first responders. I understand the facial reference. So what about discolouration (assumed for SN) or eyes (maybe with FS v PS). Is there anything you see that would make you go "that would have been awful for first responders"?

I mean I guess these people also see RTA's etc. Death is not always age or terminal illness (hospice).

I guess also wrt shock for family comments, RTA and many other situations create immense shock too. Ctb is not alone in that. Life is harsh and no one is exempt.

As for awful for first responders, train suicides are always pretty graphic.

Just want to say I'm sorry about your friend that ctb. And thank you for taking the time to answer all these questions.

All good thx

Hi, I have a doubt regarding discard of funerary urns. Like, let's say someone wanted their ashes (they were cremated) to be thrown at multiple places (the sea, a forest and list goes on), what to do with the empty urn after all ashes were scattered? Putting in the trash seems disrespectful and I don't think the deceased would like for it to be stored in a church/temple/cemetery or even the home of family/relatives. The best I could think was buy a biodegradable urn, scatter the ashes in the requested sites and then throw it at the sea/river. There are better options?

Oh, another question: does funerary makeup can make a corpse killed by SN (Sodium Nitrite) look "normal" for the funeral/wake?

Thank you for your attention.

Id say the only thing in an urn that matters are the ashes, most urns are just mass produced junk that eventually gets thrown out.

They would probably care as much as you.

Yup yup, mortuary makeup will even out whatever color you might end up

 

[LifeQuitter]

What happens to extremely overweight people?

 

[ms_beaverhousen]

Are you the director, or what are your duties/title?

Do you like scary movies?

Are you depressed? If yes, how much so?

What brought you to decide to work with death people?

Has your work experience affected your personal life/relationships and/or your own mortality?
Thx.

 

[InterestedParty]

What happens to extremely overweight people?

Only difference I can think of is that if they surpass our crematoriums weight limit, they get sent to a neighboring city that has one with a higher weight limit

Are you the director, or what are your duties/title?

Do you like scary movies?

Are you depressed? If yes, how much so?

What brought you to decide to work with death people?

Has your work experience affected your personal life/relationships and/or your own mortality?
Thx.

1.Yes I am the funeral director

2.Love scary movies

3.Not depressed in the slightest

4.Not sure maybe I am just weird

5.Able to grieve faster than my peers, but still even with all the deaths at work, its still a very distinct feeling when someone you actually know or care about has passed.

 

[nomoredolor]

I think you're so awesome for taking the time to post here and answer our questions! We appreciate you!

 

[suffering_mo]

With gun suicides, do you see a majority of these going through the mouth (aimed towards back of head), at the temple, under the chin, at forehead? I'm sure it's all different types but wondering what you see the most and what is the most disfiguring...