Help thoughts on a sort of fake death?

[D3M0LITI0N_H3ARTxo]

so, this is a bit weird and might not be a very common question on this site, but has anyone ever tried to purposefully have an un unsuccessful suicide attempt?

my current date as of right now (if I decide to go through with it) is october 8th of this year, but I'm not sure if I *really* want to ctb the first time I do it (I had an unsuccessful attempt back in february). this may be unconventional for most people on this site but I'd want to try seeing if anything would really change if I survived. would my life improve? would the people around me truly care and see my pain? would it be the push to finally get better? or would it be nothing. depending on which outcome, I'll either try recovery or try to ctb for real (which there is already plenty of resources for that on this site).

problem is though is I don't know how I'd pull this off if I did go through with it, so I thought I'd come here since I figured I may get an answer here. which method would be the best to do this, and would have the least amount of long term consequences?

thank you if you read this all the way! <3

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

There is no safe way to half-ass or fake a suicide attempt. You cannot control that, there will always be a chance of dying.

DO NOT attempt suicide unless you are 100% ready to die at that time.

 

[D3M0LITI0N_H3ARTxo]

There is no safe way to half-ass or fake a suicide attempt. You cannot control that, there will always be a chance of dying.

DO NOT attempt suicide unless you are 100% ready to die at that time.

I'm not looking for it to be safe I just want it to not end up in being physically disabled forever if that makes any sense. if I do end up dying I don't really care either, it's better for me in the long run. that's not my worry (I hope I'm making sense + not trying to be mean or disrespect you because I do see the point you're trying to make)

 

[Ch4in3dcr0w]

generally any method can leave u mentally/physcially disabled. i think u should think about it till then if u want to live or not it sounds like u have some small hope left for things to change. If u want to do it for attention so others see the pain u are just making a scene that u want to CTB and taking a knife and cutting yourself (not too deep) can be a good option but generally i would try to avoid such things just for the respect of others that CTB. Like someone said above dont attempt if u are not 100% sure u want to because there is no method that wont might leave u disabled. Take care and much love

 

[D3M0LITI0N_H3ARTxo]

generally any method can leave u mentally/physcially disabled. i think u should think about it till then if u want to live or not it sounds like u have some small hope left for things to change. If u want to do it for attention so others see the pain u are just making a scene that u want to CTB and taking a knife and cutting yourself (not too deep) can be a good option but generally i would try to avoid such things just for the respect of others that CTB. Like someone said above dont attempt if u are not 100% sure u want to because there is no method that wont might leave u disabled. Take care and much love

thank you! I'll think about it more. if I do end up going with some kind of partial method I may call emergency services myself early to limit long term damage of whatever I chose. I don't think I will though, this post was just something I've been meaning to get an answer about for a while now since I've seen many people talk about "wanting to attempt but not wanting to die" for attention related reasons. thanks again

 

[Ch4in3dcr0w]

thank you! I'll think about it more. if I do end up going with some kind of partial method I may call emergency services myself early to limit long term damage of whatever I chose. I don't think I will though, this post was just something I've been meaning to get an answer about for a while now since I've seen many people talk about "wanting to attempt but not wanting to die" for attention related reasons. thanks again

Im happy to hear that take all the time in the world to think about it. There is also a recovery section u might find interesting in your current situation. No need to thank me or explain yourself and once again take care and much love

 

[HighFlight]

DO NOT attempt suicide unless you are 100% ready to die at that time.

^^^ While I am in agreement with this statement, I am more curious what your end game is... What are you really hoping to accomplish with this approach? If you are looking for an extreme event that can alter your life's path, there are other positive ways to do it. I might suggest some more soul searching and a little more research before making plans. Regardless, may you find a little peace along the way.

 

[Parnate]

I dream of doing ctb and not dying or being saved . So my family won't pressurise me to get married.

 

[D3M0LITI0N_H3ARTxo]

^^^ While I am in agreement with this statement, I am more curious what your end game is... What are you really hoping to accomplish with this approach? If you are looking for an extreme event that can alter your life's path, there are other positive ways to do it. I might suggest some more soul searching and a little more research before making plans. Regardless, may you find a little peace along the way.

my ultimate goal is to get worse. I've never felt valid in my pain, which is why I turned to such things like self harm as I liked how it made my pain physical. I feel like one partial attempt before I actually go through with really killing myself would be the ultimate form of personal (and social) validation that would at least give me some form of personal achievement

 

[darkandtwisty]

I intentionally half assed attempts a few times. I did it with the intent of shocking my system back into feeling. I have these episodes I guess where I go completely numb. I'm dead inside. I don't eat, I don't much. I go through the motions. It typically lasts only an hour or so, but every once in a while, it'll last for several days. I accidentally found from a failed attempt, the shock my body went through from the SI was enough to wake my system back up.

I haven't done it in a while and I would not recommend. It's stupid and careless. I would also like to add, at the time of the "attempts", I was living alone so no one to this day knows.

 

[Rynalia]

Purposely fail? Absolutely not.
Half-ass with non-methods? Yeah.

If I fail, then I fail, but I always go into any attempt with the mindset that I could very much never wake back up.

As said earlier in the thread, don't attempt unless you 100% want to die.

--

If you want to be seen, if you want to be heard, then go to the ER (if you're in the US) and tell them you are not safe, that you want to kill yourself and that you have a plan and the means.

They will almost certainly put you in-patient and monitor you for a few days (even longer if you pass the psych litmus test). Take the time and let out everything. Psych wards are a mixed bag in terms of experience, but at this point what else can you do? Might as well try it if you aren't 100% set on ctb.

A failed attempt into hospitalization does essentially the same exact thing as the above, but with the chance for permanent damage to yourself.

Do yourself a favor. Cut out risky and harmful portion. Just go straight to the getting seen / getting help portion.

Don't make your life worse unless your goal and game plan is to wither away playing the long game. You'll likely never get anything you lose back.

 

[D3M0LITI0N_H3ARTxo]

Purposely fail? Absolutely not.
Half-ass with non-methods? Yeah.

If I fail, then I fail, but I always go into any attempt with the mindset that I could very much never wake back up.

As said earlier in the thread, don't attempt unless you 100% want to die.

--

If you want to be seen, if you want to be heard, then go to the ER (if you're in the US) and tell them you are not safe, that you want to kill yourself and that you have a plan and the means.

They will almost certainly put you in-patient and monitor you for a few days (even longer if you pass the psych litmus test). Take the time and let out everything. Psych wards are a mixed bag in terms of experience, but at this point what else can you do? Might as well try it if you aren't 100% set on ctb.

A failed attempt into hospitalization does essentially the same exact thing as the above, but with the chance for permanent damage to yourself.

Do yourself a favor. Cut out risky and harmful portion. Just go straight to the getting seen / getting help portion.

Don't make your life worse unless your goal and game plan is to wither away playing the long game. You'll likely never get anything you lose back.

that's kind of the goal though. getting worse so I can feel validated both socially and personally. hurting myself in the worst ways possible is fulfilling to me, because I feel like no matter how "sick" I get, it's never enough. if it was simply about wanting to be heard i'd just call 911 and tell them I want to kill myself.

i feel like a partial attempt with a non method would finally be the peace I need to go through with ACTUALLY killing myself. I really hope I'm making sense

 

[Rynalia]

that's kind of the goal though. getting worse so I can feel validated both socially and personally. hurting myself in the worst ways possible is fulfilling to me, because I feel like no matter how "sick" I get, it's never enough. if it was simply about wanting to be heard i'd just call 911 and tell them I want to kill myself.

There's no external validation in getting worse, in my honest opinion. If people didn't care early on, likely they won't change their tune.

There's the weaponization of failing health and the psychological manipulation of others, but that's a can of worms that I don't want to go into because it's... Yeah no, stopping there.

The only logical reason to make your health deteriorate purposely is to increase the likelihood of death by complications. The long game, as I mentioned.

Else, I'd argue it's internal validation primarily of "now my physical health is as shit as how I feel" which essentially is just boxing yourself in and cornering yourself in a way that death is the only escape.

I guess if you like living in agony, it's cool. Or if you're treating life as a punishment it's cool. Or if you're making it like you don't deserve happiness and recovery, sure...

But outside of that, why?

I know I play the long game out of pure unadulterated self-loathing and sick twisted perception that I'm not allowed to be happy but like, objectively it's fucking terrible.

i feel like a partial attempt with a non method would finally be the peace I need to go through with ACTUALLY killing myself. I really hope I'm making sense

This doesn't make sense to me.

You mentioned in original post that you had an unsuccessful attempt in February. What's the difference between that and this?

If the whole argument was, "I already tried to ctb already, so I have nothing to lose" then wouldn't the February attempt serve that purpose?

In my opinion, making peace with death is something that happens even before your first attempt. Otherwise, how could you even attempt in the first place?

Non-methods aren't partial attempts. They're real attempts with a low success rate and require unrealistic effort to increase said success rate. They're the methods that you find yourself drawn to because they're either easily accessible or they're the only things you have around and you're willing to gamble with it.

You should be ready to die even with non-methods. They're not a primer, they're not a gateway.

...And they sure as hell don't make you any more prepared or at peace to ctb. SI will fight you at every corner regardless of what you do and is the true wall you'll face the entire time.

 

[D3M0LITI0N_H3ARTxo]

There's no external validation in getting worse, in my honest opinion. If people didn't care early on, likely they won't change their tune.

There's the weaponization of failing health and the psychological manipulation of others, but that's a can of worms that I don't want to go into because it's... Yeah no, stopping there.

The only logical reason to make your health deteriorate purposely is to increase the likelihood of death by complications. The long game, as I mentioned.

Else, I'd argue it's internal validation primarily of "now my physical health is as shit as how I feel" which essentially is just boxing yourself in and cornering yourself in a way that death is the only escape.

I guess if you like living in agony, it's cool. Or if you're treating life as a punishment it's cool. Or if you're making it like you don't deserve happiness and recovery, sure...

But outside of that, why?

I know I play the long game out of pure unadulterated self-loathing and sick twisted perception that I'm not allowed to be happy but like, objectively it's fucking terrible.



This doesn't make sense to me.

You mentioned in original post that you had an unsuccessful attempt in February. What's the difference between that and this?

If the whole argument was, "I already tried to ctb already, so I have nothing to lose" then wouldn't the February attempt serve that purpose?

In my opinion, making peace with death is something that happens even before your first attempt. Otherwise, how could you even attempt in the first place?

Non-methods aren't partial attempts. They're real attempts with a low success rate and require unrealistic effort to increase said success rate. They're the methods that you find yourself drawn to because they're either easily accessible or they're the only things you have around and you're willing to gamble with it.

You should be ready to die even with non-methods. They're not a primer, they're not a gateway.

...And they sure as hell don't make you any more prepared or at peace to ctb. SI will fight you at every corner regardless of what you do and is the true wall you'll face the entire time.

hey I don't feel like going through everything but by bit and explain myself in further detail (it's not personal I just really don't have the energy to. if I ever do I'll come back to this thread) because I'm not very good at articulating my thoughts or making any sense at all in the first place, but there is one thing I can address.

my attempt back in february was on pure impulse. it happened after something that I don't feel comfortable getting into detail about, but to put it simply it was sudden news about something that I felt like ruined everything for good and made me a disappointment to those around me. impulsively, I decided to steal my dad's medication and attempt like that (I wasn't on here at the time for the record so I obviously didn't know anything about non methods). I don't really consider that a "good enough" attempt considering it didn't even land me in the hospital. if it did, I would've considered it to be the "last achievement" I described in the post you quoted. but it didn't.

again I'm sure there's a chance none of this will make sense to you again and honestly and respectfully I don't really care I don't feel like pouring my heart out and wracking my brain for every little detail and thing to make sense to someone. I'm just really tired. much love

 

[Rynalia]

It's not a problem of your articulation, but a problem of things being lost in my translation. I'm awfully obtuse and will miss the forest for the trees. Go figure.

Just treat what I say as rambling. Don't even sweat it. Heck, just ignore it even.

I'll spare you from the continued rambling and stop here. Cheers.