To Those Aged 35 and Older

[tears and vomit]

I just turned eighteen, and even though I'm still young, I've been living with the urge to ctb since I was nine. I know many people still see me as just a kid, but I want to reach out to those over thirty-five who have walked with similar thoughts all these years.

Looking back on your life, what are your biggest regrets, the things you wish you had done differently, or the advice you would give your younger self someone like me who feels the same weight you carry now?

 

[R. A.]

Be kind(er) to yourself, which doesn't mean do whatever the fuck you want at the expense of others. Even for those of us who don't have greater than average care needs, it is work keeping up.

 

[Cosmophobic]

Seriously though I do regret living with regret all these years. 38.

 

[Dot]

Spk up abt ur tru feelngs whn u cn - u cn only bury urslf @ othr ppl xpense fr limtd tme b4 damge happns

Tht incldes settng decnt boundris & knowng tht = ok

Lts of thngs cn chnge - whthr = fr bettr or wrse bt chnge = alwys a pssblty

Thre r mny dffrnt knds of therpis nw s/ lk in2 as mxh as pssble br cnsidrng ctb

Different Therapy Methods & Alternatives Explained

"If you want to help someone you need to know something about them" - 'It's A Wonderful Life' Considering therapy but don't know where to start? Hopefully this can be a starting point about what all those different terms mean, and help to pick the right therapist. There are also options further...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[dearlydeparted44]

Looking back, I regret very little. I really did play the hand I was dealt as masterfully as I could with the resources, guidance, and understanding that I had at the time. I overcame (to a degree) my abusive childhood. I got to see the world. I jumped at a lot of opportunities that I would've regretted not having done if I hadn't. At the time, I thought life was worth living. I guess, for me, living just changed my perspective. When you're young, you view life through the lenses of hope and optimism. When you're older, you view life through the lenses of experience and hindsight. So, unless one just has an undying love of life, it becomes very difficult to muster the same enthusiasm for life after a certain age. While I do lend credence to chance, hope has all but died in me. Not because I'm sad, or angry, or even disappointed. But I have a 20-year sample size of adult human life. That's enough for me to gain a fairly reasonable perspective on life and its unfortunate realities.

I guess if I had one regret, it would be not ending it sooner. Not because I didn't enjoy the ride, but because nothing changed enough for me to change my mind about ctb from age 18 to now. For me, it would've been just saving myself from the inevitable anyway. However, I don't regret experiencing my 20's and 30's either. This regret is made through the lens of hindsight. I would suggest just doing as much reflection on your life as you can. Get a little insight into what you think your life will be like. Try to create the kind of life you think you want, if that's possible. Above all, just do your best. If catching the bus is right for you, then you will reach that conclusion eventually.

 

[joshardy]

TBH I think it depends on why you want to CTB. If its a shit family then moving out at 18 may help you a lot. That said life past 18 tends to be harder for most people. Most days I wish Id done it and been gone a long time ago.

 

[shuvuuiadesertii]

46 in a couple of days. And my biggest regret is having left the one place i truly belonged, thinking i could find better elsewhere.

 

[Off_Switch]

TBH, our advice probably wouldn't really matter. The world is vastly fundamentally different now. The current slippery slope we're headed down is uncharted territory for all of us.

 

[Forveleth]

My biggest regret is living my life for other people. I went to college because my parents threatened me if I did not. I went into a career that they were happy with, and I hate it. I started looking for a partner and got married because that was what was expected of me. I regret all of it.

 

[somebodyfromeast]

I'm 35+. And I don't know what I would tell my younger self. There are no things I could have fixed in my life. And I don't see any other path than the one I've taken. I've used all the opportunities I've had. I don't regret the experiences I've had over the years. Yes, they've been challenging, but that doesn't make them any less valuable. I've truly made the most of my life.

But if I were in front of an 18-year-old who is having as hard a time as I have been all these years, I would tell him: Take your time. You always have time to think, so use it. No one can take away that time. Think "what else can I do for myself?". Think as long as it takes. Don't be too impulsive and try to keep your mind clear even when everything around you is making you suffer.

 

[auto138491]

Even though i wanted to CTB as early as 12, I do not regret living to be 40+. Losing a child can be hard for parents, even parents who do not fundamentally make life easy for children. So, I am glad that did not happen to the folks who gave birth to me. Now, even if I CTB, it wont affect a lot of lives too much. The idea is to make the dependence as low as possible before the step. I would go guilt free.

 

[TBONTB]

I just turned eighteen, and even though I'm still young, I've been living with the urge to ctb since I was nine. I know many people still see me as just a kid, but I want to reach out to those over thirty-five who have walked with similar thoughts all these years.

Looking back on your life, what are your biggest regrets, the things you wish you had done differently, or the advice you would give your younger self someone like me who feels the same weight you carry now?

This is a good question. I feel like we are the wrong group to give you the best answer though...we are all so sad and I would like the chance for you not to be. I'll turn the question into "what's the best"

I would say being economically self sufficient is a big deal. At 18 I hope you are thinking about school or skills. That will just give you so much ability to control your own situation.

Don't have kids. Knowing you want to CTB...don't get in a position where you don't have options. Plus...who knows if there's a depression gene you are passing them.

be a better decision maker. Iv chosen badly lots of times and that's why I am where I am today. And all my bad decisions any normal person would say "well that's kind of weird, why are you doing that" so I wish I would just have had a resource to talk to about decisions...good friends, professionals, counselor.

Good luck. I hope there are joys ahead!

 

[boredout]

Explore, try things out and give it a chance then you can be sure of yourself. At 18, there's plenty to discover.

 

[hippiedeath]

My advice, as a man of 53; is to do the things you want to, and don't do the things you don't want to. Life is too short. One day you'll wake up, and you won't be young anymore. Then you'll be like shit, why did I waste time? But really, it's all a dance so just do what you really want and try to learn new things. Then it's over.

 

[BradGuy123]

I am middle aged. Things I wish I had known when I was younger.
1. Be true to yourself. You are the one who has to live your life. True happiness is living your life the way you want to live.
2. Most of what I worry about never happened.
3. Everyone in life is struggling just like me. Everyone has character defects and insecurities. Nobody is happy all the time. People put on a front of happiness and make you think they have their lives all together. Nobody really does. Nobody has an owner's manual of how to deal with life.
4. Imposter syndrome in the workplace is real. Everyone feels inadequate at times and feels like they are faking it. Sometimes people feel that they will be found out as a fraud. This is very common. You are not the only person feeling it.
5. Be kind to yourself. Whatever you're going through right now, whatever you're feeling - imagine someone you know confiding all that to you. Would you verbally beat that person up, belittle them, an insult them for feel they way they do? Of course you wouldn't. So why would you do that to yourself?

 

[hippiedeath]

I am middle aged. Things I wish I had known when I was younger.
1. Be true to yourself. You are the one who has to live your life. True happiness is living your life the way you want to live.
2. Most of what I worry about never happened.
3. Everyone in life is struggling just like me. Everyone has character defects and insecurities. Nobody is happy all the time. People put on a front of happiness and make you think they have their lives all together. Nobody really does. Nobody has an owner's manual of how to deal with life.
4. Imposter syndrome in the workplace is real. Everyone feels inadequate at times and feels like they are faking it. Sometimes people feel that they will be found out as a fraud. This is very common. You are not the only person feeling it.
5. Be kind to yourself. Whatever you're going through right now, whatever you're feeling - imagine someone you know confiding all that to you. Would you verbally beat that person up, belittle them, an insult them for feel they way they do? Of course you wouldn't. So why would you do that to yourself?

What he said, verbatim.

 

[divinemistress36]

My biggest regret was trusting doctors to much and men . Don't trust anybody to much, protect your energy

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

46 in a couple of days. And my biggest regret is having left the one place i truly belonged, thinking i could find better elsewhere.

Wow, I feel this, so much. Full of regrets because i put a relationship first.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I don't have regrets so much, but I look back on my life and who I am and wish I were wired differently. I succumbed to various illnesses which made things hard for me, so that's more bad luck, but beyond that I think I'm designed in such a way that it doesn't always do me favors. There's nothing I can really do about that though - it's just an acknowledgement of how my brain chemistry, and therefore my habits and tendencies, have often fucked me up.

As for advice, I would say invest early and often so that you're not broke later on. It's also okay to just survive, even if you're doing badly. I see life a bit like boxing. You might be getting pummeled for the time being but hang in there and the next round might go your way.

Good luck.

 

[davidtorez]

Look after your health. Number 1. Without health everything will suck. Try to do whatever you can to secure a good income . Without money, mental health is greatly affected. Dont have kids. If you want kids adopt a child , save a life , dont start a life. Its not nice to gamble with someone else's well-being.

 

[mysideofthemountain]

I just turned eighteen, and even though I'm still young, I've been living with the urge to ctb since I was nine. I know many people still see me as just a kid, but I want to reach out to those over thirty-five who have walked with similar thoughts all these years.

Looking back on your life, what are your biggest regrets, the things you wish you had done differently, or the advice you would give your younger self someone like me who feels the same weight you carry now?

An unordered list:

- I wish I had been more curious about ...just about everything. Being open to learning new things/skills or reconsidering my own perspective and biases.
- I wish I had taken my health more seriously. Less drinking, more vegetables, more lean protein, more weight lifting.
- I wish I had not been so desperate for someone to love me. Hell, I'm still this way sometimes. I have a history of abuse and just want to be loved and accepted. I've come to believe that no person, however well meaning, can replace a feeling of safety and security in childhood that leads to mental heath. Waiting for someone to love me just makes me more miserable.


These aren't CTB specific, I guess. I don't think my SI is going to go away. But I've found that the in between, when things are neutral (as opposed to miserable), not good but neutral, happen when I've tried to practice the stuff above.

Best of luck to you.